Kerrang hits 30; gets new editor

Considering it was only ever a spin-off from Sounds, you'd have to be a curmudgeon to not applaud Kerrang for reaching its 30th birthday.

That's nine years more than Sounds managed, you'll note.

At the same time as it edges into its fourth decade, the title is getting a new editor, Gamesmaster's James McMahon. James used to write for NME, where he had spells looking after new bands and features; he's returning to his first love to take over the big green eyeshade at Kerrang from Nicola Browne.

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Debunking myths

Back in 2005, you might recall a story about an album with a barcode on the front which Tesco staff hadn't realised was meant to be decorative.

Wonderfully, this story has now won Gennaro Castaldo his first entry on myth-debunking website Snopes.com.

[Thanks to @NerysX for the spot]

Songwriterobit: Andrew Gold

Andrew Gold, musician and songwriter, has died.

Born to a musical family - his mother's voice was the one appearing to come out of Audrey Hepburn's mouth in My Fair Lady - which may have helped calm his parents when Linda Rondstadt turned up at his High School and shortly after invited the young Andrew to join her backing band. From The Stone Poneys, Gold built a career which would see him appear on recordings by Loudon Wainwright III, Carly Simon and Cher.

He also had two hits in his own right - Thank You Being A Friend (and hats off to E! for boiling down his long and fascinating career into Golden Girls theme writer dies) and Lonely Boy:

From the perspective of a second child, that always seemed a bit of a whiny song to me. Amusingly, when his mother heard it - and realised there was a lot of biographical detail - she assumed it was written from the heart. He assured her it was actually made up.

Andrew Gold was 59; he'd been ill with cancer for some time.

UPDATE: As a commenter has pointed out below, while his US Top 40 tally was two, in the UK Andrew also had a hit with this:



And - at the same time - I'd completely forgotten Wax, his collaboration with Graham Gouldman:

Bookmarks - Internet stuff: Gil Scott-Heron

A warm memorialisation of Gil Scott-Heron from The Economist:

Mr Scott-Heron was often described as the godfather of rap—a moniker he apparently bristled at. Yet it is impossible to listen to him recite "The Revolution will not be Televised" and not hear the way he anticipated Public Enemy, KRS-One and other rappers, who sought empowerment in the angry poetry of disenfranchised black America, and set it to a potent beat.

Insurers try to avoid paying up for Jackson

Insurance. It's a process whereby you give a company money so that, if something bad happens, they can tell you why they're not going to compensate you.

Lloyds Of London is trying to weasel out of paying up on the policy protecting promoters if Michael Jackson failed to play his London dates:

The promoter should have informed Lloyd's what it knew about the singer's medical history, "including but not limited to, his apparent prescription drug use and/or drug addiction," the suit states.

If this fails, there's every chance that the insurers will start to claim that Jackson isn't actually dead. Or possibly that the corpse should have been put on wires and made to do the shows.

Breaking news: HMV refinances

BBC News is just reporting that HMV has agreed a refinancing deal with its bankers, which will allow the chain to limp a while longer.

The package is made up of separate £70m and £90m loans, and a £60m credit facility, which can be called upon if needed.

That's good, right?

But the company faces an "exit fee" due on the £90m loan when it is repaid, which would rise to 14% by January 2013 if the loan has not been repaid by then.

Oh. So it's pretty expensive money, then - potentially company-destroying money if HMV doesn't have a solid plan to turn itself around.

Gordon in the morning: Keeping up

Gordon seems to have missed an interesting little story this morning in his haste to copy out Peter Andre's New magazine column.

Andre suffers a lack of understanding: having heard about Robbie Williams' testosterone injections, he can only assume this is about erectile dysfunction:

Singer Peter said: "Rob, I've got one word of advice - Viagra. I tried it when it first came out and it was hilarious."

In the UK, at least, Viagra is only legally available with a prescription, so it's possible that Andre is confessing to having obtained prescription medication illegally.

Maybe it was prescribed - but Andre is quick to make it clear he doesn't have problems:

He insisted in his new! magazine column that he had not taken Viagra for any trouble having sex.

To be fair to Andre, he did spend some time in Cyprus after his first career failed (older readers might dimly recall he used to be a pop singer before he became... whatever it is he does now) and Cypriot law does allow over-the-counter purchase of the drug, but even so, at the very least, Andre and New! magazine do seem to be advocating the use of prescription drugs without the prescription.

Curious.

Equally curious is this bit of the story:

The reality TV star offered his advice after The Sun revealed Take That singer Robbie, married to Ayda Field, was having the jabs to boost sagging energy levels.

Gordon seems to have totally forgotten that "The Sun" did not "reveal" anything; it merely copied the story out of Esquire.

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Man in the window

It's for charity, of course, the man electing to live in HMV's Oxford Street shop window for 127 hours.

He'll be lucky to survive there for 127 hours, as doubtless within the first six hours there'll be a decline-inspired change of direction handed down from HMV head office and he'll discover his window has been replaced with a touch-screen eReader ordering booth.

Still, he's heading for his window, and who better to weigh up what he has in front of him than Gennaro Castaldo, HMV's head of sleeping in the office:

HMV's Gennaro Castaldo said: "Obviously, there's little comparison between the relative comfort of a shop window on the world's busiest shopping street, where tens of thousands will be able to observe you, and a rocky crevice in the middle of nowhere cut off from all human existence.

"However, this attempt won't be without its difficulties and challenges, and while Luke's arm will remain safely attached to him and he won't be forced to drink his own urine."

Yeah, it's not like he's in a Zavvi or anything.

The references to crevices and urine drinking are becauss the stunt has been inspired by 127 Hours, the movie about the bloke who cut his own arm off rather than spend any more time in Utah than he absolutely had to.

Alastair Campbell takes on The Wanted

If you half-glance at the Daily Mail, Alastair Campbell broke Tom Parker's leg during a charity football match.

Given what Alastair Campbell did to things like the BBC, and the truth, during the job he was famous for, you might think Parker came off lightly.

Over on his own blog, Campbell offers his side of the match, which unpicks the Mail story - not least the way the paper reports on The Wanted's singer being stretchered off, but neglects to mention that it was later on, and after the photos of a shouty Campbell at a skirmish. Not later on in the match; later on in a different match. (Naturally, The Sun also makes the same misrepresentation.)

The Mail's piece is all over the place all on its own - Campbell is being presented in the photos, headline and standfirst as the belligerent, but the detail actually admits that incident being photographed came after Parker had performed a vicious tackle. The paper also seems uncertain if Parker's leg was broken or not; at the outset it's snapped, but in the story itself it's just a "suspected" broken leg.

The Mail doesn't run a photo of the stretchering, but one pops up in The Sun story:

Not sure that's the big grin of someone whose leg has just been broken in a football match.

Gordon in the morning: The rise of the robots

It's one of those mornings when we have to applaud Gordon's work. His coverage of Take That being trapped when their giant onstage robots broke down mid-set is a lovely story, and a lovely image.

It's a pity that he does spoil it by trying to pretend he knew this was going to happen all along:

It could have been a lot worse. In classic movie comedy This Is Spinal Tap, bass player DEREK SMALLS is trapped inside a giant pod while roadies try to smash it with a hammer.

And U2 spent sections of their Popmart tour trapped inside a giant lemon which failed to open.

Something similar was bound to happen with Take That's massive robot.

Funny, if it was "bound to happen" you might have thought Gordon would have mentioned that in his review of the set, but back then the robot didn't seem so obviously flawed:

The last time they hit the road they had a gigantic mechanical elephant as the centrepiece of the production. And the lads have taken another step up in scale since then - introducing a giant 60ft mechanical man.

It is a staggering piece of kit, and a real symbol of the band's huge ambitions with this show.

A staggering piece of kit which, apparently, was so clearly going to fail at some point it wasn't even worth mentioning.

Producerobit: Martin Rushent

According to Louder Than War, the man who produced most of the key New Romantic and Factory legends, has died earlier today.

He'd made his name as an engineer - providing a wavy line from David Essex through to T Rex - before he moved over to the main position on the desk. United Artists had been impressed with the steady hand Martin had brought to Shirley Bassey's 1970s output and - when the money from those albums allowed the label to start hoovering up this new punk talent coming through, Rushent was an obvious choice to produce. His work on the first three Stranglers records saw him become a virtual member of the band; but by the time of the Black And White sessions Martin felt that there was little more he could offer and stepped aside shortly afterwards.

Managing to find a way to capture punky energy on record that involved a bit more than just turning everything up gave him a lead in the late 1970s market; his work with acts like The Buzzcocks and Generation X meant that he was well-positioned to shape the next generation of sound. Joy Division sought him out at miserablist edge of the new wave, while The Human League brought him in at the poppier end - his work on Dare winning him a Brit award, back when the Brits gave prizes to producers. (In fact, he was the first annual winner of a production award.)

Although things were going well for him professionally, personally the end of the 1980s were a less happy time. Falling ill with depression, Rushent suddenly found himself struggling to cope. If he never quite got back to his pre-illness financial position, he did return to health; he resumed working, but at a slightly less frenetic pace.

Amongst a massive collection of production credits, everyone has a favourite. For me, it's this:



RIP, Martin Rushent.

(At time of writing, there doesn't appear to be any formal confirmation of Martin's death on line.)

Glastonbury 2011: Mail declares BBC kicking season open

Only a couple of weeks now until Glastonbury, which means it's time for the Daily Mail to start complaining that it takes people to make television and radio programmes.

The person making themselves sound a tiresome twit this year is Chris Hastings. You might know Hastings from other bits of pointless BBC-kicking such as complaining that the Olympic Stadium is on the map at the start of EastEnders and a mild joke about putting the 'n' in cuts. It's not like Chris hates everything on the BBC, though - he likes it when the rudey ladies take all their clothes off.

Hastings does the usual counting of BBC staff covering the festival and drawing asinine conclusions:

Doubters also question why it has to send more than 400 staff, pointing out it sent about the same number to Beijing in 2008 to provide many more hours of Olympic coverage.

Oddly, Chris fails to mention who these "doubters" are, with their surprisingly specific doubts.

Perhaps if Chris had been able to meet them, he'd have been able to explain to those doubters that the BBC wasn't the sole broadcaster covering the Beijing games and that much of those on-screen hours were provided by the Chinese state broadcaster and so the BBC team were providing wrap-around content and not absolutely everything.

Chris might also have chuckled a bit and said "well, the 2008 Olympics ran between the 8th and 24th of August, a much longer period, and with a much lower concentration of action than is packed into the Glastonbury weekend, so you've got to think in terms of the number of hours BBC staff are working in total for the event rather than just the number of actual people, otherwise you might sound like an arsehole sounding off about matters you've not even given any consideration to."

Then, Hastings might have hugged the doubters and said "you know what else? In Beijing, much of the infrastructure was already in place, again provided by the Chinese. Whereas, of course, in Glastonbury the BBC is working from scratch and so needs people to build the vital systems for broadcasting." Stroking the heads of the doubters, Chris would then go "shh, shh - I know you've made yourself seem like you're some sort of moron, but it's alright; people will understand that you're just so blinded by hatred you don't care about even thinking through what you're talking about. After all, you're just expressing your doubts into some sort of massive circle-jerk of ill-founded hatred of the BBC - it's not like you have to understand anything, is it?"

(By the way, the Mail didn't think the BBC had sent the right number of people to cover the Olympics, either).

Still, Hastings doesn't just rehash last years story; he's found a whole new thing to be angry about:

An investigation by The Mail on Sunday has found that the BBC has secured more than 200 rooms within a 14-mile radius of the Somerset festival for its employees.

The reservations include block-booking more than 14 separate hotels and guest houses.

The headline on the story demands to know "Why no tent city?" Yes, the Mail is fuming that the BBC staff are going to have rooms to sleep in at the end of a hard day's work.

Again, Hastings is probably showing his lack of knowledge here - clearly, he has no idea about the sorts of boxes of equipment most of the team will be moving with and which, quite often, is going to be sharing their bedrooms. Or perhaps he does know, and just wishes he'd had a chance to write stories about the BBC losing stuff from tents and awash with mud.

It's not just there are walls and floors, it's that they're close to the festival site:

As a result, ordinary festival-goers who prefer a warm room to a tent are finding accommodation increasingly hard to come by. Many are now having to stay in rooms as far away as Bath, which is more than 20 miles from the festival site.

First of all, "ordinary festival goers" don't stay at hotels, they tend to camp. Secondly, they might be finding accommodation tricky to come by because there isn't much there in the first place. Which is precisely why the BBC have had to fall back on places that cost a bit more.

And, yes, it might be a bit inconvenient to have to travel 20 miles in to see a band - but the BBC staff are getting there to work, so probably have slightly more pressing deadlines that some people who love the festival so much they don't want to miss out on a warm bed and a nice breakfast before going onto the site.

Hastings could have saved himself from looking foolish if he'd actually read this paragraph in his own report:

Last night one hotelier claimed bookings for BBC staff covering the festival at this month may extend to 400 rooms.

Having established that there's only about 400 BBC staff going to the festival, and that this isn't the only hotel being used as base, a journalist might have realised that the rooms aren't simply being used a lodging.

But then a journalist might also have quietly spiked the story that isn't one before running it again.

It's like Kasabian can see the future

Listen to mystic Serge:

Kasabian feel it is inevitable that they will become "shit".

The 'Empire' rockers are about to release their fourth album, and while they feel it will be a "classic", the band don't think they'll be able to make albums of the same quality forever.

Guitarist Serge Pizzorno said: "It's to do with being on a roll. Everyone at some point goes shit it's inevitable. It's about getting it down as quickly as you can, because it won't last.

Of course, this prediction would have been a bit more impressive had he made it at the start of first rehearsal. It's a bit like saying Pour Moi will win the Derby one day.

Still, Serge is nothing if not realistic in acknowledging the potential of Kasabian to be shit. Actually, I say "realistic"...

"It happens to the great writers of all time at some point."

... but he does seem to be convinced there are some sort of great writers involved in this story.

Vodafone goes to Glastonbury

Talking of companies with grubby tax records and Glastonbury, has Vodafone been trying to pretend it was able to get its customers into the festival?

Back in February, this message appeared on the Glatowatch forum:

Hi there,

I'm Natalie S and I do PR for Vodafone, and we wanted to share this link with you: [link to Vodafone video]

It shows Jenson Button & Lewis Hamilton setting up camp at their favourite music festival early... very early.

If you want to get your hands on tickets for some of Britain's hottest festivals this summer before they go on general sale, visit [link to Vodafone website]

Now, it's a bit spammy - Natalie S hadn't posted before, and hasn't posted since; and Vodafone don't have any tickets for Glastonbury so it's a bit off-topic for a Glastonbury board. But, to be fair, there was no suggestion there that there would be Glastonbury tickets for Vodafone customers.

The linked video was this one, which shows Jensen Button and Lewis Hamilton setting up a tent in a field having arrived early for a festival. Like how Vodafone customers get their tickets early. Aaaaah.

Again, the video is scrupulous in not claiming that there are any Glastonbury tickets available. Because they don't.

But hang on... what's this down in the tags on the Official Vodafone YouTube channel?

Let's look a bit closer...

Yes, Vodafone have added the word "Glastonbury" to the tags, which means while their video has been scrupulous in not pretending to have tickets they don't, somehow they're still hoping to drag people to their site using the Glastonbury name.

It's not illegal, but it's certainly murky behaviour. And those events who Vodafone are sponsoring might feel a bit miffed that the company thinks their brands aren't interesting enough to merit a tag on the video. It's a bit like discovering your husband has written someone else's wife's name in his wallet.

U2: Suddenly, Glastonbury seems a much more appealing prospect

Things like this should really be announced before the tickets go on sale: Art Uncut are going to target Bono and U2 during their headline set.

"Bono claims to care about the developing world, but U2 greedily indulges in the very kind of tax avoidance which is crippling the poor nations of this world," said a spokesman for Art Uncut, a group with strong links to UK Uncut.

The One campaign has offered an attempt at a counterpoint:

A spokesperson for One, the anti-poverty campaign group co-founded by Bono, said: "U2's business arrangements have nothing to do with illegal tax evasion and transfer mispricing in developing countries, critical issues which Bono and One campaign on.

"One is currently lobbying for radical changes in the law that would require extractive industry corporations to report payments to governments, to ensure these substantial resources contribute to the domestic tax base instead of being stashed or siphoned off."

The One spokesperson misses about sixty-three points there. Sure, Bono and U2 aren't doing anything illegal with their tax arrangements. But, erm, neither are the extractive industry corporations, which is why they're campaigning for a change in the law.

A miner or oil person might ask, fairly, why Bono should object to them making the most of an arrangement which minimises their tax payout when he does exactly the same thing. Because it harms people in the country where they're not paying a fair rate of tax? But the same is true of Bono's actions.

Still, Glastonbury believes in stuff, doesn't it?

The organisers of Glastonbury festival declined to comment.

Not even a 'we hope they don't disrupt the performance but welcome their right to raise a matter important to them'.

This week just gone

The most-read articles in the last week:

1. Tatu complain that everyone thinks they're gay
2. Cowell's emissaries deny Britain's Got Talent is fixed...
3. ... following anonymous posting claims Ronan Parke has been groomed by Syco
4. People still looking for R Kelly shagging video
5. Coldplay's new image: Mild midlife crisis men
6. Video: Emmy The Great
7. Avril Lavigne swears; upsets gentle ears of sports crowd
8. The smoking Gunns? Look East hears about Ronan Parke's birthday song video
9. Liveblog: The last Mark & Lard show
10. John Elway won't share his name with punks


These were the interesting releases:


Sparrow And The Workshop - Spitting Daggers

Download Crystals Fall



Jello Biafra & The Guantanamo School Of Medicine



Cults - Cults

Download Cults



Kitty, Daisy & Lewis - Smoking In Heaven

Download Smoking In Heaven



Seasick Steve - You Can't Teach An Old...

Download You Can't Teach An Old...



The Pierces - You And I

Download You And I



Blondie - Panic Of Girls

Download Panic Of Girls



Death Cab For Cutie - Codes And Keys

Download Codes And Keys

Twittergem: Kaiser Chiefs

@MrTrick points out that nobody (apart, perhaps, from the Kaiser Chiefs) is going to get rich remaking the new album:

Since the Kaisers album site went live the top 5 sellers of the album have managed to shift 91 copies between them.

Actually, I think that's a pretty impressive number of sales. Because why would anyone buy somebody else's prepackaged collection when they can make their own, and possibly sell it on.

Gordon in the morning: The pants war

Having spent the last few years desperately trying to talk up chart battles where there were none, Gordon moves into the clothing department:

ROBBIE WILLIAMS is launching a fashion firm to rival LIAM GALLAGHER's Pretty Green.

I'm not sure how you'd measure this to decide on success - is the winner the person who gets the largest coverage of column inches compared to the actual square meterage of cloth they sell?

Robbie's clothes will be in stores this autumn with T-shirts from £35 and three-quarter-length Mod-style coats for £350.

There will also be accessories such as flat caps and polka-dot scarves.

Really?

A source said: "Robbie's aim was to create a collection with a heritage feel combined with a modern style."

Hang about, Gordon? "A source said"? That's not an unattributable, off-the-record briefing type statement. It's like Woodward & Bernstein reporting back from Deep Throat that "the president's economic policy will stay the course for the next two years, with early signs of an upturn in the automotive sector."

Maybe there's just a template in The Sun's computer system that only allows Gordon to attribute comments to magazines he's read them in, or anonymous sources.

Look East edge around the Britain's Got Talent story

Bryan and Susan Gunn have just popped on Look East talking about Ronan Parkes.

Stewart White offered a "and I believe he was discovered at your birthday party" which felt like either a poorly briefed question, or just a really clumsy way to wrench the lid of the can of worms.

Susan asked "who discovered him?", (on the grounds that there were no outside guests at the party), before then saying there was no party "two years ago" for anyone to not have been present at anyway. Which would seem to be a fairly firm, if slightly confusing, rejection of one of the key claims in yesterday's anonymous note.

She then launched into a further spot of explication - that Ronan had sung at a different family party, but again where there were no outside representatives. Some of the guests had, though, put footage of Ronan singing online.

So, the story yesterday was definitively wrong, at least in some of its early detail.

Equally, though, it turns out it was at least possible for anyone to have discovered footage of Ronan Parkes singing online. Doesn't mean anyone from Syco or Sony did, but you can start to see how, if someone was trying to slap together a plausible-sounding story, that element might have got garbled as the tale was being weaved.

Girls Aloud: Dark doings behind the scenes

A few years back, Kaiser Chiefs popped up on light ent confection An Audience With Girls Aloud. It turns out now that Ricky Wilson had got cold feet about the idea:

"By the same token, it felt like the wrong thing at the wrong time. We tried to pull out, but we were basically... threatened. That's all I can say about that right now."

I'm struggling to think of a scenario where anyone organising a Girls Aloud special would be so desperate to keep the Kaiser Chiefs onboard that they resorted to the old "be a pity if anything happened to your drummer" routine. It's fair to say that the band had perhaps started the southwards part of their career cycle at that point.

In other Kaiser Chiefs news, they've launched their new album The Future Is Medieval as a pyramid sales format. You choose ten tracks from the twenty on offer, and make a 'personal' CD. The twist is that, if you can get someone to buy 'your' version of the album, you get a pound. Which is a novel idea, kind of a limited affiliate marketing scheme.

Three strikes could be out

A UN report into legislation, such as the HADOPI law in France or the DEA in the UK, which allows suspension of internet connection, says that the measure may be contrary to human rights principles. The Telegraph says:

“The Special Rapporteur urges States to repeal or amend existing intellectual copyright laws which permit users to be disconnected from Internet access,” says [Frank] La Rue’s report, which will be presented to the UN’s human rights council today.

The UK government have mumbled something about how they think there are "balancing rights" of intellectual property, which suggests that Cameron and Clegg don't quite understand what a fundamental human right is.

Gordon in the morning: More on Mick's manhood

So it turns out that we're still talking about the size of Mick Jagger's cock. Last year, you'll have shut out of your mind, Keith Richards claimed that it was so miniscule, it was no tool at all.

Today, though, Pete Townshend has decided to defend the honorable member:

He said: "I think it's sad that we will only remember Keith's book because of what he said about the size of Mick's genitals. Which, by the way, to use an apt term, is b*******.

"I've seen them and they are not small. And it is not just the balls that are big."

Pete doesn't appear to consider that, perhaps, he happened to see Mick fully deployed while Keith couldn't stir Mick to such heights.

Gordon describes Pete's testimony as "first hand experience". If Mick was that huge, surely he'd have needed a second hand?

Simon Cowell denies BGT fix claims

After this morning's anonymous claims that Britain's Got Talent is fixed comes the denial:

However, a spokesperson for Cowell made a statement which denied the rumours, which said: "There is no truth in this story whatsoever. Ronan first came to Syco/Sony's attention when he entered this year’s competition.

"Syco/Sony Music will not hesitate to take whatever legal action is appropriate to prevent further publication of these unfounded allegations.”

BPI decides to extend its moral guardianship to the internet

As if not managing to find a way to make money online wasn't occupying enough of the BPI's time, it's just announced a scheme which will fail to stop children seeing porny pop videos and hearing bad words in songs.

The risible "parental guidance" sticker - itself based on a weak idea by Tipper Gore - is moving online. New Media Age:

From today (Thursday), online content will have to display the parental advisory logo, for the first time since the scheme was introduced over 15 years ago.

According to the BPI, some digital music stores have already been showing the label against content but most audio and video streaming services, including Spotify and Napster, had not yet implemented a consistent parental guidance system.

Napster hasn't implemented a parental guidance system? That must be worrying news, should anyone under the age of thirty ever find out what Napster is.

The BPI hasn't stopped to think how its system - which, presumably, will only apply to music-related content put online by its members in the UK - could be considered a "consistent parental guidance system". Unless there are people whose sole online activity consists, consistently, of watching music videos made by EMI UK, Sony UK and the other two.

Still, it's good to know that the parents who have hitherto not noticed, say, Rihanna's video being full of S&M-lite imagery, will clearly be checking the little symbol at the start of the video now. "Goodness, now there's a warning at the front, I've suddenly spotted that this video being flung at my popkids is full of filth."

GaGa says 99cents is about right

Talking to the Wall Street Journal, Lady GaGa has said that when Amazon flogged the new record for less than a dollar, they were probably right:

“No. I absolutely do not, especially for MP3s and digital music. It’s invisible. it’s in space. If anything, I applaud a company like Amazon for equating the value of digital versus the physical copy, and giving the opportunity to everyone to buy music. It also wasn’t really 99 cents, because Amazon paid the difference on all of those purchases as part of their promotional campaign for one of their new services. I think it’s amazing and it was a really nice surprise and I felt honored that they chose my record to be part of it.”

The interesting bit is tucked away in the middle - 'sure, sell them for 99cents. Providing I still get my full pay from somewhere'.

Maybe the next album could be sold exclusively through Family Dollar?

Britain's Got Talent got a mole?

Interesting document has turned up online from someone claiming to be an employee of Sony, telling an interesting tale about Ronan Parke.

Parke is a contestant on the current Britain's Got Talent. According to this account, he's also the preselected winner. And has been signed to Syco for two years, during which time he's been groomed (yes, like that) for a brief crack at the preteen market.

It has to be remembered that this is an anonymous account, and by its nature a one-side-of-the-story. There are, presumably, enough people who have been disadvantaged, disgusted or disrespected by Simon Cowell, his various franchises and ITV in general to make the obvious default position 'how do I know this isn't written drenched in bitterness rather than truth'?

I hope Ronan is not damaged by this experience, unforunately, history warns otherwise...but whatever, the genie is already out of the bottle and come this weekend, Ronan's life will change forever. Whether it's a good or bad experience being a 12 year old star in today's music industry, only time will tell. But as an industry insider I have serious reservations about what is about to happen to Ronan Parke and I doubt he or his family are ready for what's coming.

But if there's any truth in it at all, it's not just Ofcom who should be worried by the claims. There's a case for Social Services to be involved, as well.

GaGa? More like MehMeh, says Lefsetz

Bob Lefsetz has an interesting take on the smidge-over-a-million that GaGa sold:

Yes, by conventional SoundScan standards a tick over a million copies in a week is a significant sum.

But is there anybody in the U.S. who did not know GaGa had a new album out? Was there a problem finding a place to buy it?

What we’ve learned here is most people just don’t care. They don’t want GaGa at any price.

He reckons the problem is that there's no longer a mainstream; that once GaGa had sold to her sizeable fanbase, there isn't anyone who is that bothered.

Oh, the mainstream media tells us Lady GaGa is a superstar. But she’s not, not by the standards of yore. How many people actually went to her show? How many people have purchased her music? If she were a network TV show, they’d cancel her. And network TV shows have a fraction of the audience they once had. Three networks used to have 90% of the audience. Now four and a half networks have less than 30%. The rest is made up of endless cable channels, endless niches. Many of them quite profitable, in some cases more profitable than the networks, because costs are watched and a premium is charged for their audience.

In other words, maybe you can’t afford to spend so much making your album. And if you’ve got hard core fans you can get a lot of money from them. That’s the game.

There's a thread missing from his argument, though - that a lot of people who lap up Lady GaGa don't react to her as a musician. Lady GaGa is the Sarah Palin of politics - a lot of people will come and look, and enjoy the sideshow, and either enjoy the meat dresses and moose shoots, or enjoy not liking them; but the fascination is one of watching a sideshow. Enjoying reading about GaGa wearing a hat made of seashells doesn't mean you're going to buy her record, any more than those people who enjoy Palin's disruption of Republican politics would actually want her to be signing the budget off in the White House.

Embed and breakfast man: Emmy The Great

Ooh, this is lovely - a new video from the great Emmy The Great:

That's Iris, off of Virtue, which comes out the Monday after next.

The album that knows where you are

If you're in America, and at the National Mall, you can prick your finger on the sharp side of the cutting edge by downloading the first location-aware album. What the hell is that, The Next Web?:

Users will be able to download the album [iOS here, free] over the Mall’s WiFi. The phone’s geolocation will sync up with an impressionistic map rendering created for the app. Hit play and as users create their own path through the Mall, they’re creating their own special listening experience. If a user say cuts over to the reflecting pond then over to the FDR memorial, they will have a completely different experience than someone who takes the opposite route and the music was designed for this experience.

Sitting in Britain, it's hard enough to imagine an Arndale with a reflecting pool in it, never mind a soundtrack*.

This feels a bit more at the art project end of the musical scale. And, of course, it helps to promote the band involved. They're called Bluebrain, if you're interested.

* - I know. I know. The national park at the centre of Washington that runs up to the Lincoln Memorial. "This Mall is kind of crummy, there's no shops open at all..."

Gordon in the morning: This won't hurt a bit

Gordon reports - in the "has read in this month's Esquire magazine" sense of reports - that Robbie Williams is getting a bit of help:

"To cut a long story short I went to get some HGH. It's what all the old fellas are on out there in LA that's making them look 40 instead of 60.

"It's improving their health, their memory, their hair, skin.

"Could give you cancer. I weighed that up. Thought I'd have it anyway. Went to see a Hollywood doctor. Had my blood tests. Went back. He said, 'You don't need HGH. You've got the testosterone of a 100-year-old man.'

"And then everything made sense. It was kind of an epiphany that day."

The testosterone of a 100 year-old man, and the outlook of a twelve year-old. Naturally, Williams has started to inject himself with testosterone. Oddly Smart doesn't seem to see any link between this dependency and Williams' previous use of drugs and alcohol.

And what effect is it having on Williams?

Esquire editor ALEX BILMES pushed him by asking if he would be unfaithful if he could guarantee it would remain a secret.

He replied: "Actually, no, because I don't want to break Ayda's heart. That's the last thing I want to do. I met Ayda, I fell in love, that's what happened.

"But I would be way more tempted because at the end of the day I am a man, with the stuff that makes you a man - go forth and multiply. And multiply with absolutely everyone."

Again, Smart doesn't seem to draw any sort of link between what Williams is putting in his body, and what's coming out of his mouth.

Avril Lavigne swears in the Tropicana

It's strange that the report of Avril Lavigne's apparent cussing of technicians cannot find space to say what she swore, but does make sure the naming rights holder of the venue gets a full mention:

The frustrated Sk8er Boi hitmaker finally unleashed on the technicians as 25,000 fans looked on in disbelief.

A Rays spokesman has since issued a statement which reads, "The [Tampa Bay] Rays demand profanity-free performances from all of our concert performers, and we are extremely disappointed... It is not consistent with the atmosphere that Tropicana Field is known for."

I suspect most of the 25,000 fans who were looking on in disbelief were more surprised that Avril Lavigne was still going rather than that she swore.

But what did she say? What did she say?

Luckily, the New York Daily News knows:

"[Sound system problems] fucking happen on a baseball field," she yelled into the mic at the family-friendly stadium.

She'd snapped when people started booing her. And, clearly, assumed they were booing because she hadn't started playing, rather than because she'd turned up to try and play.

Lavigne did try to apologise:

"We just had so much fun tonight and we want to take the tirade out and say thank you to the Tampa Bay Rays!" she said. "I'm truly sorry if anyone was offended by my language."

No apology for anyone who was horrified by the music.

Ringo still hoping everyone's moved on

Having tried in May to get beyond having told Jonathan Ross he doesn't miss anything about Liverpool, Ringo's tried again today:

Speaking after a performance ahead of a European tour - which includes a date in Liverpool - he said: “There’s lots I miss, of course.

“I did that joke with Jonathan Ross and I’m still paying for it, it seems - where three people from the Wirral complained.

“But of course I love Liverpool"

It's a sign of just how much he loves the city that he's only just got round to popping back now, and so finds himself belatedly fighting a fire from a TV appearance he made three years ago.

Still, having a pop at Wirralites will unite the Scousers behind him, right? Although, to be fair, people from the Wirral go to Liverpool more often than bloody ex-Beatles manage.

According to one of the comments on the Echo article, the Empire has a lot of seats left at all prices for Ringo's date. That's not strictly true - there's only one seat in the stalls left. But over 350 upstairs left untaken. You'd suspect this is less down to anything Ringo might have said, and more down to the getting on for seventy quid for a ticket.

Facebook hopes music will stop the inevitable decline being inevitable

Mark Mulligan has done a guest blog for Hypebot:

How Zuckerberg Is Using Music To Keep Facebook From 'Doing a MySpace'

Hmm. MySpace used music in a bid to stop MySpace doing a Friendster, but Zuckerberg is being a bit smarter:

Zuckerberg’s music strategy is simple:

Make Facebook an integral part of the music experience without ever getting bogged down in paying to license the music from record labels.

And, more importantly, without having the panoply of hosting to bother about.

Still, if this does fail, he could always put the site in a sack and try to flog it to an old media company.

Serge from Kasabian tries to blame universe or something for new songs

Kasabian are currently writing a new record.

Even Serge Pizzorno sounds like he can barely cope with the stench:

Speaking to NME in a video which you can see at the top of your screen, the guitarist said how the album was written: "I feel like I wasn't even there, like a spirit came down and took over, I'd just be milling about and I'd wake up in the morning and go 'Who's done that?' I really feel like a spirit wrote the album."

"...or possibly it was hoodlums. Maybe some hoodlums broke in and wrote it? Either way, it was like that when I found it. I really, really cannot claim any sort of responsibility for this record. Not in any way. This... this won't come out of my damage deposit, will it?"

Gordon in the morning: Coldplay go punk

Look, everybody! It wasn't the fridge making that strange dirging noise all night, it was the return of Coldplay. Gordon is delighted by their re-emergence.

It's exciting, isn't it?

Last year Chris Martin [...] hinted the band were ready to show their rebellious side.

Ooh, rebellion, eh? Well, with the Arab Spring and the global austerity blanket, there's plenty of anger and revolution to channel. So what's the comeback single about, then?

The band revealed artwork for their upcoming single Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall yesterday

Every Teardrop Is... A Waterfall, you say? I imagine Cameron is gathering COBRA around him as we speak.

But hang about - we might be being a bit unfair, because while the music is the same, sappy, Young Fotherington-Thomas In Love, there's a new image. Right, Gordon?

[There are] shots of their brave new look.

A brave new look?

Wow, Chris Martin is wearing a denim jacket, like he's really not going to take any shit when he returns a packet of screws to B&Q. And someone's turned up wearing a jerkin.

Gordon, in what way is this "brave"?

[F]rontman Chris is sporting a new slicked back barnet - paying homage to CLASH rocker JOE STRUMMER.

Possibly Joe Strummer. Possibly whoever was batting seventh for Essex in the summer of 1958.

It's definitely going to get the Coldplay fans talking - and probably the Zoolander fashion crowd too.

It will get people talking - "I thought C&A had closed years ago", for example - but it's touching that Smart thinks that people interested in fashion are going to be that surprised by middle-aged men wearing clothes that try to recapture someone else's youth. Badly.

There's spray paint too, you'll have noticed. And only seven years after Starsailor did a Banksy-themed video.

Smart digs out a quote from Chris Martin last year where he warned that he wasn't going to "play it safe" any more. Gordon seems convinced that this is what Martin has done:

Sounds like a real punk ethos. Joe Strummer would have been proud.

Would he? Would he really?

[I]t could make for an interesting summer ahead if Coldplay are about to embrace the punk spirit.

He'll be telling us he's given up eating Fairtrade bananas next.

Their single is called Unicorns Are Pretty But Don't Touch The Sharp Horn, Gordon. They've not embraced the punk spirit, they've just hired a new stylist, and passed it off to gullible journalists as some sort of edgy new direction.

I suppose, to be fair, Malcolm McLaren would probably be grudgingly respectful.