OASIS GET BACK TO DOING WHAT THEY DO BEST

After a surprisingly long period of only having a pop at other people, Oasis have reverted to type, and resurrected in-fighting. Liam and Noel refused to ride in the same bus when they arrived at Brisbane as part of their mission to share their particular brand of joy with the Australians. Liam was snappy:

“We fell out. I don’t think he wants to be photographed with me. We’re not getting along too well. I don’t even think he'll get on the bus with me.”

To be fair, we wouldn't wish having to spend 20 hours on a plane with a Gallagher on anyone - even a Gallagher - so it's probably likely they were just a little tired.

On their last visit to Brisbane, Liam attacked a fan who tried to take pictures of him. Back in 1998, Liam's lawyer vigorously rejected claims he was at fault; yesterday, though, Liam seems to have forgotten that:

“If anyone starts asking about that lad the last time I was here they’ll get the same.”

Nice.

music noel gallagher liam gallagher oasis

NICK'S NEXT MOVE

Following the surprising discovery that his marriage to Jessica Simpson was a hollow shell, Nick Lachey is hoping to move from The Newly Weds into a sitcom.

How about something featuring a mis-matched couple mugging their way through unlikely situations with unbelieveable results while the audience laughs their heads off? Or are you thinking of doing something different this time round?

music tv nick lachey jessica simpson

A SON FOR ROD

The seventh of Rod Stewart's ongoing series of kids has been released with the news that Penny Lancaster has given birth to a gushing press release:

"It means so much to Rod and I that we were able to keep to our birthing plan and have our baby naturally. It was the most empowering and spiritual experience of my life."

The baby - besides being empowering - was seven pounds seven ounces. Baby seven, seven pounds, seven ounces; seventy-seven year old dad. We're seeing a pattern.

music rod stewart

RUFUS CLAIMS CLASSICAL MUSIC SAVED HIM

If it had been up to rock and roll, Rufus Wainwright would be dead now, or else working for a real estate company or something. But classical music saved him:

"The greatest asset during my rehab process has been the influence of classical music, which saved my life.

"Unlike rock 'n' roll, where drugs, sex and debauchery are the norm, you can write your most interesting music when you're old, fat and ugly."

... which everyone ignores in favour of so-so versions of the popular classics performed by pretty young things in flighty dresses.

music rufus wainwright

WE CAME THAT CLOSE, EH?

We've pretty much ignored the supposed quitting of Louis Walsh from the X-Factor last week, for exactly the same reason that we didn't do anything here about Liz being dumped by Kirk in Corrie: pre-scripted events in soap operas don't really fall within our remit. Having said that, we can't let Walsh's whining go ignored completely: he reckons Sharon Osbourne could have killed him when she poured water over him at judging:

"When the water hit my monitor, it started fizzing and then went out.

"Goodness only knows what could have happened if my hand was on it.

"She could have electrocuted me, there's so much electrical equipment around the judge's desk."

Louis, either go to the police and report it as an assault, or just shut the bugger up. To be honest, if we had to spend an hour a week sat next to Sharon Osbourne we'd welcome the chance to have a quick shower. What's interesting is that the X-Factor has finally become what the series of programmes since Pop Idol has always been in danger of turning into - some old people bickering like Stalter and Waldorf while the acts do little more than give the "stars" a chance to regroup. Even the best attempts of the tabloids to get some sort of interest in the singers has failed, and they've been reduced to getting the dumped ones to whine about the judges. Really, if they want a chance of a Christmas Number One, they should forget getting the winners to do something, and just have Simon, Sharon and Louis trot through Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better.

music x factor sharon osbourne louis walsh simon cowell

LIVE 8 ANCHOR: BOB GOT IT WRONG

Here's a surprising change of heart: Jonathan Ross, who anchored the BBC coverage of Live8 has admitted that he thought the bill for the event had been ill-considered.

Ross had Damon Albarn as a guest on his chat show last Friday, and surprised Albarn by agreeing with his attack on the line-up:

Speaking to the singer, Damon Albarn, on his chat show, Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, he admitted he was filled with "regret" at not having spoken out against the lack of African performers at the event on 6 July and singling out bands such as Velvet Revolver and Pink Floyd's reunion as part of his criticism.

"It was, at times, very patronising. I could have swapped Velvet Revolver for just about anyone. I can understand why they did it. They wanted maximum exposure in the Western media and to do that they need stories. Pink Floyd reforming gets you an awful lot of attention.

"Other acts were chosen to attract different parts of a Western audience, certainly to get the media attention, which they achieved and which they wouldn't with African musicians," he said.

[Albarn] questioned "what kind of feeling is being sent out to the world when a concert is organised, presumably to raise awareness and the world doesn't see anyone from Africa there?"

To this, Ross replied: "I agree with you and regret not saying anything about it on the day. The [concert] bookers probably now feel the same way but at the time it probably didn't occur to them."

Somehow, though, we doubt that Geldof and Harvey Goldsmith are regretting the decisions they made - they were pretty vocal about how (effectively) nobody wanted to see any African acts before the event took place, and now the focus has been shifted to selling the DVD in aid of EMI's bottom line, we'd be very surprised if Bob was thinking it might have been better to have, say, an Ethiopian presence that went beyond a spot of stage-dressing for Madonna's act.

There was, of course, a sudden scrabbling to add a token presence to the event, and it seems there might have been a bit of high-profile strongarming to get even that - according to Firoze Manji's comment on a blog over on the Red Pepper website, the lack of African talent nearly led to a direct snub to the Geldof festival:

I was informed by a senior Officer at Oxfam in Kenya that Mandela had originally refused Geldof's invitation to appear at Live8 criticising Geldof for the lack of Africans involved - but I can't verify this

Meanwhile, the spin from Geldof continues to try and portray the outcome of Live8 in the best possible light. Last week an email circulated, partly intended to encourage people to email Peter Mandelson calling for a fair result in the world trade talks - recipients are encouraged to click on a link to send an email calling for trade justice. It's a good idea, although the fact the first half of the email from Bob is a 'didn't we do well' affair applauding the "success" of Live8 does create a confusing mixed message.

In that self-applauding segment, Geldof trumpets: Oxfam reckons that if the G8 keep their promises, by 2010, these commitments will save 4.5million lives per year. You personally helped to make that happen. That's a hell of a result.

Hmm. Well, it is a hell of a result, in the sense that it's a hell of a lot poorer than should have been achieved with so much popular support for a change in how we interact with the developing world. What Geldof doesn't mention is that even Oxfam - the NGO most likely to see the positives in what Western governments grudgingly hand over - described those promises as having "fallen short of the hopes of the millions around the world campaigning for a momentous breakthrough.” Other organisations were more outspoken - the Jubilee Debt fund described the debt deal's shortcomings: It argued that the “G8 debt deal is not 100 per cent debt cancellation” as demanded by campaigners, “immediately benefits only 18 countries” and “reinforces the harmful economic policy conditions enforced through the Heavily Indebted Poor Countries (HIPC) Initiative”; Action Aid said "what Africa needed from the G8 was a giant leap forward, all it got was tiny steps. The deal that has been announced falls way short of our demands. We have some aid, but not enough, some debt relief but not enough and virtually nothing on trade. Once again Africa's people have been short-changed" and Christian Aid's response sounds like a direct attack on the Bob and Bono show:

This will not make poverty history,” the NGO said, adding it was “a vastly disappointing result. Millions of campaigners from all over the world have been led to the top of the mountain, shown the view and now we are being frogmarched down again.”

The email also makes us return again to the question we asked the other week - if Geldof considers it's worth sending a round robin to try and force pressure on Mandelson at the trade summit, why the hell wasn't some of the acres of poster space bought to flog the Live8 DVD not used to make the call? Even a ten per cent strip at the bottom with a slogan on could have made a difference.

After all, Geldof found space in his email to plug the DVD:

P.S. If you'd like to relive LIVE 8, the official DVD is just out - all 16 hours of it - almost certainly the greatest live music recording ever released. To find out more click here.

Okay, he might not have made poverty history. But he certainly has done all he can to ensure that gift-buying problems for fortysomething blokes have become a thing of the past.

music live8 live 8 jonathan ross damon albarn

ROUGH TRADE 2005 YEAR END LISTINGS

Decided by a combination of sales and staff votes (the exact mix isn't explained, but we imagine that means they took the sales chart and fudged it about until it was something they could be proud of, Rough Trade Shops offer their Top 100 albums of the year. Here's the treetop:

1 The Brakes - Give Blood
2 Black Mountain - Black Mountain
3 Sufjan Stevens - Illinoise
4 MIA - Arular
5 LCD Soundsystem - LCD Soundsystem
6 Antony and the Johnsons - I Am A Bird Now
7 King Creosote - KC Rules OK
8 The Boy Least Likely To - The Best Party Ever
9 Richard Swift - The Novelist/Walking Without Effort
10 Gonzalez - Jose Veneer

We're a little surprised to see MIA there - presumably held aloft on critical acclaim rather than actual sales, although if someone from the label pimps some of the tracks out to advert makers they might start to make some of their cash back. Gonzalez, of course, has been used to push Sony's colour televisions, as if to prove the point.

Lower down the chart you find the records where the hipsters start to fade to the mainstream - Gorillaz at 26; Franz Ferdinand's You Could Have It So Much Better at 36; Bright Eye's I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning a surprisingly low 39.
[Thanks to Aaron S for the link]

music 2005 the brakes

I, AN ACTOR-WRITER

Apparently, his not-especially well-received part in the not-warmly-reviewed Mrs Henderson Presents has got Will Young skipping about singing "Hi-diddle-dee-dee, an actor's life for me." But not just acting, oh no: Will has a script what he wrote, too, and he's hoping that now he's been in a film, there's every chance it'll be made.

Apparently it's something he's "worked on for years - it's semi-autobiographical." But if he's been working on it that long, it must predate his brief period of fame after he won the game show, so what the hell is it about?

Oh, that, eh? Yes, Hollywood is rushing to make coming-of-age movies about gay lads...

music will young movies

OZZY ENTERS THE FAME HALL

Back in 1999, Ozzy Osbourne sent a really snotty letter to the Hall of Fame organisers chiding them for considering putting Black Sabbath in the, um, Hall:

Just take our name off the list. Save the ink. Forget about us. The nomination is meaningless, because it's not voted on by the fans. It's voted on by the supposed elite for the industry and the media, who've never bought an album or concert ticket in their lives, so their vote is irrelevant to me. Let's face it, Black Sabbath has never been media darlings. We're a people's band and that suits us just fine."

Presumably emboldened by the past few years - where Ozzy has turned from People's Rocker into the shambling comedy sidekick of a talent show judge, culminating in his acceptance of a place in the British Hall of Fame - the organisers have decided that it's time to fold Ver Sabbath into their hallowed portals.

Also going in will be Blondie, Miles Davis, the Sex Pistols and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

music black sabbath ozzy osbourne

BONO INTERVENES IN THE CANADIAN ELECTION

It's interesting that Bono appears to be threatening incumbent Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin as the nation prepares to go to the polls:

"I'm mystified, actually, by the man," the U2 lead singer said at a news conference Friday. "I like him very much, personally.

"I just think that it's a huge opportunity that he's missing out on. This is important to the Canadian people. I think the prime minister will find out if he walks away from the opportunity to (boost foreign aid) he will hear about it in the election. I am absolutely sure of that."

But as threats go, it's a little half-cock: does Bono think that Canadians should vote Martin out of office if he doesn't pledge to boost foreign aid? And if he does, then why doesn't he say so? Is it because he's afraid that if he makes that call, it might make it awkward for him to have tea with the Canadian Prime Minister if he does get back in? Could Bono finally be realising why you can either be radical, or a mate of the powerful, but not both?

He seems to have made his choice, too.

music bono u2 paul martin make poverty history

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECOMES A LITTLE EASIER

While we take a break from scratching our heads and screaming 'why' over the news that at the news that Rachel Stevens has fallen for Jamie Cullum, it provides a hint for those of you seeking a Christmas gift for Ms Stevens. If she like Cullum, this should be right up her street:

music rachel stevens jamie cullum

GOSPELOBIT

The death has been announced of Wilson 'Lit' Waters Junior, a Grammy winner and a member of the Fairfield Four.

The Fairfield Four formed in the 1920s, but Junior didn't actually join the gospel group as second tenor until 1982. He was a member of the band as they finally found the overnight success they'd sought for seventy years when a track on the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack and work on albums by Elvis Costello, Steve Earle and others led to recognition from the wider music world and the Grammy nominations panel.

Waters appears onscreen in O Brother - he's the grave digger singing Lonesome Valley. Colin Linden - who also worked with the band - is deeply appreciative of that scene:

"You hear Lit in that scene, and his vocal power is just striking. The Fairfield Four brought a different sort of musicality, and Lit was right in the center. You always got a sense that he was one of the real anchors of the group. He didn't step out that often as a lead voice, but once in a while he would take a verse or part of a verse and he would astound you with his power. It was something that he kept in his back pocket."

Prior to joining the Four, Waters had worked with members of the band James Gill and Isaac Freeman in The Skylarks, a group that they formed while the Four were on a very long hiatus. Shortly after the band reactivated in the 80s, they approached Waters to join them.

Waters, who was 74, died from cancer. He is survived by sons Ronnie, Johnnie, Tommy and Timothy Waters and by daughter Julie Helms.

music wilson waters obit obituary gospel

AND THIS MADONNA ON DRUGS

Most people, given a prescription, will read the little information leaflet; some might ask their pharmacist about side-effects. A few might poke about online to see what they're taking.

Madonna, on the other hand, turns a Vicodin prescription into a three-ring circus:

"I was in a lot of pain, and everyone kept telling me to try it. But they kept saying, 'Be careful. It's so amazing. You're going to get addicted. So I called five people to get advice before I took it, and they all told me I was going to love it. I just chewed the entire inside of my mouth. I bitched at everybody. And I was in more pain. It was the worst experience of my life."

Wow... a drug so strong it can turn Madonna into a self-obsessed screeching bitch. Just imagine that, eh?

music madonna vicodin

NOT THE NAME WE'D ASSOCIATE WITH "SAFER"

Obviously, it's always nice to hear of someone pushing the safer sex message, but we're not sure that 50 Cent is the right man to offer a range of self-branded condoms. Wouldn't a condom that shared the ethos of 50 Cent have nine holes in it?

It gets worse, too: he's promising a "motorised version" of himself:

"But I want to do something like that, to create something that's popular and exciting sexually for women."

A 50 Cent dildo? Who would buy a sex toy from a man who's known for shooting first and asking questions later?

music sex 50 cent

MUSIC SOUNDS BETTER WITH THE PAPERWORK IN ORDER

What was the message Madonna left for fans who she believed were listening to music they hadn't paid for? "What the fuck are you doing", wasn't it? We wonder if she screeches that at herself when she looks in the mirror, as after last week she was caught having stolen Frozen, she's now being pursued over uncleared samples on Get Together off her new album. It seems that in re-sampling a sample, she forgot to get permission from the original producer.

Whoops.

music madonna

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: Cool is measured in inches

Of course, if anyone was going to give exposure to the Pipettes in the national press, it was always going to be Bob Stanley in one of his occasional pieces for The Times. Rose manages to alarm Bob: "Because of the way we dress we immediately attract a certain kind of attention. We want to stay in control of that, but we want to be feminine. We like Bananarama’s attitude." Stanley's piece - which also takes in the Dansettes and the time the Shangri-Las were stopped by an injunction from trying to reform under their old name - made a useful corrective to the disappointing BBC Girls and Boys series a couple of weeks back.

Girl pop of a different sort over at the Daily Record, where they interview Jem. We don't know if things are different when viewed from Scotland, but they seem convinced that she's a massive, global star (she did, after all, do the theme for Celebrity Love Island) even although the rest of the world does just think "isn't she that doll with the flashing ears from a few years back?"

Some gender confusion over at Top of the Pops: "Hey Boys" reads the strapline across a familiar Balkanised pop trio "The Sugababes show you how to get a date with that lad." Now, we think it's about time gay and bisexual lads got a bit of help from the teen glossies, but we suspect this might just turn out to be a poorly-thought out front page instead.

A new entrant to the music racks this week, with another middle-to-hard rock title limping onto the scene. It's called Zero, for reasons which it tries to explain inside: apparently, if you divide anything by zero, you always get the same answer and if you divide infinity by zero, you don't get infinity which, erm, makes it like no other number. All of which is true, but doesn't take away from the fact if you subtract everything from anything, you end up with nothing. It's the sort of magazine which will be thrilled by the return of the Darkness. Oddly, it's printed by Jazz Magazines.

Somebody takes the time to write to the Guardian letters page to reject the suggestion that pirate radio fills a demand unsatisified by mainstream radio. "There's BBC 1 Extra" says Jon Kempster. Which is true, and we do like 1Xtra, but to suggest that a single digital station is enough to satisfy every fan of music to the left of white boys with guitars is like suggesting there's no need to have a Radio 3, 2 and a Classic FM when there's already a perfecty functional Radio 1 playing amplified music.

The Sunday Mirror gets a bit confused by the appearance of Nikki Shadwick at a Status Quo gig, seeing the world between Coronation Street and real life collapse. It also suggests that Nikki isn't going to try and launch a pop career "despite" her performance at Children In Need, although we'd have said "because of" would have been more appropriate.

We were stood in Smiths yesterday when a bloke shuffled by, glanced at the front of the NME's Cool List 2005 issue and snorted "well, that's a load of rubbish" to his girlfriend. He's not right, actually, as the covermount CD is, itself, pretty good - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Be Your Own Pet, Forward Russia - and probably much better than the paid-for double CD available in shops and elsewhere. The cool list itself, though, is... well, come on: it's a list designed to provide a way of doing a review of the year rather than an actual, scientific survey.

This year's list is different from last years - it has women on it - but is also, of course, demonstrably bollocks. Danny Tourette from Towers of London is at number 35. Paul Smith is at 32, something he might just scrape if he wore a hat but clearly beyond him with that hair. Billie Joe comes in at number 15, but since he's only there because he looks like a hoppity spunk-puppy, he shouldn't be ahead of Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance (20) who is very similar, but looks like he wouldn't ask for your number after.

What's really odd about the 2005 list is all the people who were left off last year to stop it seeming old and boring have appeared this time round - so Damon Albarn is in at 12, for example. Which is a good choice, because the African music he's been quietly releasing on his label really does make the world a better place, but his citation makes no mention of this and suggests he's cool because he revived Shaun Ryder's career. But Liam Gallagher at number two? On this basis, my Dad would be expected to come in at number one, and Robbie Williams could probably expect to be given a special number glittering in the minus somethings. Why has Liam got this strange accolade? Because he's rude about makeweight bands. But surely that's the NME's job?

Most surprising of all Bob Dylan is at number seven. Clearly, they've not spoken to anyone who's been to his recent slew of gigs.

The Had It, Lost It list is curious: "Queens of Noize - run out of Camden by Club NME." Didn't they used to do the video page of a certain magazine?

Oh, Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys is the coolest man; last year's cool pair Pete Doherty and Carl Barat have fallen to six and nine. Oddly, the one who hasn't spent the year pissing away his talents living like the Playmobil Mick Jagger has fallen furthest.

Somewhat unexpectedly, Alan McGee appears to have become a columnist, taking up space to enthuse over Client - which is, at least, space well used. Although since Kate who used to be in Frazier Chrous is also Mrs. McGee, it might not be the most impartial use of the space. Client have apparently taken on Emily, off Make Me A Supermodel, which would be fine (anyone other than Jasmine) except McGee burbles"[Emily] spent Christmas with Pete Doherty ... you can just imagine how crazy the tabloids are going to go when they get hold of it." Which is a little bit like going down to see how Michaelangelo's coming along painting that chapel ceiling and saying "blimey, when people find out he's fond of cock, imagine how famous he'll be..."

reviews
albums
the dakrness - one way ticket to hell and back - "easily worthy of Robbie Williams", 5
will young - keep on - "processed cheese", 6

tracks
totw - forward russia - twelve - "absolutely crackers, but ace as well"
him - vampire heart - "gutless goth-pomp melodrama"
princess superstar - my machine - "hits all the right buttons, but a C- for the ending"

live
the futureheads - les inrocks festival - "jerk rock played by real jerks"

Next week, it's the (will the lists never stop coming?) best stuff of the year issue. And we're still nowhere near Christmas.

WTPPS on the 2004 Cool List
Last week's Pop Papers

music nme coronation street pete doherty arctic monkeys oasis damon albarn liam gallagher alan mcgee justin hawkins the darkness

PROTECT YOURSELF

While we're all a-campaigning: Shirley Manson has joined a US-based campaign designed to get musicians to use ear protection:

"It's about educating people, like you try to educate them to put on a condom.

"If you don't start taking precautions you'll be totally unbelievably uncool by the time you're 40, because you won't be able to hear a damn thing."

It's a strong campaign, and we'd join Manson in suggesting most musicians protect their ears from damage during their own sets by wearing earplugs, although we also have a small list of musicians who we'd rather protected their ears by wearing a ballgag during their sets instead. We'd hope next week's rock concert at the Vatican would be a good place for major artists to start spreading the message, although suggesting that ear protection works like a condom might not be such a wise idea there.

music shirely manson ear damage

THE LABELS WANT ACCESS TO YOUR PRIVATE DATA

So, returning to the report in yesterday's Guardian that record labels are seeking to be given access to records of your phone and web communications, it's so offensively absurd, for so many reasons, that part of us wants to just wander down to the BPI HQ and applaud them for what can only be an absurdist stunt. We don't think governments and law enforcement agencies should be allowed to get access to this data, but we can at least see why some people might argue they need it. But for a private business to suggest that such a fundamental abuse of the rights to privacy is required to ensure they can sell the maximum number of Coldplay albums is insane.

We've written an email to one of our MEPs, and if you've got a moment or two to spare you might like to do the same, insisting that this approach be laughed out of the European Parliament. You can find details of your MEP and how to contact them online; if you want to use the same message we sent, feel free - this is what we said:

I read in the Guardian that organisations representing record companies and film studios are pressing for the EU to give them access to data being gathered (supposedly) in the fight against terrorism, and I hope I can count on you and your fellow MEPSs to resist this nasty attempt by private corporations to extend their powers into the realms of the security services in every way possible.

Besides the obvious reasons making it undesirable to allow unelected, unaccountable corporations to have access to such sensitive and personal data, the record companies are hardly fit organisations to be seeking to develop quasi-judicial powers in the first place. In recent years, the major labels have been found to be colluding in price-fixing in the US, are currently under investigation for breaching US federal and state laws in regard to illegal and anti-competitive payola (something already admitted by Sony-BMG and Warners) and have been attempting to chip away consumer rights by selling products which resemble compact discs without actually offering the functionality of that format. As you may be aware, Sony-BMG has recently been caught distributing discs in the US which have been deemed by Microsoft to contain malware; installed on a PC without the owner's knowledge or consent and leaving users' computers open to malicious hijacking. Any attempt to remove the dirty code renders the computer unuseable.

Companies which behave in such a way, without regard for the laws in the nations in which they operate, or the consumers they are supposed to be serving, are surely lucky to be allowed to continue in business - for them to demand to be allowed access to private material and records of individual's communications for business reasons is totally unacceptable.

I call on you and your fellow MEPs to make it clear to these companies - and any others who wish to use the cloak of supposed anti-terrorist legislation - that in Europe, the rights of the individual to privacy will always outweigh assisting private companies to increase their profits.

music RIAA bpi

HUCKNALL NOT EXPECTING COLDPLAY LATER

Mick Hucknall - remember him? - has been muttering about how record companies are so useless these days he doubts if they'll even be able to sustain a Coldplay-sized band for long:

"U2 will be there [in 20 years], but not many others. The problem is the major labels are too busy pleasing shareholders, which means rapid returns. He added to Britain's Now magazine: "There's little investment in long-term careers and there are no major icons out there. Coldplay music is for insomniacs."

What he says is true to a degree - record labels aren't investing in the future to any real degree, but then anyone in one of the Big Four with half a clue would be thinking that it's better to squeeze every penny now as the majors as we know them won't be around in a decade or so. But for Simply Red to suggest that Coldplay are a little dull is surely pushing the satirical envelope a little too far?

music mick hucknall simply red coldplay u2

CHAD KROEGER WANTS HIS NICKELS BACK

Chad Kroeger, the part-man, part-gargoyle who leads Nickelback, seems outraged that his former drummer Ryan Vikedal dares to be asked for the work he did when he was in the team. Kroeger is asking a court to declare that he, and he alone, made the songs:

Kroeger says he has demanded that Vikedal sign registration forms returning their interests in future performance royalties and repaying any royalties since January.

Kroger says Vikedal has either neglected or refused to comply and has continued to receive payments. Vikedal could not be reached for comment.

So - and we don't have Nickelback records here to check - it seems like Vikedal has been given the writers credits, and now Kroeger wants him to give them up. Vikedal, not surprisingly, seems less than keen on doing this - but we do love the way Chad seems surprised that he's not just signed the papers and given up his income stream. The question would be, if Vikedal hadn't written any of the songs, why was Kroeger happy for him to be earning royalties off them in the first place?

music nickelback chad kroeger

RICKY MAKES HEALTHY PLEDGE

Perhaps he was shaken by John Harris' suggestion that he looked like he was about to collapse. Maybe he's afraid that he's going to be asked on Celebrity Fit Club. Whatever it is, Ricky Wilson has decided to get fit.

We know what you're wondering - is he really going to get fit, or has he just spent some cash on a stupid exercise device which will only see the patina of human sweat when he tries to put it together, destined to remain half-constructed in the spare room for all eternity while Wilson eats crisps and wonders what he's done with the allan key?

"I've got myself a rowing machine now. Life on the road is so unhealthy and I'm trying to get back to shape."

The latter, then.

music ricky wilson kaiser chiefs

THE STANDARDS APPLIED BY THE POPE

It's perhaps not surprising that the Pope has withdrawn an invitation for Daniela Mercury to appear at a Vatican Christmas concert next weekend - Mercury, like every other sane person on the planet, is keen to promote the use of condoms as a guard against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. And she'd been going to give the Pope a book with a condom in it, which is an interesting idea - perhaps it's a nifty way of making sure the pages of special interest magazines don't stick together.

What's more surprising is who the Pope hasn't asked to step down from the bill - not Dolores O'Riordian, whose anti-abortion stance will find favour with the Vatican (back in 1996 O'Riordian told You! Magazine "it's not good for women to go through the procedure [abortion] and have something living sucked out of their bodies. It belittles women. Even though some women say, 'Oh, I don't mind to have one,' every time a woman has an abortion, it just crushes her self-esteem smaller and smaller and smaller" and included an emotive anti-abortion track on the No Need To Argue album. Come to think of it, the Vatican would also probably love to adopt "No need to argue" as a slogan.)

What is surprising, though, is the presence of the Black Eyed Peas. Are they going to thrill il Papa with their tits and ass song My Humps? Will Benedict be grooving and perhaps even singing along?:

What you gonna do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cause of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps, check it out!

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
and mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

Presumably the head of the Catholic Church is happy with that, providing they do mix their milk and cocoa puffs and don't use a condom. That would be wrong.


See what the Pope is missing - got to be better than The Cranberries

music catholicism pope benedict black eyed peas dolores o'riordan daniela mercury

Rummaging around the internet this week, we've been enjoying Just Concerts from CBC, the Canadian state broadcaster. It's a massive - and we mean massive - archive of stuff recorded for CBC in a lovely, browsable form. There's a lot of Arcade Fire and Feist there, plus our new favourite band of the day, Magneta Lane.

Talking of new favourite bands, we've also been enjoying The Schla-la-las, presumably though not certainly named after the old flexi label that transubstantiated into Sarah Records.

For reading, there's Umlauts, a Europop blog. Nothing there about last night's Junior Eurovision yet, though.

music magneta lane music

CANADIAN ABORIGINAL MUSIC AWARDS

We can't pretend to know much about many of the award winners here, but it only seems fair to mention the prizes as if this lot came from the southern side of the border, they'd have their work recognised on the Grammy lists somewhere:

Best Female Artist - Tagaq CD: Sinaa Nunavut

Best Female Traditional/Cultural Roots Album - Asani CD: Rattle & Drum Alberta

Best Male Artist - Diga CD: Earth Is Crying Northwest Territories

Best Songwriter - Carl Quinn (Alberta) song(s): “Ni Ototem” & “Otapihkes” (from “Ni Ototem”) writer(s): Carl Quinn

Best Rock Album - Forever CD: Something to Dream Of Nova Scotia

Best Song Single - Kimberly Dawn song: Spirit of Our People Manitoba

Best Producer/ Engineer - Tagaq -(Nunavut) CD: Sinaa Producer: Juan Hernandez

Engineer: Jose "Triki" Trincado - Best Group or Duo - Burnt CD: Hometown Manitoba

Best Instrumental Album - Jason Burnstick & the Rhythm CD: Burn British Columbia

Best Folk Album - Little Hawk CD: 1492–1975 Manitoba

Best Album Design - Oscar Poza & Montse CD: Sinaa Nunavut

Best Inuit Cultural Album - Beatrice Deer CD: Just Bea Quebec

Best Fiddle Album - Ryan D’aoust CD: Southside of the Strings Manitoba

Best Blues Album - The Wolfpack CD: Family Thang Ontario

Best Pow Wow Album: Contemporary - Blackstone CD: Back in the Day Saskatchewan

Best Music Video - Forever song: Something to Dream Of Nova Scotia

Best Rap or Hip Hop Album - Eekwol CD: Apprentice to the Mistery Saskatchewan

Best Country Album - Hank Horton CD: Honky Tonk Heartache Blues Manitoba

Best Pow Wow Album: Traditional- Painted Horse CD: Blackfoot Songs Saskatchewan

Best Hand Drum Album - Northern Cree Singers CD: Sweethearts Shuffle Alberta

Best International Album - Joanne Shenandoah CD: Skywoman New York

Best Album of the Year - Little Hawk CD: 1492–1975 Manitoba

Best Aboriginal Television Program or Special: Lisa Meeches & Kyle Irving “First Nation Invasion” Manitoba

The Keeper of Traditions: Allan Beaver

Lifetime Contribution to Aboriginal Music: Willie Dunn

Music Industry Award: Brian Wright-McLeod

Galaxie Rising Stars Award: Ryan D'Aoust

music

IT'S LULU

They can do it without Robbie, but can they do it without Lulu? Take That are keen to get her back on tour, at least for the Glasgow dates on the tour:

Gary told me: "I'd love to get Lulu on stage again. I'll be calling her to see if that's a possibility. I'd love to sing with her again."

That just shows you Gary's showbiz clout - he's got Lulu's direct number.

music take that lulu

NOTHING LIKE TOTAL RESPECT FOR ANNIE LENNOX

We nearly had the rock scuffle to end all rock scuffles: Annie Lennox versus Slash. Apparently Lennox was sat in front of Slash during the UK Music Hall of Fame show the other week, and grumbled loudly about the effect his fags were having on her. It's lucky Slash wasn't in front of her, otherwise she'd have been moaning about not being able to see past his hat, too.

music annie lennox slash

IS THIS PISSED?

Apparently not much of a surprise to anyone who saw the performance, but Julian Casablancas has finally admitted it: The Strokes had enjoyed a little too much of the sponsor's product when they headlined T in the Park in 2004:

"Sure, I remember T In The Park. I was drunk but not the mean drunk. Just the two pints of beer and still in a good mood."

It wasn't drinking... not to say really drinking...

music the strokes t in the park

NOT THAT SHE'D EVER PUSH HER KIDS TO PROP UP HER OWN CAREER

Having had a massive hissy fit last month when Bon Jovi accused her of exploiting her kids to promote herself, tonight Madonna will go on Channel 4 to show off how musical her kids are and, erm, promote her new album with them. We imagine we're just not bright enough to know how this isn't exploiting them, but it does seem curious that someone who insisted on acres of the British countryside being ruled off-limits to everybody to protect her family's privacy is comfortable waving her family about on a prime-time chatshow.

music madonna

THIS WEEK, WE PLUGGED...

Collated stuff from the Old, Grey era of Whistle Test


Guided By Voices farewell gig on DVD


Girls. Guitars. Glamour. The mighty Priscillas mini-album gathering their singles to date.


Double Leopards offer the very opposite of easy listening


The wisdom of Holy Moly spun off into book form for places wifi doesn't reach

JACKO CONVERTS

According to the Iranian Quran News Agency (a website making its debut here on No Rock), Michael Jackson has converted to Islam and is about to build a huge mosque in the Bahrain capital, Manama:

The proposed mosque would be designated for learning the principles and teachings of Islam, as well as teaching of English language, for which high-standard teachers would be brought from United States under his personal supervision, the spokesman said.

Of course, Jackson isn't the first high-profile former pop star to reappear this month, having moved overseas after accusations of child abuse and announcing that he's teaching local kids to speak better English, so let's hope it works out better for him than for Gary.

Back during the early stages of the Jackson trial, there were suggestions that Jackson had been receiving assistance - especially in the financial planning department - from high-ranking members of the Nation of Islam.

Regardless of all this: we've still yet to see a release date for that Katrina benefit single. Presumably it's still being polished.

music michael jackson