A scout is loyal to the Queen, his country, his troop and Sony-BMG

As that chap who tried to unite all the German speaking peoples of Europe into one superstate knew, it always helps to win children over to your cause, so it's nice to see the entertainment industry taking a break from suing to children to invite scouts to turn themselves into copyright watchers:

Boy Scouts in the Los Angeles area will now be able to earn a merit patch for learning about the evils of downloading pirated movies and music.

The patch shows a film reel, a music CD and the international copyright symbol, a C enclosed in a circle.

The movie industry has developed the curriculum.

"Working with the Boy Scouts of Los Angeles, we have a real opportunity to educate a new generation about how movies are made, why they are valuable, and hopefully change attitudes about intellectual property theft," Dan Glickman, chairman of the Motion Picture Association of America, said in a statement Friday.

Scouts will be instructed in the basics of copyright law and learn how to identify five types of copyrighted works and three ways copyrighted materials may be stolen.

Scouts also must choose one activity from a list that includes visiting a movie studio to see how many people can be harmed by film piracy. They also can create public service announcements urging others not to steal movies or music.

The useful part for the scouts will be the tips on how download copyright material - until you have it explained how to do wrong, you might do wrong wrong. They also like the "respect your knife" sessions for the same reason.

music copyright

You shouldn't make it up

For some reason, the Daily Mail website has elected not to publish Richard Littlejohn's humourous spoofs of Beatles songs which formed the entirety of his column today. Since Littlejohn had clearly spent several minutes on them, that seems a shame. So here's a taste:

I once had a girl, Or, as you know, She's now had me. She showed me her leg Isn't it good? Norwegian wood.

She told me that I should stop drinking, I started to laugh, So I lit up a spliff and the next day woke up in the bath. She took off her leg, Smacked me in the head.

I went back to bed. Covered in blood. Isn't it good? Norwegian Wood.

We're sure your sides will be heaving at their very seams. Here's another:

I read the news today, oh dear, About an unlucky man who lost his wife, And though the news was rather sad, We all just had to laugh, We saw the photograph.

He dyed his mullet in the bath, Midnight Maroon was what the bottle said.

A crowd of people came to stare, They'd seen his face before, But nobody was really sure if he was only 64.

I read the Mail today, oh boy, It said he stabbed her with a broken glass, Grabbed the respondent by the neck, Though she was up the duff, He'd always treat her rough.

I had to turn the page.

Woke up, fell out of bed, Couldn't find my wooden leg. On the way downstairs, Tipped the bedpan up. Looking back, I noticed he was drunk.

Found my leg, my Beatles cap, Pocketed my Amex Black, Went up West to meet my brief When he told me what I'd get, I went into a dream . . .

I read the news today, oh dear, Four million quid -- that's just the lawyers' fees.

And though the sums were rather large, She said: I want it all, And it'd better be a damn sight more than Jagger gave to Jerry Hall.

Whatever turns you on.

You'll note, besides the sort of parody that gives sixth form revues a bad name, Littlejohn is obsessed with Heather Mills' disability. Nothing like someone losing a leg in an accident to raise a titter, is there, Dicky? Especially when mixed in with a bit of domestic violence, too.

One last, although there was much more:

Close your eyes and I'll kick you, 'Cos you make me sick, you Bone-idle, gold-digging cow.

I know what you're thinking, You're right, I've been drinking, I've got to get through this somehow.

When you worked in Harrods, You partied with Arabs, And starred in some porno pix, too.

You might think it's funny, But you won't get my money, I ain't going to give you a sou.

All my money, I will keep from you, All my money, darling, this is true, All my money, all my money, All my money, will not go to you.

Littlejohn and the Mail like to position themselves as some sort of moral guardians of the English soul. You can see that coming through, can't you?

[Thanks to Alan Connor for the tip]

music richard littlejohn paul mccartney heather mills

I predict a disappointment

The Kaiser Chiefs seem a little demob happy after having completed their second album, and are setting themselves quite heady targets. Drummer Nick Hodgson has thrown down his gauntlet:

“We were looking at some sales figures of Led Zeppelin. The first one did 8 million in the U.S. alone. The fourth? 23 million! So we're like, 'Yeah! It'd be great to do that, wouldn't it? It'd be great to play massive gigs in America.' Hold on a minute! We've got to sell a hundred million records. If we keep making 'em and you keep buying 'em then we'll get there.”

The Zep, of course, were the archetypal albums band - it's going to be a stress for the Kaisers to sell as many albums when they're clearly more attuned to the singles market.

Seeing as selling however many it is they've managed in the US so far returned the band home looking like they'd spent several years strip-mining in a far flung Soviet prison, we'd imagine selling a hundred million would push them over some sort of edge.

music kaiser chiefs

(A nice cup of) T in the park

Oh, good: another large music festival. Unbelievably, the organisers of T in the Park think they've spotted a gap in the market, and plan to launch a festival next year called Connect. The twist?

It's aimed at an older audience:

Geoff Ellis, of DF Concerts, organisers of T in the Park and Ton the Fringe, said: "We have been inspired to launch a new festival next year.

"It'll be much smaller than T in the Park with an older demographic. But it's a new festival for Scotland.

"I wanted to do it this year but we had too much on."

It'll be like any other festival, but bands will find the audience feel the need to hurl bottles of piss at them twice as often.

music festival

Razorlight given beer, not work, by Borrell

Razorlight about to be dumped as Johnny Borrell starts to work out he'd earn twice as much if he didn't have to pay for that lot to be kept in white trousers and make-up as well?

Perish the thought.

Why, having pocketed ninety grand for a corporate, Borrell spent 19k on some sort of a party for his band.

Which might be a lovely gesture, or it could be that he's experimenting with a new sort of musical setaside. You turn up, take a large payday for doing a brief solo performance to promote some sort of electronic gizmo, and slice off a small portion to thank the others for not turning up.

But maybe we're being unkind:

“There is no way we are splitting up.

“I did America solo last week at the Vodaphone awards.

“They’re fine with me to be doing this but it’s a bit weird singing with a gospel choir and not seeing your band when you turn around on stage.

It's also not entirely clear that Borrell paid for the drinks himself - he ran up the tab on Blackberry's account; it might be that they decide to swallow that too, rather than take it from Borrell's paycheque. After all, if you're paying nearly a hundred grand for a singer, a few more won't hurt overmuch.

Borrell's decision to do corporate work is interesting. We look forward to hearing of his exploits closing the Teignmouth Area Curtain Sales Conference in the new year.

music johnny borrell razorlight

Jessica Simpson: 'Creepy sexualised talk the norm at our house'

One of the most skin-crawling moments in recent music history - Papa Joe Simpsons drooling over his daughter Jessica's breasts ("She's got double-D's! You can't cover those suckers up!) - has been revisited, as Jessica has said she didn't find it in any way icky:

No, I've had double D's for a long time. Are you kidding? No."

She added: "My family is extremely close. I talk to my mum about my sex life. That's not something that creeps me out.

"We're Podunk Southern. My dad is very open about his ideas and it's disgusting that people are making a judgment on something that is false."

There's a difference, surely, between "talking about your sex life" with your mother, and your Dad cackling over how huge your tits are with a bunch of journalists.

Is anyone else a little confused by what Jessica means when she says "something that is false", though? She doesn't seem to be suggesting that the origianl quote was wrong, which sort of implies its her breasts that are false. But surely she doesn't mean that, either?

music jessica simpson

Urban decay

Being married to Nicole Kidman might not be all it's cracked up to be, then: Keith Urban has gone back into rehab.

Keith - described as a "country crooner" by The Sun - is sorry for the mess he's made:

He said he had “let one’s guard down on recovery” and apologised for the “hurt” it caused Nicole, 39.

Although, to be honest, if you had to choose between a husband who sometimes overdid the JD, and one who built his entire life around the belief that aliens were coming to carry him off in the spaceship because of his specialness, I think we'd all be down the bar, wouldn't we?

music keith urban nicole kidman

Diddy made bubbles in his bath

In what seems to be little more than an attempt to leave the world agape at what a total dude he was, Puff Daddy has been boring on about the old days:

"I was buck-fucking wild - beyond Ménage à trios.

"I was 20-something and renting the presidential suite at the Hotel Nikko in Beverly Hills.

"I got the bathtub filled with champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries.

"Then sex became dangerous."

Well, yeah, the risk of getting a strawberry seed in your bell-end would be quite dangerous - imagine if you had soft fruit bushing out your pants.

Nowadays, though, Diddy has calmed down. A lot:

"My girl right now is very happy.

"As meticulous as I am with my work, I'm even more meticulous with my lovemaking."

Meticulous sex? What would that even be like? Does he have, say, a clipboard which he works his way through to make sure that every bit gets a little attention: "Left nipple - check. Now, I'll continue to work my way down, and see to the right nipple on my way back up..."

Meticulous seems to be the opposite of sex. We're trying to shake the image that Diddy always ensures each orgasm releases exactly the same amount of semen.

Although what he probably means is he never lets a Thursday night slip by without having a spot of sex.

music p diddy sex

Radiobit: Paul Walters

The death has been announced of Paul Walters, producer of the Terry Wogan breakfast show on Radio 2.

Walters joined Radio 2 in 1977 after a spell with the BBC film department, first linking up with Wogan in 1980. When Terry returned to breakfasts on the network, Walters was the obvious choice to oversee the programme; even after his illness took him away from day-to-day duties in November last year, he continued to be involved with choosing the tracks to sit in between Wogan's talking.

Walters, who also produced You, The Night and The Music, John Dunn and Ed Stewart during his time with the station, was 59.

music obit obituary radio paul walters

You can't sing, you can't play and you look awful

We'd imagine that, set against his other struggles, adding Girls Aloud to his demons won't overworry Pete Doherty that much. But even so, it's going to sting:

Nadie Coyle said: "He's supposed to be this musical genius, but has anyone heard his singing?

"I've heard a Babyshambles album and it was like, 'What am I listening to!?' We could make a record that sounded like that, but could he make one that sounded like us?"

"I guess that if you like brown teeth and mouldy fingers, he's your guy," [said Kimberley].

Of course, the great tragedy is that there was a time where Doherty could have made an album which sounded like the great pop album Girls Aloud never quite deliver, had he wanted.

music pete doherty babyshambles girls aloud

NME places foot on new territory, stumbles

It's awkward to take a title from one territory to another - you have to convince a local audience that you're not distant, that you really understand their lives and likes.

Blogorrah reports that the first Irish NME might have fallen short of doing that:

A band described as the 'biggest' new act in the country on music magazine NME's first Irish front cover has only sold around 500 albums... NME claims Humanzi's success has stopped Dublin in its tracks [...] Its praise is completely at odds with the verdict of one critic, Jim Carroll, who recently described the band's debut album Tremors as "the most expensive and embarrassing flop of 2006".

Well, at least they didn't put Bono on the cover.

[Thanks to Aaron Scullion for the link]

music nme

Chemical reactions

Don't call us emo, wail emo band My Chemical Romance:

“We’ve been tagged as doom and gloom or a goth band but we’re none of those. We’re actually a very hopeful and celebratory band and very much about empowerment."

So, not all about death and gloom then? Erm...

“When death comes for you — we believe it comes in the form of your strongest memory and for The Patient, this was a marching band — The Black Parade.

“Death is something we as a band faced head on. When mine and Mikey’s grandmother died, we began to look at death and the after-effects.

“She had been very instrumental in this band as not only was she responsible for my singing career, she was our biggest supporter.”

Death and "it's after-effects", eh? We're not entirely certain, but we had been led to believe that the after-effect of dying is, pretty much, remaining dead, with some side mouldering going on.

music my chemical romance

When MTV stopped sending the money, I knew it was over

Jessica Simpson seems to be suggesting that God gave her the okay to break her contract with Nick Lachey:

"I went there on our three-year wedding anniversary. He stayed home. On that day, everything became so clear.

"I was in hospitals with all these sick kids, and I was looking at the beauty of this whole different world. I just knew I needed to find something more in my life - on my own.

"I prayed, then looked up at the sky, and I'd never seen this before - it was a double rainbow. It was the most gorgeous thing ever.

"From that moment on, I've listened to JUDY GARLAND'S SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW every single day."

Appropriate, since she was married to a munchkin.

Jessica was, as you can tell, talking at a charity event designed to help children with facial deformities.

music jessica simpson

Rome was where we saw the yellow dog

Perhaps the oddest music story in the papers this morning is the Bizarre report as Pete Doherty and Kate Moss head off for Babyshambles gigs in Florence:

The loved-up couple were flying to the Italian city of Florence — setting of romantic film A Room With A View — where Pete has three gigs with his band BABYSHAMBLES.

We now have this picture of the Sun audience sitting around having the story read to them:

- Hang about... what or who is this Florence? I've never heard of it
- You remember, it was in that adaptation of the EM Forster novel you love so much
- Oh, that Florence...

music em forster pete doherty kate moss babyshambles

Good on 'er: Support rallies for Madonna's adoption

After a rash of largely negative press coverage of her kind-of legal adoption of Malawian not-quite Orphan David, there's some support starting to gather for Madonna and Guy.

Okay, much of it is coming from Vinnie Jones, but it's a start.

Vinnie denied it would have all been done on a whim:

“If you knew them, they probably wanted to adopt every one of those children at the orphanage.

“They don’t just wake in the morning and think, ‘Let’s do this today.’ They will have completely thought it all over.

“They’ve done a fantastic thing that should be applauded. They are the best thing that could have happened to the boy. It’s a massive thing they’ve done.

“It’s very bold. I’d love to do it but the way I’m working, it wouldn’t be fair.”

Vinnie, you'll note, doesn't say "they've been talking about adoption for years", just that he can't imaging they would have not given it some serious thought

Which, to be fair, is what most of those wondering at rush believe, too. That Madonna has been thinking about doing this ever since, ooh, Angelina did it. (Or, more likely, after she basked in the post-Live 8 front pages.)

Angelina and Brad are helping, too, apparently:

"Brad and Angelina know all about the adoption and have been helping Madonna and Guy in every way they can. They know how important it is to them and how difficult the process can be," the Daily Mail quoted the friend as saying.

Yes, those awkward "how much does the donation have to be before we can skirt round these 'archaic' laws" conversations are so wearing, aren't they?

More support comes from the Washington Post's Eugene Robinson:

I've been trying to figure out the difference between celebrity foreign adoption and regular-person foreign adoption, and I can't find any. Cross-cultural and cross-racial adoption is always fraught with complicated, nuanced issues, and those issues are the same whether the adoptive mother is Madonna or somebody you've never heard of.

Robinson has already detailed how Madonna's trip had got lavish coverage from Hello and bypassed the usual rules, which would start out by being the difference here. And, normally, most people sort out the paperwork before taking the child home - for all the protestations to the contrary, it seems Madonna didn't:

It has also been revealed that the "Material Girl" singer has reportedly hired a U.S. adoption agency to adopt the 13-month-old Malawian boy, amidst fears that British authorities could try to stop her from becoming his mother.

So this was planned, and approved, months ago and yet Madonna hadn't even decided if she was going to adopt through the US or the UK?

Meanwhile, the Centre for Human Rights and Rehabilitation is seeking an injuction ordering David's return today; contradicting the AP reports of David's father being happy with the adoption, the Centre claims that Yohane didn't understand what he was doing when he agreed the process.

Whatever your position on the adoption, it's hard not to feel a pang of sympathy for Madonna, though, on hearing she's been bearded by the UK's least funny man:

Madonna was yesterday targeted by "comedy terrorist" Aaron Barschak who gatecrashed Prince William's 21st birthday party in 2003.

As she left a London gym Barschak, 40, in a nappy, yelled at her car: "Mummy adopt me, make me part of your family."

She should call his bluff.

music madonna vinnie jones

Wake me up before you show blow

It's not often Melvyn Bragg's works get The Sun excited, but the forthcoming interview with George Michael for the South Bank Show has sent the Wapping paper into one of its spray-can froths of frenzy. During the course of the backstage chat, Michael takes a couple of puffs on a spliff. Societal meltdown is predicted:

GEORGE Michael will spark outrage when he is seen smoking cannabis in a TV interview.

Will he? Who from? It's not like Michael's made any secret of his drug use; it's not like the programme is on before the watershed; it's not like any adult in Britain would never have seen someone smoking a spliff; it's not even like Michael's slightly shambolic life is going to be a good advert for smoking dope. So who, exactly, is going to be outraged?

Michael even stresses that the drug is bad for you, mmkay:

“It’s the only drug I’ve ever thought worth taking. But it’s not very healthy.

“I think my life might be somewhere else if I’d chosen another avenue.

“Alcohol for instance — if I drank as much as I smoked, my God, I’d be just like Keith Richards.”

If you smoked as much as Keith Richards drank, young man, you'd be unable to move.

music melvyn bragg george michael

Macca asks for help

There's some trademark senstivity from The Sun this morning - having helped Paul McCartney towards divorce by running "Heather McCartney porn" banner headlines at every opportunity and detailing the allegations of wife-beating against him, the paper has discovered that Paul has started to see a counsellor to help during this stressful period.

The headline would make Gripper Stebson proud:

Macca is seeing a shrink

It's not known if Rebekah Wade then made McCartney lie on the ground and roll home.

music paul mccartney heather mills

Juice squeeze a victory

Congratulations to Liverpool's Juice FM, which has picked up a prize. The station's documentary from Ethiopia in the run up to Live 8 has won in the New York Festival's Radio Programming and Promotions Awards.

music liverpool juice

I can't tell the difference between/ Phil Collins and Genesis

We suspect that Peter Gabriel might have just earned his place in heaven - no sooner had Genesis announced their intention to get back together, than someone realised that they might need to invite Pete along. You know, for old time sake.

It could have been terrible - would Phil have been forced to spend the evening at the back of the stage, pounding away, while Gabriel attempted to deliver some of the more cheesey, upbeat late-period Genesis? Can you imagine Peter Gabriel trying to make his way through Illegal Alien?

Instead, Gabriel has decided to step aside gracefully:

"There were conversations and I decided not to be a part of it," Gabriel told BBC News.

"I'm very happy for them," said Gabriel.

"It's not that I've ruled it out, but I've got some new material that I'll be working on."

The only disappointment is for Mary Wimbrush, the wardrobe mistress for the reunion tour, who had spent the best part of a fortnight fashioning a lawnmower-shaped hat.

music peter gabriel genesis phil collins

We get our satisfaction sharing your success

Google has been moving swiftly to head off copyright problems as it starts to integrate its new YouTube purchase into its business model: Universal, Sony BMG and Warner have been given a chunk of the equity in YouTube.

This might make feel Google feel more comfortable, but in no way guarantees safety: EMI is still sitting outside the party; there's movies and TV material to be sorted as well and, most importantly, there's no guarantee that music business executives aren't foolish enough to try and sue themselves. After all, when BMG took its stake in Napster, it was having to help subsidise the RIAA lawsuits against itself.

Conspiracy theorists - they don't want to be named, of course - whisper in our ears that it's kind of funny that Universal started to fire off lawsuits against other video sharing services this week; almost as if they knew they were about to have a more direct interest in closing down YouTube competitors. "It could be that Google have found a copper-bottomed way of getting someone else to fund the fight to take out the opposition" said the theorist, but then had to go in for his tea as his Mam was calling him.

music youtube google

Donkeys stick carrot

Keane are being used as guinea pigs for a doomed attempt to create a new physical format for singles: Island records are offering their next single as a memory stick:

"You just plug it into your PC or Mac and that's it," said Jon Turner, general manager of Island Records, Keane's label. "We're very keen to see people's reactions to it."

Mr Turner sees the device as a one-off chance to test the water with consumers, but said there could be more releases in 2007. "I do see it as a potential format for the future, but I don't think it's going to run down the use of digital services," he said. "It's an interesting experiment."

So, it's a format that has none of the advantages of CD - you need a computer to play the track, you can't just stick it into your car dashboard and hear it - and all the disadvantages - physical, needs to be shifted round the country, resource-hungry, have to be manufactured before the actual demand can be gauged. Yeah, that's going to catch on.

music keane memorystick

Oasis complete transformation into old blokes

First, they release a singles compilation.

Then, Oasis allow themselves to be flattered by a special Brit award.

They're getting their prize for reaching middle age more-or-less intact:

BPI Chairman Peter Jamieson said: "Oasis set the standard for many of the young rock bands who are currently enjoying success in the UK charts. As the BRIT Awards goes live for the first time in nearly two decades, it is appropriate that we should honour one of the most exciting live acts the UK has produced."

... but as they couldn't think of anyone exciting, they appear to have decided to go with a reliable plodder instead.

(By the way, Jamieson doesn't mean that the Brits have been mimed for the last 20 years - Chris Evans opening and closing his mouth while a tape plays the words "...nominated again, Miss Annie Lennox", but that the TV coverage is going to go out live. Almost as if it's the hour and a half of prime time telly rather than the opportunity to give gongs to the great and good of the music world which drives the whole event, isn't it?)

Notably, Oasis are meant to be so great but haven't won an actual award since 1996; indeed, for this year's prize show, they refused to turn up because they'd not been judged good enough to even get the chance of a statue. A casual observer might wonder how their contribution has been so outstanding if they've not done anything in a decade worth rewarding.

music oasis noel gallagher

Rich woman sues wealthy company

It's redistribution of a type, we suppose, as Yoko Ono attempts to get some ten million she reckons EMI owes her. Or, more accurately, the money she believes should have been paid to her husband.

A spokeswoman for EMI/Capitol, Jeanne Meyer, would not discuss Ono's lawsuit specifically, but she said, "Artists from time to time request audits of their royalty accounts. Sometimes there are differences of opinion, which is understandable given the complex nature of recording contracts."

Meyer said the contracts are sometimes subject to interpretation "but 99 times out of 100 these things are resolved in an amicable way."

... although, 99 times out of 100, you're not dealing with Yoko Ono.

Ono explains her action as being vital because, while she has got a lot of money, she is attempting to assemble a complete collection of all the money in the world as part of "an art installation or something."

music yoko ono john lennon the beatles emi

AllofMP3: Your money's no good here

AllofMp3 - propelled by music industry attention further into public consciousness - continues to adapt to whatever attempts to close it down are batted in its direction.

Visa - citing worries over copyright - had announced it would stop processing payments for the site, which seems to have inspired AllofMp3 to take a lesson from Napster. A new, free business model - supported by advertising - was at the heart of an announcement from the site:

The company, which previously charged about $1 an album, plans to offer consumers a new software program that allows them to download any song from the site for free. AllofMP3 claims to have a catalogue of hundreds of thousands of albums, increasing at a rate of 1,000 per month.

Users of the new service will only be able to listen to songs by using the AllofMP3 software, and the songs will be usable on just one computer at a time. The interface, called Music for the Masses, will initially be available for Microsoft Windows, with an Apple version arriving in several weeks, Mamotin said.

Consumers who wish to transfer their songs between computers or to a music device like an iPod or another MP3 player, will have to pay for the music.

The viability of the service will, of course, depend on being able to find people who are willing to advertise on a site which is something of a grey area; if customers are willing to download a piece of software which does something other than play MP3 files; and, of course, on the IFPI continuing to offer free promotion of that allofmp3.com web address.

music allofmp3

Is the IFPI lying to the media, or the RIAA lying to the courts?

Trying to keep stories straight when there are a lot of people involved is quite tricky, as anyone who's ever tried to arrange a drunken night out with a bunch of novice nuns will testify. So perhaps it's not surprising that the IFPI and RIAA have been caught out by the Digital Music Weblog contradicting each other:

John Kennedy of the IFPI tells the BBC, "People should understand that they can be caught whatever network they are using. The next time a series of law suits are announced you could be on the receiving end if you are an illegal file-sharer," a statement which contradicts earlier legal action by the RIAA in the US courts.

Industry lawyers in the US have told courts that the opposite is true, that there are methods and techniques which prevent the RIAA from identifying users of file-sharing software, and have argued the RIAA's contracts with its copyright protection software provider MediaSentry should be held in confidence as a result.

Of course, just because one has to be wrong doesn't mean either have to be right.

music riaa downloads

The Coldplay on

Victoria Newton has good news for people who don't like music much: Coldplay aren't going to split up at all:

HERE’S something that will put a smile on the faces of COLDPLAY fans.

I’ve discovered that, contrary to recent reports, the band have made a massive commitment to each other and are definitely in it for the long haul.

Well, thank God you're here to counter "recent reports", Victoria - whatever would we do without you, able to slap down stuff like this "recent report":

Coldplay to split up?

COLDPLAY frontman Chris Martin hinted the band could disappear from public for an extended break.

Let's hope Victoria is prepared to name and shame the person whose byline appears on that... let's see, it's one ...oh... Victoria Newton. How bizarre.

Anyway, Victoria can now slap down Victoria's nonesense because:

The four group members — CHRIS MARTIN, GUY BERRYMAN, WILL CHAMPION and JONNY BUCKLAND — have clubbed together to buy a building in Hampstead, north-west London.

They are spending a fortune converting the property into Coldplay HQ — containing studios and offices.

The rockers have entered into a legal contract which makes them joint owners of their new base, which will house all of their staff and equipment.

Right. Because nothing says "we see our future as a band" like property speculation.

music coldplay chris martin

The first rule of Amy Winehouse is you do not talk about Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse? She's great. Brilliant. God, she's wonderful.

You'd better think so, or else she'll hit you:

“This girl came up to me and said I was brilliant.

“Two seconds later, she turned around to my boyfriend, pointed at me and said, ‘She fucked up’.

“So I punched her right in the face — which she wasn’t expecting, because girls don’t do that.”

“My bloke Alex took me outside to calm me down and I kneed him in the balls then punched him in his face too.”

Yes... you wouldn't expect to see a drunk girl fighting outside a pub late at night. Unless, of course, you've ever been outside a pub late at night.

music amy winehouse

Madonna and somebody else's child

Now, there was some talk amongst naysayers and doom-mongers, liberals, bloggers, and snipers when Madonna adopted the orphan in no way differently from anyone else at all, that perhaps Madonna might not be the closest, loving mother in the world. Today's Sun will make those people print out their words and eat them in some way:

Back in Britain Madonna, 48, sent an assistant on a clothes shopping spree for Davie — demanding video footage on her mobile so she could check the outfits herself.

See? You can't be more involved in a child's upbringing than watching someone buy clothes for him on a small screen, can you?

The singer is being helped in her new role as a mum of three by her trusted aid Shavawn Gordon. The American was snapped carrying Davie off the flight to Heathrow.

A source said: “Madge had a heart-to-heart with her before flying to Africa. She told Shavawn she wanted her to be like a second mum.”

See? You think Madonna is distant and uninvolved - but, clearly, she briefed the staff member she was passing the kid off onto for a five hour-flight. Doubtless there'll be some bloggers whining that Madonna didn't put together a powerpoint presentation for the briefing, or failed to have someone rustle up some handouts, but there is such a thing as smothering a kid, isn't there?

You'll note that Gordon has been nominated as "a second mum" for Dave. So, with his birth Mother, what clearer signal could Madonna send out that she seriously does think of herself as possibly third or fourth in the stream of mothers Dave suddenly finds himself with? Maybe sixth, when Cookie is on dutie.

music madonna

Cameron returns to rap

Having made such a botch on the subject of rap and knife crime, Callmedave Cameron is going to try again and meet a rapping singer.

Conservative people say the meeting with Rhymefest is part of what they do:

A Conservative Party spokeswoman said: "We feel it is important that, if we make comments like that, we meet the people involved.

"David doesn't back away from anything he said and we are having a sensible meeting."

Of course, if David doesn't back away from anything he said, it's curious why the meeting is coming nine months or so after he waded in on the whole issue; it's also curious that, if he's so pleased to stand by everything he said, then why is he meeting Rhymefest rather than Lethal Bizzle. Bizzle, you'll recall, was the first rapper to respond to Cameron's stance, and was rewarded by being wrongly label by Cameron as writing the sort of songs Dave doesn't like.

We'd have thought Dave might have wanted to meet Bizzle to apologise to him.

More to the point, why is Dave meeting an American rapper anyway? Surely if he's really interested in finding out if, and why, there's so much violent imagery appealing to British music fans, it'd make more sense for a British politician to speak to people involved in the British music scene?

Perhaps when Cameron was told he'd had an invite from Rhymefest he thought it was some sort of poetry event in the Welsh hills.

And, of course, it might be more worthwhile for Cameron to spend his time speaking to some of the rappers who do sing about guns and knives, rather than the ones who don't.

The Tories seem to admit this is a bit of a sterile meeting:

The Conservative spokeswoman said: "I don't think they are coming from particularly different angles.

"We realise there are responsible rappers out there who understand what David said."

We love that idea of "responsible rappers" - like safe drivers, or careful savers - almost as much as we love the idea that there are people who might not have understood what Cameron meant when he demonised an art form enjoyed disproportionately by young, black, city-dwelling people. The ones who are talking to you are the ones who don't think you're unsalvageable, Dave.

Maybe you'd be better off thinking where you're going to cut the £21billion from public services.

music david cameron rhymefest

Madoption: More questions than answers

The Madonna adoption story gets more and more puzzling the more reports come out from Malawi. For example, David's Dad has apparently issued a statement calling for the human rights organisations who are challenging the adoption procedure to withdraw their objections:

"Where were these people when David was struggling in the orphanage? These so-called human rights groups should leave my baby alone," Yohane Banda said.

"As father I have okayed this, I have no problem; the village has no problem, who are they to cause trouble? Please let them stop."

"I was alone with a baby; I had no money, I couldn't buy him milk, that's why I surrendered him to the orphanage," said Banda.

"Orphanage life is no good. We leave kids there because we can't look after them properly ourselves. Now my son has been taken by a kindhearted woman, these people want to bring him back to the orphanage," lamented Banda, standing in his small garden of onions and tomatoes.

The peasant farmer said Madonna and Ritchie promised him nothing apart from "love and care for my David."

That seems quite definitive: the father, standing in his garden, has no problem with the adoption.

There is a question of how a man of Banda's background has suddenly started giving media briefings from his "small garden of onions and tomatoes."

And the Village is fine with it, too:

"Whoever she is she is a kindhearted woman," said Village Headman Lipunga, the chief of the village. "We all love her here and we hope she will visit us soon."

But then, clearly, the village has been happy with whatever deal was struck all along.

And, despite what Banda has told the press after a period of reflection, he'd earlier told the Mail that he hadn't put the child up for adoption, and had hoped to reunite his family:

"I suppose deep in my heart I always imagined that when he was better, or I had got another wife, I would go and take him back," Banda told the Mail on Sunday.

"I did not think anyone would want to take him away."

So at the weekend, Banda had only believed he'd given temporary custody; now he's suggested he "surrendered" the baby to the orphanage. Interesting shift.

Meanwhile, the Malawian government have been attempting to deny they've twisted the rules in allowing Madonna and film-makery bloke thing to fast-track their taking of the child (it's funny, isn't it, how people in Malawi only talk about the adoptive mother - it's her lovely eyes, her generous nature):

[Penston Kilembe, the Director of Child Welfare Services in the Ministry of Gender, child Welfare and Community Services] said when approving the adoption of Baby David government looked at rights of the baby and the family and "found nothing amiss."

"These groups should fight for rights of children, not block the same like they are trying to do now," he said.

But there's a curiosity here, too - Kilembe sort-of admits that laws have been broken, but dismisses them as "archaic":

"These laws date back to the 1940s; things have changed now," he said. "Madonna and her husband has broken no laws as far as government is concerned. They have followed all the legal steps."

But surely if the laws are that archaic, then the government would have swept them away rather than just decided they don't apply any more? Besides, isn't it the job of the judiciary rather than the executive to decide what laws apply in which situation? Indeed, you'd have thought the government would welcome the chance to test this curious "that law is more than 25 years old and doesn't, therefore, count" interpretation of legislation in the courts. By encouraging legal action, the Government could happily sweep this tired and threadbare piece of dead legal letter off the statute book.

Another question that's floating about unanswered: if Madonna and Guy have been preparing the paperwork for this adoption for "months" as she claims, how come they hadn't thought to apply for a passport for David until this week? And if they were being so diligent in filling out all the paperwork, why is it the UK authorities apparently knew nothing about it?

Zoe Williams, writing in this morning's Guardian suggested that all the commentary over the adoption is tied up with a determination to stop people believing that the rich and famous get treated differently from us:

Madonna's case is prosecuted basically as a fairly crude demonstration that the world is fair, that preferment can't be bought.It is primary-school morality, bugled noisily so our tiny minds can comprehend it and be soothed.

In other words - if we've got this right - Williams believes that Madonna has bought exemption from the usual rules, but thinks everyone should pretend that's okay lest we seem shrill.

music madonna