MTV EMAs: Amsterdam largely not bothered

Oh, god. Have we only just got as far as the MTV European Music Awards?

Have the really found a way of making what is already a poor burp after the real awards even more fetid? For example, by giving Miley Cyrus another platform to do something outrageous?

What do you think?

Miley Cyrus lit what appeared to be a cannabis joint on stage at the MTV EMAs in Amsterdam last night (11 November).

The singer was accepting her award for best video for Wrecking Ball.

She opened her bag, took out the rolled up cigarette and lit it in front of the crowd.

That is the most disgusting, outrageous thing I have ever heard. Wrecking Ball best video? It wasn't even the best video featuring someone naked on a piece of building equipment.

(That, by the way, would have been Straddlin' My Theodolite by The Hi-Viz Jackets.)

So, Miley did some "drugs". Did the world inhale with shock?

The fans in Amsterdam did not seem to find it offensive.

No, because young tourists turning up in Amsterdam waving spliffs around is pretty much what people from Amsterdam are used to - Miley was doing the equivalent of turning up at a Blackpool gig, licking a boob made from seaside rock and assuming people will be shocked.

Here's the winners in full, in case you're still interested:

Best video - Wrecking Ball, Miley Cyrus
Best UK & Ireland act - One Direction
Global icon award - Eminem
Best song - Locked Out of Heaven, Bruno Mars
Best female - Katy Perry
Best male - Justin Bieber
Best pop - One Direction
Best hip hop - Eminem
Best rock - Green Day
Best alternative - 30 Seconds to Mars
Best live - Beyonce

MTV EMAs shortlist reveals acts prepared to travel to Amsterdam

Oh, MTV's European Music Awards shortlist has been released, revealing who MTV's European PR team think has enough heft to persuade people to watch a music programme on a channel normal dedicated to two reality formats being wrung dry.

If only there was some sort of press release which could, in a pithy phrase, capture a sense of if this is an event which celebrates the new, the challenging and exciting; or merely is the same faces dancing through the same empty struts.

Hang on: what's this?

GREEN DAY RECEIVES THREE MTV EMA NOMINATIONS

Empty struts it is, then.

For the record, here's the dullest list in the world in full:

BEST SONG
Bruno Mars – Locked Out Of Heaven
Daft Punk – Get Lucky (ft. Pharrell Williams)
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Thrift Shop (ft. Wanz)
Rihanna – Diamonds
Robin Thicke – Blurred Lines (ft. T.I. & Pharrell)

BEST POP
Justin Bieber
Katy Perry
Miley Cyrus
One Direction
Taylor Swift

BEST FEMALE
Katy Perry
Lady Gaga
Miley Cyrus
Selena Gomez
Taylor Swift

BEST MALE
Bruno Mars
Eminem
Jay Z
Justin Bieber
Justin Timberlake

BEST LIVE
Beyoncé
Green Day
Justin Timberlake
Pink
Taylor Swift

BEST NEW
Bastille
Icona Pop
Imagine Dragons
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Rudimental

BEST VIDEO
Justin Timberlake – Mirrors
Lady Gaga – Applause
Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball
Robin Thicke – Blurred Lines (ft. T.I. & Pharrell)
Thirty Seconds To Mars – Up In The Air

BEST ROCK
Black Sabbath
Green Day
Kings Of Leon
Queens Of The Stone Age
The Killers

BEST ALTERNATIVE
Arctic Monkeys
Fall Out Boy
Franz Ferdinand
Paramore
Thirty Seconds To Mars

BEST HIP HOP
Drake
Eminem
Jay Z
Kanye West
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

BEST ELECTRONIC
Afrojack Avicii
Calvin Harris
Daft Punk
Skrillex

BIGGEST FANS
Tokio Hotel
Thirty Seconds To Mars
One Direction
Justin Bieber
Lady Gaga

BEST LOOK
Harry Styles
Justin Timberlake
Lady Gaga
Rihanna
Rita Ora

BEST PUSH
Karmin (October 2012)
Rudimental (November 2012)
Imagine Dragons (January 2013)
A$AP Rocky (February 2013)
Bastille (March 2013)
Austin Mahone (April 2013)
Bridgit Mendler (May 2013)
Tom Odell (June 2013)
Iggy Azalea (July 2013)
Icona Pop (August 2013)
Twenty One Pilots (September 2013)

BEST WORLD STAGE
Alicia Keys – WS Manchester 2012
fun. – WS Rock Am Ring 2013
Garbage - WS Mexico 2012
Green Day – WS Rock Am Ring 2013
Jason Mraz – WS Live In Myanmar 2012
Jessie J – WS Malta 2013
Linkin Park – WS Mexico 2012
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – WS Wireless 2013
No Doubt – WS Frankfurt 2012
Paramore – WS Rock Am Ring 2013
Rita Ora – WS Malta 2013
Robin Thicke – WS Malaysia 2013
Snoop Lion – WS Durban 2013
The Black Keys – WS NY Webster City Hall 2012
The Killers – WS Big Day Out 2013

Alicia Keys. ALICIA KEYS.

One other observation: Isn't it incredible how quickly a list with fun. on sounds dated?

MTV EMAs: 2012 winners

Remember the MTV EMAs? The European Music Awards, which were supposed to showcase the distinctive style of music the European service of MTV offered; the local twist to the international brand?

Well, yesterday's prizes handed out in Frankfurt suggests that any last points of difference (beyond the extra carbon footprint) has finally been eroded. The only European winners were One Direction, who are as inexplicably as popular in the US as they are at home [correct at time of writing], resulting in a list which could equally apply either side of the Atlantic.

Here are the winners in full:

Best Female: Taylor Swift
Best Song: Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
Best Male: Justin Bieber
Best Live: Taylor Swift
Best Look: Taylor Swift
Global Icon: Whitney Houston
Best Video: PSY Gangnam Style
Best Worldwide Act: Han Geng (Asia Pacific)
Biggest Fans: One Direction
Best World Stage: Justin Bieber
Best Push (for emerging stars): Carly Rae Jepsen
Best Alternative: Lana Del Rey
Best Electronic: David Guetta
Best Hip Hop: Nicki Minaj
Best New: One Direction
Best Pop: Justin Bieber
Best Rock: Linkin Park

MTV EMAs: Eminem? EMINEM?

Trying to find a list of winners at last night's MTV EMAs in Belfast, I had trouble working out if I was reading results from last night or about five years ago. Eminem and Linkin Park? But there's Bieber and GaGa and Bruno Mars, so it must be for 2011. Or p... hang about: Bruno Mars? Two prizes for Bruno Mars?

Bruno Mars, a man so pointless you can't actually make an origami model of him because when you start with a flat sheet of paper it's already too complex a shape?

Bruno Mars, a man who milliners are offering money to stop wearing hats?

Bruno Mars, a man who would struggle to be picked out of a criminal line-up even if his victim had been his own mother?

Bruno Mars, a man who is so friction-free they rub his music onto slipways when they have trouble persuading liners to launch?

In a prize giving where 30 Seconds To Mars are judged to be the "best" alternative act (alternative to what?) and Bieber the best male artist, it's some going to pick a winner even more insulting to Euterpe, but giving a prize to Bruno Mars manages it.

Bruno Mars. A man so inert they pump him into mines during rescues to ensure there are no explosions.

Here's the winners in full:

Best Female: Lady GaGa
Best Male: Justin Bieber
Best Pop: Justin Bieber
Best Song: Lady GaGa - "Born This Way"
Best Rock: Linkin Park
Best Video: Lady GaGa - "Born This Way"
Biggest Fans: Lady GaGa
Best Alternative: 30 Seconds to Mars
Best Hip Hop Eminem
Best World Stage: 30 Seconds to Mars
Best Push: Bruno Mars
Best New: Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars. A man so devoid of charisma he makes Bruno Brookes ashamed of his given name.

Global Icon: Queen
Best North American Act: Britney Spears
Best Worldwide: Big Bang

It's been a shame that MTV has more-or-less given up on music programming in the last few years. Perhaps that explains why its prize-giving is so timid.

MTV pick Belfast to host EMAs; hope music execs don't google 'weather Belfast November'

MTV has announced that the City Of Belfast is the "lucky" venue helping underwrite the costs of this year's European Music Awards:

“Belfast’s vibrant nightlife and compelling music scene, known for fostering emerging artists and turning out international chart toppers, provides the perfect backdrop for one of the world’s biggest nights in music. The spirit of Belfast combined with our expertise is the perfect foundation for an unforgettable event and unique night,” commented Antonio Campo Dall’Orto, Executive Vice President of Music Brands, VIMN.

Plus, they totally offered more cash than anywhere else. That means a lot.

Belfast are excited at having tempted such an almost-famous awards ceremony to their city:

The Lord Mayor of Belfast, Councillor Pat Convery, said: “It is fitting that the EMAs are coming to Belfast – one of Europe’s most exciting and vibrant cities and with around 35 per cent of our population below the age of 25. Belfast has a rich musical history and has produced artists such as Snow Patrol and the legendary Van Morrison and we now have an unprecedented opportunity to shine a spotlight on our musical heritage while also providing a major boost to our economy. I am delighted that MTV has chosen Belfast. The decision to host such a world class event in our city is an endorsement of what we have been saying for some time now – Belfast is a happening place.”

Yes. Van Morrison and Snow Patrol. Them formed in the mid 1960s; Snow Patrol came together in 1994. Two whole bands in fifty years and none you can think of for last fifteen years. It's not exactly Hitsville UK, is it?

This isn't having a pop at Belfast which has a whole bunch of beautiful, scrabbling bands doing things at a pitch that MTV and, god bless him, the Lord Mayor are never going to be interested in. When you're barking up interest in an awards ceremony that will feature either Katy Perry or Lady GaGa or both by saying "this is the obvious place, being the home of Van Morrison", you're doing something massively wrong.

Those European Music Awards winners in full

Since they went to all the trouble of pretending to like Justin Beiber, the least we can do is bring you the MTV EMA winners list. If you're reading this in an office or other public place, please try and keep your howl of despair to yourself:

Best New Act
Ke$ha

Best Pop
Lady GaGa

Best Alternative
Paramore

Best Rock
30 Seconds To Mars

Best Male
Justin Beiber

Best Video
Katy Perry - California Gurls

Best Hip Hop
Eminem

Best Live Act
Linkin Park

Best Female
Lady GaGa

Best Song
Lady GaGa - Bad Romance

Best European Act
Marco Mengoni

Best Push Act (no, us, neither)
Justin Beiber

Best World Stage Performance
Tokio Hotel

It might be obvious to laud Lady GaGa, but at least you can see the performance. But Beiber? That's going to look embarrassing when looking back in two years.

Gordon in the morning: The fans are all crazed

The MTV European Music Awards took place on Sunday - you can be forgiven for not noticing; after all, with MTV's current programming, you'd assume that the European Awards would consist of the last six American Teen Choice Awards being run back-to-back.

During the course of the night, a perosn ran onto stage while Rihanna was doing a song.

Sorry, did I say person?

A CRAZED fan leapt on stage to get at RIHANNA at the MTV Europe Music Awards.

Of course, it was a crazed fan.

It's always a crazed fan.

Now, running on stage is rude. And sometimes is the act of someone suffering from demons in some way. But not always. Most times not. So why is it always a "crazed" fan who runs on stage, or tries to touch Cheryl Cole's hair? How is it that The Sun is always so happy to assume that anyone who isn't on their list of celebrities must be, in some way, nuts when they try to get close to the people publications like The Sun have made part of their everyday life?

It's a horrible sign of how The Sun views its readers that as soon as someone crosses the line from the audience to the spotlight without permission, they're immediately characterised as a scary, crazed threat.

MTV goes to Berlin: We're all winners

Congratulations to Placebo, U2, Jay-Z and Beyonce, who won the prizes for bothering to turn up to the MTV Europe awards.

The prizes were handed out in Berlin, and it wasn't lost on anyone that this meant some sort of vague reference to the events of twenty years ago had to be written onto the autocue and read out in a slightly confused voice. Oh, and that Bono thing.

The irony of what MTV did isn't lost on the Guardian:

Twenty years ago, thousands of Germans converged at the Berlin Wall to watch as the hated barrier between east and west was torn down. But tonight, many fans hoping to catch a glimpse of U2 as they played a free concert to celebrate the anniversary of the historic event would have found a small obstacle in their way: a hastily erected wall.

The organisers of the event, the music network MTV, erected a two-metre high "sight barrier" to exclude those without one of 10,000 free tickets from catching a glimpse of the band.

Well done, Bono. Building a divisive wall to celebrate the collapse of a divisive wall. Apparently Nelson Mandela is panicking in case Bono wants to do something to mark his release.

Those people who turned up in full:

Best Video - Beyonce - Single Ladies

Best Live Act - U2

Best Urban Act - Jay-Z

Best Rock - Green Day

Best Song - Beyonce - Halo

Best Alternative - Placebo

Best New Act - Lady GaGa

Best Male - Eminem

Best Female - Beyonce

Best UK & Ireland Act - Pixie Lott

Best European Act - maNga

Best Group - Tokio Hotel

Tokio Hotel are the best group in the world. Tokio Hotel are the best group in the world. Tok... how many times do I have to say this before it starts to stop sounding like a punchline?

Gordon in the morning: Sind sie allein in Berlin?

Last night's MTV awards in Berlin had an element of looking backwards, but most people were only casting backwards twenty years.

Not Gordon, though. Germany, you say?:

Ze vinners are...

Ah, reporting Germany like you're writing a Victor comic strip. Classy. Are The Sun ever going to get over the Second World War?

Gordon in the morning: Kanye believe it?

Ah, the loss of innocence: faced with Kanye West's suggestions that he and Britney Spears only won MTV awards because they agreed to schlep over to the ceremonies, Gordon Smart suddenly has his 'it's a small man behind a curtain' moment:

Hollywood actor Jared’s dismal band 30SECONDS TO MARS picked up the Rock Out and Video Star awards in Liverpool.

He was conveniently also co-hosting the show with KATY PERRY.

And, yes, the I Kissed A Girl star walked away with a gong too — for best New Act.

Still, he's handling the loss of innocence well, and Rebekah Wade is thinking Smart might be old enough that she won't have to dress up as Santa to leave the News International Christmas Bonus at the end of his bed this year.

Gordon doesn't point out that it's a bit rich for Kanye to complain that they give him an award for turning up when a couple of years ago he moaned that he wouldn't turn up any more as he kept going to MTV prizegivings and leaving empty-handed.

Meanwhile, tomorrow night's Children In Need concert is going to see some sort of Sugababe-Morrison mash-up. Keisha Buchanan has fears over her duet:

"He approached me specifically as he said he really liked my voice. I was shocked. I know I can sing but its weird coming from someone like that. I'm worried I'll make him look bad."

Come on, Keisha, you'd have to really stink to make things James Morrison seem worse than he actually is.

Darkness at 3AM: Bono and Macca bend space, time

This came from yesterday's 3AM:

Paul McCartney took bezzie mate Bono on a Magical Mystery Tour of his old Liverpool haunts before they both flew into town for the awards.

Leaving aside that Macca has gone to Liverpool so infrequently in the past three decades it'd be like getting a tour of London from Boudaceia, how exactly did McCartney give Bono a tour before they went to the city?

Darkness at 3AM: They went to Liverpool

This is from the 3AM RSS feed - pretty much all today's entries read like this, with varying headlines. But why does "after-party" not demand the same CAPS LOCK treatment?

Jack White's got some neck

Can you actually cancel a top secret act? How do we know that Jack White really was going to appear at the MTV Europe awards before he crooked his neck? We could all say that, couldn't we? Like, yeah, Will Self was going to be the gorgeous secret surprise guest blogger this week, but now he isn't because... uh, he's snapped his keyboard-tapping finger.

MTV Europe Music Awards: An apology

I might have given the impression during a post on No Rock And Roll Fun last Thursday that I somehow doubted the word of the spokesperson for the MTV Europe awards when he applauded the success of Rick Astley in the best act ever category.

"Rick's fans have obviously decided that he deserves recognition as a pop icon and no doubt they are determined to make sure he wins on the night," said the award show's producer Richard Godfrey.

I should like to apologise for the suggestion that, perhaps, MTV was having its leg pulled and trying to put a brave face on matters.

Indeed, the discovery of the automated voting program online and the amusing confession by the Los Angeles Times that they voted 961 times for Rick makes it clear that, in fact, Godfrey was right and it's nothing more than genuine Rick Astley fans building machines to ensure that he wins his deserved recognition. In no way has a badly-thought-out voting system left MTV with a choice of either clambering down with egg on its face and barring Rick's votes, or waiting until the evening of the vote and presenting the prize to Astley.

Liverpool Echo gets overexcited by the MTV Awards

The appearance of the MTV Awards in Liverpool - or project 'see? the cultural year was a success all along, and the money we paid to MTV was worth every penny' - is causing something akin to giddiness in the Liverpool media. Any non-story is good enough to print. Like this one:
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City salon prepares to pamper MTV stars

Oct 7 2008 by Tina Miles, Liverpool Echo

A LIVERPOOL beauty salon is preparing to pamper performers for this year’s MTV Europe Music Awards.

And so what preparations are in place? Have they built a special Beyonce zone? Are they ordering in extra quantities of whatever it might take to make it possible to look directly at Kid Rock?

Erm, not quite:

Celebrity haunt APT is in talks with the event’s organisers ahead of the November 6 event at the ECHO arena.

If it succeeds in sealing an exclusive deal, the Hanover Street health and wellness centre could even close its doors to the general public so stars and their entourages have private use of its facilities.

So they're not actually preparing, they're in talks about possibly being used in some way. Let's not even wonder who would expect Beyonce to use a hairdresser's in the city centre, what with her lucrative L'Oreal contract to protect and more make-up staff than I've got flying monkeys; let's just wonder why the Echo is running this story at all?

It'd barely be news if the salon had got an agreement in place, but when it's still a possibility rather than a fact it seems even more insane to run it. In a newspaper. Perhaps Keiths in Lark Lane should see how much coverage the Echo gives it if it announces that they've been kicking round the idea of offering Pink a two-for-one deal on the haloumi and house red.

Still, the paper probably just likes to do everything it can to support and build the Liverpool economy. Up to the point when it closes its printing plant in the city and relocates the formerly 'scouse and proud' title to a print shop in Oldham.

MTV Rickrolled

The MTV Europe Awards are having their leg pulled, as Rick Astley finds himself doing quite nicely in the Best Act Ever category online vote.

How do MTV react? Do they chuckle, admit they've been had and their faith in the wisdom of crowds has been tickled, and move on?

Oh, no. MTV are, with a straight face, attempting to paint this as a genuine result in a scientifically-rigorous poll:

"Rick's fans have obviously decided that he deserves recognition as a pop icon and no doubt they are determined to make sure he wins on the night," said the award show's producer Richard Godfrey.

Yes. That'd be it. Rick's fans, who have - for some reason - kept quiet for all these years are suddenly deciding that he deserves the recognition of an MTV Award. It's in no way connected to Rickrolling, where the unsuspecting are duped into a surprise appearance of Rick Astley online. That that should have been happening this year is just a coincidence.

Nobody believes you, Richard Godfrey. And even you don't believe you, really, do you? If you really thought that the MTV Europe awards audience had a hitherto unprofessed love of Rick Astley, you wouldn't be flying Beyonce in to do the opening number; you'd be asking around on Edge Lane if anyone had phone numbers for the Reynolds Girls. Even Rick Astley knows it's a joke, dammit:

I don't think I'll be buying a train ticket to Liverpool. I think it's a wind-up to be honest.

I never took it too seriously while I was doing it and it's a long time ago now so I don't take this seriously either.

Hey, Astley: you better - those legions of fans are counting on you.

A mystery solved

The puzzling appearance of Beyonce on the MTV EMA shortlist may, or may not, be on the merits of her astonishing 2008 she hasn't been having. Or it may be down to her headlining the event.

MTV EMAs announced

No sooner has the world struggled to pretend to be interested in the MTV VMAs than their even-less-significant sibling, the MTV Europe Music Awards have announced their shortlist.

This year, Liverpool council tax payers are subsidising the event ("Liverpool hosts the event") and as you'd expect, the line-up of potential winners is absolutely glittering. Littering. Something:
Album Of the Year
Alicia Keys – As I Am
Britney Spears - Blackout
Coldplay – Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends
Duffy – Rockferry
Leona Lewis – Spirit

Headliner
Foo Fighters
Linkin’ Park
Metallica
The Cure
Tokio Hotel

Most Addictive Track
Coldplay – Viva La Vida
Duffy – Mercy
Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl
Kid Rock – All Summer Long
P!nk – So What

New Act
Duffy
Jonas Brothers
Katy Perry
Miley Cyrus
One Republic

Act of 2008
Amy Winehouse
Britney Spears
Coldplay
Leona Lewis
Rihanna

Ultimate Urban
Alicia Keys
Beyoncé
Chris Brown
Kanye West
Lil Wayne

Rock Out
30 Seconds to Mars
Linkin Park
Metallica
Paramore
Slipknot

Rihanna - artist of 2008? A case could be made for her domination of 2007, when you couldn't set foot out the door without hearing a postman singing "ella... ella... ellla", but what has she done for us lately?

More, admittedly, than Beyonce, who seems to have been nominated on some sort of whim.

MTV European fakes

There's been a warning that fake tickets with prices in the thousands are circulating for the MTV Europe awards. You can tell tickets being offered are fake, because genuine ones (a) aren't yet available and (b) aren't worth three figures, much less four.

Avril Lavinge "surprisingly popular in Europe": MTV Europe awards

The MTV Europe Awards were mostly notable for the tale of two screw-ups: Winehouse and Doherty. Amy barely managed to make it through her song:

She accepted her award with a brief "Thanks" before walking off stage. Minutes later she stumbled through her song with a thin, wailing voice instead of the rich growl that has won her so many fans.

Winehouse appeared to have trouble remembering the words to her own song, her dancing was stilted and out of step and she was unsteady on her feet.

Babyshambles, though, were as polished as the Osmonds:

Pete Doherty, in the headlines for his self-confessed drug addiction and affair with supermodel Kate Moss, led the Babyshambles in a haunting rendition of "Delivery".

Asked what was behind this apparent change, he told Reuters: "Yeh, it's all different now. I don't know ... God, and melody."

Munich music fan Ina Rousseau and her friend Ana Jordan particularly liked Doherty's performance. "He was here. He was singing and not falling down," said Jordan, 26.

Not falling down isn't exactly setting the standard that high, though. Even Amy didn't quite fall down.

For European awards, the prizes went to a surprisingly surburban American idea of what's good music. Avril Lavigne won two, for example, despite her near-eclipse on this side of the Atlantic.

The winners in full:

ROCK OUT

- 30 Seconds to Mars

BAND OF 2007

- Linkin Park

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

- Nelly Furtado - Loose

ULTIMATE URBAN

- Rihanna

MOST ADDICTIVE TRACK

- Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

INTER ACT

- Tokio Hotel

HEADLINER

- Muse

SOLO ARTIST OF 2007

- Avril Lavigne

VIDEO STAR

- Justice - D.A.N.C.E

ARTISTS' CHOICE

- Amy Winehouse

Any prize ceremony in which 30 Seconds To Mars leaves clutching a trophy has contained within itself the detail of its own failure.