Whatever happened to that Fred Durst sitcom, then?

When this image of Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan popped up this week, there was just one thought:

That thought was: 'who knew there was a politician who'd base his look on Fred Durst?'

That led to another thought: whatever happened to Fred Durst's sitcom? It was announced to much excitement - alright, to a sea of snark - this time last year. And yet there's no sign of it in the 2012-13 schedules. There's not even a suggestion anywhere that a pilot even got made, much less that there was enough of a project to be dropped.

Mind you, ABC have got a show lined up called How To Live With Your Parents For The Rest Of Your Life, so maybe CBS just said 'one of the other networks is doing something similar to the sitcom based on you, Fred' and moved along.

So what is Fred up to these days? Popping up at celebrity golf matches for Christian charities.

Aerosmith really like football, or cola, or something

It's not just that you can picture the marketing meeting where this idea was choke-dropped onto the table; it's the way you can see the pie-chart of "intersecting communities" being drawn on the interactive whiteboard, and hear the whooping:

Pepsi and the National Football League (NFL) announced the expansion of the Pepsi NFL Anthems program, a national campaign that brings to life originally created anthems for seven NFL teams around the league. The latest world-renowned artists to be featured in the program include one of the generation's most influential artists, Lenny Kravitz, who penned "Like a Jet" for the team he grew up cheering for in New York, and America's Greatest Rock Band AEROSMITH, staunch supporters of the New England Patriots, who have released an anthem titled "Legendary Child - Patriots Anthem".

If you're telling people it's an anthem, it probably isn't. If you're having to stick the word "anthem" in the title, what you've probably written is a jingle.

If you can stand the violent interpolation of a can of fizzy drink and a bunch of dinosaurs into enthusiasm for people playing sports, there's much more joyless clunk to be discovered in the promotion.

In an ongoing effort to amplify the intersection between sports and music, we are thrilled to add AEROSMITH and Lenny Kravitz as the newest Anthems artists," said Pepsi Director of Sports Marketing Todd Kaplan. "On top of that, the Jets and Patriots have a notorious rivalry, and we couldn't have picked a better matchup to debut our new songs and advertising campaign."

Let's not doubt for a moment that there is an intersection between sports and music, albeit one whose value sits somewhere between the Hoddle and Waddell single and that comedy record by the bloke pretending to be John McEnroe.

But why and how would one "amplify" it? To what end? And if it's such a vibrant cross-section that you think it should be shouted about, why would you have to pay people to write songs that fit it?

Joe Perry explains why Aerosmith got involved:

"This is a program the band and I were excited to get behind as it is a true representation of our allegiance to the New England Patriots and the city of Boston," said AEROSMITH frontman Steven Tyler. "There's something about the word legendary and the words New England Patriots that have an amazing ring to them. We're excited and proud to be part of that," added AEROSMITH guitarist Joe Perry.

That sentence. That one right there: "There's something about the word legendary and the words New England Patriots that have an amazing ring to them." That is the marketing project equivalent of finding dead fish washed up on the beach, a warning sign that there's absolutely nothing able to breathe in the environment.

There's something about the words 'marketing' and 'patronising bullshit' that taste a little of Pepsi, isn't there?

Kerry Katona makes the Savile story about her

Today's Guardian Lost In Showbiz is very good on how Kerry Katona attempts to make the Savile story less about the raping of children in hospitals, and more about people looking at her in a funny way:

These are described in blunt, stark prose, the better to communicate their full horror: "He looked at us in a pervy way."

That must have been horrific, especially with Atomic Kitten's wholesome image being a world away from the sexualisation of school children, right?

Madonna upsets Denver

Going to Denver so soon after the mass shootings in neighbouring Aurora and having some on-stage violent gun-related fun probably isn't the smartest of Madonna's ideas.

Even so, 9News does have a slight air of entrappy desperation in its Facebook post:

Did you go to the Madonna show last night? We not only heard she came on stage really late, but we've also gotten calls that some of the show was pretty violent. One person sent us an email saying she simulated shooting a dancer and the audience. If you went, what did you think? We're you offended?

I'm sure there will be plenty enough people offended without the need to nudge the crowd and say 'you, you must have been offended, right?'

Seriously, though: mock shooting an audience in Denver. That's some crassness right there.

No winners, I think.

Sounds like Craig Nicholls isn't having a good time of it again

The sad lurch of Craig Nicholls' life takes another sideways, backwards stumble: he's been arrested after fighting with his parents and police. The Sydney Morning Herald reports:

Nicholls was arrested and charged with five offences, including two counts of domestic assault, stalking or intimidation, resisting arrest and assault occasioning actual bodily harm.

His parents took out an AVO and he is expected to appear before Sutherland Local Court tomorrow.

All in all, it's a terrible loss for music; but what music has lost obviously doesn't compare with what Craig has lost.

Liam loves George - true. Possibly.

Apparently Liam Gallagher and Andy 'the one out of Ride' Bell were at George Michael's recent show in London, but only managed 23 minutes before heading off to the bar.

George Michael has rushed to the internet to set matters straight - although, oddly, he seems to think this reflects on Liam rather than himself:

"Please don't hold it against Liam that he popped off to the bar at Saturday's show", Michael tweeted. "He's a lovely guy and has always been really friendly to me and very complimentary about my music."

Explaining that Gallagher left the show to get away from onlookers making him uncomfortable, Michael added: "He was getting a load hassle from people who spotted him so it's not surprising he went for for a bevvy :)"

It's fair to say that Noel was the Chuckle Brother who ground the axe more smoothly with George:

"What's he trying to say?" said Gallagher.

"He's now trying to make social comment, this is the guy who hid who he actually was from the public for 20 years, now, all of a sudden, he's got something to say about the way of the world. I find it laughable.

"That's even before you get to the song, which is diabolical."

But even so, it's very sweet that Michael rushed to defend someone who turned tail and walked out of a gig, even revealing that a large swathe of the rest of the audience was so bored they'd become more interested in hassling Gallagher.

Another survey suggests filesharers are bigger music purchasers

There's some fascinating data tucked into the Columbia University study of music collections in Germany and the US.

The first, and most important thing to notice, is that people who get a lot of files they shouldn't have tend to have more files that they have paid for.

(This isn't a surprise; we've seen these reports before.)

This, though, is the bit that should make sphincters tighten in offices where music is sold:

Around 79% of 18-29 year olds have music files, compared to only 14% of those over 64.

That, then, means that one in five young Americans have no music collection at all - or at least, none that are digitised.

It could mean that the survey spoke to a surprising number of hipsters who only buy hand-woven vinyl records; or possibly that a lot of American youngsters have become unshackled listeners, happy to just suck down tracks from a streaming service like Spotify whenever they need music.

Or it could just mean that twenty per cent of American young people have decided they don't need to collect music.

That presents one hell of a structural problem if you business relies on people amassing collections of songs.

Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie stay up too late, have tantrums

It must be galling to discover your star has faded so far that you can only fill tour venues by teaming up with other bands, so it's perhaps not surprising that Marilyn Manson is on a foul mood on his trek around the US opening for Rob Zombie.

On Friday, it all boiled over. AllMichigan reports:

"I'm going to kick his ass," said Manson, near the end of a set that lasted about 80 minutes.

Manson made the threat after he told the crowd he wished he could've been able to perform more songs.

I've never been a big fan of Zombie's, but "cutting short the number of songs Marilyn Manson playes" sounds like something from a Nobel Prize citation.

Zombie, of course, laughed it off.

No, no, he didn't:

"Some tours just don't go (expletive) together," yelled Zombie, after he told the crowd Manson didn't even attempt to "kick his ass" during intermission.

Zombie also said he was tired of Manson's "rock star (expletive)" and said something about hoping Manson enjoyed the show because it could be his last.

Apparently there was some sort of show-down after the gig; probably once they had their cocoa and went to bed everything calmed down a bit.

And the promoters? They must be delighted - far easier to sell a pantomime than two fading goths.

The Prez des res

Want to live in Elvis' house? Not the one where he died, but his Beverley Hills pad. It's just come on the market at $12.5million.

For that, you do get a home with five bathrooms - handy if a music legend has died on one, I guess - and a lot of land.

But can the agents resist the temptation to sneak an Elvis pun into the listings?

A private master suite features a large master bath and expansive closet space – plenty of room for shoes. Perhaps some blue suede ones?

No.

AEG up for sale

AEG - the Anschutz Entertainment business, not the fridge manufacturer - is up for sale.

It's a huge business, with more sports teams under its control than the three shadiest betting syndicates put together, and a slew of venues and promotion interests.

In the UK, AEG is probably most famous for working Michael Jackson to death during the preparations for the comeback that he'd never come back from, but also cascades coins out of owning the MEN Arena and taking care of the day-to-day running of the Millennium Dome.

There's no end of super-rich types interested in buying the company and, thus, becoming major-if-shadowy types in the music and sports businesses. Reuters runs its eye over some of the people kicking the tyres:

The list of potential AEG buyers includes investment firm Guggenheim Partners LLC and private equity firms such as Thomas H. Lee Partners LP, Bain Capital LLC and Colony Capital LLC.

Biotech billionaire Patrick Soon-Shiong, Los Angeles's richest person with more than $7 billion, has also said he would bid on AEG to use its sports and concert assets to promote a healthy lifestyle to LA citizens.

Given that most of AEG's assets aren't in LA, presumably Soon-Shiong is thinking that he'd do something attractive in the Target Center in Minneapolis and encourage LA residents to cycle out there to watch?

Seriously, Patrick? Using sports franchises to promote healthy lifestyles? A business which encourages people to sit down watching for long periods of time, consuming hot dogs and nachos while drinking beer from your own hats?

And yes, Bain Capital is on the list, holding out the tantalising prospect that every time you go to see a gig at the O2, you'll be helping Mitt Romney get a little richer.

Bookmarks: Jarvis Cocker

Jarvis reviews the Hunter Davis collection of John Lennon's letters for Guardian Review. In the course of it, he explains why Britpop trying to be The Beatles was a bad idea, and worries about the way everything any Beatle touches becomes an artefact:

To be fair to Davies, he does admit in his introduction that he has "rather expanded the definition of the word 'letter'". This still does not quite prepare the reader for gems such as "Degs, No Fucking George, Yer Cunt, Jack" (letter 238: Memo to Derek) or "Fred, Lights in kitchen (bulbs), Honey Candy, Kitchen Air Con is 'On Heat' (Something Wrong), Cabbage, Grape-oil (ask where), Onions, Peas (NB the Korean Shop Shells Them!), Sesame Oil, Tomatoes, Berries, Yoghurt, Hamburger Meat (for the cat!)" (letter 255: Domestic list for Fred). The Post-It Notes of John Lennon, anyone? I like mundane reality – you could say it's my specialist subject – but there's no getting away from the fact that the second of those two examples is a shopping list. Are we really so bereft of new ideas that we now wish to study the equivalent of someone's Ocado profile?

[Buy: The John Lennon letters]

This week just gone

The most-read stories from October 2012 so far:

1. Glastonbury ticket sales: still a fall-over nightmare
2. The New Statesman worries that NME is looking tired
3. Oprah rejoices at Brown, Rihanna reunion
4. Coachella pledge to dump hot dogs to snare The Smiths
5. Insurance scuppers flying Cheryl Cole
6. Life after Kenickie
7. Cheryl Cole subtly reminds us she knows the royals, like
8. Chery Lloyd dreams of collaborations
9. Would Simon Fuller buying EMI rump be such a bad thing?
10. Primark to flog CDs; that noise is HMV sobbing



These might have interested you:


Beth Orton - Sugaring Season

Download Sugaring Season



Tim Burgess - Oh No I Love You

Download Oh No I Love You



Bob Mould - Silver Age

Download Silver Age



Tift Merritt - Traveling Alone

Download Traveling Alone



Errors - New Relics

Download New Relics



Love And Money - The Devil's Debt

Download The Devil's Debt



AR Kane - The Complete Singles

Gordon in the morning: Hungover air

Given the stink coming off one of their past names, there's something almost wholesome about the idea of a Radio One dj tumbling out a club three hours before the breakfast show.

Thanks for that, Cheryl Cole

You know what?

Kate Middleton's adored by Prince William: Even a pop star's biography says so

Thanks for that, Examiner, for who would believe that anyone - even people who had a massive wedding on TV - cared about each other at all were it not confirmed by Cheryl Cole?

William spent some time conversing with Cheryl after she performed at the Queen’s Buckingham Palace Diamond Jubilee reception. According to Cheryl's new book, "Cheryl: My Story," William couldn’t help but gush about his wife, Kate Middleton, after she had done something that had to do with the pop star.

Ah, I see the problem here. This wasn't Cheryl confirming that William and Kate get on, it was Cole desperately namedropping.

Channel 4 plan 2013 answer to The Roxy

Channel 4 have suddenly noticed that T4's main raison d'etre - doing short introductions to reruns of Friends - has vanished now that Friends is on Comedy Central, and are axing the weekend morning show.

The money it saves from this new approach of "letting the bloody Hollyoaks omnibus take care of itself" is going to be poured into - oh, of course - a Friday night music show. Because Channel 4 has a spiffing recent record of agenda-setting music shows on which to build, like that one that did the album charts, and... the other ones. You know the ones.

Maybe they should try calling up The Chart Show people.

Gordon in the morning: Canning One Direction

When even Gordon Smart is pointing at your work and calling it "cringeworthy", you must have really stunk the place up.

So it is with the One Direction Pepsi advert. Let's look at the advert, shall we?

There are so many questions here.

If all these people are so bloody successful, how come they're incapable of coming up with the idea of getting a Pepsi from somewhere else? "We can summon crowds of cheering people from thin air, but are incapable of looking for our PR - who, to be fair, is probably hiding in the corner - and asking them to sort out a can of soft drink."

There's only one of Man From The Sports. But there are more than one of One Direction - I suspect there might be as many as four or five, although they're so bland and indistinguishable it's hard to tell if there's lots of them or just a few moving about a bit. Are One Direction really planning on sharing a can of Pepsi between them?

The pay-off is crazy. Everyone knows you don't give the other boyband members the bribes to become a member of a boyband, right? It's usually the managers who you'd be offering the sticky, sickly treat to.

But mostly: what were Pepsi thinking? Is there anything more off-putting than putting a bunch of people into a room and getting them to bore on about how astonishingly brilliant they are? (And doesn't it make a nonsense of the very idea of having celebrities in your advert if they have to explain who they are?)

Nice to see the Pepsi tradition of 'awkward men dancing badly in the final frame' is upheld, thought.

Cher Lloyd has a dream

ContactMusic reports:

Cher Lloyd wants to duet with Nicki Minaj because she admires her ''guts''.

And we're using "guts" in the old-fashioned sense meaning of "actual fan base", aren't we?

'I've always said from day one that the person I'd love to collaborate with would be Nicki Minaj. Just for the pure reason that I think she has so much guts and does what she wants and obviously says what she wants, and I love her.''

It's not clear what Cher thinks she'd be bringing to this collaboration, although I understand her Nandos card is one stamp away from a free half-chicken, so it's not like she'd be turning up empty-handed.

Getty offer to turn Soundcloud into pounds. At a price.

You know how, if you're happy to not be fussy about what happens to them, you can ask Getty to take care of commercial licencing for your photos on Flickr?

They're about to start offering a similar service on Soundcloud.

The upside is that, if your music is there, and someone wants to use it on a film or in a podcast, Getty will make the process very smooth.

The downside is that, because Getty are interested in scale and flogging rights with an industrial approach, there's not much room for artists to control what happens to their music. You sign up for Getty to be not just your middleman, but your manager, too. The ratecard is fixed, the artist hands over any power to object if, say, an anti-abortion podcast wants to use a song from an abortion supporting singer.

Although Getty have a cookie-cutter approach, they're charging quite heavily for it, as Hypebot explain:

If the music is licensed, the artist receives just 35% of the upfront licensee fee plus 50% of Getty Images' share, as publisher, of any backend performance royalties.

It might be frictionless, but given Getty merely wait until someone asks to use the music and pushes a bit of paperwork around, it's hard to see why they're helping themselves to such a large slice of the cash.

Gordon in the morning: Dog rough

This has been muttered about before, but - presumably because dogs are easier to cope with than people - Simon Cowell is working on a dog talent show.

ITV - presumably on the same basis that they signed up for a second series of Red Or Black - are apparently clearing space in the schedule for a dancing dog show.

Simon Cowell has vanished beyond the Simian Wimbledon horizon.

Mick Hucknall hailed for his contribution to radio

Congratulations to Mick Hucknall from the Frantic Elevators, who is picking up a prize:

Simply Red frontman Mick Hucknall is to receive this year’s PPL Lifetime Achievement Award at The Radio Festival in Manchester.
[...]
Previous winners of the PPL Lifetime Achievement Award, which honours, recognises and celebrates those whose work and dedication has left an indelible mark on the music radio industry, include Sir Paul McCartney, Trevor Horn, Paul Weller, Gary Barlow and last year’s winner Ronnie Wood.

Wood was an interesting though controversial winner - his radio work has got a lot of praise, but he hadn't been working in the medium very long.

So, what is Mick Hucknall's contribution to music radio?

Um...

Has he actually presented or produced any radio programming? Radio Festival, what work has Mick done for music radio?

Clive Dickens, Chairman of the Radio Festival, said: “We are thrilled that Mick is being presented with the PPL Lifetime Achievement Award. He is a true legend of British music and has achieved monumental acclaim. He has had amazing success and has remained at the top of his profession and rarely off the radio for a remarkable 25 years.”

That makes it sound like his "indelible mark" consists of having had his records played by other people on the radio.

Isn't that a rather passive sort of "lifetime achievement"?

Gordon in the morning: X Factor in danger of becoming a 'pantomime'

All is not happy over at The X Factor, within the tolerances of the word "is":

FUMING Gary Barlow has threatened to quit X Factor if a similar shambles to Sunday’s deadlock drama ever happens again.

The Take That singer, 41, summoned host Dermot O’Leary and show chiefs to an emergency meeting to discuss his ultimatum last night.

The head judge is said to want to “put a stop to tricks” and end “pantomime” on the show.

Demanding an end to pantomime on the X Factor is akin to requesting they drop the cakes from The Great British Bake-Off.

Indeed, the presence of Dermot at this latter-day Yalta Conference points towards this being as much part of the great pantomime as anything - why would you want the conduit there? Isn't this a job for the producers?

Apparently, at the weekend, someone who could sing a bit got sent home leaving someone else who couldn't really sing that well but was a show-off. Like kicking out Mark Owen to make room for Robbie Williams, if you will.

So, what is the upshot of all this foot-stamping and toy-tossing?

The Sun can reveal he will return this weekend — on the condition that his demands are met.

Altogether now: Oh no, they didn't...

Neil Horan attacked by angry beast

Oh, there is nothing that is not wonderful about how the Wandsworth Guardian has covered Neil Horan's ordeal at the sharp end of a squirrel. There is even a wonderful bit of photoshoppery.

[via @scaryduck]

Gordon in the morning: Zach off

Pete Samson files from America, with news of a surprising intervention in UK politics:

HOLLYWOOD funnyman Zach Galifianakis has launched a campaign from the US: “Make Boris Johnson Prime Minister.”

Obviously, there's little surprise in Murodch hacks doing their master's bidding by running a story that bolsters his beloved pet toff and adds a bit of showbiz glitz to the anointed one. But Galifianakis actively running a campaign to pull off the difficult trick of getting a safe Tory MP to resign their seat, Boris into parliament, and replacing David Cameron? He must be deeply convinced in the Boris agenda to sign up to that - how much time has he spent studying British politics?

The actor was wowed by the Mayor of London after watching him on David Letterman’s late-night chat show before the Olympics.

That seems a fairly slight base upon which to start a campaign. You... you are sure he's running a campaign, aren't you, Pete?

[F]or the Hangover star there is one bright light shining in the dark world of politics – and that’s Boris and his dazzling blond barnet.

Zach said it would be “amazing” if Boris was made PM. He told The Sun: “He would change the face of what a national leader could be. He’s charming, very funny – and has that weird hair.”

So the "campaign" consists of muttering something about how funny it would be if we landed ourselves with a Prime Minister with unruly hair.

You wouldn't be slightly overselling the story, there, Pete, would you?

Fuller swoops for EMI offcuts

There's a clutching of handkerchiefs to mouths at the news that Simon Fuller might buy the bits of EMI regulators are making Universal sell as the price of merger.

Fuller! Imagine! He did the S Clubs and game show pop stars! The very idea.

And, yes, the idea of an already rich and poweful man becoming a bit more rich and powerful is hard to celebrate.

But there's actually an upside, which does make the idea of Fuller rummaging in the EMI bins something we should welcome.

First of all, he's apparently thinking of buying all the bits - Mute, Parlophone, the 50% of Now Thats What I Call Music - the whole lot, rather than taking a couple of bits.

It'd actually be enough, surely, to count as a fairly considerable label in its own right; and still based firmly in the UK. Wasn't the loss of that something we were meant to mourn when EMI was sold off?

Also, whatever Simon Fuller's other faults, he is a pop music man. Isn't it better for Parlophone to be owned by the bloke who put together S Club 7 than Guy Hands and his Motorway Service Station business? Or, indeed, than Universal, a tiny part of a conglomerate that might have spun off its water business but still doesn't seem to moved on from pushing sewage about?

It would be lovely to think Parlophone could be turned into a worker's co-op, or Mute become a John Lewis style concern, but that's unlikely to happen. Also, can you imagine the meetings when Chris Martin started to pipe up?

So, the whole thing in the hands of a man who understands how to sell music? Could be worse.

And at least it's not Cowell.

Warners man takes chunk of Deezer

Len Blavatnik, who bought Warners a while back, has invested about 80 million quid in Deezer, the music streaming site.

Is Blavatnik a shrewd investor? Besides the way he lobbed cash into Warners, which doesn't really suggest a man able to set aside sentiment from a long-term outlook.

Well, he put cash into Top-Up TV.

Yes you do, Top-Up TV. They had that advert with the gnomes in it a few years back. They base their business on the idea that when people buy a Freeview box to avoid having to subscribe to TV services, what they really mean is they desperately want to be able to subscribe to TV services. That Top-Up TV.

Deezer, this far, has been ticking along - mostly trying for growth outside the US where it's too difficult and/or expensive to do much. Presumably the new money will be an attempt to break that market.

There's something almost a little sweet about Deezer's Wikiepdia entry, particularly this line:

Some artists are not available on Deezer due to licensing restrictions by the record labels: Francis Cabrel and The Beatles are examples.

Nothing says 'not really trying in North America' like the lack of Francis Cabrel tracs being a major point of note, does it?

Deezer's fundamental flaw is that it requires you to be logged in to Facebook to use it. It's bad enough that Facebook insists you be logged in to use it, but at least you can see why Facebook might tie themselves so closely to their single log-in. What future would Deezer have when Facebook hits its Decline of Empire point?

Kenickie: life after Kenickie

Marie Nixon (DuSantiago) has moved into politics. Sort-of. She's become the new CEO of Sunderland uni student union.

Randbobit: RB Greaves

Ronald Bertram Aloysius "R. B." Greaves III has died.

Greaves lived in both the UK and the US, having a career in both places - this side of the Atlantic as Sonny Childes; in America as RB Greaves. His biggest hit was Take A Letter, Maria, an only slightly disturbing tale of a man getting his secretary to take down a note to his wife about her infidelity.

Greaves was 68; he had been ill with prostate cancer.

Oprah rejoices at Rihanna-Brown reunion

Oprah has long pushed a "men who hit you can change" line on domestic violence, so it's not surprising that she's thrilled at the news that Rihanna and Chris Brown are reuniting. Still, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth:

"I'm not surprised," Winfrey said of Rihanna's decision to work on her relationship with Brown, who released a personal video yesterday in which he reveals he still loves his ex. "You know what I loved about that interview is that she came with a big, wide open heart. She was in the space of forgiveness. And that she learned a lesson, that she was repeating with Chris Brown exactly what she needed to learn from her father."

Really, Oprah? It was Rihanna who needed to "learn a lesson", was it? Isn't "teaching their partners a lesson" what people say they're doing when they batter them?

Everyone has their own choices to make, but to suggest that it was Rihanna who had the lessons to learn sends a stinking rotten message.

Glastonbury 2013: they've got it down, right?

They've been doing Glastonbury online ticket sales for years. They've had a year off, so 24 months to prepare. So this year they stand a good chance of ticket sales not being a fiasco, right?

Wrong.

It's not just the computers causing problems, but The Independent points out an extra zinger waiting to shake people down:

We're hearing some complaints that callers may be charged just for reaching the engaged tone, and with many hitting redial repeatedly, be careful, this could be expensive. The note on Glastonbury's small print reads:

Please note some network providers will charge for an engaged tone

Paying to hear Glastonbury not answer its phones. Charming.

What the pop papers say: Staggers launches attack on the NME front

I've been banging on about how the NME has got locked into a dependency on the sort of heritage act that it was supposed to have blown away back in 1977 for a while now. I doubt it bothers them much.

They might want to be a bit more concerned about a similar complaint from the New Statesman. Because if anyone is going to write from a sympathetic position, understanding the difficulties in shepherding a long-in-the-tooth magazine through hostile times, it's the New Statesman.

Writing on the paper's Cultural Capital blog, Rob Hastings asks why NME readers find themselves cast as Cole Sears, so often seeing dead people:

Personally, I can’t complain. After drunkenly bopping away to Franz Ferdinand and The Libertines during most of my drunken uni nights out – back when I would buy the NME week-in, week-out and blu-tacked the front covers to my bedroom door – the subsequent decline in the bubble of excitement around indie rock in favour of electro and hip-hop has left me cold, making me explore older artists’ back catalogues more often than discovering new bands. Save for Arcade Fire or the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the surest way for the NME to secure me as a reader these days would admittedly involve sticking Bob Dylan or Neil Young on the front.

But perhaps that sums up the sadness of the situation. The magazine’s frequent decision to promote features on “heritage” acts from the past rather than interviews with exciting new groups such as Mercury Prize contenders Alt-J or Django Django must be commercially driven – either because the current crop of up-and-coming acts just aren’t deemed good enough, or because people listening to the hottest acts don’t care what the NME has to say anymore, leaving the magazine groping for older readers to sustain itself.

In the comments section, Alex Lyall thinks he has a gotcha:

Hilarious because NME's new cover has Palma Violets on it. A band much younger than Cobain, Curtis or Lennon

This does miss the point a bit; Hastings doesn't say that they only do heritage covers.

But boy, they do do a lot of them. I think you have to go back to April/May to find a two week period where the cover was given over two weeks running to artists who hadn't already made enough to buy an island (Tyler The Creator followed by Friendly Fires) and probably back to 2008's Fucked Up-Glasvegas-Crystal Castles page ones for a three week run of new music covers.

And next week is a tenth anniversary of Up The Bracket special, so it's not as if the Palma Violets cover really is the start of a new era of looking forward.

What makes it worse, though, is that the Palma Violets cover is part of a New Music special. A special! It's like the New Statesman doing a left-leaning political narrative special.

And the coverlines don't exactly suggest the paper has much faith in new music interesting its readers:

NEW MUSIC SPECIAL 25 BRILLANT BANDS YOU HAVE TO HEAR
PICKED BY LILY ALLEN, THE CRIBS, MANICS, BATS FOR LASHES AND TONS MORE

Don't worry, people - the new noises have been filtered through the same acts we're always going on about.

Are you still nervous?

STILL GOT IT
How DAMON, WELLER, BJORK & THOM embraced the future

What? Still feel that despite offering 'new' music from a bunch of acts with 113 years of experience between them, we might be getting too edgy?

Don't panic, dear reader:

OASIS: THE REUNION
Bonehead spills the beans

An interview with Bonehead about Oasis. Could anything be less relevant to a new music special?

To be fair, the Damon/Weller/Bjork/Thom piece is well meant, but misfires. Barry Nicolson starts out with a thesis that older musicians don't have to get stuck into just playing the hits. That's true, but an article that gathers up artists who share little beyond being a bit older might not want to use a pull quote which asserts:

Age is no more relevant than gender or sexuality

Ah, and if we could only say so confidently that gender isn't relevant.

But with Rolling Stone just about to publish a "special" about Women Who Rock, I'm not sure we can.