Wednesday, August 24, 2005

IF YOU MET A REAL DIRTY WOMAN, YOU'D NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO

Oh, McFly, we can't believe you really want us to think their fans are dirty bitches; we find it hard to imagine any of their fans have made it as far as puberty yet. But let's hear Dougie the "bassist" out, shall we?:

"Our fans are dirty bitches. They say they're strippers to try and get into our house. They make us laugh because despite how horny and creepy they are, they are quite loyal and dedicated to us, which is quite nice."

That's no way to talk about eight year-olds, lad.


JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE WINS DAMAGES

Good god, who can trust these days if not the News of the World and some model? The High Court has heard that Lucy Clarkson duped the NOTW when she said she'd been intimate with Justin Timberlake:

David Griffiths said his client Ms Clarkson apologised for the "distress and embarrassment she has caused the claimant and Ms Diaz".

"She accepts that the story, which she sold to the newspaper, was an entire fabrication on her part and that she had not had an affair or fling with the claimant," said Mr Griffiths.


Justin is going to get a big fat cheque from Clarkson and from Rupert Murdoch's paper; money he can invest in his new trouser companyWilliam Rast.

Who knows what the future holds for Clarkson?

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We're starting to wonder if she really is an expert in martial arts and arcaheology...


PEYROUX, WHERE DID YOU GO?

The Guardian diary has been keeping an interested eye on the story of the Jazz singer who went AWOL - or perhaps didn't. Yesterday, they were fretting that maybe it was all a publicity stunt:

We're aware, of course, of the irony of this column ranting on journalistic standards, but we still begin with the curious tale of the disappearance of singer Madeleine Peyroux. Last week Madeleine's record company, Universal, informed the press that the singer had done a runner (again!) and they were "considering hiring a private detective to track her down". Naturally we missed the story, assuming it was simply one of those silly-season tales - a publicity stunt, perhaps, invented by her record company - but as ever we were widely out of line with the consensus. The Independent's Stephen Khan, in a 1,543-word opus on the subject, reports: "Here was a 31-year-old American woman on the cusp of greatness, being compared to Billie Holiday and Bob Dylan as her new album Careless Love received rave reviews, and suddenly it appears she wants none of it." Meanwhile, over at the Times, Adam Sherwin suggests: "Her disappearance is unlikely to be a publicity stunt, however, like the one dreamed up by the Clash in 1982 to drum up ticket sales." Oh really? We heard Madeleine was at her home in the country all the time. Or as the singer's manager puts it: "She is absolutely fine and has always been absolutely fine." Solid work, gentlemen.

It was Universal's Linda Valentine who sent out the offending press release, so we call to check if she's still desperately seeking Madeleine. Have you tried calling her at home, we ask? "Er, what do you think?" she stutters. Well, we think that if you made that call you'd discover that she's there. "She's turned up fine. It is called capitalising on a situation rather than a shameless publicity stunt," Linda explains. "A bit like Drongo's goal for Arsenal on Sunday." Er, Drogba for Chelsea? "Ah yes, that's it. That's too much for me." You don't say.


So far, so murky. Today, though, they return to the story with a curious new development:

More on the curious tale of singer Madeleine Peyroux and her record company, Universal. You'll recall Universal sent out a story that it was considering hiring a private detective to track down the artist, who it accused of doing a runner. She was (of course) at home all the time; and as we hear Madeleine is unhappy about the stunt we ask her manager, Cynthia Herbst, if there'll be any action? "We never, ever publish lies to the press and this has all been lies," says Cynthia. "Madeleine is feeling really disappointed that anybody at Universal would do this. We're not going to the battle ground, but we're taking the high ground." Cynthia is asking Universal for "a complete retraction and an apology to Madeleine". Developing, as they say.

So... from where we're sitting, it seems like Madeleine had had enough of sitting in draughty breakfast TV studios and went home; Universal, in a bid to try and save face and develop some sort of press coverage, cooked up the story of her 'disappearance' knowing full well she was cutting her toenails in front of the Jay Leno show back in New York. We'd love to be a fly on the wall at the planning for the next album promo campaign - "So, Maddy, how would you like it if we claimed you were dead?" Indeed, the whole murky business suggests that the Universal press office has more than a little in common with that kid on the Channel 4 documentary last night, who managed to dupe into his friend into believing that, in order to meet the Queen, he had to stab him.

Hang about a moment, though: There's more. Today's Independent reports that Madeleine is being sued by an ex-boyfriend, who claims that he discovered her, only to be abandoned:

[William] Galison, a jazz harmonica player, is claiming that much of the present interest was due to him. He will tell the court that he in effect rediscovered her playing in a bar in New York in 2002 during the seven-year period in which she "vanished" after the success of her debut album, Dreamland, in 1996.

He told The Independent yesterday that the couple immediately teamed up after the meeting - playing in a series of influential venues such as New York's Bottom Line and Joe's Pub. They also performed with the Dresden Philharmonic Orchestra before an audience that included the former prime minister John Major and his wife, Norma. In the meantime they also moved in together, he says.


We're not sure if the detail about John Major is thrown in here to try and make the story seem a little more glamorous. Doesn't really work, does it?

"We were romantically involved. She lived with me, she was eating my food. We were romantically involved and we had an amazing act. But suddenly she stopped working with me," he said.

He says Peyroux used the album they had co-funded and recorded at a studio in Brooklyn as a demo for the Universal-licensed label Rounder. After their relationship collapsed, Galison tried to market the record with another label. But the company dropped it after being contacted by lawyers for Rounder, he said.

In a letter to the co-founder of Rounder, Ken Irwin, Galison said: "I am concerned about Madeleine's career and her psychological well-being. You know well that Madi has a history of attempted suicide. Now she finds herself facing a federal lawsuit with no representation and everything to lose. If God forbid, Madi should harm herself as a result of the stress of this episode, it will be her handlers - those who encouraged her to lie and betray her friends for their own selfish motives - who will be to blame."


Ooh, he's quite the charmer, isn't he? It's a pity he went to the effort of writing a letter - the normal way to do this would be to go up to Ken Irwin, wave a picture of Peyroux, and mutter "Pretty thing, isn't she? Be a shame if something... happened to her... pushed her over the edge..."

Rounder's lawyers have suggested that Galison may be using the legal dispute as an "ill-advised attempt ... to trade on the name and reputation of Ms Peyroux to boost his career by passing off an inferior version of a Madeleine Peyroux album".

They also claimed to have obtained "directly and from Ms Peyroux, evidence of numerous incidents of physically and verbally abusive behaviour by Mr Galison against Ms Peyroux".

Galison claims the allegations of abuse are libellous. Peyroux's lawyers will tell the court that such has been Galison's behaviour that the singer has contemplated filing criminal harassment charges. He denies the claim.


So... is that all clear, then?


MAYBE HE'LL DO ONE OF YOUR SONGS, TOO, CHRIS

We're sure Chris Martin sees the current Coldplay acoustic version of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire as a tribute (we'd quite like to hear this, although only once, merely to confirm it's as awful as we suspect). We're not sure it's that much of a tribute, though.

Jim McCabe brought this to our attention, and observed:

Can't quite picture Gwyneth as June Carter, though.

Too true. And Cash would never have called a kid apple, neither.


JACKO ACCUSER MOM IN TROUBLE HERSELF

The mother of the boy who recently got Michael Jackson into court on child-touching charges is going to find herself in the dock pretty soon - She's been accused of fraudulently collecting welfare benefits while sitting on USD150,000 she'd picked up from a lawsuit against a department store. How did the authorities find out? A little bird told them...



Or, rather, she got asked about it during the court case.

Somewhat sweetly, she's not being named in court to "protect her son", in case anyone works out that he was the boy at the centre of the case. Because it's just possible that someone might follow this case who didn't hear about the earlier one where he was named. The BBC website shows just how that might be a bit of a forlorn hope:

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

FOO *COUGH*

Uh-oh: falling victim to the awful "is this mic on, then" today was Dave Grohl, who sat in Jo Whiley on Radio One this morning. She played Elbow's cover of Independent Women; he blurted "what the fuck was that?" before realising that - yes - he was live in people's offices, dental surgeries and car valeting stations across the nation.

Everyone apologised, and just as he was about to be forgiven, Grohl went and did a cover of bloody Lyla by Oasis. You can see pictures and hear that on the internet.


DOLLS DUMP READING/LEEDS

One of the bits of the Reading Festival that was lipsmacking delicious, the Dresden Dolls, isn't now going to happen - Brian Viglione elected to not come to Europe and although Amanda Palmer is planning to go ahead with solo stuff in Edinburgh and Glasgow, she's not keen on doing the festival dates without her partner.


MONEY CAN BUY YOU LOVE - OFFICIAL

We would encourage you all to part with the money required to make yourself the proud owners of Helen Love's Long Hot Summer single.


NO ENTRY FOR BET LYNCH'S LEGS' LEGS?

As it becomes clear that the ideas for Top 10 lists are starting to run dangerously low, Spin has released a top 25 rock bodyparts issue. Number one is Madonna's navel; edging out Keith Richards' liver (there as the ultimate rock survivor, of course). Springsteen's arse makes the list, along with 50 Cent's chest and Tommy Lee's cock.

We're sure you could actually make better suggestions. We know from reading our site stats that Edith Bowman's tits are incredibly sought-after; Brian Molko's bald patch is often-discussed in our house; and Pete Doherty's track marks are surely driving much of rock music right now. Cheryl Tweedy's fists, perhaps?


MONKEY BUSINESS

We're a little worried about the MediaGuardian's Media Monkey, as the bananas seem to be getting to him. This is the current lead story on the page:

It's heartening to see the BBC playing such a forthright role in the rehabilitation of Jonathan King. The pop impresario, jailed in 2001 for sexually abusing boys, was one of the featured artists on this week's Top of the Pops 2, introduced by presenter Steve Wright as "our old friend Jonathan King". Ah yes, old friend indeed. The song, in case you're interested, was Let It All Hang Out, a top 30 hit from 1970, Monkey understands. Readers may recall that King was a guest on Victoria Derbyshire's Radio Five phone-in last month, an unlikely booking that later prompted the BBC to apologise, describing him as an "inappropriate choice of guest". Next he'll be bagging a guest spot as a judge on Celebrity Fame Academy.

We're puzzled as to what channel Moneky is watching "this week's" TOTP2 praise for the dubious Mr. King on. Only on our telly, TOTP2 was axed from BBC TWO a year ago. Surely Monkey isn't confusing a re-run on UK G2 with a programme made recently, is he?


DID AXL ATTEMPT TO PULL THE WOOL AND STUPID HAT OVER SLASH'S EYES?

According to the special letter they've had drawn up by a solicitor-type bloke, Slash and Duff have been ripped off by Axl Rose. They claim Axl sold Guns N Roses songs to a new company without asking them. Oh, and did we mention that Axl owned the company he sold the songs to?


GOOD GRIEF - SURELY THIS MUST BE MADE UP

Britney Spears is just weeks away now from creating life, and, of course, she's choosing an astonishingly stupid way of doing it. Apparently, she's determined to have an underwater birth - in itself, dangerous and ill-advised - in a tub filled with Kabbalah water. That's about four thousand dollars worth of water (at Kabbalah price) or two hundred bucks if you just bought identical water off the shelf at your local shop.


WELL, IT'S ONE WAY TO SHUT THE CRAZY FROG UP

In a bid to "fend off foreign influences", Saparmurad Niyazov, the President of Turkmenistan has banned recorded music. The ban covers public events, weddings and television. If this seems a little extreme, you have to remember that Niyazov has already renamed the days of the week after his family and banned all opposition parties. And all opposition generally, come to that. And introduced strict exit visas to stop people leaving. Oddly, the nation somehow seems to get overlooked when Bush is getting all enthusiastic about bringing democracy to the world - perhaps because nobody does business in Turkmenistan without Niyazov's approval, and there's quite a big oil pipeline running through the country.

MTV is unlikely to be expanding into the country soon.


SPARE THE ROD

The trouble bubbling away following the cancellation of a Rod Stewart gig in 2000 continues to make a mess of Rod's metaphorical stovetop. He's being sued in Las Vegas by Harrah, who want the money they'd paid him back. Not unreasonably, you might think.

Stewart had pulled the gig because he'd had thyroid cancer surgery; he says he held on to the money because he was still willing to do the gig at some point. Last November, a court in LA ordered Stewart to give back a similar bunch of cash he was sitting on from Latin America. Stewart's appealing against that one, too.


PULL OFF YOUR EARS

We're trying not to get out of proportion the news that Katie Melua is planning to suck all the emotion out of Just Like Heaven by the Cure for a Reese Witherspoon movie of the same name. We're just going to smash a few windows, burn a few cars, and so on. The soundtrack is also going to feature Kelis doing Brass In Pocket and Kay Hanley having a go at Iggy's Lust For Life.

Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken us?


WHERE IS BEATLES BAND FROM?

There's a worrying, clammy hand clenching at the chest of Liverpool cty council and tourist officials - as they drive from John Lennon Airport to the Beatles Story Exerience past the sign reminding people the the city is the Birthplace of the Beatles, they worry that the link between the city and the band might pass some people by.

We know, we know: it's a little like Stratford-upon-Avon authorities worrying that maybe people don't know that Shakespeare came from there.

Meanwhile, the Beatles weekend is about to get underway in the city, despite erm, the terrorist bombs in London. Actually, a bigger problem seems to have been the Met shooting a Brazilian and then lying about it - there have been quite a few cancellations from Brazil; but that's more disgust at the attempts to cover-up than fear.


MARK IT IN YOUR DIARIES

Radio One have just announced plans to make October 13th John Peel Day, an annual event commemorating the man with a string of gigs across the country.

Sheila, his wife, is involved in the planning:

"John would have been honoured and fairly amazed that the anniversary is being marked in such a way. He would appreciate that in years to come Peel Day will give new bands across the country the chance to be heard."

Andy Parfitt, the Radio 1 controller, said: "Peel Day is about celebrating John's legacy and his unrivalled passion for music. It'll be a day of gigs taking place up and down the country, something we feel will be a fitting tribute to John."


BPI ROLLS OVER SYLVIA PRICE

Sylvia Price, the woman who was threatened by the BPI because, they alleged, her daughter had been offering uploads of songs by the likes of Coldplay, has had to give in. Because she can't afford to cover the costs of the court case, she's offered a settlement of £2,500.

Obviously, she can't afford that, either - so she's going to be paying twenty quid a month to the BPI for the next decade. We wonder if they're going to send someone round to knock on the door once a month.

Still, its a brilliant earner for the BPI, isn't it? Send huge cash demands to people who can't afford to test their liability in court, and sit back and let the cash roll in as they're bounced into signing up to a loan-shark style monthly payment for the rest of their working lives. But remember: technically, kids, this isn't extortion.


YOU WOULDN'T WISH IT ON ANYONE

Back in April, you'll recall, there was the curious case of Michelle Heaton, who claimed she'd had her drink spiked with a date rape drug, because there was no way she could have been drunk as she'd only had a couple of drinks.

Now, it seems, the same thing has happened to fellow ITV Popstars contestant Javine:

“It was so frightening. One minute Javine was fine and having a laugh, and the next she had wiped out. It takes more than two glasses of wine for Javine to get merry, so we all knew something wasn’t right.

“We took her back to her flat, which is nearby, and put her to bed. She was really ill the next day and missed her rehearsal for ITV’s Disco Mania show.

“She couldn’t eat a thing all day, felt really woozy and said it was like being poisoned. At one point, Javine was being sick.


So you think your friend had been poisoned with an unknown substance, and you take her home and leave her in her bed?

If it is the case that Javine had her drink spiked, that's clearly horrific, and we hope that Javine and her team have reported the incident to the police. Because, of course, nobody would sink to claiming their drinks were spiked to explain away missing rehearsals. Would they?


MADONNA FLATTERED TO DECEIVE

You might have thought that Dolce & Gabbana (they're kind of like Mike Baldwin without the charm) were keen to work with Madonna because the old boot still has a profile that will get their slacks and blouses into the newspapers. But, of course, they can't actually say "we're keen to tailgate on her press coverage" and so they flatter with the verbal equivalent of air-kissing:

"She is two women in one: aggressiveness and sweetness," Gabbana remembers the first time he saw the singer wearing his clothes, in a photo in the Internation Herald Tribune: "She looked just like a Sicilian woman. I said, "Domenico, look! Madonna is wearing our clothes!" Soon afterwards, we met her, she was wearing a man's pinstripe. She is one of the most amazing people. from her I have learned so much: about women, about business, about humanity.""

Goodness! A woman wearing a man's suit? Whatever next, eh?


DEBBIE GIBSON "NOT PREGNANT WITH NIXON'S TWO-HEADED LOVE CHILD"

First Coogan denied it; now, from the depths of rehab, comes a statement from Courtney Love:

"Courtney Love wishes to make it clear that she denies recent stories suggesting she is pregnant or has had a relationship with Steve Coogan," said the statement released by Sanctuary Artist Management.

"She confirms that she and Steve are good friends and have met a few times in Los Angeles."


Well... that's a weekend knitting booties wasted, then.


Monday, August 22, 2005

HALF A STEP FORWARD

The new deal struck between Playlouder and Sony-BMG is being hailed as a new route to the future whereby people could fileshare, without being sued by the BPI. It's not quite as rosy for the consumers - or "us", as we're known - as it might seem at first glance.

For twenty six quid, you get your broadband deal and are allowed to download as much music from Sony BMG through the filesharing networks as you want. Just Sony so far, but Playlouder are convinced that the others will come on board shortly. You can see the attraction for Sony: they get a massive chunk of guaranteed cash, regardless of how many tracks get downloaded. But how is your average music fan meant to know if Sony-BMG own the rights to the track he's downloading? Are we supposed to check the individual, often tortuous, trail of copyright every single time we're going to download something?

And will Playlouder customers be given special treatment when it comes to BPI lawsuits? If they download a Mozzer track from his EMI years thinking HMV was a BMG label, will the BPI turn a blind eye as there would be a plausible defence for them if the case came to court?

And, more to the point: the BPI says that its targeting people who make their music available online - in other words, it's going after the uploaders. But if there are deals being cut whereby people can download legally, how can the record labels continue to prosecute anyone any more? People have every right to make digital copies of the music they own; they have every right to have peer to peer software on their PCs. If there are people on those networks who have paid for the legal right to download music - where exactly is the justice in suing anyone in the deal? Indeed, since Sony are taking a big slice of cash from people on the basis that they expect to be able to download the label's music from peer to peer networks, in what way is it in Sony's interests to remove the music from those networks by bringing punitive legal actions against uploaders? If the BPI is successful in forcing file sharers off the internet, nobody is going to be paying a cash premium to Playlouder and on to the labels in order to download that music in the first place, surely?

Unless they expect only people who are paying for the music through the Playlouder model to be uploading as well - but why would anyone want to buy music twice, once at the store, and then again through their ISP by paying for the upload?


IT MAKES A GLOOPY, STICKY MESS ON YOUR FACE, BOYS

A couple of years ago, Nivea had a TV commercial that was so poor we did wonder if there was some hidden motive at work - two blokes watching an advert for a Nivea product moaning about the model and the stupidness of the idea, before concluding they might go and try some. The agency was presumably thinking "we can show a couple of chaps have exactly the same concerns about the very idea of using cosmetics on their manly faces, but, hey, they're prepared to give it a shot." The trouble is, it had the air of two straight men watching gay porn, complaining about how awful and wrong it was, before sneaking off home to get out the Kleenex and have a sob and an auto-slap.

Nivea's advertising for blokes since then has got slightly better, and now they've signed up to be sponsors for Tim Lovejoy's new Virgin radio sports and music show. The funny thing, though, the combination of big-fish-in-small-pool of Sport AM TV guy, a sports show that plays music (or is it a music show that features sport?) and face product for blokes seems less like a marriage made in marketing heaven; more like an idea pulled out from boxes at random. Even Virgin's head of sponsorship finds it tricky to sound that enthused by the idea:

“We presented a highly customised package to Nivea For Men that was tailored to have most impact with our listeners.

“The combination of Virgin Radio, Tim Lovejoy and Nivea For Men oozes fun and passion for sport combined with great music.”


The second sentence, in particular, sounds like something you'd get as a runner-up in one of those "using your skill and judgement, complete the following sentence in ten words or less" competitions.


WE'VE JUST GOT THESE...

Some new tour dates from Mercury-smothered cuties Antony & The Johnsons:

November 2005
Tue 22 Wolverhampton, Civic Hall
Wed 23 York, Opera House
Fri 25 Dublin, Vicar Street
Wed 30 Glasgow, Academy

December 2005

Fri 02 Bristol, Academy
Sun 04 All Tomorrow's Parties
Mon 05 London, Shepherd's Bush Empire

They've been nominated for a Mercury Rev, you know.


WHAT MOTIVATES AVRIL LAVIGNE

We seem to recall Avril insisting that her music was all about art and emotion and what is real not so long ago. Not anymore. She's admitted what her motivation is - a cycle of flogging stuff:

"I want to be played on the radio. I want to have Top 40 hits," she said. "I want people to hear my music. I like it when people come to my show, and if they don't know my record, they know my songs, because they've been on the radio. I like that."

But what sort of art do you create if you produce not to add your voice to the world, or to bring your life into focus, but merely to ensure popularity with the computers in Clear Channel HQ? (Clue: listen to the latest Avril Lavigne album.) Yes, people will know your songs when you play them, but people know the Shake and Vac ad lyrics; popularity and creative value are not the same thing.


HOW MUCH DO THE LABELS CARE ABOUT THEIR ARTISTS?

First, the good news: Madeleine Peyroux has been found - the jazz singer had gone AWOL when she was meant to be promoting her current album. It turned out that she was actually staying with her own manager, in a bid to avoid her own record company and their plans for album promotion. And how have her label reacted?

Bill Holland of Universal Classics and Jazz have said the discovery was "much to our embarrassment" and then... well, you can feel the sympathy:

"She doesn't want to see anyone or do any promotion," he told BBC One's Breakfast, adding that he was "fed up" with her behaviour.

"She's gone off - that's what she does and she won't come back."


If you had that level of concern, support and care coming from your record label, wouldn't you want to go and hide from them, too?


WHAT GETS YOU OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?

When you hear that Oasis have produced another album, it's natural to ask yourself 'why?' Now, Noel Gallagher has provided an answer - he's too dull to think of anything else to do:

There are periods where you think, "What am I doing?" or "What am I doing it for?"; that's a more scary question. "I've made s---loads of money, I've left my mark in music, why am I still doing this?," and it takes a while to answer that question. It comes back every time we're at the end of a tour and you have three or four months off and then you've got to get back on the saddle. More often than not, the answer that comes back from me is, "What else are you going to do?"

I struggle with this conundrum. It's not a very noble thing to carry on, it's not very dashing. But I often meet people who've been in great bands and you go, "What are you doing now?" and they say, "I'm not doing anything," and I think that's more sad.


Really, Noel? You think there's sadness in having the dignity to know it's not worth churning out any old tosh just because you've got nothing else to do with your time?

In the first episode of Coronation Street, Albert Tatlock memorably tells Ken Barlow when he goes down the library he wants to shout at the old geezers they need to get a hobby, otherwise they'll just wither and die. He might have more usefully told them to get some outside interests, otherwise they'll end up recording pubplods like Lyla.

Not that Noel's afraid of his place in musical history:

Razorlight, the Libertines, the Killers, the Strokes, Kings of Leon and Jet, all these bands are (citing) "Definitely Maybe" (the band's 1994 debut album).

We were the first people to come out and say, "The world's a great place, life is for living. Forget grunge music. Get a pint of Guinness down your neck, and pick that guitar up."


Sweet... when faced with "if you seek my legacy, look around", Noel sees Razorlight and The Strokes. Whereas, everyone else sees Athlete and Coldplay.

And we love the idea that Oasis were the original hedonists - they weren't even the original hedonist revivalists, coming so soon after the New Wave of New Wave bands.


ELECTROBIT

The death has been announced of Robert Moog, electronic music pioneer and father of the synth - and, therefore, creator of the 1980s.

The Moog was the original synthesizer, first demonstrated in 1964. Although some argue he was pipped to the post as the first by Donald Buchla's modular synthesizer, it was Moog's machine which was taken to people's hearts; it was a Moog that the Beatles plugged in when they were recording Because; it was a Moog which was used for the Clockwork Orange soundtrack. And Moog was set to become an even more familiar name on the music scene in 1971 when he introduced the MiniMoog Model D, a single, compact unit which went on to sell 13,000 in the next decade. By 1977, you couldn't move for Moog-sounds in the charts, from Donna Summer's I Feel Love through to Kraftwerk.

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Ironically, for someone seen as the enemy of "real" music, Moog's mother had wished her son would become a concert pianist - he would later credit her attempts to persuade him in this direction as the reason why he took to seeking solace in science. Moog's initial interest in electronic music had led him to create and sell a 'build it yourself' theremin kit while still at Cornell University; the USD13,000 the 19 year-old made off that product was to provide the seed capital with which he established his own company.

Having invented and popularised the synth, Moog sold his company to Norlin, a more traditional instrument company, and although he stayed on for a while, he was eventually forced out by company politics, watching from the sidelines as the company launched a couple of shitty products bearing his name but none of his design. As synths went digital in the latter half of the 70s, Moog again sat to one side. And while he's proud of what synths did for music (they "introduced a vast array of new timbres and textures to the available palette of musical sound", he said), he is quick to deny that he had any special role in their genesis, according to a Salon profile:

While some have credited Moog with helping to foment a "democratization of music," he will hear none of it. That societal shift came about thanks to "cheesy Casio and Yamaha keyboards that sold for $100 to $500" and were "small and portable and battery-powered, so you could take them to a party or to the beach," he says. "I see these devices as being on a branch of music technology that is completely separate from the analog synthesizers of the 1970s."

In 2002, Moog bought back the rights to the Moog name and launched a new version of the MiniMoog; he also created the "interactive piano" for Yamaha, an instrument which utilises electronic technology in the body of a piano with a traditional sound. At long last, his ambitions finally chimed with those of his mother.


MORE POLITICAL TROUBLE FOR THE STONES

With the Rolling Stones now desperately trying to back-pedal on their song Sweet Neo-con in the face of disapproval from Fox News, a second front in the political crisis for Jagger has opened up with the band's belated discovery that Angela Merkel is using 'Angie' as her campaign song in the German general election:

'We didn't grant permission,' said a spokesman for the band. 'We are surprised that permission was not requested. If it had been, we would have said no.'

Yes, god forbid anyone might think the Stones actually have an opinion. Curiously, though, permission actually does appear to have been granted - the Christian Democrats claim they approached Gema, who deal with music rights in Germany; Gema apparently didn't see a problem.

Meanwhile, a woman was injured at the first night of the Stones' world tour in Boston when she fell from the rafters at the Fenway Park venue. She'd been spotted dangling, but lost her grip before the fire brigade could rescue her.


X-SPATOR

I'd often wondered exactly who it was who watched the X-Factor, since anyone with a central nervous system surely finds it impossible to watch Sharon Osbourne for more than two or three minutes without trying to put their own eyes out with a pair of nail clippers. Yesterday, it all became clear, as having spent the morning playing at Darth Vader, the kids from the next street started to play at being Simon Cowell instead. No, really.

Meanwhile, the real thing is having a public spat with Steve Brookstein. Brookstein, who seems to be genuinely surprised that winning the programme last year that he hasn't ascended to heaven in a gilded Clairol Footspa. And, just as we imagine the suicide bombers feel when they discover that, actually, there aren't lots of virgins waiting for them, just a long drawn out future of being in pieces and very dead, Brookstein is keen to find someone else to blame for his disappointment. In Steve's view, it's all down to Simon Cowell, who "undermines artist's credibility" and the programme, which is "killing music."

Well, yes, Poindexter, but it's been running in one form or another for half a decade so why did you go on a programme like that? It's no good wailing "it's killing music and they're rude to the singers" when you'd have been at home watching the process since the start of the century.

Cowell, meanwhile, just returns the bitterness with some snide snark, saying that without the X-Factor, Brookstein would be a nobody. Which, again is true, although to be fair, even with the X-Factor, he's still a nobody.