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THIS IS YOUR HERO ON DRUCKS: Interesting piece about the coverage of Doherty's drug life in Spiked, which compares the way the papers barely mentioned Jarvis Cocker or Brett Anderson's fondness for heavy drugs while really going after Doherty. Neil Davenport suggests that this marks a change in how the media deal with star's little habits, although it's not really the cultural shift he seems to think it is. The real difference between now and the Britpop/Grunge years is actually mentioned by Davenport, although he doesn't seem to notice:
And they're not alone. Recently BBC4 devoted half an hour to Doherty, with Newsnight's Kirsty Wark cheerily probing his drug habit like it was a fondness for Haagen Daaz. [...]
Elsewhere Kurt Cobain famously threatened British journalists who raised questions about his and Courtney Love's heroin use.
So, let's ask the question again: why are the media running interviews with Doherty (happy to chat about his problem to fund drugs he otherwise couldn't afford) when they didn't with Kurt, Brett et al who were desperate not for it to become too-common knowledge to the extent where they would schmooze or threaten to keep it out the papers? Any ideas?
Actually, it's not even true to say that there was this blanket 'don't mention the drugs' at the start of the last decade. Surely there wasn't a person alive who didn't get that Brett's skin problems weren't the side effect of forgetting to use a buff-puff three mornings running? And for a solid nine years, the only mention of Evan Dando in the pop papers was in the 'How much of his talent has he pissed away on crumble this week' column on page seven of the Melody Maker.
A final point: if the tabs didn't write about Doherty doing drugs... well, there's not much of a story there, is there?
Meanwhile, Doherty turned up on stage for a Babyshambles gig last night, waving his naltrexone implant about. Truly, he is the People's Smacko.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
MY HALLAMSHIRE HELL: 20,000 people fought the weather to get to Sheffield Arena for last night's REM gig, but didn't quite get what they were expecting. Mike Mills was unwell, and so the gig was cancelled at the last minute, although Michael Stipe and Peter Buck did do a quick four songs by way of apology before the fans went back out into the cold.
Monday, February 21, 2005
UN-BIS-DANDED: Talking of rock myths (as the Observer was the other day), one of our favourites is that Bis are meant to be the first unsigned band ever to play Top of the Pops. Or the first band to play Top of the Pops before they released a single.
Now, though, the band are back. Older, wiser, and presumably slightly less likely to be linked to wearing teddy bear back packs - in fact, says Manda Rin, nu-Bis will be "a harder, stronger Bis with a drummer". Still going to be doing 7" vinyl singles, mind.
The early Bis ad above, by the way, was found on Nonstop Pop's Bis site.
music bis
SONGS IN THE KEY OF... EH?: Can anyone make sense of this defence of wearing sunglasses all the time, from Alicia Keys?
"I love the big dark ones that cover your whole grille. Those are my favourite. Not because I'm trying to be fabulous, but I love those big crazy Jackie O shades. Especially on planes you have every right to not want Tom, Dick and Harry in your nasty, sleep-crusty eyes"
So... it's not a vanity thing, it's just because you don't want people to see your eyes looking a bit ooky after a long flight. Which sounds like vanity to us. Unless we've got it wrong?
I BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS A "RINGER"-SINGER: We've become accustomed to Finland scoring no points in Eurovision, but this year's Finnish entry has no Finns, either. The winner of the Finland heat was Geir Ronning - we'll not place the unlaut on his name, it's such a bitch in HTML - and Geir is actually Norwegian. However, the song was mainly composed by a Finn. Apart from the words, which were written by an American.
EVERY DOWNLOAD COUNTS: As 2005 marches on with its main purpose, being the year when singles turn from solid discs to marketing concepts, the BPI has announced downloads will now be counted when awarding singles silver, gold or platinum status. The most interesting thing here, of course, is that when the award purely recognised physical numbers, it was done on the basis of shipping; the shipping figures will now be added to actual download sales, thereby creating a confusing situation where a track that sells mainly into the download market actually has to find purchasers to get its gold record, while bands like the Quo who rely on people nipping down to Woolworths won't have to sell a single record to get theirs; just persuade a lot of shops to stock them.
TSCOTTISH TSUNAMI GIG: Despite the presence of Deacon Blue and Travis, last night's Glasgow Tsunami benefit raised a third of a million quid and gave Texas a chance to get out the house.
You really don't see Sharleen about that much these days, do you? The highlight, as you might expect, was Franz Ferdinand. Alex done a statement:
"The tsunami is such a shocking disaster it's almost incomprehensible. The least we can do is show our support and give our time to this concert and we urge everyone to help in any way that they can."
SOMETIMES, IT'S LIKE JACKSON IS THE SANE ONE AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST MAD: Latest worry about the purity of the Jackson jury: Eighty per cent of the potential jurors have a grubby little secret. They're PARENTS.
Good god. There's been a bunch of legal experts wheeled on to hum and haw about this - perhaps it's good for Michael, because they'd know that kids lie. But on the other hand, of course, they might feel angry about people touching pee-pees and wee-wees of their own kids (although, clearly, there's been a parade of kids marching through Neverland the last few years so being a parent doesn't automatically mean you'd be worried about letting your kid be in the company of a man with the whiff of the abuser about him).
We can see there's a need to exclude jurors who turn up in wearing red leather jackets and single gloves, or potentials who grunt "I wanna burn the kid-fiddler" - but surely fretting about whether the jurors are parents or not is taking pre-screening way too far. It's meant to be a jury of his peers, drawn more or less at random from the general population. Justice is hardly served by making it a prerequisite for jurors to adhere to a very narrow set of rules, surely?
THE TOURS: Although the world hasn't really been having to nip home for a dry pair of undies at the mere mention of their name, there must surely be a lot of people who'd pop out to see Bernard and Brett if they were in the neighbourhood? As it happens, The Tears are about to go dancing round and round and round on a tour of the UK. It's slightly less grand than Suede might have been expected to do:
Cambridge Junction (April 18)
Wolverhampton Wulfrun Hall (20)
Portsmouth Pyramid Centre (22)
Liverpool Carling Academy (23)
Newcastle University (24)
London Shepherds Bush Empire (May 23)
BEST HEADLINE EVER: (Or, at least, today) as BBC News Online manages to sum up just how tiresome and childish the whole Pete Doherty thing is starting to get: Doherty allowed out late for gig ...but, presumably, he'll have to do finish his homework before he goes into town, he's not to hang out with that Carl one, and if he gets into any trouble he'll be more grounded than an Arapahoe hunter just back from a "finding your inner self" weekend.
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY: Blimey. Lindsay Lohan's dad seems to be putting the pressure on her and her mum to take part in some gory reality TV show, according to the New York Daily News; he's apparently sent a letter suggesting that everyone takes part "...otherwise we go full-boar [sic] and the lawsuits start, the kids get subpoenaed, forensics are done, witnesses are called in, the press gets involved and people go to jail for fraud.
We love the idea that he's trying to suggest that you can go to prison for refusing to take part in reality TV - doubtless Germaine Greer's Big Brother walkout would have had her on Death Row in Papa Lohan's world.
The treatment for his proposed series is a hoot, too:
A new reality TV series ... of the biggest star in Hollywood and her family. ... Behind the scenes with Lindsay on the set, in the recording studio and just being Lindsay! Follow her mom, Dina, as she visits Lindsay, negotiates deals and assumes her role as mother. ... All while Lindsay's controversial dad, Michael ... deals with legal problems.
"Join the Lohans ... as they go through what could be one of the decade's most controversial celebrity divorces. ... Will celebrity and millions of dollars tear them apart? Or will they beat the odds and put their life and family back together?"
Sounds horrific, doesn't it? And what company in their right mind would touch such a nasty, intrusive, hurtful idea? Oddly enough, according to New York magazine, good ole Family Values Disney is who. Dick Cook, Disney chair, is reported to have agreed to meet with Lohan to discuss his ideas. Let's hope they can get to make it before Fox rushes Celebrity Suicide out and MTV's Yo! Stab Your Momma makes it to air.
THE MOST STAGGERING THING IS GERMAN TV IS STILL RUNNING YOU BET: So, the current international game of trying to decide if J-Lo is pregnant or not (the previous game with Britney seems to have been abandoned for the time being) has been taken to a new level. You'll recall that when Lopez axed her European tour dates, this was taken as a sign she was pregnant. Then she popped up on German TV's version of You Bet and refused to even consider a question about being pregnant. This, apparently, is also a sign that J-Lo is pregnant. We're not quite sure why it's apparently okay in the first trimester to do stressful public performances providing they're on TV and not if they're merely in a theatre - perhaps the studio lights do something to the uterus that mere stage lighting can't manage. Oddly, Will Smith was on the show, too, which suggests it's got a slightly bigger draw than the UK version.
MUSICALOBIT: The death has been announced of John Raitt, musical stalwart.
aitt's first role for Rodgers and Hammerstein was as Curly in a travelling production of Oklahoma - a part he got despite misgivings over his stature (he successfully argued that there was no reason why Curly couldn't be tall); he then had the part of Billy Bigelow written around him for Carousel.
Raitt sometimes joked in later years that he was better known as being Bonnie Raitt's father than in his own right; he would sometimes appear live with her, doing one of her songs (Blowing Away) and one of his (Hey, There).
Raitt, who was 88, was married three times; the last marriage was in 1981, after he discovered by chance that his high school sweetheart, Rosemary Kraemer, had recently been widowed. He was still touring and appearing at the Boston Pops well into his ninth decade.
music obituary john raitt musicals
DOHERTY GIVEN BAIL PASS: Well, the question of how Doherty would manage to play gigs when he's got to be home by ten has been answered: tonight, Babyshambles will take the stage at 8.45; tomorrow, he's been granted an extension to midnight. So, like in Cinderella, Pete Doherty will be able to go to the ball, or at least the Academy. He was in court today anyway for a hearing; the outcome of which was to have his bail reduced by fifty grand - presumably, then, he'sconsidered now a third less likely to abscond? - and that he wand Alan Wass will have to return to court April 18th to enter their pelas on the charges relating to the hotel incident.
AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND - IT'S NOT QUITE WAR: There's been quite a spat between Australia and New Zealand this week, after unlovable Australian PM John Howard anmnounced that it would be a cracking idea to have John Farnham play Gallipoli. Yes, that Gallipoli. The idea of having John Farnham booming out with a "music and light show" at the memorial service marking 90 years since the British cheerfully and pointlessly forced the ANZAC troops into a slaughter pit didn't go down particularly well, especially with the New Zealand government. NZ PM Helen Clark snorted that not only was the idea itself rubbish, but that she'd never heard of Farnham.
The Australian media have responded to that with incredulity: How could she never have heard of Farnham? He recorded the best selling album in Australia of all time! He was an Australian of the Year, dammit. Undercover went as far as to call Clark "an ignorant old frump", although before you start calling someone ignorant, boys, you might want to check how you're spelling the name of the NZ Prime Minister there. Interestingly, they insist that Clark is old and out of touch for not having heard of Farnham, but since his one international hit was in 1987 and at the moment he's on a tour with the none-more-post-menopausal Tom Jones, it's more likely that she's just too young and trendy to be able to recall You're The Voice.
ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER 'BIDDING WAR': Those of you without anything much important to carry round in your brains might recall a couple of weeks ago poetry publishers were said to be excitedly fighting each other for the right to publish Pete Doherty's poetry. Oddly, even before the ghost of TS Eliot has had the chance to appear in press conference announcing Faber's intention to join the fray, we're now told that there's an equal desire amongst publishers to get the rights for Doherty's prison diaries.
This latter-day Ballad of Reading Gaol (sorry, that was Jeffrey 'Lying Tory Peer' Archer who grabbed that honour, wasn't it?) was apparently compiled over the three months that Doherty spent in prison successfully beating drugs. The Sun seems convinced there's a big battle for the honour of publishing this latter day Pensees du Lenny Godber; it doesn't seem to have occured to him that Doherty trumps round publishers offering to flog dodgy books and exclusive interviews the way other drugtossers go round every table in a pub trying to sell razor blades and batteries.
music books pete doherty babyshambles libertines jail prison
"WILL WORK FOR FOOD": There's always an awful lot of anger when filmmakers, having a disabled character to cast, choose to get someone without a disability to sit in a wheelchair. Likewise, it's always considered to be lazy casting when a producer can't be arsed to think about getting in a black or asian actor for a role and instead gets a white actor to "black-up." There's now rumours that, for the forthcoming Candy Darling movie, rather than get a real transvestite in, they're going to give the role to Madonna.
We wonder if Madonna actually realises she's playing a bloke? Only we know that she "studies" Kaballah by putting her hands on the book and "absorbing" it; maybe she's adopted the same approach to her work projects?
Actually, she probably is aware what the role involves: she was desperate for the part:
"Madonna has been desperate to make a film where she can earn respect for her acting abilities. She is still trying to shake off the bad publicity from the movie Swept Away. She sees this as her big chance.
"She said she would do anything for the part and has agreed to work for free."
Does Madonna really think people believe her acting stinks simply because of Swept Away? Or is she intending to try and wipe the memory of her other acting clunkers - Who's That Girl, Girl 6, Snake Eyes, Shanghai Surprise, Dick Tracy, Body of Evidence, that horrible video with Ali G in it - one at a time?
Still, if she can pull it off, it will be a testament to her acting skills. Candy was very convincing in a dress. We just wish that, telling the story of a TV, the producers have elected to go down the same route used by 'Friends' when they got Kathleen Turner in to play Chandler's Dad. Funny for a sitcom. Bit of an callous insult for a real person.
Still, at least it's not Grayson Perry.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
WE REALLY WISH SHE'D STOP DATING MUSICIANS SO WE COULD JUST FORGET ABOUT HAVING TO SPELL HER BLOODY NAME: Renee Zellweger, still with the slight air of Jack White about her, has apparently now moved on to Damien Rice. Friends of the sort who talk to the tabloids have told the tabloids the sort of things they usually do:
"Renee and Damien have been seeing each other for a while and they're both really happy," a source was quoted as saying.
"They share a mutual love of music and both are very deep thinkers. Renee is pretty intense and Damien is something of a poet so they're the perfect match."
Also, of course, Damien put on two stone to record his first album.
TYLER SINGLE AGAIN: In a "please leave us alone now" statement, Steve Tyler has announced the end of his marriage. Tyler married Teresa 17 years ago; the statement released through his publicist asked for some space:
"Before the tabloid media makes more of this than it is, I am announcing that my wife Teresa and I are currently separated," Tyler said. "We're just a family trying to work through a difficult time. A little privacy and sensitivity - for Teresa, my children and myself - would be nice."
THE CHANCES OF A BEYONCE-CHRISSIE HYNDE DUET LAYS IN TATTERS: Ah, nothing like the coming together of two organisations who share each other's aims and ideals completely. For example, the McDonalds-Destiny's Child hook-up, which might have seemed to you as little more than a graspy multinational attempting to buy some credibility by buying up a band. Actually, it turns out that it is a multi-dimensional global relationship with [a] R&B super group, and it's about to go to another level as McDonalds sponsor the Child's 2005 tour. Beyonce is very excited about it:
“Our 2005 tour is going to be amazing and will really entertain our fans across the globe,” said Beyoncé Knowles, founding member of Destiny's Child. “McDonald's definitely shares our passion for music, and we have a lot of fun and exciting things coming up with them including TV commercials, special restaurant promotions and our role as global ambassadors for World Children's Day.”
McDonalds really does share Destony's Child passion for music - sometimes, you know, we spend ten or twenty minutes stood at the drive-thru window of our local McDs chatting about the relative merits of the two recent Bright Eyes releases. They love it - we suggest if you have some time to kill, you should pop down and ask your serveyperson what sort of music they like.
And there'll be some exciting stuff going on on World Children's Day, too, just like Beyonce says. Of course, quite what UNICEF is doing taking cash from McDonalds to promote the interests of children everywhere is a question greater minds than ours has been pondering, but we really do look forward to those exciting TV commercials.
Meanwhile, Larry Light, McDonalds Vice President and Global Chief Marketing Office (two important jobs, and he also sometimes drives the Hamburglar to the ER when he gets that nasty cough after too many beef patties) is equally thrilled to find that he's been able to buy Destiny's Child - the original Independent Women, if we remember rightly.
“Just like McDonald's, the popularity of Destiny's Child knows no geographic boundaries, and this incredible tour brings that universal appeal to life in multiple cultures, continents and communities,. Music continues to be at the forefront of our leadership marketing strategy. Our sponsorship of the tour is a great example of how this partnership helps McDonald's reach consumers worldwide through the universal language of music.”
See? We might have given the impression we thought the McDonalds keeness for music was all a front, but that would be so unfair. This is a company who really feel that music is the most important thing you need for your leadership marketing strategy. Remember that feel when you were in your teens, perhaps younger, and heard a song and for the first time thought "Wow, that really is a leadership marketing strategy, right there"? Well, working for McDonalds is like that every day.
So, the tour swooshes Destiny's Child around the globe, all underwritten by those nice people at McDonalds. Fittingly, the tour starts at Hiroshima, Japan. Now, there's a place that has a special place in the hearts of McDonalds. What was their aim for Japan? Wasn't there something about it in the McLibel trial?
A statement was read to the court from Den Fujita, president of McDonald's, Japan, indicating that "the reason Japanese people are so short and have yellow skin is because they have eaten nothing but fish and rice for 2,000 years; if we eat McDonald's hamburgers and potatoes for a thousand years we will become taller, our skin will become white and our hair blonde."
We're sure Beyonce will be happy to be part of that, helping out with fun TV commercials and store promotions.
music beyonce destinys child mcdonald
ROCKFOOTNOTEOBIT: The death has been announced of actress Sandra Dee. The 63 year old, who appeared in Gidget amongst other movies, had a couple of small roles in rock history. First, she was married to - and later divorced from - Bobby Darin (indeed, it was the divorce from Darin which caused her career to tank); secondly, her name was used for the song in Grease which mocked Olivia Newotn John's character by invoking Dee's squeaky-clean image - something which Dee's friends says gave her "the biggest laugh."
Perhaps the saddest part of Dee's story, though, was the failure of her marriage to Darin. Bobby was to remain the love of her life. In Kevin Spacey's Darin biopic Beyond The Sea Kate Bosworth took the role of Dee. Spacey claimed that the movie had had Dee's full blessing.
DOUBTLESS MADONNA WANTED TO USE THE ARTWORK FOR GOOD: Madonna is planning on taking her "longtime arts consultant" to court, claiming that Darlene Lutz hasn't handed over GBP140,000 for a painting that Maddy says she sold.
It's presumably this harrying round after her art collection that Madonna still hasn't managed to find the time to share with the world what she felt about Eliyahu Yardeni's suggestion that the Jews killed in the holocaust had brought their downfall upon themselves by not being kaballists. Perhaps once this matter is settled, Madonna will find the time to offer a comment on Yardeni's opinions. We understand how busy she is, though.
DOUBTLESS MADONNA WANTED TO USE THE ARTWORK FOR GOOD: Madonna is planning on taking her "longtime arts consultant" to court, claiming that Darlene Lutz hasn't handed over GBP140,000 for a painting that Maddy says she sold.
It's presumably this harrying round after her art collection that Madonna still hasn't managed to find the time to share with the world what she felt about Eliyahu Yardeni's suggestion that the Jews killed in the holocaust had brought their downfall upon themselves by not being kaballists. Perhaps once this matter is settled, Madonna will find the time to offer a comment on Yardeni's opinions. We understand how busy she is, though.
NO FOOLS AROUND ME: Joanna Newsom has lined up a run of spring-time dates which, if the British weather plays its proper role, should be a delightful warm, sunny spring evening type affair. Here's when, and the warm-ups for each:
April 01 - Bristol, Trinity Arts Centre - Six Organs & White Magic
02 - London, QEH, South Bank Centre - Six Organs, Alasdair Roberts & White Magic
10 - Birmingham, Glee Club - Six Organs & Alasdair Roberts & White Magic
11 - Leeds, City Varieties - Six Organs & White Magic
12 - Gateshead, The Sage - Six Organs & White Magic
13 - Glasgow - Grand Ole Opry -Six Organs & White Magic
14 - Manchester, Academy 2 -Six Organs & White Magic
WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: On Sunday edition
It happens when they say... the Royal Mail eventually delivers an NME, so we can get going with pop papers - although last week's never showed up at all, so that instalment might be permanently delayed.
Private Eye has got a few perspectives on the Pete Doherty story, and in particular the way the tabs have been helping keep the story running by throwing on a little cash every so often to ensure he's smacked up enough to make good copy. Especially interesting is the apparent pressure the Sun started to put on Doherty to prove that he'd actually had any sort of relationship with Kate; he handed over some snaps from his mobile; the Sun ran them, and then the next day reported that Kate was so angry about the pictures appearing she'd dumped Pete. The Sun, meanwhile, didn't pay Pete for their interview with him after his being bailed, but did settle his bill at the rehab centre - which is, of course, the same as paying him in all but name. Helpfully, too, PE is keeping track of the number of times Doherty has told The Sun he's kicking drucks: it's up to four, now.
It's an Observer Music Monthly Sunday, and the simmering gorgeousness of Rufus Wainwright is on the cover - talking about his plans for fleeing from America if the way things are going continue: "The previous day he says a German journalist had asked him if he felt like a Jew in 1933. If anything, he said, he felt like a homosexual in 1933." He also talks about the week when he realised that he needed help with his drug use - a week that had seen him record a cameo for Ab Fab, hang out with Marianne Faithfull and share a stage with one of Bush's kids. The drugs, he said, made him feel like he was in the presence of evil during that. (We're not entirely sure it's fair to blame drugs there, Ruf.) Having had such a week-from-hell with the famous, there was only one thing to do. Call Elton John for help. Elton, to his credit, came through - probably the greatest thing John's done for pop since I'm Still Standing.
The chart is the top ten rock myths, which deals again with the Mama Cass ham-sandwich incident (although, to be honest, we're still not entirely sure we believe that a sandwich wasn't responsible; early reports of her death mentioned the role of a sandwich, and although it's often suggested the autopsy ruled out a sandwich being involved at all, it didn't - it merely stated that there was no food in her oesophagus at the time of her death. Sure, she didn't choke on a sandwich, but it seems there's never been any firm ruling out of the sandwich causing a choking which brought on the heart attack which caused her death that happened in the room of the house where Jack lived.
Equally fascinating is the refutation that Michael Jackson - back when he was just freaky - tried to buy the remains of John Merrick. Apparently, he couldn't, as the remains had long since been destroyed.
Still with rock myths, there's a piece about the self-mythologising Norse Murder Dark Killer Rock. Sure, there's a lot of death in the death rock scene - Necro Butcher of Mayhem pointed out the problems of having a band where a singer killed himself, and a bassist and second guitarist killed the main guitarist: "every time we lost a member we had to find someboyd else to replace them and start the whole rehearsing process again. We suffered in that way as a band." Maybe, but think how tight the surviving members would have been with all the rehearsing. The death metallers, of course, come across not so much as being in league with Odin, as they'd like to think, as being a group of bullies.
There's some excellent Brits coverage, although the usually wonderful Simon Garfield is a bit clumsy introducing the woman behind the TV production for this year's show. It's in the hands of Helen Terry, a name familiar to anyone of a certain age, but Garfield decides to help out with the placing of her: "Terry is the large woman you may remember singing backing vocals with Culture Club." We've looked at it both ways and we're not entirely sure why "large" was neccesary in the sentence.
Terry is very self-aware of what the show is about - although she does try and claim "we're not a plugging show" she basically accepts that the whole thing is little more than a pat-a-cake for the ITV audience - "you've got to appeal to people who only buy two albums a year; we're in ITVland." This, of course, would explain why the programme is so utterly bland - obviously you have to take account of your surroundings but why should the show meant to celebrate the best of the British music scene willingly choose to pitch itself to please the people who have no interest in it? It's like FA Cup Final Grandstand electing only to show ten minutes of the actual match so as not to alienate people who don't watch any football outside of the highlights on the news.
Tim Rice-Oxley, meanwhile, talks about his experiences which gives a further glimpse into just how far the BPI went to bland down affairs. "We mentioned the Make Poverty Hiistory campaign, which I gather was cut from the broadcast..." Jesus, MPH is such a non-controversial campaign that the BBC happily allowed the Vicar of Dibley build an episode around it - and yet it was a little too risky for the BPI to allow to be mentioned from its stand. Is it that the BPI are concerned that the groups interested in promoting poverty weren't given the same airtime? (Actually, they were sponsored by Mastercard, who might feel some awkwardness if a person was to stand behind the podium - approved by their marketing department - complaining about people's lives being blighted by debt.)
Are we getting confused, or is this the second Green Day cover on the NME in about six months? There's also an older friend on the front page - "Massive 84 Page issue"; it seems to have been a while since the old 'Me bragged about its width.
There's a picture of Carl Barat, now minus the poisonous tumour (we did the Pete gag last time, didn't we?) and planning his next move: apparently he's drawing inspiration from The Man in the White Suit, which either means he's going to do songs about how business conspires to crush people who threaten their bottomline, or he's going to be asking Martin Bell who his tailor is.
Simon Pegg was the man due to be presenting the NME awards (although Nick Frost seemed to do most of the talking) and Peter Robinson managed to make him admit he'd like to fuck-butt Carl Barat and hear him call him Tamsy. (To be accurate, Pegg actually said that Barat "has got that slightly androgynous thing which, if you were pushed, you'd probably want to go with", but that's the closest thing we've heard to "I have a velcro fly and so can be out my pants and in yours in moments" for ages.)
Towers of London actually managed to be hitting the newstands as NME Radar band on the selfsame day that they were being mentioned on Look East. Dirk Tourette - on the BBC's East Anglian opty news because he smashed up a venue (alleged) - claims that TOL isn't comedy, it's intellectual. We could take this more seriously were the band not dressed like a hastily-put together sixth form presentation of More Bad News.
Billie Joe Armstrong tells the NME that he likes Brighton because it's got a nudist beach - which, yes, it does - and because "it was the scene of the pitched battles between the mods and the rockers as retold in the film Quadrophenia." Something he says he'd like to re-enact in the nude. We're a little curious as to Armstrong's thought processes. American Idiot, he stresses, is not so much anti-Bush as anti-war. And yet he's excited by a place because it was the scene of countless stupid violent battles. Now, if he'd been excited to be in Brighton because it was the scene of the Battle of Lewes Road, where during the General Strike of 1926 a mini-war was fought between strikers and management dupes trying to take the trams out onto the streets, that would be one thing. Or perhaps because it houses the chattri, the moving tribute to the Indians who died in what was, to them, somebody else's war. But no, Armstrong is excited to be in a place because it was the site of mindless, awful violence. American idiot.
Here again are The Mars Volta, who are returning, like their favourite kids TV show Doctor Who, oddly enough. Their favourite episode is the Pertwee one just before he turns into Tom Baker.
Also back again - Fischerspooner. Their first arrival was heralded as the dawn of a great new age, with many hairproducts needed to ensure we were all fabulous. The world, as I recall, snorted its milk out its nose and filed them under Sigue Sigue Sputnik. Casey Spooner says that the last album flopping was awful: "I entirely lost the will to believe in my own ability. In short it was a fucking nightmare." No, Spoons, thinking "actually, I might just be rubbish" would be counted as waking up to yourself.
reviews
live
the duke spirt - camden koko - "Dusty went to Memphis but picked up BRMC on the way"
rammstein - brixton acadmey - "so much dumb metal schlock?"
selfish cunt - whitechapel - "new songs sound like Fugazi being penetrated by a deadly human snake"
albums
doves - some cities - "too old and ugly to take the place of brandon flowers", 8
willy mason - where the humans eat - "midway between Buddy Holly and Conor Oberst", 8
tori amos - the beekeeper - "not quite a dead loss", 4
electric six - senor smoke - "even less interesting than their debut", 3
tracks
the futureheads - hounds of love - "throw yourself around on the indie dancefloor"
idlewild - love steals us from loneliness - "mighty"
fightstar - they liked you better when you were dead - "a small victory"
And, finally: A shocking time for readers of the Daily Star: On Friday, they revealed that Britney Spears photos are airbrushed to make her look better. Shocking. Thank god the Star readers were able to turn over to the topless model, where the photos are totally natural. Even if their tits aren't.
UNBITTERMEN OF POP: It's rare to find someone in the music industry who isn't enjoying the best of luck and yet who bears nobody ill-will about it, so it's refreshing to read Freakpower singer Ashley Slater following his bankruptcy proceedings last week sounding anything but bitter:
"Norman worked hard for what he got, he was very lucky but also very talented and deserved everything he got - I am still friends with him.
"Under no account whatsoever must there be any indication that I've been envious of [former band mate] Norman Cook or that he has left me in the lurch.
"I'm not still in a band but I'm still involved in music and I have just completed a soundtrack to the latest Hollywood release MirrorMask."
He added: "I failed to file my tax returns and they wanted their money so I can't say the Inland Revenue was heavy handed - they were just doing their job."
It's a shame he's fallen on hard times, but it's kind of inspiring to see someone who isn't bemoaning their luck. We wish him all the best for getting back on his feet.
Drive-Thru Booty - Freakpower album
music freakpower bankruptcy fatboy slim
SENT A CRUZ: Another boy, then, for David and Victoria. Posh gave birth (of course it was a caserean) to a seven pound boy who they've called Cruz. We think the name is a kind of play on words, as it's Spanish for Cross, so it's kind of a glance at Beckham's playing football for a Spanish club - although Substituye el Banco might have been nearer the mark.
BASHIR SPARED COURT SANCTIONS: The Michael Jackson team in the ongoing child-abuse trial has had their attempt to hit Martin Bashir with a contempt of court citation knocked back by Judge Melville, despite Bashir having made two TV specials about the case in the last week or so. Bashir, of course, should be observing a court order not to make public statements about the case. The defense were also upset that Bashir had interviewed another witness, Corey Feldman. It's not clear yet why Melville rejected the calls; it's interesting that the defence don't seem quite as worried that Uri Gellar, who they're intending to call as a witness, has also been going round giving interviews about the case, but we're sure it's just a matter of time before they remind him of his duties, too.
Meanwhile, the prosecution have been trying to stop jurors being shown the Fox-approved pro-Jackson programme the singer had funded as a response to the Bashir programme. The defense say that it's important as a balance to the Bashir documentary; the prosectution say that it's hardly the same as it's just a "fawning tribute".
CAN WE JUST TAKE A SECOND TO MOVE OFF-TOPIC: Amongst all the ballyhoo about Microsoft launching its MSN search a few weeks back, we decided - since we're as vain as every other blog-hack in the world - just to see where No Rock came if you stuck it in the shiny new search engine. Nowhere. Although a couple of pages which linked to us did show up on the first page.
We tried again a few minutes ago - still nothing. Then, out of curiosity, we tried a couple of other blogs. They didn't show up, but, again, blogs linking to them did turn up.
The curious thing? All the missing blogs are hosted by blogspot.com - which is, of course, a Google company. Now, of course Bill Gates is welcome to choose who he does or doesn't include on his search engine - but if he is going to expressly exlcude sites operated by his rivals, he should at least have the balls to say so. Maybe something along the lines of "search the Microsoft-compliant net" or "Find whatever you need with MSNsearch - providing, of course, it's not got any connections with our rivals."
He used to be so dreamy, as well...
Or he could, of course, just include blogspot sites and stop being such a big baby about it.
google msn blogs microsoft
USHER BUYS INTO BALLS: Once you've got the MTV cribs-style horrorpad, the stupidly big card and the very, very large bottle of penicillin, what's a multi-millionaire twit to do but to toss away some of their cash into a sports franchise? Usher once agains plods along in jay-Z and Nelly's wake, buying a stake in a Basketball team the Cavaliers. Usher is to be a minority voice in the owners, which means that they'll listen to his suggestion that the team abandon shirts - "ladeeze flock to the hot naked guys" - but do no more than promise to look into the idea.
