Pity poor Gordon Smart - at least for a moment. One Direction are much in demand, and would be like Google supermagnets right now. But they're dull. So there's barely anything to say about them.
seriously, i giveth not a fucking single FUCK for slating on madonna for reaching an entirely NEW level of idiocy ... i can appriciate her meteoric career, and all good deeds done, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? That's your big contribution to EDM? Thats your big message to ultra attendies? hipsterspeak for looking for drugs? fuck off you fucking IDIOT. fuck.
He then was slightly less swearily unimpressed over on tumblr. It's long, but worth quoting in full:
Responsibility
This is certainly what it should be about, and it’s what im about regarding the Madonna issue.
Whether i like it or not, and like every other walk of life, whether you’re becoming an adult, or climbing up the corporate ladder, or blazing a path in your chosen profession, im in a position now where i should be responsible. And yup… i should be a little more careful about what i advocate, and i certainly try to be. being an advocate of something or another certainly has it’s place… drawing promotion towards a good cause, enabling others to do what they desire to do, help others to create something, etc. and all that other good shit.
Im not perfect. i have my vices, and some of them are probably more harmful than a recreational drug or two… but i do know that i am at the very least morally obligated not to blatantly inflict or advocate anything that’s detrimental to society, others health, etc.
my last rant has yielded some interesting points and arguments from both camps no doubt, but i should at least be clear on where i stand with advocacy (which im almost certain isnt even a word).
I smoke cigarettes. yeah, it’s shitty i know, and its a personal problem that i struggle with… and i know how much it sucks, so my tour isnt exactly sponsored by a cowboy of sorts. I drink a little bit too, which im sure has killed more people than double the combined amount of overdoses on any recreational drug you can name…. so, i try to make an effort as not to blatantly condone it in situations where the youngins are around. and trust me, the mau5 horde has plenty of little ones… So, i dont see the dire need to be a constant dickfuck and stamp my vices all over my media outlets. Sometimes it happens, but, of course, my intent isnt to make any look cool or desireable.
Now, weve taken EDM so far in the past decade, so goddamned far. It really hurts me to see rampant ADVOCATION of extreme bullshit lifestyles to a genre that spans pretty much any age gap these days. Of course, ill always have my opinions about this or that… and yeah, its my personal choice not to do drugs, but im not on a fucking crusade to stamp out other peoples personal choices by no means. fuck being a crusader. Im not pro, or anti drug… but… ill easily let you know that im pro-responsibility.
Its just that simple… you can have an excellent standard of life providing you had a sense of responsibility to yourself, and those around you, REGARDLESS of whatever choices you make in your life… either good or bad (which is the opinion part).
I just feel like ive been kicked in the balls for a dollar. I’ve always been into electronic music, as far back as i can remember… and around the beginning, i really do remember the times the events i loved were pretty much outlawed by my city simply due to its speculated over-excessive drug use, and the media coverage that everyone loves to lap up around it. Yeah, that bummed me out… kinda made me feel like… how could something so damn interesting, artful, fun and just plain cool, be frowned upon by most….
but look at us now, allthough not completely, and never like to be completely, the dark veil has been lifted slightly and the music and good times and technology is starting to shine through more and more than “the latest breaking news about such and such a drug found only at these underground TECHNO RAVES - Tonight on fox!”
still, we have, and will always have personal choice. Thats how our lives are shaped… through the good or bad choices we make. we learn every day from them… but theyre ours to make, and its our responsibility to make the right ones for each of ourselves.Not to be pandered down to us in metaphorical pill form from BIG voices as a marketing scheme to “fit in” with todays young and “hip” crowd to sell a fuckin CD.
So, if you can be pandered with MDMA refrences, then at least pander your own ass with a good sense of responsibility which will enable you to make the personal choices that are right for YOU… then i wont have to feel like a fucking moron on a stage because you paid money to listen to some warm humming sounds high as fuck. Besides, one day ill get older, and i dont want a bunch of fucking irresponsible fuckheads on my lawn. RESPONSIBLE fuckbags, much preferred… but will still be asked to gtfo off my lawn for being a fuckbag all the same.
They [the rest of the band] have called in an ex-MI5 spook to help kidnap him and see he gets a more extreme fright than a few hours handcuffed to a lamppost.
To be fair, Ortise appears to have gurgled the details to the Sun.
Hmm. How wise is it to tell everybody - including the target - that there's going to be a hi-jinks style kidnapping of a high-profile bloke? If you were planning to kidnap a star for real, it would be useful to know there's one who would go "Ha! This is FUN! Oh, you guys..." for at least the first half-hour or so.
Still, famous people have the sort of watertight security that would mean something like that could never happen, right?
I'm something of a fan of terrible political tunes, and the more terrible both they and the subject are, the better.
Which is why it's a delight to discover this:
Believe it or not, this song is actually up for purchase on iTunes. The band are called First Love; the track is called Game On (Song For Rick Santorum) which would be enough on its own.
The guy batting at the bongo drums is clearly so far detached from reality he probably thinks he's on a Girls Gone Wild video, which gives him an excuse. The others seem to be deadly serious.
Let's take a look at their lyrics, shall we?
GAME ON! Join the Fight
We've finally got a Man who will Stand for what is Right
Do you see what they did there?
GAME ON! Victory's in Sight
We've got a Man who Understands that God Gave the Bill of Rights
Er... actually, I think you'll find people gave you the bill of rights; God was the Ten Commandments and the thing about not eating shellfish.
Come on, all join in the chorus:
Oh, there is Hope for our Nation again
Their capitalisation is really annoying, isn't it?
Maybe the First time Since we Had Ronald Reagan
I don't think anyone in the video is old enough to remember Reagan, but the implication from Republicans that both Bushes were hopeless is, at least, refreshing.
There will be Justice for the Unborn
The concept of 'justice for the unborn' always makes me think of that sequence in The Handmaids' Tale where Offred is talking about the lynching of doctors. Perhaps it's just First Love couldn't make 'a concerted roll-back of hard-won abortion rights as Santorum suddenly abandons his belief in small government and light-touch regulation to rigourously control what women can and can't do with their own uteruses' scan. 'Uteruses' is a very difficult word to find a rhyme for.
Factories back on our Shores
In other words, Santorum will repeal environmental legislation to a point where the beaches in Maine are covered with manufacturing units.
Where the Constitution rules our land
A fundamental misunderstanding of what a Constitution does, there.
Yes, I Believe... Rick Santorum is our Man!
Personally, I'm struggling to believe that Rick Santorum is a man, rather than a kind of clean-shaven, stop-motion version of that bloke off the Monopoly box.
Second verse time:
GAME ON! He's got the Plan
To Lower Taxes, Raise Morale, To Put the Power in our Hands
Actually, according to Gallup polling, the more likely it looks Obama will remain president, the more confident people seem to be in the future of America's economy. Perhaps you'd choose to measure 'raising morale' in other ways - I guess with all those tax cuts and the required cuts and furloughs in public services that implies, you're picturing a lot of people having nothing to do but go out and enjoy the sunshine, right?
GAME ON! Change is at hand
Faithful to his Wife and Seven Kids - He'll be Loyal to our land
"Because, right, clearly if he's at home impregnating his wife so often, he can't have had time to stray, right? And it follows that if he's not, as far as we can tell from the number of children he has, boffing a stripper in Vegas, we can be sure that as President he won't accept a cash deal from Belarus to go and work for them part time, or something."
Here comes a middle eight:
Oh It's crazy, What's been slipping through our hands
When we the People are still supposed to rule this Land
Rick Understands
So, hang about a moment: the sort-of-democratic process of selecting a candidate to represent the Republicans is showing that the people really aren't keen on Rick. This is an expression of what the people want. But when they say that, they're being crazy, and should be ignored, because if you select Santorum, he'll make sure the people have the power to have their voices heard. (Unless, er, they're saying they don't want Santorum, when they shouldn't be trusted. Because then, the people are being crazy.) Is that clear?
Earlier this month, Josie DeCarlo died. She was married to Don DeCarlo, comic book creator. One time, on a cruise, she dressed as a cat, which was the moment of inspiration that led to one of the all-time-great made-up popstars.
JLS hitched a ride on a high-speed water taxi to get between their Sport Relief appearance and London's O2 gig last night.
Since high speed water taxis are part of every day London infrastructure, this is a bit like breathlessly reporting your pizza was delivered by a man on a motorscooter.
Still, Gordon has photos of the event:
Except JLS were on-stage at 9.30 for Sport Relief, which makes it strange - if it was such a dash - that it was daylight when they were on the Thames.
Maybe these pictures were from a dry run - no pun intended, honest - but if the BBC showed a rehearsal shot and claimed it was the real thing, the papers would be throwing Safeguarding Trust guidelines at Mark Thompson before you could say Queengate.
Also, with Television Centre not being anywhere near the river, would a water taxi really have sped up the process of getting there?
Radiohead were pretty clear: they didn't want electrotouts ViaGoGo selling their tickets on at a profit. Indeed, they even did a deal with Ticket Trust to make mark-uped selling-on pointless.
It's odd, ViaGoGo don't seem to understand why they're seen as fundamentally more evil than old-style touts who stood in the rain and would cut you a deal. They really don't understand.
Humanizing The Vacuum has exhumed Neil Tennant's 1992 Details piece in praise of hate:
Positivity is fundamentally middle-class. It’s about having the time, the space and the money to sort out where your head is at. Therapy is just another side of positivity. It’s a leisure activity, a luxury for people who don’t have any real cares. It’s new age selfishness, the new way of saying that charity begins at home.
And positivity makes the world stay the same. Hatred is the force that moves society along, for better or for worse. People aren’t driven by saying, “Oh wow, I’m at peace with myself.” They’re driven by their hatred of injustice, hatred of unfairness, of how power is used.
It's right, of course, that Tulisa shouldn't be dropped from The X Factor because someone else is selling a video of her having sex. In fact, it's so obvious, that it's not entirely clear why Simon Cowell felt the need to issue a long statement about it.
Well, obviously, it's entirely clear why he did it; because he's happy to use is employee's embarrassment as another front to promote his programme on.
He took the opportunity to slag off the guy who sold the tape...
He should literally find a hole and hide in it for the next week.
There's an unfortunate juxtaposition on Gordon's pages this morning:
That's the only amusing moment in something of a grim morning, as Tulisa has been bullied into admitting that she is in the sex tape after all:
X FACTOR judge Tulisa Contostavlos last night apologised to fans as she admitted it was her in a sex tape touted online.
So, if I've got this story straight, she was filmed by someone she thought she could trust in the bedroom; that person then flogged the tape; the tape was touted around porn firms; aided by The Sun's promotion, the footage was put online and charged for; she tried to pretend it wasn't her but the Sun, and former friends, rushed forward to insist it was and now she's been bullied into putting out a video effectively confirming the provenance of the tape.
What is it, exactly, that she's "apologising to fans" for?
Given that she's the one who has had her privacy so brutally invaded, and been gleefully pursued by Gordon and his team, shouldn't the apologies be flowing in the opposite direction?
I suppose you could try and condemn her for having tried to pretend that it wasn't her in the film, as if there's some sort of law insisting that if you're violated and exposed on the internet you're obliged to identify yourself.
But you'd have to be a bit a bit of an asshat to believe that. Not quite as much of an asshat as someone who'd flog off the sex videos on their phone; and obviously nowhere as near an asshat as a person who would use the pages of a national newspaper to bully you over it. But an asshat nevertheless.
The Telegraph reported this week that Murdoch is apparently trying to offload his UK newspapers. Behaviour like this would make a skip the most obvious place to do that.
You'll have online petitions shoved at your on an almost hourly basis of course - 'save the pickles!'; 'ban fretwork!'; 'spend taxes on making me pretty!' and so on.
MOG, which those of you with longer memories will recall as plotting to turn music blogs into pure gold, is going to be bought up by Beats, the only faintly ridiculous headphones/somehow-musical-laptop brand.
I know what you're thinking: why would you buy MOG? In god's name, why would you do that? Why?
Well, the New York Times helpfully points out that while Dr Dre is the face of Beats, it's mostly owned by mobile phone company HTC; they might think MOG's music streaming service (or at least the deals it has cut to make it possible) could be valubale if you wanted to plug a music service into a telephone handset.
Not entirely sure what will happen to the blog network, but the smart money would be on it having a sack pulled over its head and being driven out of town.
Oh, simply everybody who, in a low light might look a little like someone famous has a sex tape, darling:
The quotes around 'fake' might suggest that there's some doubt over if the film really is Tulisa or not. The story makes it clear that there is no Tulisa sex tape, online or off.
In fact, the quotes would seem to belong to the word 'row' - as there doesn't seem to be one, just a swift legally-enforced takedown.
In effect, what Gordon and his typing chums -
By GARY O'SHEA and COLIN ROBERTSON, TV Editor
- have done is give over a large chunk of a "family" newspaper to describing a porn video with anonymous participants in it:
The film, from a high quality camera phone, shows a blonde performing a sex act for over six minutes.
A high quality camera phone, you say? Why, that sounds like the sort of equipment you'd only have access to if you were rich, or famous, or capable of having walked into a Carphone Warehouse at some point in the last few years.
Since Gary and Colin clearly aren't stupid, they know the video is just somebody else, but they're desperate to...well, fake it up:
Tulisa Contostavlos at centre of sex video storm
She isn't. She's on the edge of it.
The more interesting question is, if Gordon would be leading on the film, providing what sounds like a QVC sales pitch...:
An internet firm put the footage online, charging £3.90 to download it. The site was suspended yesterday afternoon.
... if it really was a film of Tulisa having sex. Would encouraging readers to seek out film of a named person fucking be the sort of invasion of that person's privacy that The Sun is pretending it doesn't do while Leveson is sitting?
But how will Gordon explain this story if, in a couple of months time, Adele hasn't shuffled into line and adopted the only acceptable body shape for a young woman in the public eye?
But although she is keen to drop a few pounds, she has been telling pals she doesn't want any weight loss to give the wrong impression to her female fans.
Aha! So Gordon's big story is basically 'woman might be planning to eat more healthily; unlikely you'll spot a difference'.
In effect, this is just a bullying piece having a go at Adele for not looking like Kate Moss, hung on made-up friends. Business as usual at The Sun.
Not just there because 'putting Geldof on the bill' is an easy way to pretend you're socially responsible and ethical, but also because Geldof is one of them:
He is now the chairman of an Africa-focused private equity fund which said earlier this month it had raised $200 million from investors, close to half its targeted size of $450 million.
Dubbed 8 Miles, the fund plans to invest in companies that can develop into "African champions" in sectors such as agribusiness, telecoms and consumer goods.
"We put together our little thing - a goldilocks thing, not too small, not too big, just right. And we will make a lot of money, a lot. For me I want to leave behind me firms, farms, factories. Fuck the money, that's me," Geldof said.
Geldof's fund is promising a rate of return of 25% - or, in other words, is promising to take a large chunk of any wealth created straight back out of the continent into the developed world.
But remember, Geldof's not really bothered about the money:
Geldof referenced the big payday of some of private equity's titans, including Henry Kravis and George Roberts, who got $94 million each in 2011 from buyout firm KKR & Co LP , in also making a wider case for philanthropy.
"You have got the four houses, the three jets, the 10 cars, the 65th fucking Picasso. What's the point? So its stuff, and right now it's the stuff that will get us out of that mess," Geldof said.
So, Geldof's big idea is that you encourage people to invest in Africa, to rake enormous profits out the natural resources and endeavours of those who live there, on the sort-of-off-chance that the people who've made all that money will decide they don't really need it and give some of it back?
Righto, Bob.
Because, as we know, it's not like Bob Geldof is greedy, is it?
The country is missing out on more than £1bn in tax as the rich and famous have registered thousands of their exclusive properties into offshore companies, it has been revealed.
Town houses, mansions, vast country estates and castles are among the 94,760 properties which have been placed offshore, according to the Land Registry.
[...]
Rock stars Mick Jagger and Bob Geldof and Ringo Starr are among the many who have taken advantage of the loophole.
[...]
BVI companies own poverty campaigner Geldof's homes in London and Kent which his spokesman said was 'perfectly legitimate' tax planning and not a way to avoid stamp duty.
I plan my taxes
You avoid your taxes
He dodges his taxes
Did I say that the private equity industry could cite inviting Geldof as an example of its social commitment? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they should have avoided tarnishing their reputation by bringing him along.
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