Rate 08: This year just gone: April 2008

Keith Richards had trouble making an autobiography from the few scraps of his life he could remember. As if drugs aren't bad enough, the Daily Mail found rap songs mentioned them. Everyone else got upset by Mark E Smith claiming to kill red squirrels, but not so upset as they were by naked pictures of Miley Cyrus. So upset the papers had to keep running them, again and again.

Heathrow's Terminal Five opened and celebrated by losing everyone's bags and Calvin Harris' new album, supposedly. Lily Allen left the Orange Book Prize judging panel while H From Steps tried to get a judge thrown off the circuit, although not quickly enough to save Pete Doherty from going back inside. Where - if you believe Gordon Smart - Doherty 'turned to Islam'. Mitch Winehouse wanted Amy sectioned.

Although they weren't blaming Jay-Z, Glastonbury had so many tickets unsold it had to reopen ticket registration. Also in difficulties was Bez, bankrupt again. Who was to blame for the fuss over Bryan Ferry and his admiration for aspects of Nazi aesthetics? Why, political correctness, of course. As angry as Ferry was Pete Wentz - why, he thundered does everyone start thinking Ashlee Simpson is pregnant just because they got married? It's a witchunt. (Ashlee gave birth in the middle of November.)

A new direction for the NME started with, erm, a Coldplay giveaway. And a tussle with Morrissey, who seemed to imply that the paper had yanked sponsorship from an anti-racism gig.

Carphone Warehouse told the BPI it wouldn't be the music industry's policeman so the music industry tried to ban second hand dealers selling promos instead. Oh, and to stop Shirley Manson from releasing her solo debut.

As Subpop turned 20, Captains Of Industry stopped putting out records, perhaps in response to the release of Chanelle off Big Brother's debut single.

New Kids On The Block declared their reunion 'better than Christmas'. Boyzone came back, only this time they were going to be sexier, they threatened. Lloyd Grossman had no need to sex up Jet Brox's return. The Specials decided to see if they could still play before committing to a reunion. Phil Collins retired, or so he promised.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie apparently took their Blackberries to bed, thereby turning a communications device into a communications breakdown. Heather Mills paid the price for taking on Paul McCartney - Yoko Ono wanted to be her friend. Liverpool discovered the fear of Yoko's embrace, too. At least that didn't cost them as much as the tax payer's cash poured into propping up Macca At Anfield.

Ofcom scolded the BBC for letting Snoop Dogg swear during Live Earth, despite Jonathan Ross' attempts to apologise. If Jonathan Ross can't keep a broadcast on the straight and narrow, what hope is there for anyone?