Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 Forever: December

VH1 tried to sneak Sorority Sisters onto air without advertisers noticing. They noticed.

Vinyl is coming back: Geri Halliwell says so. Meanwhile, Snapchat wants to be a label.

Noel Gallagher invited the press into his mansion to talk about class and Morrissey refused to go head-to-head with Queen.

Madonna continued to insist having some crappy songs leak is like terrorism and/or rape. God knows what that makes something genuinely horrific, like Ashanti being cross-examined by her own stalker.

Parklife got hit with a fine for sending texts pretending to be dead people while SXSW got a lawsuit because of someone else driving drunk.

Why wasn't Paul McCartney invited onto Band Aid 30? Apparently not known enough in America.

Kasabian want to play Wembley.

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: November]


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

2014 Forever: November

Having dumped her surname last year, this year Cheryl's upset that people don't use her surname.

A pauper can still sue Beyonce in America, and a member of 98 Degrees can still dream of becoming mayor.

One of En Vogue was enraged that she was left out of a fictional reunion.

Phil Rudd was charged with trying to arrange a murder and Malawi resumed fawning over Madonna.

Taylor Swift pulled her music from Spotify and Usher pushed his into boxes of cereal. Billy Bragg had to climb down when he accused Swift of being in Google's pocket.

Katie Melua had a spider living in her ear and Bono's plane lost its door. Both survived.

Miley Cyrus put make-up on a pig.

There were Nazis in Nicki Minaj's video but they MADE YOU THINK, right? And there's no way Band Aid 30 was just a nostalgia project because it had YouTubers, right?

Collaborating: Bo Ningen and Savages
Returning: Shanice; S Club 7; The Popguns; Ride
Dropped: Dapper Laughs

[Previously: October]
[Part of 2014 Forever]


Monday, December 29, 2014

2014 Forever: October

There was a bloke who didn't know who Jay-Z was. MTV freaked out. Rihanna's gun bag made some people freak out; gun fans were delighted

The music industry didn't seem to understand what a force of nature Taylor Swift is.

Finally, it stopped being a crime to rip a CD to your own devices, although a Tory MP wants copyright ethics to be taught in schools and in America, pre-72 tracks suddenly had their status changed.

Bono tried a aw, shucks apology. Chris Brown tried to explain ebola. Neither succeeded.

Little Mix won the most important prize of the year.

In some sort of pay-it-forward move, 5 Seconds Of Summer are a subsidiary of One Direction. And Lollopalooza became part of LiveNation.

Something about Lorde and sports which seemed to mostly be about sports.

Cancerous tissue was the latest reason for canceled Mozzer dates. Talking of people who used to be famous who stress how they're not racist, Mike Read did a song for UKIP in a comedy accent.

The lawyer who tried to save Anita Baker $15,000 is now suing her for $150,000.

Splitting: Crystal Castles; Beady Eye
Returning: Sleater-Kinney

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: September]
[Next: November]


Sunday, December 28, 2014

Gothobit: Chris Sheehan

Chris Sheehan, who had two spells as touring guitarist with Sisters Of Mercy, has died from cancer.

Sheehan was perhaps better known from his own band, The Starlings, who enjoyed a brief spell of fame opening for Curve, and as part of Dave Stewart's Anxious Records roster.

The Starlings could have been great; but the first album was written while Sheehan - newly located in the UK - enjoyed heroin; he'd kicked it by the time of release, but felt Anxious didn't support the record enough. The second album, then, was about how terrible their label was - a piece of a meta work that didn't go down well and effectively scuppered the group. The band disbanded in 1994, and Chris continued for a while, dropping the definitive article and releasing two Starlings records.

He also found time to work with Babylon Zoo and The Mutton Birds.

Last year, following his bleak prognosis, he had attempted to crowd-source one last album:

can't justify any of my limited income to be spent on my own non-profit activities. Stage 4 metastatic nodular melanoma. Clinical trials and palliative treatment only. Wife terminally ill. Dozens of rescue animals. I don't own a computer anymore and would like a good laptop and software to see what comes out. I will not divert money from my family for selfish artistic urges. Maybe someone who enjoyed a starlings record at sometime is flush. The closest I've been is flushed. Anyway if no one helps I'm off the hook so nothing to lose. Ta Chris.


2014 Forever: September

U2 forced their crappy new album into every iTunes collection on the planet. Their acolytes struggled to explain why this was OK. God help us when Bono unveils his magic new format. Thom Yorke was experimenting with Bittorrent Bundles.

After his claim that being asleep can be an OK to sex, TBS dumped CeeLo Green. And Nicki Minaj's old school didn't want her back.

Miley Cyrus suggested that nobody threw a fit when Elvis danced sexy, which sort-of ignored the fact they did. She also said that social media is worse than drugs, and that's not true, either.

Frustratingly, James Blunt keeps doing things which make it difficult to dislike him. Surprisingly, Tatu keep finding new ways to make gay, lesbian, bisexual people and others dislike them.

The Mirror knew it wasn't Liam Payne naked but got excited anyway.

Someone in Slovakia muddled up Linkin Park and the Maltese anthem. Everyone muddled Tom Clarke up with Hobbits and he wasn't happy about that.

Maybe you were out of control, Chris Brown. "Maybe". Maybe. Maybe you were out of it when you made Blurred Lines, Robin Thicke. You're still a pair of cloacas, though.

Gary Barlow sort-of apologised for his tax avoidance. Jason Orange had had enough.

Rebranding: IPC to Time
Closing: The Leeds Cockpit; Williamsbburg Death By Audio; Liverpool Mello Mello

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: August]


Saturday, December 27, 2014

2014 Forever: August

One of the activists who campaigned at the 2012 Eurovision was arrested on bogus-sounding charges.

Apparently Ne-Yo has so much money you can pinch millions from him without him realising. Also heading to court was someone who helped out a Pink tribute act and got nothing but grief for her efforts.

Jonathan Ross returned to Radio 2; the Mail returned to Sachsgate like a dog to its own vomit.

Kanye West is the smartest man in the world, but doesn't like it when people quote his lyrics back at him. Beyonce tried to explain the elevator fight by pointing out how rich everyone involved was.

The homes of John Denver and Michael Jackson went on the market. They should get Papa Roach to help sell it.

"No photos" cried Kate Bush but everyone loved her anyway.

Design a shawl for Stevie Nicks. That was an actual thing.

The Co-Op tried to promote unsigned artists. Their customers were unimpressed. Elsewhere, a Canadian radio station decided its listeners lacked the stamina for full songs.

NME sales slid, again, as they usually do.

Jessie J went off to crack America. No news as yet. The Dominican Republic was even less welcoming to Miley Cyrus.

Turned out Hop Farm Fest wasn't properly licenced.

Who will speak up for the pigs? Shirley Manson will speak up for the pigs. And Justn Bieber can frighten off bears. But could Kate Moss frighten Justin Bieber?

Splitting: The Civil Wars; Blur; Darkside
Dropped: Morrissey
Revived: Planet X
Reforming: Blink

[Part of 2014 forever]
[Previously: July]
[Next: September]


Friday, December 26, 2014

Bookmarks: Formats

A Christmas tale of formats faded and objects discarded: A Reasoned Account of Seasonal Anthropomorphism and Hoarding:

"What does it mean to be REAL?" asked the CD one day, when they were lying prone, unalphabetized. "Does it mean live performers are pulled off the streets of New York in the 1960s and brought under the wing of an albino with Asperger?"

"Real isn't about how the albums are made or what the royalty advances were," said the LP. "It's a thing that happens when someone experiences you. When someone loves your content for a long, long time, not just as the backdrop of a car commercial, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it happen all at once, like a baby bird hatching out of an egg," the CD asked, "or bit by bit, like torrenting a whole HBO series?"


2014 Forever: July

Kanye West used his Wireless set to go a bit rambly, again. James Arthur asked why X Factor acts sledom appear at Glastonbury.

So shocked was he to discover that he was a tax-swerving arsehole, Gary Barlow announced an investigation to discover why he is a tax-swerving arsehole.

It was never entirely clear who was responsible for the Garth Brooks Dublin concert meltdown debacle. Probably the council. But at least they're not naming schools after Michael Jackson like Gary council are.

He hit a woman in the face, but Tim McGraw reckons he did the right thing.

Having made a big deal about being bi, Lady GaGa seemed to forget. But she is experiencing a drought right now.

Nobody told Lance Bass there was a big N'Sync best-of coming. Lloyd Cole withdrew from Spotify, although this wasn't quite as big a deal as when Taylor Swift did it. Duran Duran sued their own official fan club.

Tired of Robin Thicke, the internet fought back. Tired of reading his own shit, Professor Green tried to scrub his internet history. Harry Styles forgot to scrub his history, and Lily Allen wanted the rest of the internet removed.

To everyone's surprise, the second DAB national multiplex is still being planned for.

Louis Tomlinson turned out to not be able to buy a football club and Adele sold her haunted house and Liam Gallagher put his house with valet service on the market.

To the delight of Texans, Phil Collins handed over his Alamo collection.

The Japanese government attempted to use J-Pop to save the world.

Splitting: Death Grips
Closing: Bop

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: June]
[Next: August]


Thursday, December 25, 2014

Just in case you missed it...

It's Christmastime, and that's no time to be afraid. Unless reindeer give you the jibbers, of course.

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who's read, commented, pointed out that I've confused Katy Perry with Kelly Monteith for the sixth time this month, taken offence, written a thinly disguised advert best price off-licence drugs help with bad things, or just simply clicked on the link expecting to see Beyonce's breasts.

Merry Christmas, one and all. Yes, Bono, even you.


2014 Forever: June

Radio One axed a lot of presenters who love music but don't have YouTube channels while the BBC decided to celebrate Brazil's rich musical heritage by getting an old Stevie Wonder song for the World Cup theme. We also had the annual moan about how many people it takes to mount a complex live outside broadcast for six channels at Glastonbury. Probably not the best time for the BBC to launch another music awards show, though.

Pharrell put on a Native American headdress, pulled down a shitstorm. Jack White tried to explain why slagging off Meg White was somehow championing her and Billy Bragg discovered being rude about Kasabian gets you called a "cunt" by the sort of people who like Kasabian.

Alfie Allen didn't appear to know about Lily Allen's supposed approach to appear in Game Of Thrones and Perez Hilton was still moaning about how Lady GaGa treats him bad.

Kanye West went down like a sandbag in a swimming pool at Boonaroo. Plans for a tour of Jesus Christ Superstar with John Lydon as Herod were dumped when it became clear nobody wanted to see that. Inevitably, another Morrissey tour turned out to be cancelled.

The BPI somehow tried to use the right to be forgotten to make a point about piracy and belatedly added streaming to the charts.

After nearly 40 years, The Ramones debut album finally went Gold.

Staind called out festival molesters. It's depressing more bands don't.

Dropped: Kylie; James Arthur
Launching: Amazon Prime music streaming
Collaborating: Sir Mix-A-Lot & Prokofiev
Quitting: Chris Moyles

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: May]
[Next: July]


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

VH1 suffers advertiser walk-outs after sneaking Sorority Sisters onto air

VH1's series, Sorority Sisters - a reality series about black sororities in the US - was snuck onto the air with little fanfare, suggesting that even the network knew in its heart that it had got it terribly wrong, but couldn't quite bring itself to cancel the whole project.

Maybe it should have done, because the reward for its horrible portrayal of black Americans is costing it heavily: advertisers are abandoning the show like it's rancid eggnog:

A spokeswoman for Hallmark confirmed that the decision was made in response to public opposition to the show. The company, Linda Odell said in an e-mail, will not advertise during the show “because of consumer reaction to the program.”

Update: 3:50 p.m.: Several other advertisers including Honda, Crayola, and JBL, a subsidiary of Harman International, have also said they are pulling their ads from the show. State Farm has responded to inquiries saying that they do not air commercials during Sorority Sisters.
And it's not just the show, either. Carmex is walking from the whole channel as a result:


Geri Halliwell is up on the latest trends


Good news, then, Geri: you can buy back the purple vinyl dress you wore on Noel's House Party in 1997.


2014 Forever: May

This month was some sort of high spot for Lee Ryan, who got drunk, arrested, and pissed in the cells. Which might not sound like a high spot, but compare it with the rest of the year.

Brotherhood Of Man could have gone to Eurovision, but chose Selsey instead. They missed all this fun.

"Get orf my land" is normally said by someone holding a gun, but at Brian May's place, it's the gunmen who get turfed off.

Britney is now, effectively, a danger to life and limb on the dancefloor, according to a lawsuit. Not a risk for Avril Lavigne, who refused to get within touching distance of fans who'd paid for photos with her.

Will I Am got a chance to say don't you know who I Am? I am I Am, but didn't.

Frank Turner started judging dog shows; Tony Hadley invented a beer and The Misfits had a row over who was allowed to flog their logo to Hot Topic.

Offered the chance to perform with a hologram of her dead brother, Janet Jackson politely declined.

Metallica were announced as headliners for Glastonbury, perhaps the only band to be announced as Reading and Glastonbury headliners in the same calendar year. (They were announced for Reading 2015 this November.)

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: April]
[Next: June]


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

2014 Forever: April

iTunes Radio. Yeah 'what', that was pretty much what the world said back in April, too. Jermain Jackman won The Voice. Yeah, we were saying 'who' back then, too.

Kylie robbed Atomic Kitten. Scarlett Johansson accidentally insulted ALL the pop stars. Avril Lavigne insulted all of Japan.

Paolo Nutini managed to upset anyone who knows about mental health issues, but compared with Terry Christian's rant about disabled people that was small beer.

As if going to see Kings Of Leon wasn't bad enough, they've started adding measles into the mix, too. Still, takes the mind off the sexism.

Jessie J decided she wasn't bisexual any more.

CNN worried that Obama might be giving special treatment to Justin Bieber.

Apparently a good way to fight piracy is to share a list of all the places it's easy to do piracy. I think they call that an educational campaign.

Samsung launched some sort of new streaming product while Spotify were all upset about something or other. And MTV launched an app that was only a bit stalkery.

Aston Merrygold backfired a prank all over his face.

It was Record Store Day - but is that a good thing? Meanwhile, everyone seemed to buy the claim that the kids are buying tapes by the shedload. Oh, and vinyl being a better audio experience than digital? that's a bit of a myth, too

IPC was sold on or spun off or something.

Splitting: RATT

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: March]
[Next: May


Monday, December 22, 2014

Grammyobit: Joe Cocker

Just heard that Joe Cocker has died at the age of 70; he'd been ill with lung cancer for quite a while.


Madonna sticks to the terrorism line, something something lizard people

Talking to The Guardian, Madonna has barely softened her claim that having her music leaked onto the internet was a form of terrorism:

Speaking to the Guardian on Sunday, the singer said she was “living in a state of terror” following the leak, adding that there was “a big possibility” they were the result of her personal computer being hacked.

“Obviously there is a person, or a group of people behind this that were essentially terrorising me. I don’t want to sound alarming, but certainly that’s how I felt. It’s one thing if someone comes into your house and steals a painting off your wall: that’s also a violation, but, your work, as an artist, that’s devastating.

“I’m an artistic person, I’m very expressive. I’m sorry if words alarm people, but that’s what it felt like. It was not a consensual agreement. I did not say ‘hey, here’s my music, and it’s finished.’ It was theft.”
Now, if she went simply with "theft", that'd be a fair description of what happened. But terrorism?

Talking at the end of a week when 140 people were killed for being at school, it would take an astonishing lack of understanding or compassion to try and make a case that simply having a few files lifted and dumped online was in any way comparable to that; would that all terrorism could be solved by simply bringing forward the presale date for an album, eh?

But having overbaked the leak, there's more grand claims lining up to be made:
Madonna unexpectedly released six tracks from Rebel Heart on iTunes, following the leak of the unfinished songs earlier in the week: the album itself is not due for release until March. She immediately reached No 1 in the iTunes chart in 36 countries, a situation she described as a miracle.
A miracle, no less. Not only do we have terrorism at one end of the scale, but the intercession of the almighty to make a popular artist able to sell music in quantities large enough to get to the top of a list of sales. Take that, Lazarus, if you thought you were the last word in miracles.

The only way this could get any more absurd would be if it turns out Madge is engaging with David Icke style conspiracy theories as well. But that'd be a step too far, right?
The six songs from Rebel Heart released thus far do not shy away from controversy: one, Illuminati, mocks the various conspiracy theories on the internet that implicate a variety of entertainers – including Jay-Z and Lady Gaga – in membership of a shadowy ruling elite.

“There’s a lot of talk in pop music right now about people saying, ‘Oh, this person’s a member of the Illuminati,’ or they’re Illuminati, or you’re Illuminati, and people’s idea that there’s a group of entertainers or very wealthy people, they’re referred to as the Illuminati, and they work behind the scenes and they control things and they’re very powerful, and there’s possibly a reference to something dark, or black magic, or something like that. And I have to say I laugh at all of those things.

“I think there are some people who don’t mind being referred to as that, but I know who the real Illuminati are, and where that word came from. The root of the word is “illuminate”, and that means “The enlightened ones”, and it came from the Age of Enlightenment, when a lot of arts and creativity flourished, from Shakespeare to Isaac Newton, to Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo: the philosophers, artists, scientists were all engaged in a kind of high level of consciousness through their work, and they were enlightening and inspiring people around the world. And those are the true Illuminati. So the purpose for writing that song was really in a way, ‘So, if you think I’m the Illuminati, then thank you very much, a compliment, because I would like very much to be part of that group, the real Illuminati, and this is what it’s not’”.
Yeah, it's like one of those magic eye pictures; if you stare at those comments for a minute or two, an actual lizard will leap out of the screen at you. "I'm delighted to be part of the Illumnait because it's actually being like Shakespeare" is very much the Masonic "I know what you are but what am I" of comebacks.

Odd, though, that Madonna doesn't seem to think that the Illuminati might be behind the terror/miracle of her leaks and sales. Wake up, Madonna. Clearly the goat lizards are pulling your strings more than you realise.


2014 Forever: March

With Ruslana on one side of the Russian invasion of Crimea, the Russians got their own pop star hero in the form of Oleg Gazmanov. Elsewhere, One Pound Fish man was arresyed for fraud.

50 Cent had some sort of app he promoted by streaming himself through it. Kiss were upset about something to do with them being induced into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame.

The VAT introduced to downloads kicked in. YouGov decided to find out who'd think Bez would make a good MP.

Paloma Faith lamented that the pop star was dead, while Bruno Mars went shopping for knock-off versions of his own CD.

The BBC chose someone who sang on a Sash track as this year's Eurovision hope. What could go wrong? Mind you, Armenia went with a homophobic, transphobic tosser.

Eliza Doolittle's label suggested she drop the Jesus reference when she went on Radio 2, and the BBC got it in the neck.

Lily Allen agreed that, yes, some of her output was docile pop rubbish; Amy Lee was thrilled to no longer be having to worry about a silly record deal.

Apparently the idea that Kylie Minogue has had sex is a shocking revelation. On the other hand, Kylie thought sexercise should be a thing.

Maximum Rock & Roll managed to restart a long-dormant battle over a thirty year old review.

Closing: The Fly; Twitter Music
Reviving: The Word podcast
Reuniting: Slowdive
Consciously uncoupling: That pair


[Part of 2014 Forver]
[Previously: February]
[Next: April]


Sunday, December 21, 2014

Ben Haenow is the Christmas Number One

A few minutes ago, Ben Haenow was named the Christmas Number One, just seven days after winning The X Factor and four days after slipping into obscurity.

Ben Whohe hit number one with a cover of a One Republic song, in a year when nobody could even summon up the energy to be that bothered about The X Factor taking the Christmas Number One slot.

It's believed the letter officially dropping him from Syco has been delayed in the Christmas mail.


2014 Forever: February

Kevin Cummins tried to stop you taking photos at gigs, and not because he makes his living doing that and you're making him obsolete. Oh, no. One Direction wanted you to stop you Tweeting, but not because they're tired of getting a million tweets every day. Oh, no.

Chris Moyles, confusingly, had been telling the tax people he made a living selling cars - he should have tried Abba's route, and glammed up to avoid tax.

It was the last Brits of the Corden era but apparently the year of Arctic Monkeys, still, at the NME Awards.

Skinny Puppy sent a bill to the US government for royalties from their use in Guantanamo torture. Panic At The Disco literally brought the house down in Atlanta.

Having made a speech about how young popstars are sometimes forced to do things they're not comfortable with, Charlotte Church then had to patiently explain that the things people were saying she did to prove she was somehow a hypocrite were the things she was thinking of when she was talking about doing things you're not comfortable with.

Even Radio 4 noticed that the NME's circulation is now parlous. Also at risk: George Michael, slightly inconvenieced in the winter floods.

Wayne Coyne and Beck had a spat, probably over who is the most quirky or whatever. Nicki Minaj managed to piss off Martin Luther King's family and friends.

Man who makes death metal music expresses surprise at low royalty rates from greeting cards and TV while Spotify seem to think they've invented radio djs.

Korn believe that Miley Cyrus is an Obama plot. Miley Cyrus asked people to not look at her bottom; Taylor Swift had to share the stage with a pair of arses.

Morrissey announced dates with Cliff and Tom Jones which nobody believed would ever happen. (They didn't.)

Bono admitted U2 were on the edge of irrelevance, but apparently didn't realise which side of it they're on.

Splitting: Aggi Doom
Coming back: Shirley Collins; Prince


[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Previously: January]
[Next: March]


Saturday, December 20, 2014

Madonna releases new music; the world tries to sound interested

Of course. Of course, Madonna's new stuff is working with Nicki Minaj. It fits the pattern of the last couple of decades where she appears to have a six-month old copy of Billboard delivered (perhaps she has them sent to her via Yodel) and she hooks up with whoever was hot back then.

She couldn't look more like a desperate tourist if she films the video using a selfie stick.

One of the songs is called Bitch I'm Madonna, which does at least manage to release Robbie William's She's Madonna from the long-held shame of 'the worst record with Madonna's name in the title'.

These songs are being released now because of the leak earlier in the week - you'll probably have heard her describe this act as "artistic rape" and being like "terrorism", showing that she's still got the power to be outrageous, just not in a positive way any more. It might seem odd back then these tracks were dismissed by Madge:

She dismissed the leaked versions as "unfinished demos stolen long ago" and thanked fans for their "loyalty" in "not listening" to the unfinished material.
... because now she's describing the same songs as a gift. Apparently they've been finished:
"I was hoping to release my new single 'Living For Love' on Valentine's Day with the rest of the album coming in the Spring. I would prefer my fans to hear completed versions of some of the songs instead of the incomplete tracks that are circulating. Please consider these six songs as an early Christmas gift."
They're not actually a gift, as to get them officially you have to preorder the album, so it's more of a fire sale. And if they're finished, it's puzzling how many of them don't even have a title.


2014 Forever: January

Starting a presumably twelve part look back over the last year in music.

MTV published a piece about how to pick up women at gigs, because, obviously, that's the only reason there'd be a woman at a gig, right?

Madonna got cross when people suggested kids and gin might not mix. Lady GaGa got cross when people suggested working with R Kelly might have been a mistake. Madonna got even crosser when she used the n-word and people objected.

Lorde told people not to come up with a pun-based nickname for her fans. She also spoke about how she felt having become a public commodity, which Telegraph readers used as an excuse to kick her around a bit.

Alex James attempted to register Britpop as a trademark. He was going to use the brand to sell lemonade. I'm afraid this is true.

The inevitable appearance on Madonna in Miley Cyrus's shadow happened. As did Robbie Williams Day in Stoke.

Tom Morello reckoned his new album is as good as Hendrix. James Arthur reckoned he's not a homophobe any more. Lily Allen reckoned someone offered her nearly all the Bitcoins in the world.

Duran Duran objected to their music being used in a yoghurt ad, but the track was pulled because of its links to a grisly murder anyway.

Ricky Wilson revealed that even he'd been bored shitless by the Kaiser Chiefs.

Brit Awards nominations included Bruno Mars, and that's all you really need to know. The NME Awards shortlist had Palma Violets on it. Daft Punk won all the Grammys. All of them.

Justin Bieber was going through a rough period. Luckily, massage-loving UKIP MEP Roger Helmer was on hand to stick up for him.

Last FM started to look for another business model

Somehow, Kym Marsh found herself having a music career relaunch masterminded by David Gest. Nobody noticed. Probably not even Kym.

Did the world really need a Beatles cover album with Mick Hucknall and The Stereophonics? Not as little as it needed a Hee Haw musical.

TripleJ killed Australian music, apparently.

Liam Payne sent a cheery tweet to the Duck Dynasty gun toting homophobes.

In something of a highlight this year, Alfie Boe fans piled in to explain why his humiliation of people whose phones go off isn't humiliating at all, despite both he and his manager revelling in the poor victims' embarrassment.

Splitting up: Vivian Girls
Launching: Beats streaming service

[Part of 2014 Forever]
[Next: February]


Friday, December 19, 2014

Parklife texts from beyond the grave attract huge fine

The organisers of Parklife Festival came up with a beezer markeing wheeze: why not send texts to people who went last year, warning them that this year's event was selling out fast?

And, hey, why not pretend that the text is coming not from Parklife, but from a trusted source like your mother?

What could possibly go wrong?:

The text was sent to 70,000 people who had bought tickets to last year’s event, and appeared on the recipients’ mobile phone to have been sent by “Mum”. It read:

“Some of the Parklife after parties have already sold out. If your (sic) going, make sure your (sic) home for breakfast! Xxx www.afterlifemcr.com”.

Many of the 76 people who complained about the message which was sent three weeks before the 2014 festival, suffered substantial distress as a result of the marketing campaign.

One complainant said that their mother had recently passed away and they still had her number saved in the contacts, so to receive a text was extremely distressing – they described the message as “unprofessional and disgusting”.

Another person reported that they had recently lost their mum and were shocked when 'Mum' flashed up as a notification on the mobile screen. They felt so strongly about the situation they sold the tickets and refused to attend the festival.
Parklife have been fined £70,000 for the poorly-conceived stunt - although that's only a quid per text, which seems a little light. Especially since their original response to complaints was to double-down with an equally ill-conceived tweet:
”So this is what it feels like to be a jar of Marmite #LoveItOrHateIt”.
The difference between Parklife's campaign and Marmite being, of course, that some people actually do like Marmite and Marmite has never tried to send messages to people pretending to be a recently deceased relative.

Eventually, the company apologised. And managed to do it without pretending the apology came from your great-grandfather, or the ghost of your first pet, so they are getting better.


Pirate Bay hopes for a full flotilla

Possibly not the Christmas Present the copyright industry was hoping for: The Pirate Bay has released its source code into the open so anyone who fancies running a mini Pirate Bay can do so.

It's a response to Swedish police - acting on behalf of the private companies which control copyrights - closing the site down last week and, therefore, something like the 795th time the music and film industry have learned the lesson that file sharing isn't something you can just send policemen and lawyers to fix.


Listen with No Rock: Karla Adolphe

Here's a small, twinkly piece of Christmas beauty - Karla Adolphe's version of Do You Hear What I Hear. This is one of the Christmas songs that hasn't been done to death, probably because it's not an easy one to sing well. Which makes Karla's version even more brilliant:



If you like Karla Adolphe's voice, there's a whole album's worth of free download magic at her website.


SXSW: Not that America's overly litigious or anything

The death of a person you love because of a drunk driver is a terrible thing. And it's one of those rare occasions when it's easy to apportion blame - the person who got wasted and drove a car into a crowd, right?

Apparently not.

The family of one of the victims of the drunk driver at SXSW is suing, erm, the festival organisers for not making their festival dickwad-in-a-car proof:

Among several wrongful deaths lawsuits was one by the family of Steven Craenmehr, a Dutch music executive who was riding a bike when struck. His widow and mother allege that SXSW organizers skimped on traffic safeguards while packing people downtown to hear more than 2,000 bands.

"A festival organizer or traffic design consultant of ordinary intelligence would have anticipated the danger," the lawsuit says.
Oh, yeah, they're also suing the City Of Austin for not making its streets able to cope with tanked-up drivers.

The courts, naturally, will decide on the validity of this case, but... seriously? Somehow SXSW and the City Of Austin has to wrap the event in so much bubblewrap and prophylactic that they should be able to guarantee that nothing bad will happen there ever?

To lose a relative in awful circumstances is unimaginably horrible. Spitting out a bunch of lawsuits at anyone who happened to be vaguely connected to the death doesn't do much by way of legacy, though.


Thursday, December 18, 2014

On the streets with Bieber*

Apparently, Justin Bieber is to sleep rough to "raise awareness" of how badly his career is going. Although the claim started as a story in UKIP house rag the Daily Star, so probably isn't true.

According to the Daily Star, Biebs' manager Scotter Braun has persuaded him to spend the night outside in the California streets, in aid of homeless charities.

"[Scooter] has been trying to come up with a plan to give Justin's career some longevity," a source told the newspaper.
Aside from the toe-curling aspect of a rich person spending a few hours on a pavement knowing they have a soft, warm bed to return to in the morning - a stunt even pulled by Grant Shapps back when he was still sometimes called Michael Green - it's not entirely clear how 'doing some good work for charidee' is going to offset the erosion of Bieber's career. Unless seeing Bieber sleep under cardboard will somehow stop girls reaching puberty.

*


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Kasabian make some plans

For a moment, I thought there was at last a Kasabian statement I could agree with:

Kasabian: 'The next step for us is Wembley'
"They must be at Finchley Road", I thought. "Or possibly Neasden".

Then I read the line again, and realised it was step, not stop.


Ashanti gets cross-examined by her own stalker

In a 'oh, Justice, you have some explaining to do' event, somehow the New York courts allowed Ashanti to wind up being cross-examined by a man already convicted of stalking of her in a trial to see if he was violating the order of protection put in place after that conviction.

So: in order to get the courts to uphold the rules stopping another person from contacting you, the courts decide to give that person a chance to ask you questions under oath in an open court room.

Oh, Justice. You have some explaining to do.


Snapchat gets into music

So if I were to say to you that Snapchat was thinking about getting into the music business, you'd probably do what I did.

Nod your head, and think of something akin to its photo product, where the photo "disappears" after you've shared it. (Of course, it doesn't, because nothing digital leaves no trace, but in theory, anyway.) And you could picture that appealing to record labels, with their constant fear of pirates, pirates everywhere and limited understanding of the digital world.

But you'd be wrong. I was wrong. Snapchat's ambitions are more Empire-building than a mere app:

Mobile messaging service Snapchat could be formulating plans to launch its own music label, according to information in leaked Sony emails.

Reported correspondence between Sony's president of global digital business, Dennis Kooker, reveal that Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel has dreams of being a curator.

While a music service isn't on the cards, a record label "so [Spiegal] could focus on the artists that he wants to use the platform to promote," could well be.
Yeah. Snapchat don't want to launch a service, they want to launch a label.

What a terrible idea. But perhaps, at last, Spiegel has found a way to create something digital that will vanish almost instantly, leaving no trace at all.


Sunday, December 14, 2014

Noel Gallagher: Class act

Noel Gallagher - you'll remember him, he used to appear in that glitzy gossipy Sunday Times column written by his then-wife Meg Matthews about their life in whatever part of London it was - is complaining that there aren't enough working class types in the charts these days. He blames other people:

"Music is very middle class, I’d have eaten Bastille alive in an afternoon in the '90s, one interview, destroyed, gone, never to be heard of again. Easy, had ‘em for breakfast. My bass player summed it up, we’re constantly saying, 'Where is the next band coming from?' and he rightly says, 'Never mind the band, where are the people?'

"When I first started I wanted to get in the charts and wreck it, like stamp Phil Collins out and Wet Wet Wet, they've got to go, and all that '80s gear, we don't need that anymore. I don't see anything from the working class, I just don’t see it."
Ah, yes. Gallagher's war on Wet Wet. So successful that was that, after just three Oasis albums and three years of Gallagher activity, Wet Wet Wet's 1997 album 10 only managed to limp to, erm, number two in the album charts spawning just two top ten singles. And the destroyed Phil Collins only managed to sell a million copies of 2002's Testify so much damage had been inflicted upon him by Gallagher's sharp tongue.

Apparently, this is all the Arctic Monkeys and Kasabian's fault:
"Well you only have to look at the charts, what happened at the end of the '90s, all those bands used to be in the Top Ten, like us, Manic, Pulp, The Verve, Suede and Blur, and I think bands like that have been marginalised and side-lined," he replied. "There's X Factor and all that kind of thing, can you name me the last great band that came out of this country? There's not really been any great bands in the last 10 years."

When it was put to him that One Direction might be considered great in terms of their global success and fame, Gallagher added: "They're not a band, they’re a group and good luck to those lads. Arctic Monkeys and Kasabian, that's ten years ago now and shame on those two bands for a start because they didn't inspire anybody else. The working classes have not got a voice anymore, there doesn't seem to be a noise coming from the council estates, you know what I mean?"
It doesn't seem to enter Noel's head for a moment that there are other possibilities - that for kids growing up now, making fifth-wave Beatles echoes might not be inspiring because there are other, better uses of their time; or that there's always been a talent-show-to-fame path that working class people have followed and the X Factor isn't really anything new in that respect; or there's actually a really vibrant music scene full of people of backgrounds less comfortable than Gallagher's which he doesn't think is there because it's neither about him, nor for him. (Clue, Noel: it's the latter.)

The saddest thing - and were he not such an anal chapstick you might even feel a bit sorry for Noel - is that he's sat on his comfy sofa, reliving the war on Phil Collins, blissfully unaware than for a a kid turning 16 this year, he's their Phil Collins.