SOMEPEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BE HELPED

In a hospital housing Justin Hawkins, Meg Matthews and Tom Chaplin, why on earth would Pete Doherty have chosen to punch one of the nurses?

Pete - according to reports coming from the Priory, smuggled out of the hospital in a hat - went a bit bonkers when he was asked if perhaps he shouldn't get a little more involved in the group therapy sessions. Unsurprisingly, he wasn't keen:

A friend told [The Daily Mirror]: "Pete flipped out on Sunday night because he doesn't want to be there and wants to get out. A nurse was trying to encourage him to get more involved in the therapy sessions when Pete suddenly went berserk.

"He was very upset, screaming 'fuck off', and lashed out at the bloke.

"He was told that if he didn't calm down he would be medicated.

"He just kept saying that he didn't want to be there and wasn't going to get involved in anything.

"He started kicking the door and slamming the walls. He said he wanted Kate. As the nurse tried to restrain him he punched him in the chest. He was out of control.

"His behaviour was appalling. Pete's lucky that the nurse was not hurt."

Apparently Doherty is now under 24-hour surveilance and being kept under extra security. Of course, if he hadn't gone to the Priory, he would have been remanded in custody where he'd have been living under slightly less stringent regulations.

music pete doherty

ORANGE JUICER FRESHLY SQUEEZED

Enticing news for people who are fond of classic Scottish indie-pop, as Malcolm Ross, one-time member of Josef K and Orange Juice (or would that be two-time member) prepares for the release of a new collection of his solo stuff.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time is due out on Re-action Records on October 23rd. It's not totally new - made-up of bits and pieces previously made available through Marina Records of Germany - but there's four new tracks and nobody's so impossibly cool they'd have both the German records. If that's not enough to convince you, there's guest waving as Orange Juicers, David McLymont and Steven Daly, The Go-Betweens¹ Robert Vickers and Paul Haig and David Weddell of Josef K all trot by.

Domino has lined up a Josef K compilation for September. All shaping up for a bumper royalty cheque at the end of the year, then, Malcolm.

music malcolm ross josef k

SNOW PATROL SUPPORT FOR MISSING WOMAN

Snow Patrol have agreed to wear a blue ribbon during their set tonight at the Belfast Botanic Gardens in support of a campaign by the family of Lisa Dorrian.

Lisa disappeared in February 2005; she's believed to have been murdered by Loyalist terrorists from the LVF but her body has never been found.

The band were approached by Lisa's sister, Joanne:

Joanne Dorrian said she hoped that the band would help raise awareness of Lisa's case.

"Snow Patrol have been good enough to accept our offer to wear Lisa's blue ribbon of hope," she said.

"We're just hoping that by people seeing them wearing it on stage it will raise awareness of Lisa's campaign and it will raise awareness of the website and people will just start thinking a wee bit more about what's happened to Lisa."

The website is at the heart of a campaign to try and discover exactly what happened to Lisa when she disappeared.

music lisa dorian snow patrol

MOSCOW MIGHT MOVE MADGE

Curious rumblings from Moscow, where - hot on the heels of the supposed kidnap threat - organisers of Madonna's gig there are talking about shifting the venue.

The reason being given is the fear that, if she plays the planned venue of Lomonosov University, people may lean out of nearby student flats trying to watch. And then they might fall out, and hurt themselves. (Or, possibly, forced to listen to Madonna going on for hours, the flat-dwellers may throw themselves out their windows in despair. Or, just maybe, they might start selling tickets to watch from the balconies for less than the ticket price.)

There are fears students could fall out of windows in their attempts to watch the concert, said Mr Nikolai Koulikov, head of Moscow's security department.

"The question of where the Madonna concert will eventually take place has still not been resolved," he told the Agence France Presse news agency.

We're sure this is in no way a prelude to the cancellation of the concert after the explosions in a Moscow market this week. However, if they can't find another venue, why, they may have to call the whole thing off.

However, Mr Koulikov said there were no plans to cancel the concert despite a bomb attack on a Moscow market on Monday that claimed 10 lives.

"Life must go on despite these explosions," he said.

So, life has to carry on despite bombers killing ten people at random, but life musn't go on if there's an outside risk of a student possibly leaning too far out of their windows. You've got to love the Soviet risk analysis.

music madonna moscow

FINE AND DANDO

We always had a soft spot for Evan Dando: from the "Mum and Dad I do drugs" sticker on his guitar to the cover of Different Drum and the business (or maybe no business) with Juliana Hatfield; and it's go to see him back again, especially as he's not the sort to be media-managed into bland interviews.

On Bob Geldof, for example:

Paula Yates liked us, and Bob Geldof used to write 'wanker' on pictures of me on the fridge. I don't approve of him. I don't think he's doing it for the right reasons at all. I think he's a ponce and a megalomaniac. I don't like that guy. Never met him, though ... "

Now he's married, to Elizabeth Moses, but is he clean?

"Since Elizabeth, I certainly live a healthier lifestyle," he continues, "but I'm no angel. I don't like alcohol, but I still like to mess around with other stuff occasionally. I think it's important I take mushrooms and acid. They're certainly not addictive, so I can't rule that out. Every six months or so I'll take some mushrooms, because I can't let go of that completely. And I don't want to."

Mum and Dad... I still do drugs.
As was: It's A shame about Ray

As is: Baby I'm Bored

music evan dando the lemonheads

I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY

If we were Britney Spear's dog (and we mean Lucky, you hush those cruel words about Kevin Federline) we'd be hoping we go first.

She's got plans for him:

"You know how the Pharaohs used to get buried with things they loved? I want to do that with Lucky. She should be laid to rest with me."

It's nice that Britney has now decided that she's more-or-less on a par with the Pharaohs and is probably already negotiating to buy a pyramid in Las Vegas; but why do the pair have to be buried? We're surely not alone in thinking Britney - yes, and Lucky - should be stuffed and mounted in a glittering diorama for future generations to enjoy.
We're getting ready, just in case

music britney spears

LAMARR REMAINS AFAR

Although the original plan was supposed to be for him to take a year off, and then return, refreshed, to make the Sophie Ellis-Bextor is a cat joke with renewed vigour, Mark Lamarr has found that he's enjoying not presenting Never Mind The Buzzcocks so much, he's never coming back.

(We suspect what's really happened is he's been locked in a shoe cupboard by Sheila Ferguson and the BBC are taking that as a resignation.)

It's good news for Simon Amstell, though, as it means he's finally found something to do with his life after quitting Popworld:

He said: "I hope I can be the one exception to the universal, exceptionless rule that when a new host takes over an old show it is a horrible embarrassing disaster."

Ahem... what about Les Dawson's run on Blankey Blank? Bob Monkhouse helming The Golden Shot? What about Joe Pasquale's The Price Is Right... oh.

music mark lamarr bbc simon amstell never mind the buzzcocks

SILLY SEASON STORY

In some sort of poll organised by the Reader's Digest (which means you'll be able to read the full results if you stay at a self-catering cottage in 2009), Ozzy Osbourne has been voted Britain's silliest celebrity. Because of his crazy exploits like hilariously almost killing himself on a quadbike, and the mirth-making walking round in a permanent fug like a stoner with Alzheimers.

music ozzy osbourne

DO NOEL GALLAGHER'S WORK FOR HIM

The cynics amongst you may wonder if the competition being run by Oasis to "guess" the tracklisting for Please Make It Stop (sorry, Stop The Clocks), the best-of album, really is what it seems.

Presumably the Gallaghers have the same problem telling their later work apart as the rest of us, and rather than try and work out if the Hindu Times is more or less deserving of a slot on the collection than Lyla, they're going to get people to "guess" the tracklisting, choose one at random and post that off to the record label.

Still, you can win a free trip to one of the cities where the Oasis on-the-road backstage film, Lord Don't Slow Me Down, premieres, so it's quite a nice prize. Although if someone gave us tickets to fly to Tokyo for free, the last thing we'd do when we got there would be traipse off to see a movie of Liam Gallagher in his knickers.

music liam gallagher noel gallagher oasis

JACK WHITE SELLS UP

We hope someone sends in that Andrew Winter bloke off the television - the one with the permanent stink under his nose - as Jack White attempts to flog his Detroit house. It's an interesting glimpse into how well you can live of a couple of breakout alt-rock hits these days, all million dollar price tag and flock wallpaper. But all that dark wood and dark wallpaper, deep red paint and black and white flooring. It's a bit much.

It's on the market because Jack has punched everyone worth punching in Detroit and moved on ("relocated to") Nashville.

music jack white white stripes detroit

ROBBIE WILLIAMS IS NOT GOING TO APPEAR ON THE X FACTOR

The Sun continues to drip out its "exclusive" interview with Robbie Williams, and today's chunk is curious:

“I just think Louis [Walsh] wants to manage me and sleep with me, so that must be a problem in his mind.

Williams, of course, marched off to the High Court because he didn't want people suggesting or hinting he might be gay, but it seems that he only dislikes that sort of thing when it's about him.

“Louis has started slagging me off all the time. I didn’t have any history with him so I don’t know why he’s doing it.

“He should decide if he wants to be a manager or a celebrity — I don’t think you can be both.”

Is it just our reading of that, or is there a feeling of jealousy that Walsh has become famous in his own right as well as behind the scenes? We love the idea that there's some sort of conflict of interest if you appear on television and attempt to book gigs for Westlife, as if he's going to be negotiating with a cruise ship to get Westlife on board and the ship's entertainment guy is going to suddenly blurt "we're cutting the fee by forty percent because you wore a horrible shirt on ITV the other night..."

music louis walsh x factor robbie williams

MACCA TAKES A UNIQUE APPROACH TO PLANNING PERMISSION

We guess this is the way rich people's minds work: Paul McCartney has built a lodge without permission in an area of outstanding natural beauty. He's beeen told to pull it down.

His response?

What about if I pull down another building instead?

You have to hope that the local council doesn't let this sort of gambit - one that could only be wielded by the excessively wealthy, with houses to spare - set a precedent, otherwise where will it end? "Yes, I have illegally opened a charnel house in the grounds of the orphanage, but what I'll do is close down the rendering plant and then we'll be square, yeah?"

music paul mccartney peasmarsh east sussex

NOT V HAPPY

As people start to return home and fire up their computers, it seems not everyone had a good time at V, with grumbles about queues, safety and prices.

One festival-goer, Chris Ralph, from Exeter, told the BBC News website that buying a £10 programme was the only way to find out which bands were playing where and when.

"How do they get away with treating people like this?" he said.

V's response?

The V spokesperson said the charge was for a programme, laminate, and plastic rucksack.

"Previously, programmes and laminates were sold separately, at a greater price," she added.

That's slightly missing the point, isn't it? Apart from suggesting that getting a plastic bag sweetens the deal, making people fork out another tenner on the top of the ticket price does look awfully like the sort of profiteering that people would have been shot for during the war.

Other people complained about having their drinks taken off them:

Fans also reported having their own supplies of water being confiscated at the festival. They say they were charged £2 for bottles inside the site.

"The organisers should be a little less greedy," he said.

However, the V festival spokesperson said: "The only drinks security confiscate at the entrance to the arena is alcohol and tampered plastic bottles."

She added that water was available free of charge from standpipes and that people were encouraged to bring plastic bottles with them to refill.

But if alcohol is being sold freely inside, why should people not be allowed to take their own alcohol in to the site? There's absolutely no logic to that, other than that of the profiteer.

Burgers, by all accounts, cost seven quid. And we're guessing they weren't the sort Tom Archer sells from his quality van.

So, are V abashed?

A spokesperson added: " We will of course bear in mind [these] comments as we continue our planning for next year's festival.

"However, judging by the fact that phone lines have been inundated since tickets for V Festival 2007 went on sale this morning, it seems that the vast majority of the 150,000 attendees had a thoroughly good time."

But people buying tickets doesn't mean they're the people who went this year and had a brilliant time; indeed, you might wonder if V wasn't so keen to get the tickets for next year on sale before people had a chance to find out about the four-hour queues for cashpoints from the customers who went this year.

[Earlier: Girls Aloud V barrier crisis
V confirmed artists 2006
V2005]

music v festival

PARIS WEEPS

We suspect she's not alone in the reaction, although she may be the only one with her particular motive: Paris Hilton sobs when she hears her own music:

"I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."

If that's her benchmark, something like Sam Cooke must make her sob her nasal cavaities inside out.

music paris hilton

THE PUMPS DON'T WORK SO THE VANDALS CAN HAVE THE HANDLES

Bob Dylan - you'll remember his work selling knickers - has suggested that, since nobody has made a record worth listening to in twenty years, you might as well download it without paying:

Well, why not? It ain't worth nothing anyway."

"You listen to these modern records, they're atrocious, they have sound all over them," he added. "There's no definition of nothing, no vocal, no nothing, just like ... static."

We suggest you don't attempt to use this as a defence in court.

music bob dylan

THE DAY THE MUSIC DIDN'T DIE

With an astonishing only 20% of voters believing the Blair government is telling the truth about the threats of terrorism, musicians are joining the growing crowd of opponents to the bemusingly drawn handbaggage regulations.

Faced with a choice of condemning precious instruments to the hold or not flying, many musicians are taking option (c) of asking what the point of the rules are.

One of the "don't you realise there's a terrorist alert" responses on the BBC's Have Your Say page unwittingly nails the reason why these rules are little more than a nonesense:

There is a very easy and obvious way around this - get on a train or ferry to mainland Europe and then catch a flight from there! If travelling is that important, a slight inconvenience or increase in journey time can be accepted.
Karl Johnson, Thetford, Norfolk

Karl is right - that's a really simple way round the rules. But the question, surely, is if it's not expecting too much for a violinist to hop on a ferry to Brussels and catch a plane from there, wouldn't a suicide bomber (who, after all, isn't in a hurry to get anywhere) be able to do the same thing? We can only conclude that, if there is a real risk, the security on the continent is much, much stronger and more efficient than ours - so why don't we ask the Belgians and French for ideas? Or, if the application of security is just as good as ours, and there is no real reason to tell musicians they can't take their instrument into the cabin.

music terror alerts

MATHEW AND GONE

Jim McCabe brings the plans for the 2006 Mathew Street Festival to our attention, and in particular, the attitude towards new bands and new music:

For some years now the big complaint about the Matthew Street
Festival has centred around the absence of today's Liverpool bands. It
seems that this time around that point is being at least partly
addressed, even though shunting them off to one corner of the Pier Head
means that the majority of the revellers around Castle Street & Dale
Street will be blissfully unaware of their existence, let alone
performance.

On the other hand, this is a little closer to the centre of things than the new musician's ghetto which has been forced on the city by the need to provide the Duke of Westminster with income from shops.

We were also taken by this bold promise: As well as The Lightning Seeds, the Liverpool Culture Company have focused on showcasing home-grown talent to celebrate the 2006 Capital of Culture themed year - Liverpool Performs.

Amongst the home-grown talent taking to main stage are those well-known Scousers The Proclaimers, Herman's Hermits, The Wonderstuff and Doctor and the Medics. Oh, and an Argentinian Queen tribute Dios Salve a la Reina, who we understand come from Kirkby, Argentina.

[Google note: The festival is named after Mathew Street, home of the Cavern, home of the car park Liverpool City Council allowed to be built on the Cavern, and home of the faux Cavern built nearby. It's not the Matthew Street Festival.]

music liverpool mathew street festival

STREAMING, STEAMING IDLEWILD

The reviews for Outkast's new album, Idlewild (named after the Mark Lawson novel, apparently) aren't exactly brimming with enthusiasm, so the option to 'try before you buy' has never been more valuable. Luckily, AOL are giving you the opportunity to do just that.

music outkast

WEEZER'LL MEET AGAIN

Last month, River Cuome told MTV:

"Really, for the moment, we are done," he said. "And I'm not certain we'll ever make a record again, unless it becomes really obvious to me that we need to do one."

Now, that sounded for all the world like a band at the end of their jumper.

Apparently, though they're not done at all:

"Now please, take those 'Weezer split?' headlines and place them firmly into the 'Don't believe the hype' bin. And have yourself a fine afternoon now."

What is this? Is someone running a competition to find who can moan the most about being quoted pretending it's all a terrible, terrible misquote?

music weezer river cuomo

POOR LITTLE INEXPLICABLY RICH GIRL

Peaches Geldof (net worth: quarter of a million and rising) is all upset at the way she's perceived while getting work from her Dad's TV company and ligging round the festivals:

"It seems I am either some kind of temptation, a conquest, a trophy or something to be laughed at, someone utterly brain dead, pointless, ridiculous."

And yet people still suggest she lacks insight.

music peaches geldof

NOISE N THE WOOD

Keep it down, will you, there are young people trying to sleep...

Ron Wood's celebration of the Stones' first gig in the UK went on until four in the morning. It would have gone on longer, but neighbours called the police.

It might not have been the noise that worried them - with Wood living the life of a tax-exile, the neighbours were probably surprised to see the lights on in the house and were assumed it was squatters.

So, was it sex, drugs and that other business?

One reveller tells us: "Ronnie was inhaling it from balloons and doubling over in fits of giggles. It was hilarious for him and just as funny to watch."

At one point, the star joked that the laughing gas was "good stuff" as he passed one of the balloons among his friends.

Not quite, then.

Netx time, Ron, you want to get one of those blokes who can take a balloon and make animals out of it. That'll slay you.

music rolling stones ron wood

FBI RELEASE TAPE OF OBL SINGING 'I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU'

There's been so much rubbish spewed out about Al Qaeda over the last five years, who's to say that the latest claim - that Osama Bin Laden was hot for Whitney Houston - is any more bonkers than any other?

It comes from Kola Boof, who claims to have spent some months as Osama's sex slave, in her book about the time.

It seems that Bin Laden was so nuts for Whitney, he thought about having Bobby Brown killed.

Because, of course, what was holding him back from having a relationship with Houston wasn't that he was one-kidneyed terrorist living in a cave that the Unabomber would have turned down as lacking too many modern conveniences while plotting the destruction of anyone who has an ounce of joy in their lives; no, the reason why Whitney wasn't in love with him was because of Bobby Brown.

The funny thing is that, living in Afghanistan and being chums with the Taliban, BinLaden would have access to acres and acres of opium poppies: we reckon a discrete phonecall and a promise of unlimited drugs for free might have swung it for him.

It's too late now, though. Both Osama and Whitney have disappeared from the public eye and only cross our minds when we hear a recording they made years ago. We did hear that Osama and Bobby were seen holding hands down Castro last gay pride weekend, but we think that might have been a misidentification.

music whitney houston osama bin laden bobby brown

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DOESN'T ENDORSE HEROIN

Last month, The Observer Music Monthly ran an interview with Justin Timberlake, in which he spoke about drucks:

I'm just like everyone else, I get completely plastered, I've done my fair share of drugs and I've been caught places with my pants down; it's just I make sure there are no cameras around. If we get into this whole [drugs] conversation we don't have enough time. Some drugs haven't been legalised because it will ruin the other drugs, like nicotine and tobacco. Nicotine is more addictive than heroin. I'll leave the preaching to the preachers - my grandfather's a preacher - but I believe you don't do anything to excess. They always say too much of a good thing could be a bad thing. I try to live my life in a well-rounded manner. We all make mistakes.'

Of course, this sort of thing is almost unheard of - wholesome stars speaking honestly and in an informed way about drugs.

You could almost hear the sound of a record label imploding. Why, he might as well have said that it's okay to fill a baby with heroin and for three-year-old children to have crack pumped into their eye-sockets.

The upshot? Now he's suggesting that he's been misquoted:

Timberlake also addressed the recent interview he did with the U.K.'s Observer Music Monthly magazine, in which he said he's taken drugs and that "nicotine is more addictive than heroin."

"I'll just say this, and I'm not attacking anyone, but the interesting thing about a lot of magazine interviews that you do is that you get asked questions, and you get asked them a specific way, and you have a specific way [of answering], like we're having a conversation, and you make a statement like, 'It's a proven fact that nicotine is more addictive than heroin,' " he explained. "And then you keep going through the conversation and then they ask you another question and you say, 'Look, I'm not hear to preach to anybody, I just say don't do anything in excess, don't get carried away with anything.' The next thing I see is like, 'Heroin is safer than cigarettes.' And I'm like, 'Who in their right mind would think that?'

"The thing you have to realize and not get bent out of shape about is the press is gonna say what the press wants to say," he continued. "And they're gonna make a big deal out of the things they want to make a big deal out of. I know what I said. I know how I said it. If the conversation was printed there would be no room for misquote or error. But you can't worry about it. At the end of the day, who cares? The only thing I care about is that I can get my music out."

So, has Timberlake actually been misquoted? After all, his beef appears to be that he was quoted as saying "heroin is safer than cigarettes" - which would have been a bending out of shape of what he said. But the article never claimed that he did - it merely reported that he said 'nicotine is more addictive than heroin', words that Timberlake agrees he said. The selective misquoting and bending of meaning actually seems to be coming from Justin when he talks about the Observer Music Magazine, and not in Camilla Long's original OMM piece.

Bending the facts in a bid to claim you've been misquoted? Now, that's elan.

music justin timberlake

IN A TRICE

Hopping about in a tiny bikini behind some rapper? That's a self-esteem boost money can't buy, ladies.

Obie Trice reckons mainstream rap is better than all the women's studies courses in the world:

The singer, who is signed to Eminem’s label Shady Records, hit back against the claim that women are misrepresented by the hip-hop world.

“There are songs for all type of women in this business – especially those with low morale,” he told Sun Online.

“So many songs I write are dedicated to women – I love women.”

So there you are - you might be frustrated by the glass ceiling, or the continuing disparity in women's wages... but cheer up, ducks, you've always got a chance of riding on Trice's lovepumper.

music obie trice

MAYBE MICHAEL JACKSON IS RECORDING HIS KATRINA BENEFIT SINGLE IN THERE?

Meg Matthews, Justin Hawkins, Pete Doherty... and now it turns out that Tom Keane's exhaustion is of the sort that takes you into the Priory:

"I’ve admitted myself to The Priory to get the professional help I need to overcome my increasing problem with drink and drugs. I’m looking forward to sorting myself out and getting back to playing again as soon as possible.”

There are now only four rock stars left outside The Priory. The BPI has announced that this week's Top 40 will be comprised of a skeleton staff supported in the lower reaches by agency nurses.

music tom chaplin keane

IS THERE NO END TO THE HORROR OF THE WOMAN

The Sun's attempts to portray Heather Mills as the most evil woman this side of the one ELo sang about is starting to run out of steam. Since she's not yet been caught poisoning the water supply of a village or selling orphans to McDonalds, this morning they're forced to fall back on the outrage of landing on Shane Richie's helipad without asking first.

It really riles us when someone uses our helipad without getting in touch first, and it probably upsets you, too. It's like the woman is a moral vacuum.

music heather mills paul mccartney

ROBBIE WILLIAMS IS NOT ABLE TO SATISFY VICTORIA NEWTON

If you'd buggered up the pop music equivalent of the reuniting of the Anglican and Roman churches, and the Pope pointed and said "it was your fault, yours and yours alone", you might feel a little awkward about it. Maybe even slightly shamed.

If you're Victoria Newton, though, you splash it as a 'World Exclusive':

When I met up with Robbie Williams to discuss his new album, he told me he’d refused to go back on stage with his old band — because I’d written that he would.

Now, we think Take That were better off keeping away from their old friend, so in that sense we reckon Newton did everyone a favour. But in Newton's original piece back in April, she even admitted by running the story there was a chance it was never going to happen.

So, she's proud that she ruined something for thousands of people because she doesn't know the meaning of the word discretion. Let's hope she never gets to write about national security, otherwise it'll be "there's a D-notice on this and I'm not supposed to tell you, but you could blow up Sellafield with a fire extinguisher and a bucket..."

music robbie williams take that

ANOTHER DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS

Born Sandy Devotional, the Triffids' classic, is re-released today in the US by Domino records, and they're having a spot of the lavish launch to celebrate.

In a bid to convince you of the greatness of the band (should you need convincing), there's three free mp3 downloads to sample:

Convent Walls, one of the bonus tracks from the reworked album
Seabirds
Lonely Stretch

And there's an almost erotically-charged official website as well.

While we're talking about free download samples, Spacelab is currently offering a taste of the 2005 Minus The Bear album, Menos El Oso, an album which they're still touring like they love getting changed in toilets or something.

music the triffids minus the bear

POP REUNIONS INCREASE YOUR SPERM COUNT

Congratulations to Mark Owen and his partner Emma Ferguson, who have been visited by a stork. A bloody big one. Carrying a baby in its beak.

Elwood Jack Owen weighed nine pounds two ounces. Everyone's doing well.

Let's hope nobody forgets to invite Robbie to the christening.

music mark owen emma ferguson

SWEARING AND UNCARING

There's a bit of a bumper broadcasting complaints report published by Ofcome today [pdf document], which is getting most attention for the use of "wankers" by Elton John at teatime.

The word wankers, obviously. He said it during the Paul O'Grady Show, and people got upset. But Ofcome weren't especially bothered, as everyone had said sorry at the time and, besides, it's virtually expected these days.

Meanwhile, Kiss FM in London were given a once-over after they accidently played the Theme From S'Express during a Friday afternoon show. The version with "suck me off, fuck me off" in it. Kiss explained it was mix-up, and Ofcom agreed to say no more about it. Amusingly, Kiss has now promised to listen to the records it plays before it plays them as a result.

More oddly, Kerrang's Birmingham station had been running a competition called Dole or no Dole, in which "the presenter ring[s]
unsuspecting members of the public, who may or may not have been claiming state
benefits, so that competitors could guess how many benefits they were claiming."

Some people suggested this might be a little uncaring.

The item was introduced by a voiceover stating “currently there are over 890,000 people on the dole in the entire UK…” this was followed by statistics relating to unemployment statistics from different UK regions. The voiceover resumed “In other words you are doing the work for 2.4 million people for free…that’s right, you are paying for 2.4 million people around the UK to live...so what the hell are these freeloaders doing? It’s time to play ‘Dole or No Dole’.”
The presenter then announced the competition by saying that it involved competitors guessing, by the sound of somebody’s voice, whether they were on benefits – “what
we gotta do is...make a few calls…I’m going to put them on hold…you’ve got to guess…whether or not they’re on the dole or not”. He then went on to list a number of social security benefits including incapacity benefit, job seeker’s allowance and motability. Pretending to be from an income consolidation company, he called two people, apparently waking them, to ask about the benefits that they were on.

The station, it turns out, wasn't calling real people but never let on the people they were ringing were stooges; and when they started to get complaints they dropped the feature. Which was good enough for Ofcom, although we're not sure it answers the deeper question about the feature - surely the suggestion that those in reciept of benefits are "freeloaders" rather than people receiving the entitlements to which they're due? You might also ask how it fits with the Kerrang brand to be stigmatising the weakest members of society by implying they're deadweights and drains on society.

If David Cameron said something like that, there'd be a small firestorm at the very least. What the hell is a radio station supposedly at the heart of youth culture doing promoting something so Tebbitian?

music elton john kerrang radio