Gordon in the morning: Coldplay appear to have hit puberty

Having a bunch of tits in a Coldplay video is more-or-less impossible to avoid, as Coldplay will be in it.

Having actual breasts though? That sounds a bit desperate. But if the idea was to make Gordon tumescent, job done:

COLDPLAY will have seen more boobs than Hugh Hefner by the end of this week.

The band came up with a winning idea for the video for their next single, Charlie Brown — a warehouse party featuring a load of topless girls.

Management placed an advert offering to pay extras £100 for the job — with an extra 100 quid for any girls willing to whip their shirts off and jiggle about.

A further £100 was also laid on the table for anyone up for getting sprayed. Although it didn't specify what with.

So far, so tiresomely sexist. Is there any way that multimillionaires paying a few quid to women to get their tits out could be made an even bigger cringe?

The advert also asked for an army of "edgy Hoxtonian types aged from 18 to 35".

Edgy Hoxtonian types. Yes, that would do it.

Gordon in the morning: Enjoy him while he's free

Announcing his plans to charge people for The Sun, Murdoch conceded that he'd have to use heavyweight legal frighteners to stop 'his' stories appearing elsewhere. Has he even read his own papers in the last couple of years?

Sure, Gordon and his team are great at securing stories nobody else has - interviews with Kasabian, set-up stories with minor celebs (which will stop happening when the audience isn't there any more and Uncle Rupert threatens to sue anybody who repeats word of the publicity stunt). But much of Gordon's content relies on recycling other people's exclusives.

Sometimes the recycling is explicit, in the case of this morning's topless Sharon Stone photos, bought-in from Paris Match (Gordon now apparently completely over that outrage that celebrities might remove their clothes for attention, then).

More often, it's not - like the other day when Smart lifted a chunk of City Life's interview with Ian Brown without mentioning its source. This more humdrum role of Bizarre - an aggregator of other people's news - led to this in this week's Holy Moly mailout:

Bit off-topic, but quite pertinent.

Rupert Murdoch has announced that he is going to start charging for his stable's online news services (Sun, News of the World, Times etc) and has accepted that there "could be a need for furious litigation to prevent stories and photographs being copied elsewhere". This will undoubtedly be a success, and will see others follow suit (the Daily Mail would salivate at the thought of being able to charge for its annoyingly good showbiz section).

This is all well and good (I make no bones about the fact that I usually take Gordon Smart's lead on the biggest story of the day and run it on HM), but let's hope the respect of copyright and content ownership is reciprocal. Will these papers return the favour and put an end to ripping stories from UK and US celebrity blogs and running them as their own without the merest hint of a link or credit back to the originators?

It works both ways, Rupert - and you have the deepest pockets in the world. x

It does raise a fascinating question - if Gordon's bulging archive goes behind a turnstile, will The Sun have to spend a fortune weeding out the - ahem - borrowed material?

Still, kudos to Rupert - he really did manage to distract everyone's attention from that pesky £2billion loss, didn't he?

Gordon in the morning: Topless tales

We all know how much Gordon Smart loves it when he gets photos of topless young celebrities arriving on his desk. This morning, he gets something especially juicy:

ALL those glasses of wheatgrass juice appear to be paying dividends for CHRIS MARTIN.

The COLDPLAY frontman, who sticks to a strict macrobiotic diet, whipped off his top at their show in Bologna, Italy, and displayed an impressive torso.

We can only assume that someone was so overcome by the sight of Martin's nipples when they came up with the headline:

Feeling Cold are you, Chris?

Admittedly, he is in a band called Coldplay. But who takes their tops off because they feel cold?

Maybe Gordon has looked closely at Chris' nipples to see if they're showing signs of turning into hard little marbles - perhaps the headline only makes sense if you really bury your head in the photo.

Zutons otherwise engaged

Dave McCabe out the Zutons is setting his phone to vibrate:

"She's an older lady," McCabe told the Daily Star. "In her late 40s, I think - and she won't leave me alone.

"She’s got my mobile number and keeps sending me pictures of herself with her tits out."

Meanwhile, somewhere in the country, a couple are reunited after one of them has spent some time on a business trip. She is blanching.

-"o-nine-seven- three?"
-"Yes, three. Not eight. I thought it was funny I didn't hear from you while I was away. Did you send me any interesting texts?... Honey? Are you alright?"

Gordon in the morning: Journalism

We're sure that - once his hands were both free - Gordon Smart punched the air as he took delivery of topless pictures of Lily Allen. He even created a new euphemism for the occasion:

Lily got something off her chest and peeled off her shirt to reveal a couple of chart-toppers.

Meanwhile, Gordon has been carrying out a poll. An online poll. He publishes the results without any warning that the respondents were self-selecting and, therefore, not scientifially accurate. But it might not matter:

2 out of 3 men fancy Posh Vic

He has done a pie chart, though.

Avril Lavigne finds way round self-imposed "skanky clothes" ban

Back in the January of 2003, Avril Lavigne pledged to ensure it was all about the music:

"I won't wear skanky clothes that show off my booty, my belly or boobs"

Presumably, she would be able to argue that she has kept to the letter, if not the spirit, of the pledge, for her naked Blender magazine shoot. She is, indeed, not wearing any skanky clothes at all.

Spears: Oh no, whoever knew my topless shots would appear in the papers?

We're being asked to believe that Britney Spears is distraught that pictures she posed for have appeared in all the newspapers:

[T]he singer is furious about the timing of the pictures - she has just embarked on a comeback trail, performing live in a series of comeback gigs this week in California.

Gosh, yes, how frustrating that so much free publicity of you looking all sexy and come-hither should have appeared just before your big comeback gigs. What terrible timing.

Isn't it terrible that you'd posed with your nipples covered, and thus meant the photos were possible to run in most places without pixelation or disfiguring black stripes over them? What rotten luck.