Tuesday, November 15, 2005

NOEL GALLAGHER DOESN'T MUCH LIKE HIP-HOP

To be fair to Noel Gallagher, there are some strong points made in his critique of hip-hop - there is a lot of sexism in the genre. But to dismiss an entire genre in such sweeping terms is a little bit... well, ignorant:

"I fucking hate it... all the people that make that kind of music and all the people that buy it. When you see the videos of some guy throwing 100 dollar bills over a naked woman lying on a bed with a dog leash around her fucking neck... what the fuck is all that about? That to me doesn't seem to be right somehow."

"Back in the '70s and '80s, if that was done by a rock 'n' roll band, it'd be called sexist and there'd be shock, horror and outrage. For some reason, hip-hop artists tend to get away with that. It's all about the bling and the money. The critical thing about these fucking is they go on about 'increase the peace' and getting kids to stay in school, but they're all raving crack heads. It's a fake form of music to me, and they're all a bunch of idiots anyway."


Yeah, those rappers are always on drugs and going on about it - why can't they write some other songs like "all your dreams are made, when you're chained to the mirror and..." hang on, I'm going...


IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE CUTE

Ricky Wilson has belatedly noticed that, while Pete Doherty is praised for being the laureate poet of the darkplaces, he's lumbered with being seen as the indie-rock Barney the Dinosaur. Always smiling and bouncing about, having fun. Now, though, like Rosie Webster, he's desperate to be thought of as deep:

"There's a lot more of a dark side that fuels our song-writing. It's full of bitterness. 'Modern Way' sounds uplifting and triumphant, but it's about the bitterness always underlying. And 'Everyday I Love You Less And Less' - that sounds really pissed off."

The trouble is, when I hear a popstar moaning that nobody understands how serious their songs are, I just want to ruffle their hair and tweak their downcast cheeks.


TRAVIS BARKER IS A CRAZY FROG

The last thing we want to do is draw further attention to Travis Barker from Blink182 doing an advert for a mobile phone, but the corporate justification for having a plasticpunk doing their adverts is a classic piece of adrubbish, so we feel we must:

“Travis Barker is a perfect partner for Boost because he created his own path to success,” he said. “Travis will tell you that he had his body consumed in tattoos in part to help motivate him in his pursuit of a life less ordinary. We at Boost are committed to showcasing and supporting people who dare to live at the next level.”

So... Travis had a bunch of tattoos to stand out in a scene full of people with bunches of shite tattoos, while signing a deal with mobile phone company is, in some way, "living at the next level" - imagine the rush as you check your number of free minutes, and the sweet, sweet joy of discovering just how many cross-network texts are bundled with the line rental. The only worry, of course, is that your friends might not understand your new life.


SCROOGE'S HATRED OF CHRISTMAS LOOKS MORE AND MORE SENSIBLE

Clearly, had the ghost of Christmas Future taken Scrooge to 2005 and shown him the X-Factor muppets joining a Christmas chart race that already features G4, Crazy Frog, some bloke pretending to be Santa and Westlife, Ebeneezer wouldn't have been rushing out to buy figgy puddings all round - oh, no, he'd have been heading off to shoot Edison.


APT FOR ARMISTICE DAY

One thing you can say for Cheryl Tweedy, she knows when to stop fighting - well, nowadays, anyway. She attempted to put an end to the Girls Aloud spat with Charlotte Church on one of the 17 chart shows this Sunday:

"This has been going on so long. We actually really like Charlotte Church and we love Crazy Chick. She was saying some really nasty things and I'm not the kind of person who sits there and lets people slate us. So I said something back - which I probably shouldn't have - about her boyfriend. She's now saying that she was hurt by my comments and I'm really sorry if she was."

Ah... it's nice that she said sorry - something we don't recall her doing when she leathered the crap out that toilet attendant.


BABYSTORE

Apparently - and we're not sure why anyone has told us - Sinitta is searching for a surrogate mother to help her and her husband start a family. We imagine she'll be quite clear that she doesn't want no seven stone weakling, or a boy who thinks he's a girl, for this one.


Monday, November 14, 2005

JACKO TOILET BUSINESS

Here's a curious one - Michael Jackson has apparently been photographed re-applying make-up in a women's toilet in Bahrain. Apparently - and who knows how deep the truth is here? - he was dressed as a woman and went in to fix his make-up; a woman screamed and took a photo on his mobile phone; Jacko's security attempted to separate her from her phone - eventually the police took the phone away, citing a law that makes it illegal somehow to take pictures of transvestite pop stars. And of course Jacko is a big chum of the royal family there, which probably doubles the illegality of taking pictures of him.


OZZY'S WORLD FALLS IN

Forever seeming the gloomy side of life, Ozzy Osbourne is betting that with his luck, he'll get bird flu:

The singer says he will probably be the first person in the UK to catch the disease because he is so unlucky. Speaking on BBC Radio 2 he said: "I don't smoke, drink or take drugs anymore. "But knowing my luck, a bird will crap on me and I'll get bird flu on the way home."

But Ozzy... you've done enough drugs to take down a parade of Russian Cossacks, and drunk yourself so far past oblivion you only lived because they wouldn't take you on the ferry across the River Styx in your condition; you had a quadbike accident that would have killed most people but walked away; and you have sex with Sharon Osbourne without being eaten after - you're not unlucky, you silly old sod; you're bloody charmed is what you are.


WHAT, VEDDER NEXT?

Pearl Jam haven't split up - after all these years of living with realisation they were the scenester choice of people who didn't like music, and of watching the hand of history wave away from that scene, Pearl Jam still think they have something worth sharing with us. We don't want to be dismissive, but there's only so far you can carry the goodwill generated by "not being Fred Durst."

Anyway, as you'd expect, everything is in place for the next Pearl Jam album, with Vedder talking about struggle and rage:

The band are also saying that the material being written for the album is "easily the best stuff" the band have ever produced.

"It's been a difficult record and it's like sometimes the harder something is, then the more valuable it becomes," singer Eddie Vedder said.

During an interview with a Brazilian radio station, he added: "It's easily the best stuff we've done but also some of the hardest stuff. It's very aggressive, because again, it's kind of a product of what it's like to be an American these days. It's pretty aggressive, especially when you turn it loud."


Well, yes, we're sure it is pretty aggressive when you turn it loud, but then so is anything. In Iraq, the US army tortures prisoners of war by playing them Barney The Dinosaur turned loud.


MONKEYS PLAN NEXT MOVE

Presumably this is all over MySpace like a rash right now, but Arctic Monkeys won't be getting a follow-up single out this side of Christmas. Actually, they'll not be releasing anything until the day after the first after epiphany (January 16th, in other words.) The single will be When the Sun Goes Down.


WAKE UP, DON'T BOO

Just to mark its release today, you can find an Arcade Fire ecard and link to the video pushing Wake Up, which is mainly being a 7" single and download.

And if you can't pretend to know about these new bands - it was the soundtrack to the BBC ONE autumn trailer a month or so back.


MADONNA IS SO ALARMING

You'd have to admire Madonna - after all this time, she's still pushing the boundaries. It's just that where she once pushed what showbiz sexuality meant and looked like, now she's just pushing at the boundaries to see how limpingly pathetic she can be before someone will actually tell her. Her latest gambit? Oh, she loves to say 'fuck'.

Yes, Madonna. So do most six year-old kids these days. They do it, though, because they're aware its powerful, don't know any better and are trying to get a reaction they can't manage in any more erudite way. Actually, scrub the "though" from that sentence:

"It just feels so good to scream it out loud, sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. And I just love how it irritates everyone."

You don't have to say "fuck" to irritate people, Madonna. Since about 1998, every single bloody word you've uttered has had that effect.


EVEN MICROSOFT THINKS SONY IS EVIL

Sony-BMG's bleeding nose continues, with Microsoft announcing their nasty bit of "anti-piracy" software malware, with plans to include removal tools in the next Windows update:

've been getting a lot of questions in the last week about Microsoft's position on the Sony DRM and rootkit discussions, so I thought I'd share a little info on what we're doing here. We are concerned about any malware and its impact on our customers' machines. Rootkits have a clearly negative impact on not only the security, but also the reliability and performance of their systems.

We use a set of objective criteria for both Windows Defender and the Malicious Software Removal Tool to determine what software will be classified for detection and removal by our anti-malware technology. We have analyzed this software, and have determined that in order to help protect our customers we will add a detection and removal signature for the rootkit component of the XCP software to the Windows AntiSpyware beta, which is currently used by millions of users. This signature will be available to current beta users through the normal Windows AntiSpyware beta signature update process, which has been providing weekly signature updates for almost a year now. Detection and removal of this rootkit component will also appear in Windows Defender when its first public beta is available. We also plan to include this signature in the December monthly update to the Malicious Software Removal Tool. It will also be included in the signature set for the online scanner on Windows Live Safety Center.


When even Microsoft is telling you you're wrong, then you have to accept you're wrong. We wonder if Sony will apologise?

Another aspect of the poor thinking behind the anti-piracy kit has come to light: Sony helpfully provided information on its website to instruct people how to install the malware on machines bypassing administrator rights. So, not just leaving doors open, then, but showing you how to break open other people's doors.


YOU'D HAVE TO HOPE SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR WILL BE AMONGST THEM

Never Mind The Buzzcocks is going to follow the model of Have I Got News For You and adopt the rotating guest host idea, just as soon as they can persuade Mark Lamarr to get caught snorting coke off the breasts off hookers by the News of the World.

Actually, Lamarr is just taking a break and intends to return to the show after a a short period. Funnily enough, that's what Angus Deayton thought he was doing, too.


JUSTIN HAWKINS SEEMS OBSESSED WITH CHRIS MARTIN

Really, really obsessed, in a slightly stalkerish way. Every interview he seems to be finding something else about Martin to complain about. This time, it's his behaviour at Band Aid:

“During Band Aid Chris swanned in, stayed for about 20 minutes — and had his own VIP area. We were there for two days and worked our behinds off.

“He obviously didn’t care. I got the sense he was just doing it to raise his profile.”

Looking relaxed with his feet up at Bizarre’s London HQ
[i.e a desk in The Sun's newsroom in the middle of nowhere], Justin also had a dig at Chris’s support for the Make Trade Fair campaign.

He joked: “This ‘make fairs safe’ stuff he does gets on my nerves. It’s all a bit cheap.”

So... Chris Martin swanned in and gave 20 minutes to a campaign to raise awareness of African debt, which wasn't enough, but goes on too much about a campaign to raise awareness of African debt? And if he only turned up at Band Aid to raise his own profile, wouldn't he have hung around for two days grandstanding for the camera and, say, working his ass off when all he had to do was sing a line or two, like... oh, I'm sure there was someone who did that, but I forget their name now. If only I had last year's People of Today to hand...


MEL C NOW OFFICIALLY YESTERDAY

Who buys Debrett's People of Today? Admittedly, it's a bit like the Beano Annual, featuring the crazy characters who we've been laughing at all year all gathered into one book, but even so, we can only assume that it sells to people who are in it and nobody else. Seriously, when was the last time you were watching TV, saw someone being fawned over by Parkinson, and thought "ooh, I'll look them up in People of Today later..."?

Anyway, the dubious survey has decided that all the Spice Girls except Victoria Beckham have ceased to exist in the current, replacing them with the likes of Joss Stone and, erm, Caroline Aherne.



WHEN ACTORS SING

Normally, we take a pretty dim view of actors turning into rock stars, in exactly the same way we would if a baker suddenly turned his shop into a butcher's. However, we might make an exception for Toni Collette if it means she never, ever makes anything like In Her Shoes ever again. Is it just us, or are they showing the trailers and adverts for that far, far more than they should as every time you see it, you become a little more convinced that it's probably the worst film ever made and that everyone involved should be taken outside and made to take their chances with the wolves and bears?

Anyway, Toni knows that forming a band takes her a very long way from Porpoise Spit:

"I know you hear about actors wanting to be rock stars, and it sounds like a nightmare, but I've been singing since I was little. It's been a long time coming, and I don't apologise."

The interesting thing about actors who turn singers is their strange habit of insisting they're not trying to tailgate on their main career, but they usually always have their name in their band's. This time, it's Toni Collette and The Finish, since you ask. The Finish? It sounds like the sort of band who'd be third on the bill at a High School talent show. A rotten, rotten name.

Statler: I can't wait for The Finish
Waldorf: What do you mean? This is Toni Collete and the Finish
Stalter: I know. That's why I can't wait for them to finish


Sunday, November 13, 2005

GIRLS GONE WILD

Mayhem at a B5 gig (no, us neither) in a Minnesota Mall where screaming girls overwhelmed the security team and let hell break loose:

"Things were falling off the stage, girls were falling off the stage, girls started fighting," said Theresa Curtis, who was working at a store near the stage.

Some of the girls grabbed one of the boys in the band, said Tamy Johnson, another store employee. "He ran to the back. Another boy, he just ran. Security escorted some of the boys out the back," she said.

Four people were treated at a hospital for minor injuries, and five others were treated at the mall, police said. There were no arrests.


Radio Disney put on the show, with their spokesperson describing the event as "it just seemed like a girl frenzy." That explains the boys running away - nothing frightens a boyband member like female sexuality.

Apparently, it took seventy police to secure the area.

B5 are a bunch of brothers - five, you see - from Atlanta.

Hmm. Not sure we'd trample a twelve year-old underfoot to get to them.


SONY: DO AS WE SAY OR YOU'LL NEVER USE YOUR COMPUTER AGAIN

So, we idly sent off to see what comes back if you put in a request for an uninstall, and we got back a reply from Sony:

Sony BMG and First 4 Internet have released a Service Pack 2 update that addresses recent concerns surrounding the cloaking technology component on SONY BMG content protected CDs which use XCP technology. These components are not malicious nor spyware however to alleviate any concerns that users may have about the program posing potential security vulnerabilities the update removes the cloaking component from their computers. Please visit the link below to install the SP2 upgrade.

http://updates.xcp-aurora.com

If you do not want to install the SP2 update and only wish to uninstall the DRM software, visit the form below using IE 5.0 (or higher) from the computer where the software is installed. After submission, you will be emailed a customized uninstall link within 1 business day (M-F).

http://cp.sonybmg.com/xcp/english/form9.html
Your "Case ID" is: 3389313.

TIP: The uninstall request form will require an ActiveX plug-in.
Also you may need to temporarily turn off any pop-up blocker
software on the PC.

Thank you for the opportunity to be of assistance.


Thank you for the "opportunity" to be of assistance - how quaint of them. What we don't quite understand here is this is response you get if you fill out the "take your rubbish off my machine" form. So, in response, you get sent to another form (where they ask you to justify why you want them to remove something from your machine), with instructions to use a specific browser, with certain basic security measures switched off. This is akin, of course, to the bully offering to remove his foot from the back of your neck providing you say you love him.

The suspiscion that all this rigmerole leads to is that Sony hope people will get bored or frustrated or confused and give up before getting to the end, allowing them to trumpet that only a handfull of people actually uninstalled the software, and there was a lot of fuss about nothing.


GONZALES PROPOSES JAIL FOR COPYRIGHT ABUSERS

Since the war on Iraq has been a bit of a boomerang, and the war on terror isn't really going so well, and the war on drugs hasn't been a resounding success, it seems the US government is desperate to find a war it can win. So things are being jacked up in the War On Pressing Play And Record, with US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales proposing a toughening of copyright laws which would criminalize Americans making any copies of music without strict permission, even if they failed to do so.

Presumably, once the RIAA has sued the twelve year-old girls, then the Department of Justice would come in and cart them off to Guantanamo.


SONY STRUGGLES TO KEEP CONSUMER CONFIDENCE

Having burned through reserves of cash developing a system of securing CDs which unfortunately left a wide-open door on people's PCs to let hackers, virus writers and god knows who else have fun on your machine - and which effectively broke your computer if you tried to shut that door - a stung Sony BMG has suspended making any more CDs with the copy-protection software on them.

Their bad days continue coming, though, as the US Department of Homeland Security has even given them a ticking off:

A senior Homeland Security official cautioned entertainment companies against discouraging piracy in ways that also make computers vulnerable. Stewart Baker, assistant secretary for policy at DHS, did not cite Sony by name in his remarks Thursday but described industry efforts to install hidden files on consumers' computers.

"It's very important to remember that it's your intellectual property, it's not your computer," Baker said at a trade conference on piracy. "And in the pursuit of protection of intellectual property, it's important not to defeat or undermine the security measures that people need to adopt in these days."


Meanwhile, Sony is being a little disingenuous on its website - offering people the patch which switches off the cloaking aspect of its malware, it reassures consumers this component is not malicious and does not compromise security. Which is fine, except that's a double lie. Installing something on a machine and hiding it from the administrator of that PC is malicious. It's like squatting in someone's house and telling them they're not suffering when you change the locks. Equally, the fact that virus writers are already using the cloaking technology to hide their beasties means that, yes, it does compromise security.

Meanwhilewhile, even more astonishingly, if you've got their bungled spyware on your machine, and want it off before it does any damage, do they provide instructions on uninstall? No, they ask you to fill out a form asking where you bought the CD, which CD led to the stuff being installed on your machine, and so on. But since Sony haven't actually provided a list of discs which use the protection, and since the nasty is disguised, how are you meant to know what disc you may have played which might have installed stuff on your machine? Sony should be making a download to uninstall available online, for free, on demand - at the very least - rather than asking you to fill out a survey.

Meanwhilewhilewhile, Slashdot posters have been pawing over Sony's troubles, some suggesting that this latest screw means it might actually be more ethical to download your music from the net than to embrace the increasingly wonky music industry approach to copyright protection. And the Electronic Freedom Foundation has been looking into the End User Licence Agreement you agree to if you play a Sony-BMG CD on your PC.

It starts off with the question of why you need a licence to play a CD on a piece of equipment anyway, and then points out that if someone breaks into your house and steals your CD collection, under Sony's rules, you also have to delete the tracks from your PC as you no longer have the CD. You can't play your music while you're at work, as you're only licensed for home use; if you emigrate - or go on holiday - you have to delete the tunes from your laptop. Sony-BMg reserve the right to hack into your computer at any point, and if that screws your machine, tough. Oh, and if you sell your computer, even if you include the Cd in the deal, you can't sell the music on it.

We really wish this latest debacle would mark the end of the stupidity; but we suspect it will just lead to more cash being spent on producing a new version of stupidity.


VIBE AWARDS PASS WITHOUT ARRESTS, VIOLENCE

Disappointingly for those who hope the Vibe Awards might have topped last year's debacle, which ended in a fight like a 1930s wedding, this year they laid on such thick security even Mariah Carey was kept in line. Carey - who, it's worth noting, turned up - picked up artist of the year, and song, voice and album in the R&B categories.

The Game accepted the award for Hottest Hook for his work with 50 Cent on Hate It Or Love It - obviously, now he and Cent have had a lover's tiff, he didn't mention his former buddy.

Mary J Blige was garlanded for not dying in the Vlegend category, and accepted that was what the award was for:

"Like a phoenix, I stayed strong and didn't kill myself," Blige said later, referring to her past problems with drug abuse and depression.

The winners in full, then:

Artist of the Year: Mariah Carey
Album of the Year: Mariah Carey
R&B Voice of the Year: Mariah Carey
Best R&B Song: We Belong Together, Mariah Carey
Best Rapper: Kanye West
Next Award: Keyshia Cole
Coolest Collabo: Oh, Ciara featuring Ludacris
Street Anthem: U Don't Know Me, TI
Power Broker of the Year: Kevin Liles
Club Banger: 1 Thing, Amerie
Reelest Video: Trapped in the Closet (Chapters 1-5), R Kelly
Hottest Hook: Hate it or Love It, The Game featuring 50 Cent
Video Goddess: Esther Baxter in Number One Spot by Ludacris
Boomshot Award: Welcome to Jamrock, Damian "Junior Gong" Marley
Best Group: The Diplomats
VStyle: Baby Phat
Vibe Vixen: Kimora Lee Simons
VLegend: Mary J Blige

Nice to see Amerie getting a prize for being a club banger. We think.


URIAH HEEP HUMBLED

A tale of rock stars in reduced circumstances, and quite a sad one: John Lawton, voclaist with Uriah Heep has been fined for fiddling the council tax benefits system.

Lawton said it was hard times which had led him to not mention the fifty grand savings he had when he applied for the benefit (not, then, so very hard times) - and he paid the fine with a credit card, too, which suggests that he's perhaps not at the point of selling the furniture quite yet.


SAD CENT

50 Cent is apparently "sad" about the person who got shot to death in the cinema showing his "aren't guns brilliant" flick Get Rich or Shoot Something:

"I feel for the victim's family in this situation," he said on US television. "But you know, these weren't kids. This was a 30-year-old man [who] had a dispute with three other guys."

Oh... right. Perhaps Cent could let us know the cut-off age for thinking that the death of anyone shot over a pointless argument is a tragic waste and just a shruggable 'he's a man, he knew what he was doing' moment. 21? 18? 16? Ten, providing it can be demonstrated the dead kid knew the difference between right and wrong?

Or is Cent really trying to suggest that people who are old enough to not get carded when they try to buy alcohol really aren't likely to be influenced by dinkheads who make films and songs about how really cool it is to shoot stuff? Like it says in the Bible, perhaps: When I was a child, I thought as a child, but now I shall no longer be interested in the idea that guns and cash are part of a successful lifestyle and carrying one makes me look cool."


GENNARO CASTALDO WATCH

Worries that Gennaro Castaldo might have been sidelined in favour of some other HMV spokespeople seem to have been little more than the sort of panic you have when you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if everyone you love has died in some freak accident or alien invasion. He's back, with a valuable insight into the betting for the Christmas number one:

"X Factor is huge right now. HMV understands that it's unlikely there will be a single before Christmas, but if there were to be one, perhaps featuring the finalists rather than just the winner, then the race for the Christmas No.1 could effectively be over - X Factor would have to be a massive favourite", said HMV spokesman Gennaro Castaldo.

That's a good point. Equally, if Elvis Presley revealed that he wasn't dead, and returned to record a single with some children orphaned in terrorist atrocities, you'd have to reckon that would be in with a pretty unbeatable chance.

What we love here, though, is that even although Gennaro's speculating on an entirely fictitious scenario, even then he's only prepared to say that the race for number one "could" be over. Even in the middle of a fantasy, he's still sat on the fence.


HOW COULD ANYONE LIE TO PIERS MORGAN?

We apologise for bringing this up - we can think of few things more horrible than asking you to picture Victoria Beckham talking about her tits to Piers Morgan - but the People is positvely spurting with joy at discovering in court papers that Posh lied when she told Piers she'd not had a breast job:

The bombshell admission comes in a document before the hearing of the libel case she and hubby David are bringing.

In a court file, obtained by The People, where Posh is referred to as the "Second Claimant", it is accepted...

"That the Second Claimant had in fact undergone breast enhancement surgery and had lied about it on the Tabloid Tales television programme."


We're not sure what the sentence is for perjuring yourself on a TV programme is - they don't still send you to the gulag for that, do they? Isn't that only if you compound the crime by lying to Amanda Platell as well?

What is amusing is that nobody seems to have told Posh's people about the admission, leaving her poor press team being caught out:

Yesterday Victoria's spokeswoman said: "Unfortunately Victoria is flying back from Japan and therefore it is not possible for me to comment on this story on her behalf." She denied the star lied.

So... is Victoria's spokesperson saying that Beckham has lied in a sworn statement to the courts?


ROCK SICK LIST: Sarah Harding

There's probably some biology-related gag struggling to get out as we hear that Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud had to be rushed to a Harley Street specialist after collapsing at CD:UK. Why a private doctor's surgery rather than the perhaps more obvious hospital? We just don't know.

It turns out Harding collapsed because of a kidney infection. While the rest of the band went off to switch on Birmingham's Christmas lights, Harding was told she needed to rest because of her kidney infection, which was the reason she collapsed.


THEY CAN'T ANSWER BACK, YOU KNOW

You can almsot feel sorry for the poor old queen - turning 80 next year and still having to stomp around all over the place asking questions, looking interested, being polite. And now they're going to force the poor old girl listen to Ozzy Osbourne as well.

We bet she's thinking "there's actually a lot to be said for Republicanism after all..." right now.


GLITTER RETURNS

As Christmas comes round and stores everywhere make double-checks to ensure they don't have that Christmas song blaring out across the toy department, you might find yourself wondering whatever happened to Gary Glitter.

The News of the World has traced him to Vietnam, where he appears to be living with a bunch of teenage girls. Locals aren't happy, as well you might expect:

One of Glitter's neighbours in the resort town of Vung Tao said: "This has sickened everyone here. He has been here about a month and we've seen him with three different girls. Two of them have been living with him full-time like ‘child brides' for the last two weeks. One is called Hoa and is 14-years-old. The other is called Tu and could be even younger. This man should be driven out of the country."

The problem, of course, for the NOTW is deciding if they want to support Glitter being kicked out of Vietnam. Because don't they also want paedophiles to be chased out of the UK? It raises the question of where the paper thinks they should go? Perhaps Rupert Murdoch is planning on spending some of his squillions to build a giant island in the middle of the Atlantic to put the kidtouchers on. Rupert's Paedo Island, they could call it. They could even film it for Sky TV.

Actually, the paper have a trick up their sleeve - if Glitter returns to Britain, he'll be thrown into jail automatically because he didn't sign the sexual offenders' register before he went off to the East. That'll solve the problem for a little while, at least.


THIS WEEK, WE PLUGGED...



Every collection needs some Beasties, and this is all you need



Every collection needs some Stock, Aitken and Waterman, and this is all you need



A new Kate Bush album - that doesn't happen every day. Or every decade.



Lovingly reworked Horses, plus Patti's Meltdown recreation of the set



Iconic git or ironic gift? You decide...



Noise! Noise! Powertools!