BBC Trust agrees to kill the distinctiveness of Radio 1

Radio 1. What makes it difference from commercial radio, and - come to that - from streaming stuff over Spotify?

It'd be the live music and the sessions. There's something you can point at and say, there's something that proves the value in having a station like that, funded by licence fee.

The BBC Trust agree.

Except, they don't agree enough to protect that part of the service:

BBC Radio 1 is to make dramatic cuts to its live music output, with the number of sessions by pop and rock bands dropping from 250 to 160 per year.

The station will also reduce the number of live events it covers from 25 to 10.

The BBC Trust has agreed to the changes, despite audience research showing "that live music is seen as a key strength of Radio 1".

"Yes, you're very good at what you do. Play some more records instead, eh, that's cheaper."

The BBC Trust is chaired, you'll recall, by Rona Fairhead, who seems to be bringing the same sure touch she shows at her other job at HSBC to the work she's doing at the BBC.

What else is in the Trust findings? Well...

Radio 1 and 1Xtra's roles supporting musicians and djs with career advice is now mainly going to be picked up BBC Introducing - a change which reflects what's been happening anyway;

Radio 1 and 1Xtra will share more documentaries; 1Xtra's requirement for 20% speech programming has been dropped as a result (although the worry is that 'repeating Radio 1 documentaries' isn't the same sort of thing as creating the crafted speech programmes it has been doing.);

1Xtra can now do dj mixes instead of club nights;

Radio 2 will no longer have to do 'readings' as part of its remit, on the grounds that who knew Radio 2 had to do readings?, but it still "should" do readings. That's clear, yeah?

The need for "regular" comedy programmes on Radio 2 has been watered down to just "comedy programmes";

6Music comes off largely untouched, although the previous target of "15% of concerts and session from archives" is turned into a more easy to track "Broadcast at least 6,500 concert tracks or sessions from the BBC’s music archive each year, with at least 1,150 in daytime". You might wonder why, if the Trust wants to see 6Music using the BBC Archive so widely, it's just signed off on proposals to limit the size at which that archive grows in the same sodding document;

Radio 3 has to do more jazz;

and less drama;

and Asian Network has to provide at least 24 hours of news and current affairs every week. Not clear if this includes sticking Five Live on overnight.

The worst thing in these new rules is that Radio 1 is going to mostly cutback the sessions and live music out of the mainstream; it's a double blow to distinctiveness.

Venuewatch: The Roadhouse

Manchester Roadhouse, one of those venues which is part toilet, part legend, is closing at the end of May.

It seems that the competition for the bands-on-the-cusp market has got too intense, and the Roadhouse is a casualty of the overcrowded market.

Britney Spears: Independent seems a little lost in the modern world

The Independent is very excited indeed by Britney Spears:

To many women, being called a "bitch", particularly by a man, is derogatory.

And there are equally as many reasons for why the term is perceived to be offensive as there are women offended by it.
[...]
Not so for Britney Spears, a pop singer who’s reiterated the word so often over the course of her career, it’s bizarrely formed part of her catchphrase ("It's Britney, bitch).

So, in a strange twist of neo-feminist fate, she’s decided to fully reclaim it with a definition of her own.

“Being a bitch means… I stand up for myself and my beliefs,” she wrote in a post on Instagram. “I stand up for those I love, I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my way.

She wrote this, did she, Jenn Selby of The Independent?

Do you understand how memes work, exactly?

Sure, Britney posted the "Bitchology poem" to her Instagram account. And, yes, you might see that an embracing its viewpoint.

But it's clearly just a jpeg, and about one tenth of second with Google Image search confirms this is a "poem" which has been doing the rounds of the internet since before Grumpy Cat was a kitten.

You wonder if when Jenn sees those "funny" ecards on Facebook that she assumes the person who is posting them wrote the things: "Hey, I never knew my great aunt Margaret was such an amusing and inspirational thinker on questions of motherhood and religion. And how did she come up with that test to see if you can read all those words jumbled up? She's an undiscovered genius."

Freeobit: Andy Fraser

Andy Fraser, bassist with Free, has died.

There's an official statement:

Andrew McLan Fraser passed away on Monday at his home in California. He leaves behind his daughters Hannah and Jasmine Fraser, and their mother Ri, his sister Gail, brothers Gavin and Alex, and many friends and associates in the industry.

“A survivor of both cancer and AIDS, Andy was a strong social activist and defender of individual human rights.

Fraser was diagnosed HIV+ in the 1980s; his illness with Sarcoma followed soon after.

On his personal website, Fraser wrote frankly about his struggle with his sexuality. Conflicted between feelings and image, he went as far as planning a suicide - talking with a reporter who had helped her terminally ill mother die; arranging how he'd do it; putting his affairs in order. Amazingly, it was the detailed planning of his death that helped him past it:

[I planned] until, in my mind, the event had already happened, and I thought 'what the bloody hell did that solve?' Nothing. So finally, I had to come around to acceptance.

Fraser didn't find coming out easy; being wracked with pain didn't help, either. He says he had to find new reasons not to kill himself every day for three years. But he got through it, finally finding a place where, in his words, he could say:

fuck you, everybody; I'm not hiding any more

A lot of his obituaries will record his victories over cancer and AIDS. His survival as a gay man in an era when that brought a mountain of struggles, and over suicidal depression, should also be celebrated.

Fraser was 62. He co-wrote a song that actually lives up to the accolade iconic:

Glastonbury 2015: Kanye believe it?

There's been a predictable squeal of disrupted lives following the announcement that Kanye West is going to headline Glastonbury on Saturday night:

A petition has also been launched to prevent West from performing at the festival.

The petition [is] titled 'Cancel Kanye West's headline slot and get a rock band'

There's no way, just for clarity, that "rock band" is being used as shorthand for "a group of white men". That's not the intention at all. No. Not at all.

Thing is, there are good reasons for asking if Kanye is right for Glastonbury - but the objections are exactly the same as the objections to U2 headlining Glastonbury. An act well past their best before date being promoted beyond their due. And even those objections... well, you have to remember that when people say things like this...:

We spend hundreds of pounds to attend glasto, and by doing so, expect a certain level of entertainment.

... part of the reason you're paying so much money is because it's a massive festival, and there's about sixty thousand other stages to go and watch. Seriously, if you're paying that much money to go to a music festival and can't find something headlining one of the stages to enjoy, why are you paying hundreds of pounds to go to a music festival in the first place?

(With U2, there was a broader question about whether a festival that still had some pretence at being counterculturally aware ought to be booking acts who shuffle their cash off to lower tax regimes, which is a fair question. Kanye isn't a rock band isn't even a question.)

You paid your taxes. Do you want a prize? Oh, okay then.

YoonA, K-Pop star, has been given a special prize from her government:

And now . . . she is the recipient of a presidential award from the South Korean government for being a dutiful and honest taxpayer who has made a significant financial contribution to her country. As part of the award she will be an honorary ambassador of Korea’s National Tax Service, helping to promote her fellow citizens’ duty to pay taxes.

In South Korea, you're celebrated for paying your share of tax. In the UK, you get an OBE if you don't.

Why is the mainstream media not reporting this more widely?

Listen you guys, this is massive.

Shane Lynch went shopping in Redhill.

I know - where was Huw Edwards? Where was Jon "so-called" Snow? Where was Paxman Dimbleby?

Nowhere.

Thank god the Surrey Mirror didn't flinch from reporting THE TRUTH. At some length:

BOYZONE pop band singer Shane Lynch popped into Redhill for some shopping on Monday afternoon - and happily posed for photos with a delighted fan.

Actually, that's the entire story. But... it doesn't stop the Surrey Mirror dragging it out for another fifteen paragraphs, building the drama:

He walked east along the High Steet and as he prepared to cross the road at the traffic lights outside the Tower public house at 2.30pm, a fan appeared from nowhere and plucked up the courage to ask if he was from the top "boy" band Boyzone.

I really hope the fan actually made the air quote symbols when she asked the question.

The story is strung out because the fan's photo failed:

She asked if she could take his photograph and Mr Lynch, totally unfazed, agreed to the request.

At first, the fan had to secure the help of a passer-by to take the picture. But when he clicked her mobile camera, the picture appeared blurred.

Luckily, the Mirror's Mark Davison, community editor, was nearby, and he stepped in to take a non-blurry photo. And write a long piece.

Oddly, the fan is referred to throughout as "the young lady". Perhaps so excited by the presence of "boy" "band" "man", the paper forgot to ask her name.

Pop stars doing lovely things: Mike Rosenberg

Mike Rosenberg, who is Passenger, was contacted by a fan's family. The fan, Rachael McGilvray, has got inoperable cancer, and is hoping to get married.

Rosenberg chipped in with a thousand quid to help with the costs of the ceremony.

Pop stars: Not always total asshats.

Amfar makes a curious choice

Amfar - the AIDS/HIV charity co-founded by Elizabeth Taylor - held a fundraiser in Hong Kong on Saturday.

Which is fine. Going where the money is. That makes sense.

But hang on... what was the entertainment?

HONG KONG – Robin Thicke serenaded a star-studded audience at the amfAR gala in Hong Kong on Saturday night with “Blurred Lines,” just four days after a jury in Los Angeles ordered the singer and Pharrell Williams to pay about $7.4 million to the family of Marvin Gaye, concluding that the pair’s 2013 hit song copied parts of Mr. Gaye’s “Got to Give it Up.”

Really, Amfar? You're raising money to fight against the spread of HIV by getting someone to sing a song about how it's so tricky not raping people? Do we not worry about judgement once we're out and about?

Do you wonder what Conor McNicholas is up to these days?

What happens to former NME editors?

Conor McNicholas, he of the double Andrew WK cover era, is doing this sort of thing:

Businesses need to "get radical" and change the structure of their business if they are to succeed in the new networked world, according to Conor McNicholas, the chief executive at AllTogetherNow.
[...]
McNicholas used the example of Barclays setting up an editorial board to bring together the different communications departments. He worked with Barclays at his previous employer Redwood.

Barclays put a router at the centre of the business with a representative from each department that met weekly to sign off joint actions.
[...]
He said: "At the heart of the editorial board is the concept of a shared culture. It creates a neutral space that allows those involved to bring opportunities or projects to the group and work on them together, no more meeting on your turf or mine."

McNicholas encouraged delegates to embrace the new networked world and "start kicking the shins" of the way things have always been done.

One day you're telling people that Party Hard is the greatest thing ever; the next you're punting a minor change in the comms strategy at a big bank as the revolution of our lifetimes. That's life right there, isn't it?

CORRECTION: This post would have worked a lot better if Conor McNicholas had been editing the NME at the time of the Andrew WK cover; actually it was Ben Knowles. And to be totally fair, he did put Fucked Up on the cover.

Madonna now peers with Status Quo

Oh, dear. Madonna now finds herself rubbing shoulders with Cliff Richard and Status Quo, shut out of the Radio One playlist and waah-waahing that it's sooooo unfair:

Pop star Madonna has called Radio 1 "discriminatory and unfair" after it declined to play her latest single.

Living For Love failed to make the station's playlist, which dictates its most-played songs, when it was released last month, leading to accusations of ageism from the 56-year-old's fans.

Speaking to The Sun, Madonna said she was "shocked" by her exclusion.

"I was like, 'Wait a second. Shouldn't it be to do with whether you wrote a good, catchy pop song?"

Come on, Madge, if you were being judged on quality alone, you'd not have been heard on Radio One since 1999.

It's hard to admit, obviously, but you're just not relevant to the target Radio One audience. It's not because of your age. It's because you sound tired.

In the Guardian a couple of weeks ago, David Connor - who saw Madonna play the Haçienda - summed up the problem she faces before she even faced it:

This story still definitely impresses people. I now teach electrical installation to 16- to 19-year-olds and, whenever I’ve mentioned it, they ask, “Who’s Madonna?” Although one of them once piped up, “I know who she is – she’s that old bird.”

I think Status Quo demanded some sort of parliamentary enquiry or something. You could try that.

It won't do any good, but it's important to keep busy as you enter your golden years.

Old pals under pressure

Blurred credit lines

I suppose that's going to have wiped the Happy off Pharrell Williams' face, as a US court rule he and Robin Thicke ripped off Marvin Gaye.

A jury decided that the music in rohyp-hop hit Blurred Lines was lifted from Gaye, and ordered a payment of nearly five million quid in damages to go to Gaye's estate.

Presumably, Gaye's family will spend most of this money on legal fees trying to get his name taken off the credits again.

Because that's not much of a victory, is it? Sure, you've got the proof that you were plagiarised, but now that crappy song is going to carry a credit that Marvin Gaye helped write it.

It's like you've broken into your the office your boss uses, and done a massive anonymous poo in the middle of their desk. But then discover that Molly from accounts is saying that she did it. You'd feel obligated to put everyone right, no matter how much you don't really want to be associated with the still-steaming turd. It might be an unpleasant pile of stinky old cack, but you'd be damned if someone else is going to pass it off as their work.

There's the potential for more problems for Thicke and Williams, as now the question of who wrote the music has been settled, they're at risk of being sued by the Friends Of Roman Polanski for lifting the lyrics from them.

Holy No'Moly

After 13 years of being the slicker alternative to Popbitch/the thinking person's Perez Hilton, Holy Moly is closing down.

Us apologise after misidentifying Kanye West as the loudest clown in town. A bit.

At the end of last week, Shirley Manson did a massive post to Facebook saying... well, this:

Dear He who shall remain nameless,

It is with great sadness that I read your email today.

Clearly you have forgotten or are just generally unaware, that in business it is always wise to be kind and respectful in your day to day dealings with other people. Especially those you have never met.

You just never know when you might meet that person who has been at the receiving end of your disrespect for indeed you may have to come on bended knee to that person later on down the line because they hold on to something of value that you need to get your greasy hands on.

What alarms me more than anything about your nasty little barbs is that you are in the business of representing artists interests and yet you are clearly unaware that not all musicians are obsessed with the charts or being famous.

That some of us do not value ourselves by the number of mainstream "hits" we have enjoyed .

That some of us just enjoy making music and having a long lifespan of a career without having to dance as fast as we can, or be the loudest clown in town or be having to hitch ourselves to the latest ,greatest, freshest sound in order to remain "on top" .

There are some of us who just like to live the way WE see fit. Make the music WE feel passionate about. Music that feels authentic to who we are and where we are in our lives.

There are even some of us who do not believe that being famous is the holy grail or the answer to a beautiful, meaningful and rewarding life.

Clearly you are unable to wrap your head around the idea that some musicians actually prefer NOT having to perform on Children's TV shows. Who do NOT want to be gossiped about in the popularity contest columns. Who most definitively do NOT want to be chased by paparazzi and who do NOT want to put their family name to some shitty , poorly made product in order to build a "brand" and who most definately do NOT want to go out every night, dressed up to the nines to the opening of an envelope.

SO allow me to make my choices as I see fit without having to endure your childish and un-evolved criticism.

As you so rightly pointed out, there are plenty of talented people in the world who will sell their grannies to serve your desires.

So now then sir, that all said,
Go F#CK yourself.

The "nameless" bit in the opening line is so frustrating if you're trying to stir up a beef, so a lot of publications - the charge led by Us - assumed that it must be Kanye West. After all, Shirl had a pop at West recently, and... well, if a gossip magazine can't think about more than one thing at a time, the same must be true of everyone, right?

Trouble is, it wasn't about Kanye. So Shirley took to Facebook again:

I would just like to state for the record that my post from a few days ago which has been heisted today by US Weekly and then consequently glommed onto by a variety of so called news sources had absolutely NOTHING to do with Kanye West whatsoever.

It was directed towards a completely unknown industry insider who had in my opinion been rather offensive in his dealings with me last week.

I take great exception to US Weekly rushing to assume who this aforementioned post was directed towards. Instead of doing their due diligence which in my opinion is their journalistic duty, they have instead made lazy, potentially libelous assumptions which I find completely offensive and entirely inaccurate.

Modern journalism in most cases these days, barely resembles the craft that was once practiced with such care, skill and integrity. Instead we are stuck with provocative scandal mongers who will stoop at nothing in an effort to drive people to their web sites.

Ignore all the stupidity and get on with your lives my friends.

I fully intend to do the same.
Be well.
Sx

(You know that somewhere there's a man reading that going 'calling me a loud clown is one thing, but now you've called me an 'unknown' - well, that's going too far, young lady. That's going too far.')

So Us have backed down:

UPDATE: An earlier version of this story stated — erroneously — that Manson had written her Facebook post specifically about Kanye West. A rep for the singer reached out to Us Weekly to clarify that the anonymous subject of Manson’s note was not, in fact, the rapper. Us regrets the error.

They regret the error.

Though not enough to bother changing the headline on the story:

Shirley Manson Trashes Unnamed Enemy as the "Loudest Clown in Town" -- Is She Talking About Kanye West?

No. No, she isn't. In the first paragraph under this headline, you apologise for saying that she was.

An error, of course, they regret.

Although not enough to actually change this image caption either:

Shirley Manson ripped Kanye West yet again on Facebook, calling Kim Kardashian's husband "the loudest clown in town" -- find out what set her off here.

That's quite a piece of work there, then, Us:

From the top, then:
Headline: Implies it might be Kanye West
Image: Says it is Kanye West
First para: Says it isn't Kanye West.

Good work, everyone.

Listen with No Rock: Molly Wilkinson

The wonderful Molly Wilkinson has just shared a cover of Dirty Old Town, which is a lovely way to start the morning.

Mergermania: Franz Ferdinand & Sparks unite

Not since Marxism Today merged with the New Statesman has there been a coming together so unexpected, but so provocative. There's going to be a tour, too.

Iggy quits. Except she doesn't.

Oh, say it ain't so, Inquisitr:

Iggy Azalea Leaves Social Media: Pop Star Deletes Her Instagram Account

Really? Her Instagram account deleted? Really?

Erm, not really. She's just handed the keys to her management. For a "break".

You'd think that 'artist whose image is built around being outspoken no longer controlling her own Instagram account so that her management can control what messages are put out under her name' is actually a far more compelling story than 'artist deletes account', wouldn't you?

Popular music might have just died

Remember when pop stars used to swish around, doing interesting and exciting stuff?

Remember when you wanted to be a pop star?

Remember that?

Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith have a bet on to see who can lose a stone in weight fastest.

It gets worse:

According to sources, 6ft 2in Stay With Me singer Sam, 22 – who has ­struggled with his weight since childhood – has enlisted the help of a hypnotist and top Harley Street nutritionist.

This is meant to be pop. It sounds like a b-story from Downton Abbey.

Eurovision 2015: The UK chooses this year's gallant losers

Here, then, is the track picked for the UK's Eurovision entry - Still In Love With You, by Electro Velvet:

Remember the name. It'll come in handy if you ever find yourself on Pointless in 2017.

It's not a terrible thing. Well, not totally terrible. If Jive Bunny was still alive, it'd possibly even feel a bit contemporary.

Actually, yes. It is terrible, isn't it? It doesn't only sound dated, but the nostalgia it's striving for is, itself, dated. "Hey, Europe, remember 25 years ago when there was a lot of people remembering this sort of thing?"

Yes, it's come to this. We're entering something that could have just failed to make the cut for Bugsy Malone.

Instead, let's praise the wisdom of Andreas Kummert - selected to represent the German nation in the finals, he suddenly remembered that he didn't want to do that.

This week just gone

What people read last week:

1. What the pop papers say: Noel, again, naturally
2. What would happen if you took all the men-only acts out of Reading?
3. That last Mark and Lard show. Yes, still
4. Garbage announce 20th anniversary of Queer
5. Bates axed by Smooth
6. Great Escape could actually run with no all-men acts
7. The Chart Show moves; it's not about the chart show
8. James Bay explains his hat is like a suit he wears to work
9. Slum Of Legs et al to play Brighton bank holiday
10. 5 Seconds Of Summer name not even quite as inventive as it sounded

These emerged:


Purity Ring - Another Eternity

Download Another Eternity



Swervedriver - I Wasn't Born To Lose You

Download I Wasn't Born To...



Gang Of Four - What Happens Next

Download What Happens Next



Jon Hopkins - Late Night Tales

Download Late Night Tales

5 Seconds Of Summer's name isn't even as clever as it seemed

5 Seconds Of Summer - it's not a great band name, but there's at least something there; the idea of a short burst of joy in an otherwise grim exi... oh hang on, I'm just being handed a piece of paper:

When asked how they came up with the name for the band, Michael said: ''We just... it doesn't mean anything. I wish it did, it's just a stupid name. I thought of it...''

However, drummer Ashton quickly corrected him, saying: ''He was nude in bed''

Michael then shared: ''I was in bed nude. Milk, chocolate, nude and watching Scrubs. That actually is the story. That's actually really embarrassing. Nude, eating milk, and chocolate and watching Scrubs.''

Oh. It turns out we've assumed there was more thought behind the name than there actually was.

Folkobit: Jim McCann

Jim McCann, a member of The Dubliners between 1974 & 1979, has died.

Already a well-known singer as a member of The Ludlow Trio before he joined The Dubliners, McCann also enjoyed solo success; worked as an actor and hosted a series on Irish television.

In 2002, he rejoined The Dubliners but the same year saw him hit by throat cancer. The illness took his ability to sing, but he remained part of the touring act - sometimes as compere; sometimes as photographer; sometimes as guitarist.

Jim McCann was 70; he died Thursday March 5th.

Justin Bieber has a dream

Justin Bieber is, then, clearly in the 'trying to swap tiresome bad boy image for something that might have a bit more room for career growth' stage of his story.

He wants to cling to purity:

"There's a part of me that I don't ever want to grow up," he said. "I want to always remain ... to have that sense of purity inside of me where I don't ... I don't want to lose that sense of purity."

Yeah, Justin. Might be a bit late to preserve that purity. Still, at least you've still got the box it came in.

What the pop papers say: Ails to the chief

Noel Gallagher's on the cover of the NME this week, which can mean only one thing. (And, yes, it does - Pete Doherty's on the cover next week.)

Noel on the cover; and inside, there's an amusing interview with a grouchy, funny giant of the Manchester music scene.

No, not Noel; Mark E Smith:

I mean, the Arctic Monkeys, come on. They've been to music college [this is not true]. They've got degrees in tock music [this isn't true, either]. I think some of them have got passes in The Fall.
[...]
I get sent magazines with all this advice for new bands... and it's 'Number one, get a decent bank account.' It's like applying to university. There was always privilege in music, but nowadays you don't have a chance in hell."

That's the way you do it. But then Smith doesn't have the problem Gallagher does - he's not trying to square a working class hero image with struggling with paying to send his kids to school; his anecdotes are about Pixies fans trying to take selfies rather than (as Noel does) stories about being on the red carpet at the BAFTAs.

The NME is still calling Noel "the chief"; I'm hoping this is ironic, given his timorous, weak new album - the way men in their 80s who were something in the Raj were still called The Major long after the sun had set on the Empire they once bestrode and the career they once had.

There's six pages of Noel, and Tom Howard gives him an easy ride. Especially when there's a strand of his thinking that's a little disturbing.

First, Gallagher trots through the Ali G defence for sending his kid to private school. We've heard this before, of course:

Good for you that you don't have to go to fucking school and come home talking like fucking Ali G, because, believe me, I would beat that out of you

Let's hope that Noel's using "beat that out of you" as a figure of speech. Let's hope that.

But - as the last time he used 'I don't want my kids to sound like Ali G' justification for swerving the local comprehensive - what does "sounding like Ali G" mean?

It could be that he simply means that he doesn't want his children to sound like working class kids do these days - a strange position for a man who has made his money out of tales of working class upbringing. Suddenly, Gallagher is concerned about "speaking proper", is he?

Or it could be that "talking like Ali G" means "talking like Ali G" - co-opting the speech patterns and slang of young black men?

Later on, Gallagher is talking about his support for the Teenage Cancer Trust - one of the things that reflects really well on him. It's a great cause, and Noel has really gone above and beyond in the work he does for them.

There's a but.

I like it because it's a charity for British kids, and it's real, you know

Not a charity for kids who are unwell; not that they're facing a massive challenge at a time of their lives when they should just be enjoying themselves.

It's a charity for British kids.

As opposed to what, exactly, Noel?

It's not as if Noel hasn't helped charities aiding people cursed with the misfortune to not have been born British on top of their other problems - Oasis were one of the main attractions for War Child, for a start. It makes the phrase even more puzzling.

Like the Ali G remark, it feels less like a racist stance and more a throwback to Victorian charity-begins-at-home Little Englanderism; a faint whiff of the UKIPs that Noel himself would probably be surprised to notice.

Maybe The Chief has more in common with The Major than we'd first expect.

Elsewhere, Laura Snapes watches Sleater-Kinney, deftly linking Carrie's claim that their music is an "obliteration of the sacred" with their presence as "some sort of religious totem".

Emily McKay talks to Kim Deal, making a game attempt to get to the bottom of the Pixies split but deciding it's better to hear about the Breeders than it is to pursue the matter.

You do wonder, though: The Fall, Noel Gallagher; Sleater-Kinney; a Radiohead The Bends feature; Mark E Smith; The Breeders... why on earth are young people not buying the NME? Is it because they're not really much in the NME these days?

One last thing: Between page 52 and page 59, Pete Doherty has morphed in Peter Doherty. Might want to decide on which it is before you lay out next week's cover, guys.

Good news for Brighton

This:

In other on-stage incident news

Giorgi Armani, and his part in Madonna's downfall.

Is Armani sharing some the blame for the only interesting thing to happen at the Brits last week?

Nope.

He's putting it all on Madonna:

This cape had a hook and she wanted a tie, and she wasn't able to open it with her hands. That's all there is to it. 'Madonna, as we all know, is very difficult,' he said.

It wasn't a wardrobe malfunction, then, it was user error.

Britney Spears wig-off wig-out

'Hair extension falls off; few injured'. It's not much of a story. Even when Pulse tries yelling it:

Britney Spears' hair extension dropped on stage as she performed her 'Piece of Me' show in Las Vegas on Friday, February 27.

As the pop princess sang her heart out to the song, 'Do Something', a huge clump of her blonde hair detached from her head and attached itself instead to the back of her sexy black catsuit.

This is not the sort of story which people clear front pages for. It's not even the sort of incident that they'd bother sending someone with a broom to sweep the stage after.

But, bless their little hearts, Pulse try to bark it up:

The pop star didn't stop her performance even though...

she had suffered little more than a bit of hair that wasn't attached to her had become a little more unattached?

...a fan had already filmed the entire embarrassing hairstyle malfunction.

What? What exactly does that sentence mean, Pulse? Are you saying 'it's a surprise she didn't stop the song and attempt to get the fan to delete the video'? Or that this was the sort of incident that normally grown people would flee the stage after?

Coming tomorrow: Pink plays on despite awkward hangnail moment.

Ex-Nuclear Hellfrost singer thinks he's a bit like Kramer

Dimebag Darrell's grave was recently, depending on who you choose to believe, either desecrated, vandalised, or briefly partially covered with a note saying mean things. It turns out the culprit was, erm, Reece Elber.

Reece Elber. Out of Nuclear Hellfrost.

Surely you know of Nuclear Hellfrost? Nuclear Hellfrost:

They're a band worth your time if you like your black metal with a crust and some thrash filling.

Anyway, the taint of having perhaps spat on, and perhaps only taken a cheeky Instagram with, Darrell's grave has sprung Elber into making an apology, and claiming full responsibility:

"My friends and I have received death threats and multiple insults over the past day or so, I've made the …news, and all I can say to sum it all up is I'm deeply sorry," Eber wrote. The original post (since deleted, though screengrabbed by MetalSucks) says the visitors spat on Darrell's grave, wrote "FAG" on it, and stole a pair of cowboy boots. In the apology, Eber claims it was all a lie, and that all he actually did was leave a note. The post also called Pantera "buncha racist hillbillies."

I say "full responsibility". There is a slight attempt to deflect some of the criticism:

"The fact of the matter is I feel awful and guilty and this will stick with me forever, just like the Seinfeld guy using the N word," Eber concluded in his apology.

The invocation of Michael Richards is a little odd - Famous People Do The Darndest Things?

R&Bobit: Charmayne Maxwell

Charmayne Maxwell, singer with Brownstone, has died following a freak accident.

Brownstone were "discovered" (or at least assisted) by Michael Jackson; they spent a short period in the mid-90s on his vanity MJJ label. The band achieved a few hits, both in the US and the UK. If You Love Me reached number 8 on both sides of the Atlantic in 1994. It also scored a Grammy nomination.

There was a brief reunion in 2013, inspired by Nicci Gilbert's role in a reality TV series.

Maxwell apparently died after falling at a football match; some reports suggest she severed her neck on a broken wine glass in the accident.

The 46 year-old was married to Carsten Soulshock, and had a son, Nicolaj.