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Wendy James is going to go to Cambridge to play a gig at the Man In The Moon on May 28th. She's coming across the Atlantic to do that. Let's not count how many gallons of aviation fuel could have been saved if they'd invited someone local in to spread an air of slightly disappointed moistness.
Coldplay have announced an enormous tour of Northern American ampitheatres, bearpits and theme parks:
Toronto Air Canada Centre August 2; Montreal Bell Centre 3; Hartford ctnow.com Meadows Music Theater 4; Mansfield Tweeter Center 6; Camden Tweeter Center at The Waterfront 7; Cincinnati Riverbend Music Center 9; Burgettstown Post-Gazette Pavilion at Star Lake 11; Noblesville Verizon Wireless Music Center 12; East Troy Alpine Valley Music Theatre 13; Auburn White River Amphitheatre 16; Ridgefield Amphitheatre at Clark County 17; San Francisco Shoreline Amphitheatre 19; Irvine Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre 20; Albuquerque Journal Pavilion 24; Phoenix Cricket Pavilion 25; Chula Vista Coors Amphitheatre 26; Clarkston DTE Energy Music Theatre 30; Columbus Germain Amphitheater 31; Darien Lake Six Flags Performing Arts Center September 1; Holmdel PNC Bank Arts Center 3; New York Madison Square Garden 6; Charlotte Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre 9; Raleigh Alltel Pavilion at Walnut Creek 10; West Palm Beach Sound Advice Amphitheatre 13; Tampa Ford Amphitheatre 14; Pelham Verizon Wireless Music Center 16; Maryland Heights UMB Bank Pavilion 17; Antioch Starwood Amphitheatre 18; Minneapolis Target Center 20; Bonner Springs Verizon Wireless Amphitheater 21; Dallas Smirnoff Music Centre 23; The Woodlands Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion 24; Austin City Limits Music Festival 25; Atlanta Philips Arena 28; Virginia Beach Verizon Wireless Virginia Beach Amphitheater 29; Bristow Nissan Pavilion at Stone Ridge 30
Lucky old Denver... no Coldplay gig.
In their first joint TV interview, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had a talk with Ellen on her daytime chat show. You know the one, the one which kicked Sharon Osbourne's threadbare effort, then kicked it some more, dragged it round the backyard, pushed its head down the toilet and then kicked it just the once more. Ellen gave the pair of them a pram with a DVD player in, because, of course, money will be a bit of a struggle for the Federlines:
Actually, when we say the two of them had a talk, Britney talked - Kevin just sort of grunted:
"I'm just happy with who I'm with. I love her and everything else is whatever."
What a great loss to the debating society young Kevin was.
If you thought the coverage of Kylie was a little extragant - she's got breast cancer, she's not actually died - then you might want to recallibrate your medical over-reaction scale with the news that Kelly Osbourne slipped over and broke her finger in Sweden:
A friend said: "Kelly was in a lot of pain and has been told to rest. She was very frightened but experts have reassured her she will be on the go again soon."
Now, we're sure snapping any part of your body does hurt like a chilli douche, but "she was very frightened" - of what, precisely? Does she believe that bones are like dominos and if one snaps it leads to a chain reaction where your skeleton crumbles to dust in a matter of hours? Does she have a crucial need for the broken finger? "I thought I might never be able to text insults again?" And since when did a broken finger require an enormous level of bedrest? Don't they just strap up your finger and send you on your way? "Now, Ms Osbourne, try not to flip anyone off for the next few days, and steer clear of the Yellow Pages as it's too soon to let your fingers do the walking."
So now, thanks to car-crashing reality TV show detailing Britney and Fender Kevinline's romance, we know how the proposal happened. The couple were on a plane returning from a gig in Ireland - Britney had been singing, Kevin had been putting out towels for the team - when Britney instructed ("asked") Kevin to marry her. He said no. A few minutes later, he came up to her and asked her to marry him. It's said that he'd spent the time in between reflecting, and trying to do a sum on a piece of paper ("All of Britney's Money divided by two =?"). She said yes, alright, then, and - since she'd already found out thar airline captains weren't allowed to perform legal wedding ceremonies when she'd tried to get married to the guy who brings round the cushions just after take-off - Britney started to make plans for the wedding. Looking at sweatshirt catalogues, finding out exactly how many people a KFC bargain bucket can feed, leaving messages saying "Oh, Christina, are you still single?" and so on.
The news isn't all that grim from the Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster: they've lost a member, but the band will remain a going concern.Andy Huxley, who has been playing guitar while Guy McKnight juddered and ground his teeth, has announced he's leaving:
“The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster are the greatest band in the UK and will become the greatest band in the world. I, meanwhile, have decided to pursue my chosen path as the greatest King Buzzo impersonator on earth.”
We look forward to him telling the people down the dole that that's his new career path.
Prices of 80sMBLD albums such as this one have not risen on the news, as thousands of fans fail to show up desperate to claim a lasting souvenier of the way they were.
The splendidly named Rick Fownes has joined the band, who are currently preparing for their new job opening for System of Down across Europe. We're starting to see why Huxley decided to quit.
In a desperate bid to (a) try and make America care and (b) try and make the launch of a new Oasis album feel a little bit more like an event, the way it used to, the band's label have lined up a whole heap of US listening parties. We love the way this is being reported as something Oasis have done, as if Noel had been on the phone to the Atlanta Cobb Place mall trying to book a CD player and a crate of Vimto.
Oasis listening party. It's on a par with a celebration of hair lice, isn't it?
Just a step away from getting a room in a Linton Travel Tavern, Pete Doherty has been booted out his flat because the landlord couldn't stand the constant partying. (And, we'd guess, because he was tired of having a drug addled bloke living in his pension fund.) Now Doherty is splitting his time between the bed and breakfast on the corner and, apparently, "Kate Moss' place" - you would have thought if they were going to get married next month, as the tabloids would have us believe, he'd have moved in to her gaff permanently, wouldn't you?
Poor Scott Weiland, who has been so upset by newspaper coverage of his various doings, he's been forced to issue a statement:
"Lately I have felt an increasing need to set the record straight since false information and gross distortions continue to get proliferated through the media in many forms by dishonest and disingenuous writers/journalists who are supported by their publications. It is not a crusade for the truth, it is a realization that the neo-tabloidism sells magazines, but also...wrecks marriages...wrecks families...wrecks careers...wrecks lives!!!"
"Yeah, there is probably some writer, critic or journarazzi that's saying to himself or among others, 'Oh, poor rock stars, oh, poor celebrities.' Well, fuck off! Does doing what I love to do give you a right to put a bull's eye on my back?' Does is give you the right to make it open season on anyone of notoriety? If you're a motherfucker and you still answer yes what about about the ones that really suffer from your selfish lies and deceit, the children, the wives, the parents, and the friends!? That can not be justified...period.
"Dedicated to Mike S. You were the inspiration and muse for this little thought.
P.S. Velvet Revolver Sticks Together Despite Unstable Pasts' from the publication Newark Star Ledger written by Jay Lusting
I never auditioned for this band nor any other band. Nor was I ever settled on.
If you want to find out how I in fact did come to the band then do your homework instead of continuing to perpetrate bullshit."
Good god, Scott - you're pissed off by something in the Newark Star Ledger? Do you really have little better to do with your time than stick your name into Google - "Hey, the Heywards Heath Leader have spelt my name wrong again."
We especially like the "does doing what I love to do give you the right to put a bull's eye on my back" - by "what I love" we presume he means shedloads of drugs.
And, yes, we are here saying "Oh, poor celebrities." Because, Scott, you can make music without being famous; celebrity isn't a side effect of playing an instrument and singing - celebrity is what happens when you throw yourself into the marketing machine of a major label, happily play along when the coverage is good and the cash is flowing in. Tabloids don't write about you because you're a musician. They write about you because you embraced their world. And there's nobody in this century who doesn't understand the nature of the pact they make the minute they do that. It's no good crying like a baby when Satan comes to cash in the contract.
The Coldplay it's okay to like, Radiohead, are back in the studio, according to websites on the internet. Even so, it's unlikely we'll have anything tangible from the new sessions in time for the gifting period of Christmas.
The most surprising thing about the news that Trent Reznor has been relieved of millions - it's claimed - is that even after years of being robbed blind, he's still got three million dollars worth of assets. Presumably it's off the back of tshirt sales. Anyway, as happens so often, it's down to the accountant and former friend John Malm. In court yesterday, Reznor claimed that Malm bounced him in to signing a deal which gave Malm 20% - but twenty per cent of Reznor's earnings before tax.
But is it fair for Reznor to whine? He did sign the deal, and it's not like anyone tied him up and forced him. Actually, he'd probably be happier being tied up and forced. There's just something a little odd about seeing Reznor put on a suit and tie, wash the 'FUCKPIGS' off his briefcase and pop into the straight world to try and get his cash back.
Everything - even light S&Mpop - is just a business.
Ian Brown might get what he wished for, as Kylie's Glastonbury headline set is now looking in doubt - although that'll be the least of her worries. Kylie's been diagnosed with breast cancer and is going to be remaining in Melbourne for treatment. She's postponed the Australian leg of her Showgirl tour, and issued a statement:
"Hopefully all will work out fine and I'll be back with you all again soon. I was so looking forward to bringing the Showgirl tour to Australian audiences, and am sorry to have to disappoint my fans."
Even the hardest faced of music fans will be wishing her well today, although Dannii will be spending much of the time trying to get Emily Eavis' number off directory enquiries to see if they need a fill-in, and Delta Goodrem will be cackling "Ha! At long last now it's Kylie following in my footsteps."
Interestingly, Bob "why would I want to do something I did 20 years ago" Geldof appears to have already signed a deal with the BBC to broadcast the Live8 gig that he's been claiming exists only in other people's kite-flying imagination. Even more bemusingly, the event which supposedly doesn't actually exist is apparently in danger of being hit by the BBC strike action, according to the Daily Mirror:
Those evil unions - planning to hit a charity concert even before anyone's supposed to know it's going to happen.
After Karen O's recent nipping off to do guest vocals elsewhere, she's now returned to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs fold and they're now working on the second album.
Of course, it's going to be "totally different" to Fever To Tell, she says:
"There is some acoustic guitar - a first - and Brian [Chase] has been studying tabla, so we may throw some of that in there, too…YYY campfire singalongs, YYYs go rustic. We've only just begun, and we're playing around with new ideas. YYYs have never done a studio album before, where we write all the songs in the studio. This is a radically different process with radically different results — or not. Too early to identify what direction it is going."
We're not sure we're that desperate to hear a C&W YYY, but we'll give them the benefit of the doubt for now...
There's perhaps one of the most confusing political spats of all time currently under way in Israel, where the Foreign Minister, his wife, the ambassador to Washington and his wife seem to be involved in some sort of childish point-scoring that dates back to when Madonna was in Israel last year. Maddy was there to promote tourism to the country - we believe the slogan was 'who was Rachel Corrie, again?' - and Judy Nir-Moses, the wife of the foreign minister really wanted to meet her. Only she wasn't invited. It set off a chain of such ill-feeling that Danny Ayalon, the Israeli ambassador (or "bloke who picks up the huge cheques from the White House", to give him his official title) somehow conspired to ensure that Foreign Minister Silvan Shalom missed out on an invite to nip in to see President Bush.
Good God, people - George Bush and Madonna? You're having a piss-battle over not getting the chance to hang out with two of the most crushing dullards of modern times? Any sane person would pretend to have to go to their dentist's funeral rather than have to make small talk with Madonna, while more than five minutes in Bush's company is enough to require half a day inside a conversational decompression chamber. Look at bloody Cheney - look at the eyes of a man who has no choice but to sit listening to Georgie chunter on for hour after hour. And you're complaining because you were spared that?
Join us for another dip into Fred Durst's blog, if you dare:
Today has been a long time coming
we would like to thank all of you who have gone out of your way to pick up The Unquestionable Truth Part 1 as well as any other previous LImp Bizkit music in the past.
Since the album limped into the charts at 24 in the States, you could probably get round and thank all the people who went to buy it personally, Fred. (Ryan Adams was only two places behind with the entry for Cold Roses, and he's hardly a major selling force).
our hearts and souls have made Limp Bizkit what it is today and we have truly lived every single second of this with you. regardless of the clouds that turn up we have realized without the rain there would be no growth. we are grateful for every single fucking thing that we have encountered along this journey. if not for the real lives of the members of limp we would not feel as if we even had anything to write music about. our music is a broad collection and an interpretation of these feelings.
Grateful for everything? The fan being crushed to death while you were goading the audience? The claims that you'd visited her in hospital when actually you hadn't? Refusing to go in person to the inquest? We know that you're meant to make lemonade when life gives you lemons, but you're surely not telling us that you try to convert deadly nightshade into a juicy drink too, are you, Fred?
let this one settle for a minute. it is not a first listen experience for most and we feel proud about that. it wasn't a first listen at all for me, but as the days continue TUTP1 has grown on me and is now making sense in ways i had never dreamed. we are all just channels for something more than we can comprehend at times. stepping back and getting perspective definitely helps to realize this.
Now, that's kind-of-ominous. The man who made the record and knew what to expect (and, presumably, had heard demos and rehearsals) didn't like his own record the first time he heard it. We wonder what it was that made him change his mind - perhaps the sound of cashregisters ringing.
Damn, we wish Noel Gallagher kept a blog.
We wonder if newly-minted couple Suzanne 'Hearsay' Shaw and Zak 'Northern Line' Lichman have actually discovered yet that they both used in to be in slightly, if briefly, successful bands. It's an incredible coincidence.
Ah, you could almost mistake Chris Martin for a little sweetie, couldn't you? He's worried that people are so fascinated by celebrity that they neglect the finer things in life:
The singer said the public ignored great books, music and architecture because people were more interested in celebrities reports the Evening Standard.
"Everything is subservient to this idea of celebrity. Great things get ignored because they're not famous enough but people can tell you who's dating who," he said.
Yes, all the people who read the 3am Girls would, if they did not exist, direct their time instead towards Pushkin. And how many times have you been stood behind someone in the queue at Sainsburys and seen them slip their copy of The Lives of the Great Composers back to make space in their basket for a copy of Heat.
More puzzlingly, if Martin finds celeb culture so horrific, why does he fuel it through things like the Make Poverty History campaign - something that wouldn't exist (in anything like its present form) were it not for the very celeb culture he disdains.
A combination of a press release claiming that rebecca loos and abi titmuss "have the hots for each other" and the looming of the Eurovision song contest combine to make us wonder: whatever happened to Tatu, the pretend lesbians? Well, freed from the need to pretend they spent their evenings sharing post-Soviet strap-ons and giggling, and freed from the clutches of their svengali manager, they're about to release their second album. And it's called People - Invalids. Do you see? We're all invalids. God, why do we bovver? We're going to our rooooms.
According to apparently Babel-fished reports:
Yulia and Lena grew instantly up and they understood a lot - about themselves, and about the world around them. It turned out that there are so many things around those we could be related to and not only to be observed then from a distance, as many people do through their entire life. Those things are wanted to be sung about, not only this - they need to be sung of! Tatu will sing about such things in their new album "Person- invalids".
The worrying thing is, that makes more sense than Fred Durst's blog ever managed.
We're not certain, but we think Steve Jobs might be slipping them a few quid, too:
They are friends. They support each other, although their free time shcedules are different. Lena spends her free time in the company of the greatest (i.e. – she reads books), and Yulia in the company of her American friends and recently bought Macintosh Power-book - fellow of all creative souls of the world. All mortal users of the Windows platform are left with their envy: Yulia uses all advantages of the progressive Mac platform, which is quick, classy, bugs-free. Now the pulse of the world is under her fingertips 24/7 - as Americans say. The most stressful stage of the recording is already behind, therefore a pair of weeks ago, Tatu made a one-week break in their "American" life and dove in the Moscow spring. In spite of a cosmopolitic charachter of their artistry, the girls miss Moscow, which remains the dearest city for them.
Quick, classy, bugs-free. Ah, if only the same could be said of Misses Titmuss and Loos...
Graham Coxon is about to stick out another album - he's preparing it now for an autumn release. And this one is going to be slushy:
“All songs concern the dreaded ‘L.O.V.E’ from falling in love, splitting up, jealousy, unfaithfulness, lust, everything really.”
Coxon has, of course, been involved in producing songs about love before, during his time with Blur; the novelty this time is they won't just be songs about Justine Frischmann.
Whenever technology presents the major labels with an attempt to make some quick cash, their reaction is always the same: a long series of meetings to decide how they can ensure they get enough DRM into the mix to ensure they can make supernormal profits, by which time it's too late, too late. The latest initiative crushed by them is the often-touted CD burning booth: offering the chance to activate the whole back catalogue and snare people who have neither the time nor the desire to go online and buy music from the internet stores. Only the big labels are putting such restrictions on the music that it's proving difficult to see where it could make a profit (the fact the costs quoted for putting in a booth - up to USD35,000 for what is basically a PC with a CD burner - doesn't help):
As it turns out, each major label is licensing music for kiosks with its own set of strings attached.
For example, Universal Music Group wants kiosks to use only special blank CDs sold by General Electric that, depending on who you ask, cost two to five times as much as normal blank CDs.
And EMI Music wants the cover art printed on paper to be installed as the front sleeve of the jewelbox. Another major is said to have limitations on when and how much music can be made available for in-store burning.
"Each content company has its own set of rules, which when explained makes sense. But when you put them all together, it's a mess" -- and an expensive one, Mike Dreese says. The CEO of Brighton, Mass.-based Newbury Comics is a member of the CD-burning task force of the National Assn. of Recording Merchandisers.
The companies could be flogging hundreds of thousands of copies of albums it could never persuade a store to stock right now. Not megabucks, but a tidy profit. Once again, though, they're choosing to piss away opportunity.
"A condescending, contradictory and hypocritical piece by an ex-NME writer. I think I see a pattern. Perhaps NME journalists are programmed?" - so ponders Craig McAndrew on this week's Guardian Weekend letters page. It's been that sort of week for the NME - Conor McNicholas picked up an award for editor of the year at the PPA awards prompting the Drowned In Sound message boards to snort. "It's just Smash Hits" complained one poster, which is confusing - did they mean Smash Hits now, which seems unlikely, as even if you don't like the NME now there's no real way you can confuse it with the desperately, twisting and largely empty gloss-no-words Shits; or did they mean Smash Hits during its imperial phase, when it lovingly crafted a fully-formed universe which organised the way a generation related to its popstars? Because that would be a shit insult, really.
The cause for the waspish McAndrew to put pen to paper was last weekend's piece by former NME writer Sarah Dempster admitting she handed back her IPC epaulettes because she liked music she wasn't supposed to like. "Most of my previous, NME-driven favourites have been eclipsed - Muse, Interpol, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and countless other zeitgeist-reliant, unoriginal, ne'er-do-wells superseded by the likes of Yes, Hawkwind, Black Sabbath and Roxy Music." It's curious that Dempster felt she couldn't write for the NME and like music beyond the names which appear on the front page (the paper has always been at its best when it's had a handle on how the spurting blood of the new was pumped by the heart of rock history) - but then, the main bulk of her article is attempting to suggest that it's not such a bad thing to like the music of Phil Collins. Which isn't just something you shouldn't admit to in the NME offices; it's something you should never admit to in print, in your diary, to your friends, or at all. Saying "the bloke who did Su-su-sudio is alright, actually" is on a par with not being able to identify the current Prime Minister or get the year right when nurse asks you.
"If all people think I'm capable of is Stairway To Heaven" observes Robert Plant in the current Radio Times, "then frankly, I'm doomed."
The funny thing is, of course, that it took him too long to notice.
Kim Wilde has enjoyed one of the most bizarre journeys of our age: where once she caused outrage by appearing on the front of Smash Hits with - shock - acne, this week she's on the cover of The Lady, the paper for gentlewomen of a certain age. Which allows us to trot out again one of the first snatches of Coronation Street dialogue we remember, when Bet was picking up Mrs. Walker's weekly from the old Kabin (when it was still in Rosamund Street): "The Lady... if there was one called The Duchess, she'd take it three times a week..."
The NME, then, has got Dave Grohl, smoking, on the cover - Dave is alarming, as he seems to get younger with each passing year, which might be why he's trying cigarettes: perhaps it's in the hope that the aging effects of ciggies will cancel out the effects of whatever faustian pact it is he's made. The rest of the Foo Fighters are also on the cover - um, Tim, Tam and Tina or whatever they're called.
The Kaiser Chiefs are being flown across Europe in their own, exclusive private jet (it's chartered from BA, they're not bloody Kasabian), and they proudly show it off in a two-page spread. In three years time, when you're puzzling how the band managed to have all those hits and yet still claim to be potless, remember this moment.
Babyshambles are pictured as they reach the end of the production of their debut album. It's interesting that Adam Fieck, the drummer, seems to be doing more and more of the press interviews these days - an attempt to try and make the band seem more than just Pete Doherty in case, well, he's not on hand to push the finished product? Part of a plan to try and downplay the impression that it just one bloke and some musicians making up the backing? Or is it just that Doherty's not around to do the pre-launch press?
How record companies can't cope with new technology, part 377: The Sony response to the Oasis album appearing (apparently accidently) early on the German iTunes site was, erm, to force them to take it down. After it had been available for 24 hours. Thereby creating an instant vacuum into which unauthorised copies flowed. Great work, Sony. The only reason why the whole web hasn't collapsed under the weight of Oasis filesharing is because the new album is so lame.
Ian Brown is fulminating about Kylie being on the main stage at Glastonbury at the same time he's on the third stage from the back. "Glastonbury is supposed to be the last bastion of the alternative against the mainstream" he moaned, apparently unaware that the Orange-sponsored event, co-owned by Clear Channel, has for the last couple of years been busily promoting the likes of Oasis, Joss Stone and Norah Jones.
Peter Robinson nibbles Noddy's nut, and in return Mr. Holder is kinder to the paper than the rest of the world is: "put me on the cover... it's still got a reputation, NME. Brand names are always worth something, Peter." Mind you, these days he is advertising a brand of nuts that nobody has ever heard of.
Tammy, Tommy and Terry from the Foos trot out the standard Sleeperbloke response to the suggestion that they are little more than three extra faces eating up coverspace which otherwise could be given to Mr. Grohl: "Foo Fighters began as Dave's vision, so there is something cohesive about how the whole thing works... if we took collective decisions on everything we'd probably end up squabbling and turning into Metallica." Which is, of course, why nobody will ever give true democracy a try. Even Switzerland would turn into the Republic of Metallica if the votes really were that important. Not that Dave is, like, insanely in charge, he claims: "I'll take directions from the others every now and again." There's going to be a but. "But I'm the one that's in the driving seat."
Its quarter of a century since Ian Curtis killed himself, and to celebrate - it's what he would have wanted, a party - the NME offers 25 things you never knew about him. Amongst them: Ian never had to face his fear of flying because the band travelled to their European tour by hovercraft and under regressive hypnotism, he told Bernard (who was doing the hypnotism) that he'd been a Frenchman in the 17th Century.
Reviews
live
the ordinary boys - southend/bournemouth - "if everyone loved their jobs as much, the world would be a happier place"
funeral for a friend - give it a name festival, london - "ass-puncturing"
albums
coldplay - x&y - "confident, bold, ambitious", 9 (see, Sarah Dempster; you probably could have come in with But Seriously and still held your head up high)
maximo park - a certain trigger - "energetic and cleverly crafted", 7
tracks
totw
hot hot heat - goodnight goodnight - "like the Strokes [would sound] if they gave a shit any more"
quuen adreena - medicine jar - "ho-hum goth toss"
scout niblett - kidnapped by neptune - "inane mad woman at the back of the bus"
And, finally, Napster have taken out a full page advert which is more than a little disturbing: their strange and increasingly alarming cat logo is peering over the top of a changing room where a girl wearing only a pair of knickers is apparently trying to remember why she came out clothes shopping without a bra on. Although since she's stood there with the door of her cubicle wide open, maybe she wouldn't be that bothered about a pervert digitised cat tomming over her tits anyway. It's all a bit seedy and not entirely that connected to downloading music files.
We've been sitting on the 2005 Sony Awards - they're literally like the 'Plumber of the Year' Awards, only for Radio - since they were announced at the start of this week, partly because BT have screwed up our broadband (did we mention that?) but also because it was the most puzzling list of prizes we've seen given out since the Grand National in 1978, when the prizes were given to the horses with the snappiest legs instead of the fastest runners.
Here, as is traditional, is the list of winners:
THE DAILY MUSIC SHOW OF THE YEAR: Kerrang! 105.2 Drivetime with Lucio: Kerrang! 105.2
THE SPECIALIST MUSIC AWARD: Zane Lowe: BBC Radio 1
THE MUSIC BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Zane Lowe: BBC Radio 1
Now, there you are already, an indication of how the bemusing range of categories result in bizarre range of contradictions - if Zane Lowe is the Specialist music expert of the year, and the best person at broadcasting music, how on earth can he not be doing the daily music show of the year? Likewise, the next bunch of awards are even more puzzling:
THE BREAKFAST SHOW OF THE YEAR: Christian O’Connell’s Breakfast Show: Xfm
THE ENTERTAINMENT AWARD: Christian O’Connell’s Breakfast Show: Xfm
THE COMPETITION AWARD: Christian O’Connell’s Rock School: Xfm
THE DJ OF THE YEAR: Danny Baker: BBC London 94.9
Now, even if we set aside our puzzlement at the giving of prizes to Christian O'Connell - he left us cold when he was doing local radio in Liverpool, and we've got chillier and chillier whenever we hear his XFM stuff - but if CO'C is doing the breakfast show of the year, then how can Danny Baker be a better DJ, doing the same slot in the same market. And Baker isn't even a DJ at the moment. (Although his show is far better than CO'C's. Of course, now that the BBC is finally putting the Bake's show on Listen Again, Danny has announced he's quitting; at least until the autumn.
THE WEEKLY MUSIC SHOW OF THE YEAR: The Selector: Somethin’ Else for FCUK FM
We've not heard this, we don't think, but most of what we have heard from FCUK has sounded like it's been done in the bottom of a zinc bucket.
THE 'MUSIC SPECIAL' AWARD: Teenage Dreams So Hard To Beat: BBC Speech & Campaigns for Radio 1
This, of course, was a tribute to John Peel, who also got a "minutes noise" tribute at the start of the awards ceremony.
Now comes a run of speech prizes:
THE NEWS PROGRAMME OF THE YEAR: Vote Friction: Unique the production company for BBC Radio 1
THE NEWS OUTPUT AWARD: The Beslan Seige: BBC World Service News & Current Affairs & Newsgathering for BBC World Service
THE NEWS STORY AWARD: The Tsunami: BBC Radio News for Five Live
THE SPORTS AWARD: City Till I Die: BBC Radio York
THE SPEECH AWARD: Beyond Belief - Islam and Women: BBC Religion and Ethics for Radio 4
THE SPEECH BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR: Jeremy Vine: BBC Radio 2
THE NEWS JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR: Eddie Mair: BBC Radio 4
THE FEATURE AWARD: Missing The Message: Unique the production company for BBC Radio 1
THE SHORT FORM FEATURE AWARD: Blind Man’s Beauty: BBC Radio and Music Factual for Radio 4
THE INFORMATION AWARD: Unhappy Hour: Viking FM News Team for Viking FM & Magic 1161
THE DRAMA AWARD: Laughter In The Dark: Catherine Bailey Productions for BBC Radio 3
THE COMEDY AWARD: The National Theatre Of Brent’s Complete And Utter History: Of The Mona Lisa: Above the Title Productions for Radio 4
THE EVENT AWARD: The Drive Show: D-Day Anniversary: BBC Radio Kent
THE INTERACTIVE RADIO AWARD: Three Counties Breakfast: BBC Three Counties Radio
THE COMMUNITY AWARD: The Stephen Nolan Show: BBC Radio Ulster Factual for Radio Ulster
THE STATION SOUND AWARD: Kiss 100
THE PROMO AWARD: A77 Guardian Angel Campaign: West Sound Commercial Production: for West Sound, West FM & SouthWest Sound FM
THE STATION PROGRAMMER OF THE YEAR: Richard Maddock: Radio City 96.7
STATION OF THE YEAR • UNDER 300,000: BBC Radio Foyle
STATION OF THE YEAR • 300,000 - 1 MILLION: BBC Three Counties Radio
STATION OF THE YEAR • 1 MILLION PLUS: Radio City 96.7
STATION OF THE YEAR • UK: BBC Radio 2
STATION OF THE YEAR • DIGITAL TERRESTRIAL: Capital Disney
THE 2004 AWARD: UK Radio Aid
THE GOLD AWARD: Steve Wright
So, Radio 2 has won back the title as best station in the country, continuing a run of handing the prize between them and Radio 4. It's nice to see a prize for Capital Disney, which is at least encouraging the commercial sector to invest in children's radio, but we're not sure we've ever met anyone who's ever heard it.
But really: Christian O'Connell? Why? What is it people see in him?
As you'll know, the supposed cuckolding of Justin Timberlake reported by Fox news' sister paper, The Sun, has prompted Cameron Diaz to set her legal attack dogs on the paper. Meanwhile - and thanks to the person who posted this in our comments section; we think it deserves a higher profile, the guy who was photographed kissing her has blogged about being monstered by the tabloids. He's called Shane Nickerson, and this just a sample:
I relaxed a bit. Maybe this was just a desperate magazine fishing for a story. Maybe they weren't actually going to run this, but were snooping around to see if there was anything to drudge up. Maybe I was panicking over nothing. My voicemail ring beeped from my cellphone. I called it:
"Hey Shane, it's Derek. I just got a call from The National Enquirer about you and Cameron Diaz. I told them nothing. Uh...call me."
Motherfucker! How the hell did they...? Why Derek? Derek is in the show I used to do at Improv Olympic. Derek and I have known each other for about 7 years, but he's just such a random person in my life to call. We perform together and occasionally I'll see him at a party. I knew then that that they were using my website to find out who I know. My e-mail alert went off. I checked it:
Shane,
Hey, can you call me? The Natl. Enquirer just called me about a story they
are doing about YOU. Not that I had anything to say to them, but I did get the information about the story from the reporter if you want it. ~JM
Jessica, "The Ninja" Stover? I JUST met her like two weeks ago at Wil's show. What kind of reporting are these guys doing?
It's more than worth reading the whole piece.
It looks like 50 Cent is going to manage to avoid jail following the time he jumped into a crowd and attacked three women at one of his own gigs. "Fiddy", as apparently he doesn't mind being known, has agreed to anger management courses, and a range of other bits and bobs that pretty much come down to being tutted at. If he doesn't make an anti-violence video he could be called back to court and sent to prison.
There's always been more than a hint of the Seaside Special about Dido - for all her appearing in Eminem videos and having a brother with connections to the dance music nodoscenti, she's never seemed to be much more than a variety turn with a decent haircut. Indeed, we were half expecting The Two Ronnies Sketchbook to have a "Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Dido" moment (that it was Katie Melua instead probably shows exactly what we mean here). And now, as if to prove our point, she's seriously considering an offer for a Celine Dion style Las Vegas residency. Never has an act so desperately cried out to be supported by a conjuror and a plate of chicken and chips.
The death has been announced of Jimmy Martin, memeber of the Bluegrass Boys. Inspired by Bill Monroe, Martin played with the Bluegrass Boys during the mid-50s before spinning off his own act, The Sunny Mountain Boys. The band worked with Decca records for nearly two decades, recording a slew of bluegrass standards, including Widow Maker, The Sunnyside of the Mountain, and Hold watcha Got. He was inducted into the Bluegrass Association's Hall of Honor in 1995, and, according to George Goehl's liner notes for the album accompanying a 2003 documentary about Martin's life, he managed to improve on his idol's work:
"Jimmy's strong, high vocal range pushed (Bill) Monroe's tenor up into the sky, helping shape what has become known as the 'high lonesome sound."
Over a long career, he collaborated with a huge range of artists, included a stint with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band; his are the first vocals to appear on the Dirt Band's 1972 Will The Circle Be Unbroken album.
Martin was diagnosed with bladder cancer a year ago; the 77 year-old died on Saturday.
King of Bluegrass, Jimmy Martin's biopic, is currently available on DVD
We're hoping she'll either do it rolling her stupid piano in front of her, or else dressed up as a giant chicken or something, but for some reason Vanessa Carlton's signing up for the New York Marathon has been turned into a photo opportunity. Despite her already being halfway to the 'whatever happened to...' segment of Entertainment Weekly, and despite the signing-up being done online, so removing any sense of theatre or glitz from an already slightly dull happening:
We're assured she is signing up for the New York marathon there. On the other hand, she could just be checking to see if she's had any luck shifting those 20,000 unsold copies of her album on Ebay yet.
We're not sure how 3Hive do it - possibly they have a whole underground city full of children spending all day banging away at the web to provide a harvest of tasty free mp3 downloads, but they come up with excellent stuff so often we're not sure they can be quite human. Anyway, this weekend, for those of you who aren't waiting for BT to take a month to move broadband from one house to another two metres apart, they've got a bunch of His Name Is Alive downloads. We've always thought that while The Pixies are the 4AD that everyone knows, and the Cocteaus the 4AD that everyone thinks is the typical act for the label, it's HNIA that is the closest to the spirit of the label. Enjoy.
The death has been announced of Eddie Barclay, and with it, all of showbusiness:
"After the death of Eddie Barclay, there's no more showbusiness, there's only business left," the French singer Carlos, a close friend, told RTL radio.
Born Edouard Ruault in 1921 in Paris, and orginally intending to carve out a career as a jazz pianist, Barclay moved into production during the 1950s. His original plan was to market the Mercury label's artists in France; shifting one and a half million copies of a Platters record gave him a solid base to start working with local acts as well.
In 1962, Barclay started a long working relationship with Jacques Brel, a collaboration which was to produce Le Plat Pays and Les Bigotes, amongst others. He would also go on to work with Quincy Jones and Charles Aznavour; with Aznavour he gave the artist a sense of freedom.
Eddie Barclay died overnight Thursday in Paris' Ambroise Pare hospital, where he had been receiving treatment for urinary and pulimonary infections.
