Burial buried

Elbow - who, yes, have improved noticeably since no longer having major label bosses making helpful suggestions - have won the Mercury Music Prize.

Not Burial, then, despite the cash being poured in support of his album down the bookies.

Guy Garvey is delighted:

"This is quite literally the best thing that's ever happened to us."

Although that's probably what Roni Size thought.

Republicans don't listen

Despite having been asked nicely not to, the Republicans are still playing Heart's Baracuda at their gatherings. So, not all that big on respect or valuing people's choices, then.

Amusingly, Roger Fisher from Heart has pledged he'll give the royalties earned through the song being played for Republicans straight to the Obama campaign.

Back after 18 years

This Almighty Pop fnazine has just published issue 5 - only 18 years after issue 4. Presumably the photocopier at the newsagents round the corner had broken.

Issue five features The Wave Pictures and comes with a CD-R (the 21st century version of a flexi disc).

We're expecting Trout Fishing In Leytonstone to publish a new edition next.

Oasis fans take matters into their own hands

As Oasis pull tonight's gig in London, Canadan to allow Noel some more time to get over his injuries and rebuild his wounded pride, Oasis "fans" are busily responding to the attack by - well, let's not use the word "vigilante", as it's so ugly, isn't it?

At the same time, angry Oasis fans have issued "Wanted: Dead or Alive" calls on [Daniel] Sullivan, and have even printed his home address, phone number and a map of where he lives on fan forums.

Yes. Dead or alive. Why isn't summary execution allowed for shoving a bloke over? Political correctness gone mad, isn't it?

Sullivan has been charged with assault while organisers of the V Festival try to work out how things went so wrong:

In an interview with The Ampersand, Virgin spokesperson Nathan Rosenberg says Sullivan somehow evaded security, and that he wasn't someone who had a backstage pass.

"Somehow evaded security", huh? Do you think? I do like the implication that there is some sort of backstage pass which would allow you to push the bands over.

Russell Brand manages to boost US teen pregnancy rate

As part of his shtick at the MTV VMAs this weekend, Russell Brand launched a squawking mock-bomb on the Jonas Brothers and their much-touted silver rings.

The abstinence people, though, are putting a brave face on it, claiming it's good news for them:

"I've received a good amount of feedback," said Jason Burtt, national director of Silver Ring Thing, a program that asks teens to pledge to remain virgins until marriage. "Nothing negative, but mostly positive support from all over the country from people interested in the program."

Of course, the Silver Ring people have more than enough negativity to cope with - what with how virginity pledges don't work - but still, it's nice the hear they're building on Brand's jokes as a way of spreading their failing message a little wider.

It's interesting that MTV News runs a largely uncritical piece - almost as if the parent company is desperate to balance out Brand's comments by bending over backwards. There is, at the very end, a mention of the negative studies into the idea, but downplayed:

A number of studies have shown that teens who take purity pledges tend to delay becoming sexually active for about 18 months longer than teens who don't, but that when they do become active, they are more likely to have unprotected or risky sex, though [Silver Ring Thing founder Denny] Pattyn said he does not support those findings.

It's not clear why a vague attempt to balance the story is then wiped out by quoting someone whose career depends on the Teen Abstinence industry. it's like running a piece saying how great turkey is, and then taking the one negative comment about turkey and adding that Bernard Matthews takes issue with the point.

Indeed, Pattyn has trouble with the idea that anything is a negative for his campaign:

"This is a big, big to-do," Pattyn said of the flap in his community over the Jonas Brothers/ Brand issue. "It's fantastic for an organization like ours, and we think this will open up some major things." Pattyn said he gave Meghan McCain one of his group's rings to give to Governor Palin for her daughter "to let her know we're supporting her and praying for her."

You might think that it might be a little late to be sending Bristol Palin a ring to mark her abstinence - and, indeed, coming from a home whose mother is committed to replacing sex education with abstinence "education", might prove a salutary example of just how it might not work to not mention the condoms at all.

Pattyn is using the extra attention Brand's gag has given his organisation to try and get access to Sarah Palin - something of an open door. If the election goes the wrong way, Russell Brand might have played a part in condemning a whole slew of young American girls into not getting proper sex education. Well done, Russell.

EMI lose another artist: Nitzer Ebb quit Mute

EMI's worrying inability to keep its artists looks worse by the day: Nitzer Ebb have confirmed they're not with Mute any more and are looking round for a new deal. They'll have to hurry, though, as they want a new album out by Christmas.

Shearwaters run deep

And while I'm idly cutting and pasting tour dates, here's some for Shearwater:

Sept 13th - End Of The Road Festival, Dorset
Sept 14th - Zodiac, Oxford
Sept 15th - Captain's Rest, Glasgow
Sept 16th - The Roadhouse, Manchester
Sept 17th - Bush Hall, London
Sept 18th - Rough Trade East, London
Sept 19th - Whelans, Dublin
Sept 20th - Speakeasy, Belfast
Sept 21st - Roisin Dubh, Galway

Stereolab on the road

This December, Stereolab will be double-checking how many plugs are available on the stages of these fine venues:

Dec 12th - The Pavilion, Cork
Dec 13th - Tripod, Dublin
Dec 14th - Black Box, Belfast
Dec 16th - Oran Mor, Glasgow
Dec 17th - Academy 3, Manchester
Dec 18th - Concorde 2, Brighton
Dec 19th - KOKO, London

[You might enjoy the Stereolab weekend]

Back from the brink: Shelleyan Orphan

Bournemouth's contribution to popular culture is, to be fair, slight: That bloke who used to go to all England's matches dressed up all patriotic like until the story leaked about dubious activities with children; Jim Davidson sitting as chair of the local football club. And Shelleyan Orphan.

The latter have just reunited: We Have Everything We Need is due on October 13th on One Little Indian. The album features a collaboration with the Hungarian National Radio Orchestra, which is quite refreshing.

You might want to hold off buying it, though, as there's a box set promised this winter in which the new record is collated alongside all the 1980s-90s stuff and a bunch of rarities.

There's a tour planned, too.

Need your memory jogged? See if this doesn't bring the last half-hour of the Janice Long Show rushing back:

Gennaro Castaldo watch: New fibs on the block

In scenes reminiscent of Beatlemania (i.e. relying heavily on the press talking it up), apparently last night's visit of New Kids On The Block led to "chaos" on the streets of London. It must be true, the Daily Star says so:

NEW Kids On The Block sparked chaos at their first UK appearance in more than 14 years yesterday.

What nature of chaos, exactly? Happily, the event was at HMV, so we can turn for elaboration to HMV's pit-pony of press and publicity, Gennaro Castaldo:

HMV’s Gennaro Castaldo said: “This must be the largest PA we’ve done in recent years, so big it forced us to close the store while the event was taking place – something we have done only a handful of times.”

Wow. That really is chaotic. Or, at least, a fairly busy day in a London shop.

Heather Mills: The book what I wrote

Where does she get her ideas from? Heather Mills is shopping a novel round publishers about a man who finds he can understand trees and slowly turns into a carrot.

Alright, it's about a model who marries a famous rock star. Doubtless the characters will be called Helen Millington and Mike McPaulney.

She's hoping for a million dollar advance, so I'm not going to hold my breath.

Zune attempts to steal Apple's thunder

With Apple about to launch something-or-other at today's Let's Rock event - an iPod with spaceflight capabilities, a MacBook that folds into an actual leopard, a phone that works properly - Microsoft aren't sitting back and taking it. They're taking the battle to Apple. Power-ups for the Zune all round.

Maybe that was what the Seinfeld advert was actually meant to be advertising?

A press release clatters in, announcing, erm, something:

The Zune Social online music community. Customers can connect with millions of like-minded fans and share music via the Zune Card, a real-time playlist of each user's favorite and recently played tracks that can be accessed on the Web or within the Zune software, or synced to the Zune device. Zune Pass subscribers can play full tracks from Zune Cards synced to their device while on the go, and now the playlists will even automatically update with the most recently played tracks when Zune connects to a wireless hot spot. It's like subscribing to a free feed of music from the sources people trust most -- their friends.

Clear, huh? There's a wi-fi updated subscriber pass with a real-time playlist and... um, something. I think it's basically a bit like last.fm but on the player.

I love that bit about "the sources people trust most" - it's music, not investment advice. You might meet a bloke in the pub who says "trust me, try Dumpy's Rusty Nuts" and you could sample his advice without risking your house, your life, your sanity. Well, not your house or life anyway.

And isn't the model for most music recommendation systems now based on 'people who like music similar to your tastes also like this' rather than 'your friends like this, so will you' - after all, friendship is no guarantor of similar music taste, is it? There are people I love and would fight for, but they like Oasis. I'd no more want their Zune streaming over my wi-fi than I would want to lick a stranger's ears.

Zune is also promising "powerful software":

The Zune PC software is a free download at http://www.zune.net that provides rich discovery and media management capabilities to help consumers make the most of their existing music collections, in addition to providing access to the Zune Social and Zune Marketplace so they can add to it.

Blimey - let's hope that powerful software doesn't fall into the wrong hands. Can you imagine what the Chinese might do if they got hold of that? Other than for the purposes of manufacturing the Zune.

And there's also this:

Customers can select an artist, album or Zune Card to activate a dynamic, visual mosaic of related music and listeners. With each click users can take the view in a new direction, creating a fun, graphical way to discover new music. Mixview works with users' current collection of music, in addition to tracks and albums from across the Zune Marketplace.

At long last - someone's decided to make music fun. Thank God.

Well, with this dynamic mosaic and powerful software that's a bit like iTunes, Microsoft have really raised the bar. I'm given to understand a visibly-shaken Steve Jobs was heard shouting "well, can we make a peach coloured iPod? They haven't done a peach one..."

Gordon in the morning: The fallen hero

Gordon, as we know, has special feelings for the Oasis boys, and so we can only imagine the turmoil he was going through having to report on the Noel Gallagher getting pushed over on stage incident. It's almost like asking a son to report on the attack which killed his father.

The distress is the only thing which can explain the strange aspects of Smart's report (he also gets some help from Nick Parker - it's not clear who worked out how to play the YouTube video and who took notes).

Clearly, even Noel Gallagher should be allowed to go about his business without being pushed over on stage, but equally, the guy who got on stage was a bit merry rather than intent on a killing spree. Ill-judged hi-jinks that got out of hand rather than a violent crime.

Not if you rely on Gordon for your news, though:

OASIS star NOEL GALLAGHER played on in agony after a crazed fan attacked him on stage.

The nut rushed up behind the guitarist mid-performance and shoved him hard in the back.

Now, I don't know the mental health status of the bloke on the stage. Neither does Gordon. Nick Parker, we'd assume, is equally in the dark. And yet here's the Sun, insisting that the chap is both "crazed" and - charmingly - "a nut".

If Noel really was the victim of a serious offence conducted by someone with mental health issues, that does make Smart's headline seem a little strange:

Gallagher brothers are mad fer hit

Also the use of Wonderfall on the captions.

But it's not just the question of how Smart watched the video and saw a crazed fan. There's also this bit:

[H]is furious Mad Fer It brother, singer LIAM, rushed at the intruder with fists flailing before security staff dragged the man away.

Really? Because most people seem to see security staff dragging the man away before Liam starts to get involved.

Of course, this is proper journalism, and so there's a need for some sort of context, from an expert. We're not let down:

STEREOPHONICS star KELLY JONES, who played on the same bill, said: “It was out of order.”

Thank god there was someone able to explain that for us. Otherwise we might have thought this sort of thing was acceptable.

It was out of order. But isn't getting over-excited, clambering on stage, having a pop - aren't all these things the attitude which Oasis actively promotes?

That? Oh, that's the sound of the swing states turning red

Hey - here's a way to ensure that Obama gets elected: why not get Boy George to record a song about how Yes We Can make it to the promised land? Oh, and also throw in some references to Amy Winehouse as well. Because, really, who running for President wouldn't want Boy George to pop up supporting him while suggesting that, effectively, Obama and Winehouse are pretty much the same deal?



Although, to be fair, the tune is pretty sharp.

It's like Eggs And Baker for a new generation

Rock stars and cooking - they go together like ballet dancers and removing supporting walls. With the exception of David Van Day and his chip shop. That is, until now, and Blip.TV's cooking with rockstars.

Here, Nada Surf invite you to do some cooking:



[via the MusicSlut]

It's like someone's fitted an inspection panel into Ne-Yo's skull, and we're all invited to have a poke about

Ne-Yo has a new album - Year Of The Gentleman - which is even now being lovingly clad in plastic ready for sale.

To help ease the time until release, Ne-Yo is filling the ten days blogging the songs and explaining the meanings behind them. And going all interactive:

I’m going to break down the meaning behind the other 10 songs on the record, of course excluding what you’ve already heard, “closer” and “Ms. Independent”. I feel that this’ll help you all get a better understanding of what the songs are, why I wrote them the way I did, the inspirations behind them, while at the same time letting you a lil’ further into the mind of yours truly.

Blimey. That's quite an offer, don't you think?

So, Ne-Yo kicks off with an explanation of Nobody:

This song is more about the FEEL of the record as oppose to it being so much about the lyrics.

I'm sorry? It's a song that isn't actually a song, but somehow the sense of touch?

It depicts a woman, sexy, strong, sexy, a lil’ dangerous…….did I mention sexy……??

Is it Faith from Buffy? Is it? It is, isn't it?

The kind of woman the steps on the floor in the club and all the fellas want it, all the ladies wanna be it. Know what I mean??

A woman the steps on the floor? No, to be honest, I don't know what you mean. It might be a typo, although the use of "it" suggests the rest of the sentence is referring to the floor rather than the woman - "I really want to be that floor..." "Yes, indeed - ever since that sexy dangerous sexy woman the stepped on the floor, I've been admiring the parquet..."

The track is very much early MJ, very much sounding like it came straight outta the sessions for the “Off The Wall” album.

It's quite refreshing for the artist to offer the slaggy, "pale imitation of a thirty year old record" review, isn't it?

This song is my MJ tribute song. I always do at least one, every album. Can you pick out the ones from the last two albums??

See? Interactivity there. If you can pick the songs, why not draw a picture of Ne-Yo dressed up as Michael Jackson making the songs? You can use paints, crayons, or coloured pencils - anything you like - to make the drawing.

So, effectively, then, Ne-Yo's revelation is "this song sounds a bit like a Mickey Jackson knock-off and it's about a hot woman". Thanks for that insight, Ne-Yo.

Brit Awards 2009: Can you wait?

The 2009 Brit Awards will, again, be televised live by ITV. Although there's no word yet on who will host, the chances of it being better than this year's horrorshop have to be high. February 18th is the date for your diary; the nasty ITV2 nominations programme is scheduled for January 20th.

Which does give us a chance to ask: what on earth were they thinking they were doing when they kind-of redesigned the ITV2 logo? The ITV family of channels at least looked coherent, if they lacked any other sort of coherence, and now they've got on channel whose logo fits, except it's been turned through about 30 degrees and then made 3D for no good reason. If they really wanted to try and give a sense of personality to the channel, they could have tweaked the 2 and left it in the standard ITV logo layout; this just looks like fifteen minutes before a press launch they got someone to knock something up using the graphics capability of Microsoft Word.

Missing the First Post

Curious.

Earlier today, RSS readers worldwide throbbed gently as the First Post published a story about Malcolm McClaren "declaring war" on his son Joe - the phrase "punk rock rip-off" was mentioned.

However, if you trot over the the website, there's not a whiff of anything about Malcolm there. The URL, however, still exists:

www.thefirstpost.co.uk/people,1357,malcolm-mclaren-says-son-is-punk-rip-off,43748

But with an empty page compiled out where it once was. As if the First Post had somehow thought McClaren was at war with his son, but then decided he wasn't.

Clash injection

Clash magazine - the music (and apparently fashion) monthly that comes from Dundee - has been given a large chunk of public money, drawing down nearly a quarter of a million quid from the Scottish Parliament to fund its web ambitions:

MD John O’Rourke: “We now have the opportunity to develop the platform with more applications that will captivate our unique community of music tastemakers and help realise our global aspirations. Clash will continue to concentrate on quality in both our content and delivery, streaming many exclusives and adding new channels, all of which shall see the level of growth continue.”

Does Clash really have a unique community of music tastemakes? (For the website of a magazine that currently has Kings Of Leon on the front cover, mark you.) Clearly, it has a community of users, but I'd be very surprised if they claim their readers are in any way unique to them.

I should imagine the NME.com team are even now sending the Clash team cards, generously welcoming competitors funded by the rates.

Gallagher attacked on stage

Noel Gallagher got attacked on stage at Canada's V festival - as this fan video shows, about one minute thirty in, someone walked on stage, straight up to Noel and pushed him over. Security rush on to the stage - perhaps a little late, you might observe - and the band trooped off.



Oasis returned and completed their set after about ten minutes.

MTV garland Britney Spears with much, much praise

Not a thing for the Ting Tings, then, as Britney Spears is given most of the MTV Awards in a year which seems to be summed up by the attitude "oh, let's just pass them to Britney and have done with".

Here, then, are the winners:

Best Female Video
Britney Spears"Piece of Me"

Best Male Video
Chris Brown"With You"

Best Dancing In A Video
Pussycat Dolls"When I Grow Up"

Best Rock Video
Linkin Park"Shadow of the Day"

Best Hip Hop Video
Lil Wayne"Lollipop"

Best New Artist
Tokio Hotel"Ready, Set, Go!"

Best Pop Video
Britney Spears"Piece of Me"

Video Of The Year
Britney Spears"Piece of Me"

Was I a cynical man, I might wonder if the clean sweep for an okay-but-hardly-career-best tune was designed in the hope that a "Britney clean sweep" story might actually give a knackered old MTV Awards some sort of news profile beyond a down page "the MTV awards took place yesterday" story. Although judging by the acts which got prizes when Britney was elsewhere - presumably they had to give someone else the Best Dancing prize to let Spears nip off stage long enough for a wee - it could just be the result of the dullest judges in history.

And, in return for all this largesse, what did Britney do for MTV? Not a song and dance routine - perhaps wise after last year's ahem performance. Nope, she uttered four lines of welcome at the start of the show, for all the world like a carnival queen opening a supermarket.

Russell Brand was in charge this year - which we think means that the 2009 awards have to be presented by a disappointing combination of George Lamb and Davina McCall. How did he go down?

Best Week Ever reacts:

They just introduced Russell Brand, but the guy who stumbled out looks more like that weird German lead singer of Tokio Hotel. His accent sounds like the first half of My Fair Lady. He just asked everyone to elect Barack Obama. While I support the sentiment, I don’t know if Barack really needs the endorsement of someone who looks like the love child of Keith Richards and Amy Winehouse.

His performance doesn't merit any further comment.

Soulbounce was distracted by him:

9:08 Who in the hell is Russell Brand? Am I supposed to know who this weirdo is? His hair is disturbia.

9:11 OK, dude gets a pass for his pro-Obama banter/anti-Republican jokes.

But the pass was actually swiftly withdrawn:

9:19 OK, Russell, all this political comedy is going over way over people's heads.

Urbandrucker also found Brand confusing:

And... um... I loved Russell Brand in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," but he's not a great host. His humor doesn't suit the gig- he just seems NUTS.

When he popped up doing the NME Awards a couple of years ago, he seemed misplaced - and that was the bloody NME Awards (is he the first person ever to present NME and MTV VMA shows? Will he be the last?)

Idolator does its duty by listing the more interesting prizes - they gave the awards for people who actually do something before the television cameras are switched on. That's because nobody wants to be watching TV with their kid only to find themselves having to answer the question all parents dread: Daddy, what's a cinematographer?

BEST ART DIRECTION
Gnarls Barkley, "Run"

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Gnarls Barkley, "Run"

BEST DIRECTING
Erykah Badu, "Honey"

BEST EDITING
Death Cab For Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart"

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
The White Stripes, "Conquest"

BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS
Kanye West, "Good Life"

I'm at a loss to understand how one video can win best choreography and a totally different one picks up best dancing - unless the implication is that Pussycat Dolls totally unchoreographed?

Gordon in the morning: Amy to take a break

It's a really weak morning, even by Bizarre standards, today - although the photo of Peaches Geldof from the Agent Provocateur ad is worth a look, because if this is the shot they're using from the shoot what on earth must the rest have been like? Perhaps it's a challenge from the next Britain's Top Model, in place of the usual 'have your photo taken with an uncontrollable snake or something' one.

Meanwhile, though, Mitch Winehouse has "promised" that Amy is now going to take a break after an underwhelming show at Bestival. The online version of the report is titled (although not headlined):

Fans want sick Amy Winehouse to take a break

- but Gordon offers not even a made-up quote to support that contention. He, however, does call for her to have some sort of a rest:

Amy is an incredible talent whose live performances were spellbinding before she went into freefall.

I hope I don’t see her sing again until her health has improved and she can recapture that form.

Of course, it's much better for the Sun if she stays at home in Camden falling over - much easier and cheaper to cover than having to send someone to follow her round the festivals and concert halls of Europe.

Young Marble Giants weekend: Choci Loni

From the Hay On Wye Festival last year:



[Part of Young Marble Giants weekend]

James Hetfield gets overexcited, confused at being the voice of torture

Ten years ago, if someone told James Hetfield that Metallica songs were being played at loud volume as part of a process of torture, he'd have been instructing lawyers to ensure that he was getting his sixteen cents per play.

Today, though, Hetfield is "proud" that Metallica was the Gunatanamo torturer's tune of choice:

"Part of me is proud is because they chose METALLICA," Hetfield said about the reports that the band's song "Enter Sandman" was used during the interrogation of Mohammed al-Qahtani — known as the 20th hijacker on Sept. 11 — and that listening to the track brought al-Qahtani to tears "because he thought he was hearing the sound of Satan." James added, "It's strong; it's music that's powerful. It represents something that they don't like — maybe freedom, aggression… I don't know… freedom of speech. And then part of me is kind of bummed about it that people worry about us being attached to some political statement because of that. We've got nothing to do with this and we're trying to be as apolitical as possible, 'cause I think politics and music, at least for us, don't mix. It separates people, [and] we wanna bring people together. So, so be it. I can't say 'Stop.' I can't say 'Do it.' It is just a thing — it's not good or bad."

Isn't possible that Al-Qahtani was sobbing not because he thought he was hearing the sound of Satan, but because he knew he was hearing a bloody Metallica track on an endless loop?

And how can Hetfield simper that he can't either condemn or condone the torture of people using his music as a tool? If the Wilson sisters from Heart have the guts to stand up and express a clear opinion about the use of their music, why can't Hetfield? And given that the first half of his quote you can almost hear the blood flowing southwards with macho delight, doesn't that make his pathetic refusal to take a stance even more embarrassing? Hetfield loves freedom of speech; it's just he's too afraid to actually use it.

Oh, Madonna, you are so shocking

Let's hope that this is the last Madonna world tour for a while - at least long enough for her to think of something new. Because if she's so out of ideas she's reduced to trying to generate attention by shouting 'poo, willy, wee' ("by dedicating Like A Virgin to the Pope") while playing in Rome.

Amusingly, even the Italian press couldn't seem arsed to work up a froth about it:

"At the Roman leg of her tour, Madonna didn't miss the opportunity for a provocation that will certainly be discussed," Corriere della Sera said on its front page.

Almost certainly. Unless a dog runs past the window with a ham in its mouth, or Wolf from Gladiators gives an interview or something more interesting happens.

Blimey... he's in for a shock, then

Although the ceremony was held up for fifteen minutes at the "any person here present" bit as the celebrant had to plough through 175 internet pages to determine if she really was, you know, serious about this heterosexual business, KT Tunstall has married her drummer Luke Bullen.

I think Mel B is being modest

The Sunday Mirror makes space for Mel B to muse - apparently randomly - on her life:

I don’t have a fame-ometer, so I don’t know if I’m as famous in the States as in Britain. I live in LA, where everyone’s famous – you’ll do your food shopping and you’ll be standing next to Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve been really lucky that people have always been very respectful, and chirpy and cheerful and nice. I’ve never had any freaky experiences – touch wood.

Yes. Every single person in LA shops in the same supermarket, with all the famous people picking up their rostis next to the guys who clean the toilets on the Universal studio tours. Because they're famous, too. I imagine what Mel B means when she says "everyone is famous in LA" is "I move in incredibly small circles and never come into contact with people who aren't full of themselves".

This fame-ometer thing is a bit puzzling, though: does Mel B really not have a clue where she might be in the US pecking order by, say, looking at magazines (where her name crops up most often as "mother of Murphy's child...") and if she doesn't have this magical device, what makes her think she has a high level of fame in the UK?

But what does the future hold for her?

I could never be as successful as the Spice Girls – there were five of us in that group, and alone you can only do so much.

Yes, it's impossible to be successful on an international, stellar scale if there's only one of you. That's one of the things McCartney and Madonna find so galling.

Young Marble Giants weekend: Final Day

From one of their two 2007 reunion dates - in Boulogne, if you please - this is a live reading of Final Day:



[Part of Young Marble Giants weekend]

The News of the World still doesn't much like Heather Mills

Today - when the rest of the world has started to forget and move on - the News of the World returns to battering Heather Mills.

Her former PR person, Michele Elyzabeth, has decided to go public with - well, you can guess, can't you? Heather is mean, Heather lies, Heather wanted to destory Paul - pretty much the same story that the News of the World runs every few months.

What's different this time, of course, is that Elyzabeth was the woman who used to push Mills' view of the world. Now, though, she's decided to go public with all her misgivings about Mills.

Elyzabeth, surely, should have known all this about Mills years before she went on American TV as part of the alleged plot to "bring down" Paul - after all, for two years she worked on PR for Mills for free as she'd been told Heather had no cash to pay her, only to discover her springing fifteen grand for a trip somewhere:

“I tackled her about it and she agreed to pay me £2,500 per month plus expenses. Heather had lied to me, but I was happy just to get money."

The phrase 'happy just to get money' might lay, we suspect, at the heart of much of this story. Elyzabeth suggests that Mills is the tightest person she knows, but she seems equally aware of the flow of cash:

“She had a credit card, but it must have had cobwebs on it. She once told me it was simply a little gesture from Paul for friends’ lunches. Well I was her friend, and she rarely paid for me.

“She must have bought about six lunches in total out of the dozens we had—and they were always the cheap ones.

“Even when we met at her house for an important business lunch, we’d just be given a sandwich."

The motivation for talking to the paper? Well, yes, that again seems to be because expected monies were not shared after the divorce:

“In the early days I introduced her to my hairdresser David Paul to do her hair as a favour. But Heather just rocked up to his salon every two days when she was in Los Angeles.

“This went on for three years and not once did she offer to pay. David guessed, like the rest of us, that once the divorce was finalised we’d be repaid. But it never happened."

So, Elyzabeth was working on the assumption that when the divorce was finalised, Heather would get loads of cash, which she would then get a slice of. It makes her claims that she was acting in good faith when she joined Mills' alleged plots to smear McCartney seem a little wobbly - can you really be acting purely in good faith when you know the person you're working with has lied and cheated you in the past, and you think it's going to lead to a payday?

Again, it's another nasty little story which leaves nobody coming out of it - Mills, Elyzabeth, the paper - looking good.

This week just gone

The ten most popular "x is gay" searches bringing traffic to No Rock so far this year:

1. Busta Rhymes
2. R Kelly
3. Katie Melua
4. KT Tunstall
5. Lee Ryan
6. Jerry Lee Lewis
7. Noel Gallagher
8. Liam Gallagher
9. Right Said Fred
=10. Alicia Keys, Nicky Wire, Jake Shears, Shakin' Stevens, Wayne Rooney, Scott Mills

It's Jerry Lee Lewis that puzzles us.

These were the scanty new releases:


Giant Sand - Provisions


Loudon Wainwright III - Recovery


Thomas Tantrum - Thomas Tantrum


James Yorkston - When The Haar Rolls In


Fujiya & Miyagi - Lightbulbs


Friendly Fires - Friendly Fires


Blancmange - Mange Tout Re-releases a-go-go


Little Jackie - The Stoop