BONO - HE'S A GREAT GUY: We suspect he might only go places where people will cheer him these days - Bono has done an after-dinner speech for the Candian Liberal Party convention. Not, of course, that he supports the Liberal Party: "I'm not a supporter of the Liberal Party. I'm not a supporter of any political party. I like parties though." Yeah, Bono, making a high-profile appearance at a Party Convention is in no way giving your support to that party, is it? Curiously Bono is happy to lecture Canada about the need for free trade, and what of George Bush, the President who has slapped 30% tariffs on imported steel, supported textile tariffs; stuck them on lumber and given market-distorting subsidies to American airline companies. Oh, and there was the farm bill, which overturned all the market-freeing reforms of the 1990s. And so on. In fact, if you wanted to help out free trade, the best thing you could do would be unseat Bush. And you don't do it by offering him photo opportunities like, ooh, lets say, this one:

DISCOBIT: Tony Thompson, drummer with Chic and the Power Station, has died. Thompson, 48, died less than a month after being diagnosed with renal cancer.

His first majore success was as drummer for labelle, but in a long and varied career saw him working with most of the big names in the music industry - he played on Bowie's Lets Dance album as well as whacking his sticks for Rod Stewart, Madonna (on Like A Virgin) and Debbie Harry.

An invitation to make permanent a role filling John Bonham's drum chair in a reactivated Led Zeppelin - following a Live Aid appearance with the band - was abandoned after Thompson was badly injured in a car crash.

As is too often the case in the States, illness and death has left Thompons's family with huge medical bills and other financial burdens. A memorial fund has been established to help out.

A KISS BEFORE BUYING: Bankrate talk to Gene Simmons about his parlaying of a hackneyed rock act into a cash cow. Apparently there are over 2,000 officially licensed Kiss products - including Kiss-branded coffins ("can also be used as a cooler", their website helpfully suggests.) Let's hope this isn't giving Yoko ideas...

WHAT, DO YOU THINK IT MAKES US LOOK BAD?: Mudrer Inc to drop the 'Murder' - but not explaining why. Hmm, we're guessing that its got something to do with the really negative stink of stupidity it gives off, making them a piece with those middle-aged men who think that Mad Frankie Fraser and the Krays were some sort of working-class hero-figures rather than sadistic cunts; and that it probably encourages the cops to start any search for criminals at their offices. But we're guessing. Maybe they were just sick of getting mail for the Murder Inc Laundry Chain.

THINGS ARE EASIER IN MOMBASA: Mr Lololova and Cocktail have a falling-out over payments for a gig in Malindi. Cocktail pinch Mr Lololova's guitar and hold it hostage. Lololova is now basically fucked and can't make any music until he settles his debt. If that's all it would take to get some British acts to shut up - but what would you take from, say, Atomic Kitten to prevent them from going on stage? Hair gel?

IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ON CATS, YOU BETTER HAVE THE BALLS TO DO IT: So, Clay Aiken has talked himself into a trap - a few months ago he attempted to secure a reputation for himself by announcing that he'd driven over his kitten and killed it. PETA thought this was a bit of a disturbing thing for someone in his position to be promoting as acceptable behaviour. They wrote to him for clarification if he really was a twat who tortured animals to death, or just wanted people to think he was, but he never replied. So, when the people behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (something to do with Conan O'Brien, apparently) suggested they make Clay the butt of a the gag on their neutering campaign, PETA said why not?

Now, of course, Clay is all upset as he feels the campaign is impugning his manhood. Erm... yes, Clay, that would be the joke, actually. Is it making you cry? Like... like a girl?
[Thanks to the wonderful Claire Angel De Leon for the tip]

'TONY, DO YOU LIKE THE DARKNESS?' 'OH, YES - IT'S GREAT STARING INTO BUSH'S EYES': Tony Blair has been told by his 'looking young' focus group that the Darkness are popular. "I like them, me, yes" he claims.

Tony Blair also likes Little Britain and rollerblading and is fond of the KFC Chicken Sizzler. That's except for when he's talking to middle-aged people, when he adores Midsomer Murders, golf and the Pizza Express salad Dressing, or when he's talking to George Bush when he says he really enjoys the noise those big bombs make.

WIPEOUT: MP3.com is one of those things on the web that works quite well - it provides a place for legal MP3 downloads, gives bands operating on a tight budget a place where they can store their MP3 files and invite fans to go to get hold of them (we're especially fond of the Melys page ourselves), and everyone involved even makes a little cash off it. The only slight problem is that the service had been gobbled up during the dotcom rush by Vivendi Universal, who are, of course, shit at managing businesses to such an extent they're now selling off their assests as fast as they can.

So, MP3.com has been sold to CNet, who have big plans for the site. It's going to become "the place you go to find out about music." Which is great - perhaps - but part of that involves closing down the whole current MP3.com in the first week of December, and deleting the three quarters of a million tracks that people have trusted to the service. In other words, CNet appear to have bought a service that was working pretty damn well, and doing something fairly unique, and thrown out the very reason why it was popular. So it seems they were merely interested in the domain name. Vivendi Universal get something to set against their massive pile of debt; CNet get a nifty web address. Hundreds of thousands of bands get shafted as a result. But hey... there'll be a place to go to "find out" about music from next year. Because there's nowhere like that online already, is there?

HEY, AT LEAST IT'S NOT A CAPITAL OFFENCE YET: Not even the RIAA has suggested that changing the name of an audio file - perhaps renaming 'Madonna_ray_of_light.mp3' to 'last_great_track_she_did.mp3' should be considered an act of terrorism. The State of Oregon does, though, along with those other hallmarks of those who would overthrow society, buying fags for kids, taping gigs and putting a false label on a videotape (we don't know if Osama Bin Laden has a track record of sticking 'LANDSCAPE MYSTERIES - RIDDLE OF THE SANDS' labels on the tape he's really recorded Creature Comforts on, but surely this is the only explanation?

THEY REALLY ARE DOING IT ON PURPOSE, AREN'T THEY?: Flaunt Channel, this afternoon at 5 pm: 'Girls Aloud In Control'. Presumably followed up at midnight with 'Girls Aloud Losing It And Smashing People In The Face.'

THE ADVERTS: We can't help but feel that Christian O'Connell must have a cartoon wavy mouth at the moment - Capital dug deep into its pockets to pay for full-page ads for his XFM breakfast show in yesterday's Metro, full of complimentary press quotes. (Yes, full - they used a large font). So far, so impressive. But how must he have felt at the line the ad agency has come up with - "He's great, he's won prizes, but you don't know what he looks like, do you?" - which must be a kick in the guts for someone who's done more than one Never Mind the Buzzcocks and had his own nightly chat show on Channel Five.

LOOK, WE DO THE BEATLES TOO: Thanks to 6Music playing Let It Be - Naked, we've heard most of an album we really wanted to avoid at all costs; and my, isn't it rubbish? I suppose the one piece of soothing balm in its release is that it gives Phil Spector something to plea bargain with - having had to use every sinew to make silk purses out of the plinky-plonky Winifred Atwell goes pub rock that was apparently McCartney's vision, who'd be prepared to reject any claims of diminished responsibility? It's a miracle he wasn't at the top of a bell tower twenty years ago with a small calibre rifle.

The Guardian's Northerner mailout has a story about The Beatles this week:

Finally, a little sandwich-bite of popular culture now, and a heart-warming one for old veterans of the 1960s like myself. Browsing the Beatles' web pages of the Liverpool Echo is like having a warm, nostalgic bath. The electronic air is even redolent of all those very relaxed Debates about Everything we had in flower-power days. For example, the Echo's poll on the absorbing question: "Should the Eleanor Rigby statue to moved to a more prominent position in Liverpool?' is almost exactly, comfortingly divided: Yes 49.36%, No: 50.64%. There's a paradigm of a good rambling topic for debate after which nothing need be done. But we weren't entirely passive in those sunny days, as a different Echo, the one in Sunderland, reports.
Its columnist John Wearmouth is looking for Carol Dryden, a local girl who was 12 at the height of Beatlemania and posted herself to the group in a tea chest, snugly lined with blankets and equipped with a flask for the trip. Postal problems were not unknown then, as now, and she unfortunately ended up in a depot at Crewe where her taps - the flask being empty and the blankets manky - got her let out. Where is she now, asks John Wearmouth, an appeal which the Northerner happily amplifies. If she still has her tea chest, the Beatles museum in Liverpool will surely feature it in the coming European Capital of Culture festivities.

WELL, THAT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH THEN: Sony think they've cracked copy protection with a new hodge-podge that has audio tracks that a computer won't play, another lot that will play on some computers in another new format (key2audioXS, I'm afraid), and a third lot which you can put on your portable player. Providing it's a Sony. Let's hope this is dumped when they merge with BMG, because whatever BMG has got planned can't be any more of an unpleasant compromise.

Phil Wiser, Sony Music's chief technology officer, said the company's new initiative would provide listeners with the functionality they demand. "If you give people what they are asking for in terms of value, they won't go out and steal it." Wiser told Reuters. "It's called trusting the consumer."

So, it's trusting the consumer by giving them a format which won't play on their choice of PC music software or their own choice of portable? Interesting concept of choice, but what's even more interesting is working Wiser's logic backwards. People are stealing music. People steal music because they don't feel what is offered is a proposition that gives them value. Hence, Sony's chief technology offer seems to be suggesting that CDs are overpriced, doesn't he? Because if they were good value for money, people wouldn't be sharing illegal files. Nice to see someone in a record company being honest for once. But the question now is: why not simply make CD prices fair, rather than go to the extremes of pisspoor file sharing technology?

 

WHY AMERICANS RULE: They rule because not only have they shunned Robbie Williams like the twat he is, but they review Taboo, fresh in New York, as they should - as a theatrical presentation that expects people to pay for tickets, rather than the way British people did, as if it was some sort of state visit:

"For what seems a transparent reason -- giving O'Dowd a role in the show commensurate with his yearning for attention -- the part of Bowery has been pumped up ludicrously. In fact, it upstages Morton's Boy George. (O'Dowd even gets the last curtain call.) [...] He and O'Dowd traveled in the same circles, and Bowery even appeared in Boy George videos. But in no revelatory way do their lives intersect, and there is not much of an attempt by the authors to justify the paralleling of their stories."

And, of course, the only reason George appears as Bowery is that its the only way he can get away with his ludicrous neck-shading onstage. Apparently Rosie O'Donnell has burned through ten million bringing this to Broadway - we hope, for the sake of our American friends, this will give people pause if they were thinking New York could do with a version of the Rod Stewart musical.

WE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, REALLY: Jimmy Lea in an almost life-imitating-About-A-Boy moment, has said he's sick to death of hearing Merry Xmas Everybody. Or Santa's Magic Sleigh, whichever one he co-wrote for Slade. We know it must be awful for him - how can he truly look forward to a massive cheque from the rights administrator every spring when it involves having to hear the song so often? (Then again, we have to put up with it coming out of every bloody cut price wrapping paper shop and jerry-built grotto for three months, and we don't even have the comfort of thinking 'That's another farthing in our stocking'). We bet he's just pissed off the Wombles chose to work with Roy Wood instead.

MAKING OFFERS WHICH CAN EASILY BE IGNORED: Damon Albarn offers the desperate plea "come back and stop us being shit" ("says that Graham can return any time he likes"), Coxon, unsurprisingly, responds with 'Why would I want to?' and 'Why did you kick me out in the first place?'

Of course, if Graham really wants to make Damon squirm, he should be on the phone to Brett Anderson arranging a hook up...

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE AND CHARGE THROUGH THE NOSE FOR IT: Interesting developments on the Ozzy 'Shakin' Osbourne front: a couple of the cancelled dates have been re-arranged but the more far flung ones have been dropped - instead, coaches are being laid on for fans who had been planning to see the Oz in Newcastle or Edinburgh so they can get down to Birmingham instead. (Yes, we're struggling to come to terms with the mental image of a coach full of Ozzy fans, but we'll plough on.)

This seems to us to be quite shrewd - rather than spend a fortune hauling your kit up to the north of the country to play to a less than full venue, why not just play the southern gigs, and invite ticket holders to come to that, instead? Not only do you save massively on the overheads by making the fans move instead of your touring show, but you can charge the schmucks an extra thirty quid (the more flexible national express fare is only thirty-two quid from newcastle) into the bargain. Sweet deal, eh?

OH GOOD. A NEW KITTEN BORN?: If you're starting to panic at the prospect of life without a slightly dimwitted scouse girl band, good news. If, like the rest of the world, you're rather looking forward to it, badly punctuated band Urban/Angel are waiting in the wings for you.



Be very afraid. But not too afraid, as we can't see them getting very far.

The Echo report about their new members (they've already lost half the band once) makes interesting reading:

Their new line-up comes after wannabe ECHO readers were invited to auditions at Lipa.

Surely if you're a wannabe Echo reader all you have to do to make your dreams come true is buy a copy?

PAYING THE PRICE: The risk of building a station on one show, when that show is built on one presenter, demonstrated by BBC Three which has axed Liquid News, originally part of the channel's vision, but looking desperately for a role since the death of its anchorman Chris Price. It's struggled to find a post-Price tone, it's struggled to find a permanent timeslot, and now it's going to have to struggle through for a few more months as a lame duck. It's a shame, but its probably kindest to let it go. I mean, Claudia, we would, but... what's with the guy with the head?

ONE MORE RAISED FINGER: Something else curious about the Britney Spears wank story - Ananova have headlined it 'Women should masturbate before men' - what does that actually mean? 'After you, my dear?' or in front of them?

THE SECOND TIME AS FLOP: Is it just us, or is it odd that the second of the godawful Madonna books for children came out and nobody paid it any attention at all?

AFTER GINGERLY TRYING OUT NEW HOBBY, BRITNEY REPORTS 'FEELS GOOD, NOT GONE BLIND': Yes, Britney, wanking is good, but if you really want all the young girls of the world to masturbate, it might help if you stop filling their heads with images of you being kissed by Madonna. Every time someone's getting to the point, the vision of you getting Madge's toothless slobber over your face pops up, and that's it... gone...

SOMETHING TELLS US: ... that Radio One don't have much faith in Moyles at breakfast - because it looks like they're already lining up a replacement.

KINDERCORE MELTS DOWN: Kindercore Records and its sister label Telegraph are stopping doing stuff with immedeate effect, following their bank's intructions to cut costs. All the bands are being sent out to find new homes, although the back catalogue will remain in print and Telegraph Distribution, the profitable part of the organisation, will continue as before. Does this mean Dressy Bessy are now without a deal?

APOLOS IF KORN: Never mind that Limp Bizkit are reduced to knocking out a Who cover as a single... what does it say about Korn that the highlight of their current live set is a karaoke competition with an X-Box as a prize? (NB: Do not phone or write; the answer is clearly 'they're shite'.)

WE CAN HELP YOU: Alex Parks is keen to get home to Cornwall and normality but seems to think she's in some way obliged to live in Notting Hill and make some records instead. "I want something for me" she keens, "and that's Cornwall." Not the rent-paid flat in one of the most expensive cities for a year, or the BMW, or the piles of cash or the recording contract - none of these things, you understand, are for her.

Alex, here's the thing - get yourself down to the station; there's a direct train to Truro at 15.33 this afternoon. We'll even Western Union you some cash if you need help with the ticket. I'm sure someone will send your things on.

BRITAIN SHAMED IN EYES OF THE WORLD: Oh, God almight - do we have to have Will Fucking Young represent the UK in World Idol, the karaoke version of Jeux Sans Frontierres? I mean, it's embarrassing, knowing that people in twenty countries will be sitting down and they'll get the idea that - given a choice, a free, unfettered choice - Will Young is the sort of person we think has Star Quality in these Islands. We are, truly, a Holy Show.

ATOMIC KITTEN "NOT SPLITTING": Liz McClaron has reassured Atomic Kitten fans that the band aren't splitting up, depsite Natasha not having appeared with the band for ages due to post-natal depression. (She must have felt trapped - either stay at home and listen to the baby wailing tunelessly, or go back to work and take it from the other two). So, that's a flat denial of a split. Anyone want to start the countdown?

We're betting they announce a break-up on Boxing Day.

VH2 - IT'S NEW: Coming from the people who brought you VH1 (i.e. MTV) this December, it's a whole new channel. VH2 seems to be designed to be 6Music to VH1's Radio 2 (if the numbers aren't getting too confusing here), playing stuff for people who are old enough to remember when five pound notes had George Stephenson on them, but who are still refusing to believe that the future is shaped like Celine Dion and the Behind The Music on Shania Twain. The name they've been murmuring to give you an idea is 'The White Stripes', so we're guessing that the real aim is to take the strain off MTV2, which has been struggling to be both Kerrang and The Amp simultaneously. We're also guessing it'll mean that MTV2 will become a much noisier sort of place in the new year.

THE NEW FACE OF THE POPS: Meet Tim Kash, the new face of Top of the Pops:



Now, we've never seen Tim doing his thing on MTV, so we don't know if he's really the music-soused, confident presenter that Andi Peters is telling us he is. We're not so sure he's that clued up, though - "Like most of us, I grew up watching the show, but more importantly it's an institution, having broken so many bands over the years." Does he mean 'broken' in the sense of given first exposure to? But that's not TOTP's role or, indeed, schtick, which is why the name of the show suggests you're going to already see bands at the Top of the, um, Pops. Maybe he means that it's ruined bands careers?

Of course, now he's in charge and there's nothing we can do about it. But who is this shadowy new figure, then? A former presenter of MP3TV, for a start. Nope, us neither. He filled this survey out when he was doing that job [Warning: Not office safe, assuming your office doesn't tolerate wan wackiness]:

First Job: Now I've really got to think. I don't get to do this much (just read and smile - that's what they told me when I got this job). 've done some strange things for money before - not sure if you can call them jobs though. When I left school about two years ago, I took that well-needed time-out to figure out what I really wanted to dedicate myself to. It was a close toss-up from becoming an astronaut, a footballer, an Alaskan crab fisherman or an international playboy.
As you can see, I picked the next best thing - presenting. Can't see the connection? Three words for you - 'Tim's Master Plan'. It's just the beginning.
Why NOW: Because it's better than THEN.
Future: If you're asking what's next for me, then I couldn't possibly tell you. But, if you want to know what I intend to do in the next five years, then that's another story altogether.
Let's just say that by 30, I want to have had an international best-selling autobiography. Why? Because if I have that, then the next 10 years of my life will be worth writing about. Welcome to my world.

Hmmm. Our hand is already hovering over the 'bring back Gail Porter' button on our desk...

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: End of Mission edition

The Guardian is in love with Alex Parks, else how can you explain two days running worth of stories on the Fame Academician? On Friday, the Guardian's women's page twittered excitedly about how this had been a key year for lesbians because they'd been on reality television - that they only appear as individuals doesn't seem to have occured to them; that the makers of Celebrity and Acadmey won't introduce two lesbians in case they start to touch each other's bottoms. We're also, presumably, not the only people thinking that the real sign things have changed will be when people are unable to list the programmes which featured lesbians during the year. (Although, actually, the programmes up between BBC2W and Sky Welcome do help knock up the average a bit).

Next day, and Alex is in Weekend. Since there are only two things that are in any way interesting about her - she's won a pop programme and she has a hairstyle not witnessed since L'oreal dropped the stu-stu-stu-studio line advert - it's not clear why it was decided that she was worthy of an in-depth profile. We didn't learn very much - although she says she never wanted to be on fame academy but her Dad sent the application in ( considering the series' strapline is 'whatever it takes', there seem to be an awful lot of contestants on it who had done bugger all to get there besides having a parent with a spot of the Mrs. Robinsons), and that "it's a big responbility" to be a role model for gay youth. Erm... yeah, it is, we guess, but you know what, Alex? You're not. Had Patrick Kielty attempted to bully you into snogging him, or the indierock boy called you Van Dyke Parks, or The Sun run a campaign to get you thrown out the Academy, then you might have had some sort of inspiring struggle for The Kids to be inspired by. As it is, you came, you were carefully single, and you won a TV gameshow. Please don't think there are thirteen year old girls going "Wow... even though I fancy my best mate, maybe one day I might even get to win Stars In Their Eyes." As it is, if you hadn't mentioned it, your lesbianism wouldn't have even been noticed.

Much more healthily, the Metro has got a thing about Pink - three front page stories hung on nothing very much at all (rather like her outfits, boom-a-boom). Anything which keeps Aguilera out the spotlight is fine by us.

So, this is it for Careless Talk Costs Lives - issue one, and mission over, although, as Ev True ruefully admits "so, we didn't bring down the UK music press. We still feverently believe we're right." And to a certain extent, they were. Everet & Steve go onto further attempts to change the way we read about what we listen to - Loose Lips Sink Ship and Plan B. But first, they have one last issue of passion to burn through.

Jerry Thackery makes the curious assertion that "it's rare that an artists can dress in such a lascivious manner and lack sexuality, but Polly Harvey manages it." Eh? Since when did Polly Harvey lack sexuality? She might not look like she's an easy lay, but she even so, to suggest she lacks sexuality is just absurd. These sound like the confused words of a young boy too scared to get it up, and too ashamed to admit he's got a problem.

Miss AMP interviews Peaches and asks her is Har Mar is the male Peaches, which is such a preposterous suggestion we can't quite believe it, like asking if Trevor McDonald is the black John Peel. Oddly, Miss won't let Peaches video the interview, because she doesn't feel confident enough in how she looks, but then goes on to commend Peaches for kicking at the assumption that only the attractive should be allowed to be seen. Well, it puzzled us - 'well done for breaking down the assumption that you have to look hot if you're going to be on display, but don't film me, I'm ugly?'

Cover act the Gossip also infuriate: ET starts out well: "I've always been suspiscious of self-proclaimed white trash indie bands [and] the fact [they] sang to a bunch of self-congratulatory Brighton sorts..." (i.e. Ladyfest) - but now he's changed his mind. But he shouldn't do. We like the noise the Gossip makes, but their attitude? It's just wrong. Nathan says "I don't inderstand these bands that have no punk or DIY ethics at all - they just want to be popular" - important words, because it sums up everything that's wrong with the uberindiescene. DIY and Punk ethics are great things, don't get us wrong, but to suggest that there's something wrong with not having the desire to sacrifice your chance of being heard to spending hours burning CD-Rs and playing to the same thirty people is just ludicruous. Is popular bad? Why? Would Radiohead be doing more if they were releasing their records as 7 inch vinyl singles and still playing to the half-full Bullingdon Arms? DIY is great, but to suggest that there's something beyond understanding about a band who aspire to sell more copies of their album than they can store in a small box under their bed is so utterly self-defeating, especially in a band who would have you believe they've got something important to say, politics to impart, roles to model. Beth, the singer, is burning with belief that she's there to be a figurehead - "being fat and being queer the way I am is really important to me" - but they're stuck in this tiny, choking little world of playing Bristol Ladyfest one week, Brighton Ladyfest the next - who are you reaching out to? How many of those confused and lonely and scared fourteen year olds are going to be at a fucking Ladyfest? We might mock Alex Fame Academy's belief that she's a role model, but at least she's visible. Being queer in a queer friendly (indeed, grossly-over-familiar-with-queer) little world isn't taking a stand, it's taking an easy way out. And what's with all the bollocks about being a "person of size" (her phrase)? Beth, you're not fat - sure you'd probably be comfortable with a few less pounds, but to hear you bang on about your weight being part of your identity must really suck for those girls who do have problems with their weight, whichever way - like the girls who were told that Tara-off-Willow was fat and who looked at their bellys and sighed "if that's fat, then what does that make this?" I know you think you're helping, but really, you're just adding to the problem.

Thank god, once you're past them, John of the Mountain Goats has just produced a break-up album despite being happily married - "I write about it in the hope of not making the same mistakes."

Joey Ramone once borrowed a dollar off Thomas Truax, and used it to play Ramones records on the bar jukebox.

Amusingly, Neil Kulkarni has become a gamekeeper-turned-poacher by forming a namd called the Moonbears, and realises during his interview he's already started spouting interview bollocks. Stevie Chick goads him further, challenging him to claim he's making music for himself and if anyone else likes it, it's a bonus.

How did Belle & sebastian end up working with Trevor Horn? "He selected us" explains Stuart Murdoch. He also reveals he used to be a big fan of Yes, because his sister gave him one of their records. Back before all these music TV stations and iPods and Napsters, that was how it worked - the music you had was the music you had, and you learned to love it.

Kieron Gillen goes to the Bristol Ladyfest - "the musical equivalent of a personal blog."

When he was seven, Kid Koala wanted to work with bugs.

Amongst the final CTCL reviews:

14 Year Old Girls - Zombies Out Robots In -"post-punk-popstering on Amigas"

Josef K - Live at Valentinos - "can still be learned from, or taken like tonic, or danced at"

Tsurubami - "crazy yin/yang theory abounds"

And then it's goodnight from them. We had carried a burning desire that the countdown would have been abandoned, or another way had been found, but we respect them for pulling out when they said they would - it's like the manics had done one album and split up. It's very Sarah Records farewell. We'll all meet again, of course, but just this once, a pop paper is closing because it's done what it set out to do, and not because it's been shunned into economic meltdown. Respect to the team.

And as the CTCL flag is taken down, here comes a new title - or, at least, a revival of an old one. The last Sounds was a big, inkie weekly, but it was bought and closed by EMAP on the same day. Now, it's been revived as the logic of the current monthly market seems to have finally hit home. Publishers spend a fortune producing big, heavily staffed magazines, slap a CD on the cover and, normally, the CD secures the sale and the magazine is binned largely unread. So, it seems, they've decided to try something a bit more intellectually honest, launching a CD which comes with a tiny magazine. Hence, Sounds is reborn (albeit with a spot of nervous Q-cross-branding), and, for four quid, you get the sort of CD you'd find cover mounted on Q (Snow Patrol, Raveonettes, Electric Soft Parade) and a tiny magazine with Brody Dalle speculating on if Pink has a dick (mmm...) and The Cure being rediscovered. It's an interesting idea - magazine company turns to being record company - and we suspect we'll see more of this sort of thing.

A year on from the first issue, X-Ray (more synergy - oh, you can feel it in the air) is still going strong, also with its CD (Rilo Liley, J Xavere, Her Space Holiday) and an exclusive chat with kelly Jones over the way they dumped Stuart Cable. It's almost as if he's afraid he came over like a cunt dumping his mate like that. Jones claims that Cable knew he was going - apparently a press release came out before he'd had a chance to tell his family "it was a legal fuck-up." If this is to make him seem less of a cunt, it doesn't. You screwed up the press releases you used to sack your mate of several years? Cunt.

J Xaverre is keen to stop being thought of as 'ex-Kenickie', which is a bit rich considering the reason he gets press attention is... well, not because of the stuff he's done since Lauren hung up her indie shoes.

Charles Saatchi and Midge Ure like Aqualung, claims Matt Hales. And, we guess, that's not the sort of thing you'd make up to impress people.

"We're remarkably unremarkable. We're decent, normal people who happen to have a talent" bores Fran Healy, making an already dull prospect - the return of Travis - seem ever less colourfull, ever less carnival. He then babbles on for a bit about how the 'C' on the ground in London allows you to behave like a Cunt - as if backstabbing only takes place in the centre of the city. He believes that the music industry would never last in scotland as "people are too decent to stab you in the back." Perhaps he's unable to read The Scotsman all on his own. Let him be.

Curse those long lead times:
X-Ray: How long can you see Suede staying together?
Brett Anderson: As long as you feel as though you;re still doing something good and relevant and making some quality work"

Mind you, they then go on to ask him about the 'bisexual man who's never had a gay experience' quote - for the fucking hunderdth time - so maybe that was enough to push him over the edge.

In the NME, incidently, Brett describes A New Morning as "weak." Hmmm.

Thank God we have a subscription now to NME, so we can threaten to cancel it when we're faced with The Fucking Beatles on the cover. Let It Be re-mixed? Who fucking cares? No, make that: If we cared, we'd be reading Uncut or Mojo. Jesus Christ.

The big picture is Jack and Meg and Justin Timberlake, as if we're supposed to be surprised any more that Justin has his picture taken on our territory .

Tori Amos burns an entirely fictional CD - and if she really wanted to make one with U2 and The Beatles on, we'd burn her before she could burn it.

Interestingly, Kelly Osbourne's album is advertised in the paper - but there's no mention of the label in the advert. (Sanctuary hiding?)

Peter Robinson takes on Ludacris, and this week he loses, as 'cris suggest Peter gets a gucci interior for his car. On Time Warner wages?

New Band is My Red Cell, who appear to be Super Furry Animals reinvented for a McDonalds romper room.

"If sex is on your mind" says wayne coyne, "then watching the Flaming Lips may give you a bigger range of things you want to experience." Like, presumably, dressing up a s a dolphin.

The posters - the 90's collection - are Suede, the verve, Trainspotting, Jeff Buckley, Prodigy, Blur v oasis and - let it lie, now - Richey with his arm cut up a-fucking-gain, a picture they've printed now more often than the Sunday People have run that one of Jesus' face in the melting snow.

Reviews:

live:
Biffy Clyro - Glasgow (of course) - "some kind of Nevermind aware demigod", 8
Janes Addicition - Brixton - "nowadayd in the business of putting on a show rather than fucking with your DNA", 5
Relaxed Muscle - Camden - "ever-reliable special needs dance moves", 8

albums
Ref Hot Chilli Peppers - greatest hits - "how this band have grown", 8
Kylie - body language - "extremely tastefully done"

singles
sotw - my red cell ep - "visceral and as real as it gets"
stereophonics - since I told you it's over - "so comically bad, so hysterically overwrought"

and, finally, guy from Elbow loves Talk Talk. Every time you feel yourself thinking Elbow aren't that bad, they give you a new reason to hate them.

2004 ALREADY SHAPING UP TO BE 'SHIT YEAR': Oh, good, Oasis are going into the studio early next year. The only downside is (i) they'll eventually emerge and (ii) they'll probably be taking something in to record their godawful music onto. This time they're going to be recording with Death in Vegas in a vain attempt to try and make their now-totally-clapped-out single idea appear to have a little more life in it ("in order to explore a new dimension to the band's sound, or something").

MELISSA AUF DER MAUR GIVES US TINKER'S CUTS: Perpetually former-Pumpkins and Hole bassist Auf der Maur is set to release her debut solo album. Only she's decided to make it eponymous, which means it's going to be most bloody awkward record title ever to spell - Melissa An Dem Marr by Mellisa Au Der Marre or variants thereof, we're almost certain to end up calling it. Melissa says she "sings like a girl" (not that that's stood in Robbie William's way) but promises something melodic and heavy. It's got Josh Homme on it, but then he seems to be filling in the Jarvis Cocker role of turning up on everything to the left of mainstream these days. And she's dug out a couple of tracks she wrote when she was in the Tinkers back when she was nineteen. She claims they've held up, though, and even if they haven't, I guess most of us of a certain age will have a sneaking admiration that she did anything in her teenage years that she can look at years later and not feel a total show about.

NATURAL BORN KILLERS MEET TRAIL OF DEAD: Well, Pitchfork reckons And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead singer Conrad Keely is engaged to Juliette Lewis. And Lewis is "doing a Russell Crowe" ("about to release a record with her band"). Oh, and ... Trail will have a new album out early next year.

A VAN WALKS INTO A PUB. OH, NO HE DOESN'T: The pub owner who claims Van Morrison's non-appearance at a gig wrecked his business has won GBP40,000 in compo. Gary Marlow told the courts that after Van didn't appear at the Crown Hotel in Wiltshire, takings slumped from GBP25,000 to just GBP7,000 a month. We're sure that he has paperwork to back up his claim, but we're not sure how there not being a fat, grumpy bloke in the corner one night would have had such a detrimental effect on the business month-by-month; in fact, before we set foot in any pub we usually ring ahead to check that Van Morrison isn't in there.

HERE COMES NODDY: Noddy - as in Noddy, rather than Noddy Holder - is making a bid to have the Christmas Number One. Of course, in this, he and Big Ears will be up against the Pop Idol crew, making it an interesting battle between some bobble-headed muppets designed to entertain and delight very young children and... ah, I but see you've already made it to the punchline.

IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE SQUEAMISH: Okay, it is... so we'll just blurt Carl Libertine slips in bathroom, ends up with metal plate behind eyeball and rush off to the toilet...

IT'S A MEL (SMITH) AND KIM (WILDE) FOR THE 21ST CENTURY: Please, god, no - Shirley and Marilyn Manson to work together? Shirley, what are you thinking? It's like Bill Hicks doing a double act with Syd Little.

SORTING THROUGH THE EMAIL: Thanks to Alan, for his observation on the All Knowing NME Brain:

I'm getting obsessed with the All-Knowing NME Brain. The first CD single was Dire Straits, apparently. But when they were first made, Smash Hits said that the inaugural singles were Ruby Turner (x3), Dire Straits (x4) and John Martyn (x4!) all on the same day. Small point, but it ain't All-Knowing.

And also, we should at this point look scoldingly at P. for his suggestion that the Robbie Williams collage will look like the Myra Hindley face made up from children's handprints. You'll have that Morrissey on you, you know.

AN 'AH YES, I REMEMBER IT WELL' FOR THE 21ST CENTURY: Victoria Beckham and her husband, David, have "recorded a duet" - or rather Damon Dash has slapped a Beckham voicemail on one of the tracks on the new Posh album in a bid to try and persuade Telstar it's interesting enough to release ("because David is the only man for her to sing about.") Of course, the problem with this concept of a duet is one of the 'singers' is little more than a flat, dull monotone voice talking through banks of electronic equipment, and the other one belongs to a footballer. (Yes, we know you could have written that yourself, thank you.) ITV news reckons "the Beckhams will hope that the track puts a stop to persistent rumours that they are having marital problems." Yes, that'll do it - an old voicemail track of Derek calling Victoria saying "I'm really missing you" while she was off recording a pointless album with the bloke the tabloids are desperate to suggest she's shagging. Well, I'm convinced.

HE WANTS MORE THAN FIFTY CENTS DAMAGES: Photographer sues 50 cent, suggesting his seven-strong bodyguard crew went beyond the point of guarding Fifty's body and more towards just leathering the crap out of him.

CLASSICAL JAZ: Jaz Coleman - yes, that Jaz Coleman - turns up in Prague conducting the Czech Philharmonic and Prague Symphony orchestra. The Liverpool Phil is always looking for ways to try and boost its fortunes... could this be the way?

AW, BLESS: As the Australian Here and Now tour gets underway, Kim Wilde (who's looking after your garden at the moment, Kim?) changes Kids in America to Kids in Australia. Aww.

EASY TARGETS: We're convinced that the Girls Aloud publicity team are doing it deliberately now, sending out an email to the GA mailing list reading "Girls Aloud are currently battling it out on GWR Core Control". Maybe some contrition might help Cheryl in the forthcoming civil action rather than using her brawling as a lame gag.

MY MOM, MY THOM, MY RADIO 6: Radiohead are going to be programming much of 6Music over Christmas. So that's Thom Yorke as Santa there, then. Hold that image in your mind for a moment...

- Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, Little Girl
- I want a Tiny Tears, Santa
- Tears? There will be tears, my girl. For we are all alone in a world that shuns us and leaves to die unloved

IF A CAREER COLLAPSES AND NOBODY IS THERE, DOES IT MAKE A SOUND?: We knew times were getting tough for Madonna, but we didn't realise quite how tough. This email has been spamming its way around YahooGroups:

From: "Jeffrey Kee"
Date: Mon Nov 10, 2003 2:19pm
Subject: Madonna's New Single, NOTHING FAILS
"Nothing Fails" audio:
Low: http://www.warnerreprise.com/asx/madonna_nothingfails_56-a.asx
High: http://www.warnerreprise.com/asx/madonna_nothingfails_128-a.asx
If you like this song, please request for it at your local radio stations now!
On rotation at these stations:
WZEE-FM Madison, WYOY-FM Jackson, KRBV-FM Dallas, WYKS-FM Gainesville, WPRO-FM Providence, KHTT-FM Tulsa, WERZ-FM Portsmouth, KIIS-FM Los Angeles, WAYV-FM Atlantic City, WXKS-FM Boston, WZKL-FM Canton, WVYB-FM Daytona Beach, KSII-FM El Paso, KCDU-FM Monterey/Salinas, WINK-FM Ft. Myers, KLLC-FM San Francisco, KKPN-FM Corpus Christi, KHOP-FM Modesto/Stockton, WQSX-FM Boston
Pre-order Madonna's "Nothing Fails/Love Profusion/Nobody Knows Me"
Maxi-Single: http://www.amazon.com/exec/ [... ] -20
Release Date: December 9, 2003
If you're interested in supporting Madonna's new single, please email me at jeffreykee@m...
Thanks!
Jeffrey Kee

That's right... the old dear has run so low on her battery power there's some godawful streetteam trying to spark up a bit of interest. What makes is even sadder is they're able to draw up a very short list of stations who like the new single enough to play it. Do you remember when Madonna singles used to be an event, a time to save up pocket money and to clear the diary? Now it's down to some old queen sticking out spams saying "They quite like it on a radio station in Fort Myers." Madonna, honey, even getting a downstairs licking from Britney isn't going to save you know.

PLAYLOUDER STILL: So, the big debate in the playground right now is what to make of the Playlouder MSP (or "music service provider", as it would be styled.) We like Playlouder here, and the noises they make, and it's interesting to see someone come up with a different model for legitimate music file-sharing, but we're far from convinced of the likely success of this one.

In short, if we've got it right, you pay Playlouder to be your Internet Service Provider. They give some of the money you pay to them to the record labels, and in return, you're able to swap music files to your hearts content, any way you choose, with other users of Playlouder MSP. Providing, of course, those files are on labels who are part of the deal.

It's a nice idea, but there seem to be a few flaws with this model - if the record companies have signed up to it, it must be because they're convinced that the rights management is going to work, which would imply that you won't be able to go outside of the Playlouder MSP zone to download. So, whereas with Kazaa you have the whole world of Kazaa users to choose from, you're only going to have Kazaa Users who are also on Playlouder to pick tracks up off. And they'll only have tracks from the licensed labels available. Which seems to have cut down the attractiveness of the system right there - you'll probably have no trouble finding Smells Like Teen Spirit, but early Tad might be harder to come by. We guess that Playlouder could have a central server which held all these tracks, but then why would their users need to go through a file sharing service? We can't see the advantage for you if you're paying cold hard cash for the tracks in having to go and fish them off a file-sharing service - sure, it might be loads cheaper than iTunes, but at least Apple will serve you now, you don't have to wait for the only other Michelle Shocked fan sharing your ISP to come online in order to get your mitts on The Oldest Living Hippy. Of course, you could always go and look for the track in the wilder waters beyond PlayLouder's walled community, but for that you'd need to have a separate ISP to avoid the rights management; and if you're going to have to keep with BT Yahoo, say, to access some of the things you want. And since nobody is going to pay for two susbcriptions to ISPs, it looks like a straight choice between one which lets you use all of the file sharing networks and one which doesn't. It's a bit harsh, but if Playlouder can't guarantee access to all the labels' catalogue all the time, it's not entirely clear why anyone would want to sign up with them. Unless they were just very interested in their ISP package and aren't currently downloading any music at all, in which case their Music Service Provider isn't an answer to the problem of how to stop people illegally downloading, but a question of how to encourage people onto file sharing networks for the first time.

And you've got to scratch your head at record labels suddenly deciding file sharing networks are alright, after all - last week, wasn't using Kazaa going to fill your computer up with pictures of wanking babies and hard-disk wiping viruses? Wasn't it all a bit illegal and dangerous and liable to cause all sorts of potentially-prison-punishable bother for you? How is it these alleged problems could all be solved by nothing more technical than giving the record labels some of the money being spent on your ISP?

AFTER THE WHIGS: There's rather a fine interview with Greg Dulli, former Afghan Whigs man, on the Pulse of the Twin Cities website: "What happened in Elliott Smith’s living room is a modern day parable about what can happen. I didn’t know him well, but I did know him and I did have a deep fond affection for him. More than thinking about what he did, or the music he made before that, all I can think about is the five minutes before the act was completed. And that to me is just the absolute depth of loneliness. And that right there is why when you choose to expose yourself in an artistic way you’re putting yourself in a dangerous place.”

BLOWING IT: Machine Gun Fellatio have agreed to change their name to MGF to be included on the soundtrack to Australian movie Getting Square. But Chit Chat doesn't think that's going too far: "They had to put MGF at the start of the film rather than Machine Gun Fellatio and there was something in the papers here about "Oh are they selling out" or whatever. I was thinking "We got a song called 'Knickers On Your Head' past everybody and into a film so I don't know who's subverting who".

Here's a clue, Mr. Chat: You have got a song with the word 'knickers' onto a movie soundtrack, at the cost of not being able to use your band's name and consequently rendering the subsequent exposure totally useless in developing awareness and sales. Does that clear things up for you?

More confusingly, the movie comes laden with fucks, and yet Fellatio is banned. "And it's a medical term" says a puzzled Chat. Which makes us wonder exactly what his GP has been telling him.

IN SPACE, NOBODY CAN HEAR YOUR INTERMINABLE GUITAR SOLOS: Never mind Blur's involvement with Beagle2, lumbering whatever life may exist on Mars with some of the offcuts of their material (which still has a bigger prospective audience than Albarn's solo stuff), the cool space/music interface news is that they picked chunks of Deep Purple records out of the wreckage of the Space Shuttle. New theories on the crash are starting from the pilots losing control while they tried to change the disc in the CD player.

AND WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER FUN?: Try as we might, we can't picture Radiohead approaching recording with a plan "to have fun." But maybe we're being too cynical, and we're about to get their Surfing Safari.

STAY TOGETHER: Brett says that Suede could work together again at some point in the future "once he gets his 'demon' back." If that's all it would take, why doesn't he just give his - ahem - demon dealer a ring?

Brett's full message reads: "There's obviously been a lot of emotion and rumours flying around over the last few days so I thought I'd try and set the record straight on a couple of things.
Firstly I'd like everyone to know that this decision was based purely on creative reasons.
Personally I feel that the only way to escape the artistic dead end I have found myself in is to work at least for a while outside the band.
There has been speculation about record sales and chart positions but the bottom line is I need to do whatever it takes to get my demon back.
I know that a lot of people will never be able to understand this. I'd like them to know that this is not a decision we have entered into lightly and ask them to trust that ultimately the band know what is best for Suede.
Finally you should all know that we will remain good friends and that I can genuinely see us working together again. What we have done has been too special to just throw away.

So, there you are, then, it's a totally creative decision and anything you may have thought - about them being forced into releasing a greatest hits because Sony wasn't going to put up any more cash for an album after the load they blew on A New Morning, about the band being "gutted" by that greatest hits only reaching 31 (although it's not really surprising, like Pulp, most of their audience would have had all of the tracks to begin with), anything about the band being pissed off that Sony refused to bundle b-sides with the Greatest Hits - all of that can be written off as being little more than a Prince getting wanked off by his manservant. Apparently.

SHE REALLY DOES DO EVERY BLOODY THING A WEEK AFTER BRITNEY, DOESN'T SHE?: Just like Britney last week, Christina has pulled out of her UK dates and gone home. Apparently she's got bronchitis, which goes to prove your mam was right when she said if you go out dressed like this:



... you're going to get a chill. We've not got very much to say about the MTV awards, by the way, except that Aguilera had all those costume changes and not one of them was any good - you'd have thought by the law of averages that at least one of them would have been a cool costume, wouldn't you? And it took two midriff revealing outfits before we realised it wasn't some sort of icky, plastic, shiny beige material but her actual stomach. The other revelation of the night was that Christina can't deliver a comic line to save her life - like Thatcher, it's apparent she's been told the words she is saying has a humourous element to them, but she's incapable of knowing exactly what it is; the end result is a line trotted out with a "is this the funny bit? this bit?" uncertainty. Absolutely dreadful as a presenter, but still a million times better than Ali G the year before (who delivered lines devoid of humour as if he was Max Miller.)

IN GOD'S NAME, WHY?: Isn't having Victoria Beckham in to "relaunch" Top of the Pops like kicking of an overhaul of Match of the Day with something from the Conference? "It is not known if Victoria will be singing or presenting", apparently, although we're not sure what would be most horrific.

We're still not entirely sure how Andi Peters is going to be able to square his job being in charge of TOTP - and as such, a signed up believer that the BBC Top 40 is the only chart that counts - with his presenting slot on Capital, which uses a totally different chart. Isn't this going to cause him difficulty of a 'conflict' nature?

I HOPE THEY GOT SOMETHING IN WRITING: Angolans get excited at Michael Jackson's announcement that he might visit Angola "to carry out various social projects." He was talking in Las Vegas, a city where only Ned Flanders feels obliged to keep to his promises.

ASK ALFRED MARKS... THEY'VE SUCH A LOT TO OFFER YOU: Of course, Paul McCartney invented that dance music, you know. There was nothing before him, it was all trees, you know.

I ASK MYSELF/ IS IT A SIN/ TO BE FLEXIBLE/ WHEN THE SHIP COMES IN?: We wonder how long Yoko weighed the legacy of Lennon against the possibility of big piles of cash before she allowed Delta Goodrem to change the lyrics of Happy Christmas (war is over) - to the even more rubbish 'happy christmas (please let the war be over)' This means we're looking the prospect of three versions of this godawful dirge kicking about this festive season - the Pop Idol chimps, Delta and the reissue of the Lennon version. Obviously, great news for Yoko who will have extra cash to spend on her campaign to have Paul McCartney walled up forever in a toilet in the east end, but bad news for the rest of us. Surely this is the last year where we need to have pacifism portrayed as a dirgey, middle class, school-choir-melody activity? "Ooh, I'm a bit concerned about Iraq... I know, I'll record a nappy-wearing hippy-dippy ballad - that'll show the White House. I mean, if you're going to change the lyric, at least do it so that it becomes a knife which is still keen - 'Happy Xmas (Mission Accomplished)', perhaps?

VOMIT STAIND: Staind have had to cancel tour dates due to singer Aaron Lewis being taken poorly, so we're doing all we can to ensure he gets well soon. We're having a whip-round to send him on a recuperative cruise on the Aurora. All donations welcome.

TRY NOT TO LET THE MENTAL IMAGE FORM: Aled Jones pledged to sing naked if Wales made the rugby final. Oddly, he supports Wales so we're not sure why he was encouraging them to throw the match.

NOT LIKE A VIRGIN: Britney's been telling Entertainment Tonight what a difference getting fucked has made to her music: "I think that when you experience something that special, and something so sacred, it's like so much more emotion goes into it. I thought I was going to marry the person. I thought I was going to be with the person for the rest of my life, so that's why I did it. But when you do, you creatively go through such a different state when you're in the studio." Maybe, but on the other hand you could have showered. (To be honest, the new Britney stuff sounds less like the morning after your first time, more like the sound of a fist-pummelling on the knees waiting for the next time to us, but what would we know?)

Also, she tells ET that, surprisingly, the whole kissing Madonna thing was Madonna's idea. Who would have thought it was the plan of the woman with the twilight career, eh?

WOT - NO BANANAS?*: The worrying thing is, Chad Kroeger isn't being wry: "The stage is going to be even bigger than last time. The flames we had last time? Instead of going 40 feet, they'll now go 60 feet in the air. And if you're looking for meat and potatoes, we'll be serving up mountain-sized plates of meat-and-potatoes rock 'n' roll." No word on how the sourcing of the model stonehenge is going.

What's a little more interesting is the hairy one was stopped from making a single with santana by his record label - it turns out that he hadn't realised when he took a large pile of money from Roadrunner that he'd actually signed over himself to the label. Roadrunner were worried that if he worked with Carlos, he'd 'ruin his rock credibility' (like Disneyland losing its gritty realism, surely?). But now we're not sure - since his visual rights are no longer his (i.e. he can't stand in front of a camera without the approval of Roadrunner) is he allowed to cut his hair without their say-so?

JUST HOW WOBBLY WOULD YOUR MARRIAGE HAVE TO BE?: Barbara Powell gets advice on being married to a rock & roll star from Sharon Osbourne. (Her husband is Ryan Powell of, um, Left 4 Dead, so you can imagine how worried Barbara must be knowing her husband is playing to sometimes not-quite-empty rooms all over town. What sort of advice is Sharon going to give? "Pump your husband so full of barin-mashing drugs and he won't be able to wander, love. He'll barely be able to walk."

OH NO LOGO: What on earth have VH1 done to their logo? It's gone from a fairly solid-looking corporate logo to some godawful thing that looks like it's been run up on a Fisher Price logomaker. Horrid. Is this a sign they've decided 'Music TV for grown-ups' hasn't worked and they're thinking of making themselves a bit more youth-friendly?

TWEEDY: IT'S NOT OVER: Cheryl Tweedy might have hoped her tour of the softer end of the news media had been enough to re-establish her career, but it wasn't just No Rock that thought it strange that while she was apologising to fans and friends and family, she didn't find time to say sorry to Sophie Amogbokpa, the woman who she punched into weeks off work. Amogbokpa noticed too, and as a result has decided to bring a civil suit against Tweedy. As we imagine Cheryl's management team are explaining to her with diagrams and glove puppets, this is a sticky situation to be in - civil courts don't require cases to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, just on the balance of probabilities; this time round, one of the defence's strongest points - that the racially aggravated element was made up to make the case more duty for post-judgement sale to tabloids has been weakened by Amogbokpa's repeated rejection of attempts to buy her story by the tabloids; and most ominous of all, Amogbokpa is to be represented by Imran Khan, the lawyer who represented the family of Stephen Lawrence. Should be an interesting couple of months for Cheryl, then.

She does have some brightness to cling to, though: the Box Tops for Education programme still are enthusiastically endorsing the band. We spoke to Nestle, and asked if it was perhaps kind of the wrong message to be sending to schoolkids. After a couple of weeks, we got back a sniffy email saying they were "aware of the case against Tweedy" but "no decision had been taken" - although if one was being considered, wouldn't it have been prudent to at least remove the page boasting about how Girls Aloud give "one in the eye to do-gooders" at least while the mulling was taking place? Curious that in a week when a kid got murdered in his own school, Nestle are happy to have their big education project in any way connected with someone who's just had a conviction ke away that burden in me and continue to lead me :D yupp, blogged enuff. time for dinner. xoxo*`"+2">

TWEEDY: IT'S NOT OVER: Cheryl Tweedy might have hoped her tour of the softer end of the news media had been enough to re-establish her career, but it wasn't just No Rock that thought it strange that while she was apologising to fans and friends and family, she didn't find time to say sorry to Sophie Amogbokpa, the woman who she punched into weeks off work. Amogbokpa noticed too, and as a result has decided to bring a civil suit against Tweedy. As we imagine Cheryl's management team are explaining to her with diagrams and glove puppets, this is a sticky situation to be in - civil courts don't require cases to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, just on the balance of probabilities; this time round, one of the defence's strongest points - that the racially aggravated element was made up to make the case more juicy for post-judgement sale to tabloids has been weakened by Amogbokpa's repeated rejection of attempts to buy her story by the tabloids; and most ominous of all, Amogbokpa is to be represented by Imran Khan, the lawyer who represented the family of Stephen Lawrence. Should be an interesting couple of months for Cheryl, then.

She does have some brightness to cling to, though: the Box Tops for Education programme still are enthusiastically endorsing the band. We spoke to Nestle, and asked if it was perhaps kind of the wrong message to be sending to schoolkids. After a couple of weeks, we got back a sniffy email saying they were "aware of the case against Tweedy" but "no decision had been taken" - although if one was being considered, wouldn't it have been prudent to at least remove the page boasting about how Girls Aloud give "one in the eye to do-gooders" at least while the mulling was taking place? Curious that in a week when a kid got murdered in his own school, Nestle are happy to have their big education project in any way connected with someone who's just had a conviction for violence handed down.

TWEEDY: IT'S NOT OVER: Cheryl Tweedy might have hoped her tour of the softer end of the news media had been enough to re-establish her career, but it wasn't just No Rock that thought it strange that while she was apologising to fans and friends and family, she didn't find time to say sorry to Sophie Amogbokpa, the woman who she punched into weeks off work. Amogbokpa noticed too, and as a result has decided to bring a civil suit against Tweedy. As we imagine Cheryl's management team are explaining to her with diagrams and glove puppets, this is a sticky situation to be in - civil courts don't require cases to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, just on the balance of probabilities; this time round, one of the defence's strongest points - that the racially aggravated element was made up to make the case more duty for post-judgement sale to tabloids has been weakened by Amogbokpa's repeated rejection of attempts to buy her story by the tabloids; and most ominous of all, Amogbokpa is to be represented by Imran Khan, the lawyer who represented the family of Stephen Lawrence. Should be an interesting couple of months for Cheryl, then.

She does have some brightness to cling to, though: the Box Tops for Education programme still are enthusiastically endorsing the band. We spoke to Nestle, and asked if it was perhaps kind of the wrong message to be sending to schoolkids. After a couple of weeks, we got back a sniffy email saying they were "aware of the case against Tweedy" but "no decision had been taken" - although if one was being considered, wouldn't it have been prudent to at least remove the page boasting about how Girls Aloud give "one in the eye to do-gooders" at least while the mulling was taking place? Curious that in a week when a kid got murdered in his own school, Nestle are happy to have their big education project in any way connected with someone who's just had a conviction for violence handed down.

TWEEDY: IT'S NOT OVER: Cheryl Tweedy might have hoped her tour of the softer end of the news media had been enough to re-establish her career, but it wasn't just No Rock that thought it strange that while she was apologising to fans and friends and family, she didn't find time to say sorry to Sophie Amogbokpa, the woman who she punched into weeks off work. Amogbokpa noticed too, and as a result has decided to bring a civil suit against Tweedy. As we imagine Cheryl's management team are explaining to her with diagrams and glove puppets, this is a sticky situation to be in - civil courts don't require cases to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, just on the balance of probabilities; this time round, one of the defence's strongest points - that the racially aggravated element was made up to make the case more duty for post-judgement sale to tabloids has been weakened by Amogbokpa's repeated rejection of attempts to buy her story by the tabloids; and most ominous of all, Amogbokpa is to be represented by Imran Khan, the lawyer who represented the family of Stephen Lawrence. Should be an interesting couple of months for Cheryl, then.

She does have some brightness to cling to, though: the Box Tops for Education programme still are enthusiastically endorsing the band. We spoke to Nestle, and asked if it was perhaps kind of the wrong message to be sending to schoolkids. After a couple of weeks, we got back a sniffy email saying they were "aware of the case against Tweedy" but "no decision had been taken" - although if one was being considered, wouldn't it have been prudent to at least remove the page boasting about how Girls Aloud give "one in the eye to do-gooders" at least while the mulling was taking place? Curious that in a week when a kid got murdered in his own school, Nestle are happy to have their big education project in any way connected with someone who's just had a conviction for violence handed down.