Bookmarks: David Attenborough

As a tease for the soon-coming Bjork Meets Attenborough programme, they've released a bit of the pair's chat where David explains why pop is about sex*:

When asked by Bjork how music works in the modern day, Sir David said: “Well, one is absolutely clear, and that is the sexuality.

“And as it were classical times, troubadours singing up to their lady loves up on the balcony come and join me or let me come in.

“But in our own culture now, I mean pop music is hugely sexual, there can’t be any doubt about that. And that is why it is so popular amongst people between 15 and 30. That’s the peak of sexuality and it’s the peak of the passion about music.”

* - This claim, explicitly, takes no account of the Johnny Borrell solo album

Medics suggest Yasiin Bey video inaccurate

The supposed medics of Guantanamo Bay have taken time out of their busy schedule of force-feeding people to complain that Yasiin Bey's depicition of their work is wrong. Yahoo News listens politely:

In reality, the medics said, detainees are strapped down at the legs, waist and hands by guards, but their heads are not restrained. The slender, flexible feeding tubes are lubricated with olive oil or a pain-numbing lidocaine gel and some of the prisoners help out by swallowing them down into place. None has vomited or cried, the medics said.

Army Sergeant 1st Class Vernon Branson, a watch commander at one of the prisons, said one of his fellow guards underwent a tube-feeding to see what it was like.

"My soldier took it like a champ. He was laughing and talking the whole time," Branson said.

Branson said he used to be a Mos Def fan but the video changed that. "I deleted his music off my iPod. I was a little upset about it," he said.

That's curious, isn't it? A mindset that giggles as a tube coated in lindocaine is shoved into your gullet, but gets so wounded by someone criticising you that you rush away and wipe all traces of them from your iPod.

It's difficult to see how a process which requires pain-numbing gel to be involved doesn't actually hurt, but the army guys seem to imply the people they're pumping nutrients into actually enjoy the process:

Navy doctors, nurses and hospital corpsmen said most of the 44 hunger strikers they tube-feed are calm, accepting and eager to get on with what has become a daily routine.

"Most are asking us to hurry up, make it go faster," said Lieutenant Junior Grade "Lucentio," a Navy nurse.

Oh, yes. Encouraging the violation of your body to be done quickly really does show an embrace of the process.

American Idol is so very racist, claim booted contestants

American Idol producers are currently being deluged by a class-action lawsuit from disqualified contestants, who are claiming they were kicked out because the programme is racist.

On The Daily Beast, Kevin Fallon puts up a strong defence on behalf of the programme.

How can the show be racist, he asks, when so many winners are African-American? And, sure, 10 of the 12 contestants who have been canned for not having revealed the truth about their arrest histories are non-white, but other contestants have also been dropped for not being open and honest about, for example, having record deals in the past. It's a rule thing, not a race thing.

Fallon ends by calling an expert witness, Nigel Lythgoe:

Back, in January, Nigel Lythgoe, former executive producer of the show, said he was “shocked” by the charges, saying, “We treat everyone the same no matter the race, religion, or sex. I think we’ve always had a fantastic share of talent from contestants both black and white. I don’t think I’ve ever seen racism at the show.”

As someone who will now sheepishly admit that he has, in fact, seen every episode of American Idol — and don’t you dare calculate how much time of my life that amounts to — I can unequivocally agree with Lythgoe. I haven’t seen any, either.

And all that is quite compelling, but... it doesn't really get to the heart of the allegation in the lawsuit. Entertainment Weekly reports:

Furthermore, Freeman wrote, the show illegally dug up arrest histories for those 10 men, using them to humiliate the singers — but never attempted to dig up similar dirt about white contestants. Allegedly, only black contestants were questioned about their criminal histories.

Freeman called these actions “cruel and inhumane,” accusing Idol of exploiting black contestants, perpetuating “destructive stereotypes,” and making them appear to be “violent criminals, liars, and sexual deviants” — though none of the 10 men he represents had been convicted of charges stemming from their arrests.

(It's worth pointing out the Idol producers claim they obtained all their information through legal methods.)

That claim - that some black contestants were effectively brought onto the show and then beaten down - is one that you can't wave away by saying 'but black contestants won'. You can see, at least, the possibility that Idol has constructed a way of having an inclusive storyline while still pandering to prejudice.

There's a couple of questions that need to be answered: does Idol only investigate its black contestants in this way? How is it obtaining the information? And why isn't this done before putting a camera into people's faces?

Westwood off

After twenty years doing a thing that was very much his thing, Tim Westwood is off, leaving both Radio One and 1Xtra.

Noticeably, while Radio one's Ben Cooper and Charlie Sloth, who is taking over the shows, are warm and effusive in their statements, there's no standard 'it was great to be offered the chance to be part of this for twenty years' twinkling from Westwood.

It's being reported that Radio 2 is currently not answering its doorbell, and sending all messages to answerphone.

Gordon in the morning: Muse play with fire

Gordon seems to have missed his own story this morning, deciding to portray Muse's admission they bribe officials as a bit of a lark:

But the size of their productions have been causing them problems of late, with the band having to resort to backhanders to get shows on.
Frontman MATT BELLAMY said: “Everywhere you go there are problems. We have accountants and lawyers arguing with all sorts of local councils and police and promoters.

“In Rome, we had to bribe people with thousands of euros just to be allowed to blast our fire effects. We had to phone the British Embassy in Rome and argue with some official.

“If you want to do things like this on the move, it’s quite a big deal. It’s pretty bloody expensive, though. It’s mind-boggling how much, actually.”

You'd have thought that someone working for The Sun, where so many of the staff are being investigated for allegedly dropping money into the pockets of public officials might spot that Bellamy is admitting to a crime.

More importantly, with the long history of fire-related disasters at music events, from Santika to the Station Nightclub to the Beverley Hills Supper Club to Cromañón, the very idea that you'd short-circuit local fire regulations by paying off an official is a disgraceful thing to do.

Gordon in the morning: Struggling to understand a joke

So, Hugh Jackman, who plays Wolverine (a wolf who was bitten by a radioactive nectarine) and his wife Deborra Lee-Furness did an interview where they goofed around about what it'd be like if he had those claws on when he went home from work:

Asked what it’s like to live with Hugh in full Wolverine mode, Deborra-Lee said: “Oh my God, it’s dreadful! Always with the claws. I’m like, ‘Mix the salad. Put them to use, come on!’”

Hugh interrupted: “The sheets we go through...” Let’s hope he pops the props in the dishwasher between jobs.

That's amusing, right? A throwaway joke.

Um... what are you typing there, Gordon?

WITHOUT wanting to sound too camp, HUGH JACKMAN doesn’t struggle in the looks or body department.

But the Aussie actor still keeps his missus interested in the sack — by wearing his full Wolverine outfit, including the blades.

A dangerous business when it comes to tuning the radio upstairs, and I won’t even go downstairs.

And it’s just as well he has a few sheckles in his bank account, because their antics cost a fortune in ripped bed sheets.

Gordon, you do realise that it was a gag, don't you?

(Actually, more to the point, you do realise that a man saying another man is attractive is in no way "camp" at all, don't you? Did you originally write "gay" there and then try to row back, perhaps?)

Still, it's a joke. They haven't actually spent anything on ripped sheets, because they're not actually going upstairs with him wearing wolf claws.

Phew. Thank god we were able to get that clear before, say, you went on and built a massive claim a bit like a man who thinks Fawlty Towers is a fly-on-the-wall documentary.

Oh.

Jon Secada feels unexploited, sues

Most people, hearing that a company had failed to make any money out of turning Jon Secada into a brand might shrug, perhaps pull a 'the name rings a dull bell' face and move on.

Not Jon Secada, though. He's suing Hans Reinisch, and a company called Secada Worldwide Licensing LLC because they've failed to make money from the myriad opportunities offered by the Jon Secada name. The Palm Beach Post captures the flavour of betrayal:

Secada alleges breach of contract against SWL “for failing to undertake any, let alone, reasonable efforts” to exploit Secada’s name or develop any products or business opportunities for him.

“He made a whole bunch of promises and has done nothing,” said Secada lawyer Richard Wolfe of Miami.

If Jon Secada is going round suing things for having taking early promises and turning them into nothing, it's likely he'll become the first man to sue his own career.

Gordon in the morning: Daft

Niles Rodgers is what now, Gordon?

He's the "Daft Punk star" is he? It's a bit like describing Paul McCartney as one of The Firemen.

Mozzer cancels rest of South American tour; possibly rest of career

I wonder if Morrissey ever expects to be playing the gigs he announces these days? He's just pulled the South American dates that hadn't already been hit by his most recent illness. He sounds kind of, well, retirey:

I am informed today that the projected tour of South America is snuffed out, thus euthanized - due, I'm reliably advised, to lack of funding. It's quite easy to sell tickets, yet impossible to transport band and crew from F to G.

In a year when far too many disappointments have been buried this really is the last of many final straws, and I am not alone in feeling this.

The future is suddenly absent, and my apologies are now so frequent as to be somewhat ridiculous, and it is I who apologize because no one else would bother. It is agonizing to be responsible for imparting such news - especially when it springs upon me unexpectedly and inexplicably.

But the collapse of South America rings the curtain down with a colossal thud, and the major problems remain as insoluble now as they were in 2009. The obvious conclusion stares back at me from the mirror, and the wheels are finally off the covered wagon.

Cancellations and illness have sucked the life out of all of us, and the only sensible solution seems to be the art of doing nothing.

As always I ask your pardon, and I offer pangs of overwhelming love and gratitude to the band and the crew, whose loyalty stretched above and beyond.

I'm sure it's all just overwrought and written in passion - it's always passion with him - but that statement does come across as bit "oh, what's the bloody point".

This week just gone

The location of people reading this stuff, so far the year, in descending order:

1. UK (2012 position for same time period - 1)
2. US (2)
3. South Korea (3)
4. Germany (5)
5. Australia (6)
6. Canada (4)
7. France (8)
8. Ireland (7)
9. Japan (10)
10. Spain (13)

This bunch of releases were interesting enough...


Sara Bareilles - Blessed Unrest

Download The Blessed Unrest



Andy Kaufman - Andy & His Grandmother



David Lynch - The Big Dream

Download The Big Dream



Pet Shop Boys - Electric

Download Pet Shop Boys

Gordon in the morning: Kiss chase

You know, that Sun paywall can't come fast enough. Or maybe just build an ordinary wall around them.

Gordon's report on the plan is as awful as you'd expect - he uses the word "lesbionics" and seems to think that there's something "left-field" about the idea.

But really, let's save most of our eyes to roll at Robbie Williams.

The casting call — which is for a new song with rapper and songwriter JAKE EMLYN — asks for: “Two girls who are willing to heavily kiss for one scene! Must have LONG hair.
“Please note, if you have a real partner who you’d like to submit along with you! This role will pay £50 for the day, plus expenses.”

Fifty quid. Fifty quid for appearing in a video for a bloke worth £105 million quid.

Hats off the Robbie Williams who has managed to take an insultingly squalid idea and turn it into something financially repellent as well.

What was that meeting like, Robbie? "Look, if we're going to exploit these women, let's really exploit them, yeah?"

Battle for Voice judging seats more interesting than The Voice itself

With Jessie J having better things to do, and Danny From The Script having other things to do, there's some excitement at the question of 'who will be the judges when the third series of The Voice happens, as it surely shall, for it is foretold in the Bible'.

No, there really is some excitement. So much so that Paddy Power - the bookies that think kicking a cat is hilarious - have started offering odds on who will be spinning around.

The two incumbents who have yet to quit, Tom Jones and Will I Am, are both 3-1 on.

Beyond that, it's a mix of the plausible and the questionable. So, sure, you could see Olly Murs (10-1) turning up week-in, week-out, but the chances of Adele signing up are surely slimmer than the 12-1 odds suggest.

Likewise, you could perhaps see a world in which an 80-1 punt on Grace Jones could come off (for a couple of shows)... but the same odds on Shane McGowan?

Also: apparently Madonna is as likely to turn up on a Saturday night light entertainment show as Dannii Minogue. Srsly?

[Thanks to Michael M]

Shoved: Woman takes violent dislike to dedication to victim of killing

On Saturday night, Lester Chambers dedicated a cover of People Get Ready to Trayvon Martin.

Someone in the audience took exception to this, and jumped on the Hayward-Russell City Blues Festival to attack Chambers.

It's an odd gesture - regardless of whether you accept the process against Zimmerman as being just or not, the fact that Martin was shot to death is surely inarguable, and so dedicating a song to a person whose life was cut short hardly seems an act calling for immediate intervention.

Jody Watley returns from wherever

I think the Washington Post might be slightly over-estimating the level of recall here:

Mention Jody Watley to anyone older than 30, and their eyes, almost without exception, light up in recognition. “Jody Watley? She’s still around?”

I'm sure some - perhaps many - people aged about thirty to fifty-odd might get a glimmer of recognition, but the idea that most centenarians will nod and go "yeah, her" seems a stretch.

Still, she's on a comeback. And she's lucky:

The singer recognizes that among her contemporaries from the 1980s, she might have been the lucky one.

“Maybe it was their personalities, or they were battling more demons than I might have had. But it was incredibly sad to me,” she says of the deaths of Jackson and Houston. “I have always tried to just not get caught up in what the industry can pressure you to do or be.”

Yes, that'd be Watley essaying the unfashionable 'it's better to fade away than burn out' philosophy of fame.

The Post might also be over-selling the extent of the comeback, too:

There’s no doubt the singer is plotting a comeback. She is a prodigious tweeter and blogs regularly on her Web site.

If sending a lot of tweets is a sign of reactivating a musical career, then the Big Ben Clock is probably going to be headlining Glastonbury next year.

Although her guest vocals on this might help a bit:

French Horn Rebellion – "Dancing Out" (feat. Jody Watley &Young Empires) from Norton Director on Vimeo.

On the cover of Rolling Stone

This is the cover of the new Rolling Stone - it's quite controversial:

Yes, to the shock of America, Rolling Stone are running a cover that isn't of a topless female celebrity holding a hat over her tits. Americans are struggling to understand this deviation from house sty...

Oh, hang on. Apparently that isn't the problem. Thinkprogress' Judd Legum tries to boil down what the problem is here:

New Rolling Stone cover turns the Boston bomber into Jim Morrison. A comparison: pic.twitter.com/UJKhAMJSGO

— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) July 16, 2013

Oh, yes. It's a head-and-shoulders shot on the cover of the magazine, and they had a head-and-shoulders shot of Jim Morrison about three thousand years ago, so it's clear that what they're trying to do there is turn one into the other.

It couldn't just be that they've put a photo of the subject of their cover story on the, erm, front cover, could it?

The complaints seem to fall into two large clumps, on a sliding scale of ill-informedness.

The first is a suggestion that RS is trying to make Dzhokhar Tsarnaev into some sort of rock star, because they've put him on the cover of a rock magazine, and what else can it mean other than 'Tsarnaev is a rock star'.

The magazine sighs, and tries to explain that while people might think RS is a rock magazine, it really isn't:

The cover story we are publishing this week falls within the traditions of journalism and Rolling Stone’s long-standing commitment to serious and thoughtful coverage of the most important political and cultural issues of our day.

I think that's quite mild, really. After all, Rolling Stone is arguably at its worse when it talk about music, lurching between Tom Waits and Janet Jackson (providing she's got her top off).

It makes you wonder what the complainants think PJ O'Rourke has been filing all these years - do they think he was reviewing Green Day gigs and asking Bonnie Rait about her fitness regime? Do they assume that Hunter S Thompson's main order of business was joining Sting in the studio?

The second group seem at least vaguely aware that the title covers current affairs but, in the style of the 'he's looking like Jim Morrison' observation, that it's wrong to have an accused murderer on the cover, especially when he looks so bloody handsome.

America, it seems, wants its monsters to look like monsters (except the ones out of Monsters Inc). How dare Rolling Stone suggest there might be a more nuanced position; that the man accused of bringing death and misery to so many could look like the sort of boy you'd hope your daughter would take to the prom?

Bizarrely, CVS and a grocery chain have even gone to the lengths of pulling the magazine from their shelves. They happily sold copies of Time with Osama on the front; they stocked and shipped back Newsweeks with Bin Laden covers. I'd love to see CVS explain what policy it is that they're invoking here.

The point being missed in the all the squawking is that the cover is the story - that to his friends, he was just the sort of kid who would make a great prom date:

Someone mentions one of the surveillance videos of Jahar, which shows him impassively watching as people begin to run in response to the blast. "I mean, that's just the face I'd always see chilling, talking, smoking," says Jackson. He wishes­ Jahar had looked panicked. "At least then I'd be able to say, 'OK, something happened.' But . . . nothing."

Rolling Stone has published a thoughtful article about not judging something by the cover. It's a pity a lot of people won't get to read it, because they're so quick to do just that.

Gordon in the morning: Jay-Z goes to Wiltshire

Back at the weekend, Jay-Z went to Wiltshire to look at the Magna Carta, like what his new album is supposedly named after.

It looks to have been one of the publicity stunts that aren't meant to look like publicity stunts - the type where you get spotted and are all "oh, I was trying to make this a private visit how terrible that you will put it in your newspapers at a time when I'm trying to sell my record."

Trouble is, it turns out nobody noticed. So now, his team have released pictures of Jay-Z not doing a publicity stunt at Salisbury Cathedral, just to make sure that nobody misses him not drawing attention to himself on the visit.

source said: “Jay-Z kept the visit quiet because he didn’t want it to become a big publicity stunt. He travelled down from London in a small group in his classic Aston Martin."

Nothing says "this was a low-key visit" like making sure journalists know the swish car he was driving when he popped down.

Glastonbury 2014: Removing a stain on the Rabbit Hole Stage

I'm not sure it's quite the first booking for next year's Glastonbury, but one band has already been signed up.

There's a background: the Rabbit Hole Stage was struggling to find someone prepared to play their headline slot against The Stones on Saturday this year, so Hamish Guerrini made up a silly name - The Railing Stains - and put that down for the slot.

The trouble is, nobody at the festival realised it was a joke, and the band name started to appear in promotional literature.

They even got picked as a "top thing to see".

Still, no harm done, eh? It's not like there's a real Railing Stains.

Except there is. They're a Brighton-based Stones tribute, and naturally they were surprised and excited to discover they were playing Glastonbury.

They tried to find out how to get in, but failed. The Argus captures the happy ending:

After hearing of the band’s disappointment through The Argus, Mr Guerrini added: “When I found out we tried to get in touch, it would have been great to have them play.

But unfortunately it didn’t happen.

“As a way of making it up to them I would love to book them for next year on the Rabbit Hole stage.”

That's, of course, assuming Eavis doesn't poach them for the Pyramid stage.

We've had lots of letters: Misheard lyrics

In case you only ever read No Rock after it has come through a feed, you might have missed James' comments on the truly terrible 'misheard lyrics' survey.

And that would be a shame.

So here it is, above the line:

Speaking of horrible PR stunts and press releases, have you seen that dog of a story about 'most frequently-misheard lyrics' that's been doing the rounds? I wasn't too surprised when it first turned up on Digital Spy - They'd publish a pizza delivery menu if you stuck a photo of Peter Andre to it - but then it turned up on the BBC News site :( http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23284179

Apparently a survey of 1350 people has found that the most-misheard lyric is by the Eurythmics - It claims a third of people surveyed thought the line was "Sweet dreams are made of cheese". It also reckons the second-most-misheard is Rihanna supposedly singing "We found Dove in a soapless place".

There was something particularly irritating about this story, more so than the average survey-as-cheap-PR-where-news-used-to-be piffle. How does this sort of survey work? Did they ask 1350 people "What lyrics do you mishear?" and then hope that lots of them suggest the same ones? And isn't a survey of misheard lyrics a bit like asking people to name all the countries they've never heard of?

But mainly; That Rihanna one. Really?? In a song called 'We Found Love', people actually thought she was singing 'We found Dove'? They honestly think we'll believe that many people confused an 'L' sound with a 'D'? I suspect they're talking boddocks.

Sorry, I appear to be ranting in a comment box. Bad habit.

Bookmarks: Spotify

Stuart Dredge has written a thoughtful bit in response to the latest shock that letting one person listen to one song on one occasion doesn't make very much money for anyone. There's a bit of straw-manning - Dredge insists that you can't call Spotify sceptics digital luddites, which feels like knocking down a different argument from a different age - but it's at its best when Dredge explores how Spotify could be used to bolster incomes in a more creative way:

my inkling is that the biggest way streaming services can help new artists make a living is to go further still, and become the bridge between people discovering music, and spending money with its creator elsewhere.

It’s happening a bit: Spotify’s new Discover tab often tells me when a band I’ve been listening to is playing nearby, via Songkick. There’s a lot more scope here to provide artists with tools to sell stuff though, including themselves.

What if everyone listening to your music on Spotify could see that you had gigs coming up, or were selling an exclusive/deluxe music bundle on Bandcamp, a DJ mix on Beatport, a limited-edition t-shirt, and so on? What if a streaming service could point all your listeners towards the Kickstarter campaign that will fund your next album?

What, in short, if Spotify (and Deezer, and Rdio, and the rest) became much better and bigger funnels towards all the other ways you’re making money from your music? But still paid you for every stream on their services.

Ex-HMV man forced to bow to His Ex-Master's Voice

Tony Cregan had been managing HMV in Derry when the brilliant minds who had restructured the chain suddenly realised they didn't know what they were doing and closed the place down.

Cregan, being enterprising, and understanding the local market, reckoned this would be an opportunity, bought an empty retail unit, and opened up a new record shop.

Cheekily, he branded it HVM. (I really wish I could tell you he sent out press releases from Castalro Gennado, but he didn't.)

Were HMV's new owners Hilco delighted to see one of the people they no longer wanted doing well in a market from which they had chosen to withdraw?

Of course not:

In a letter from its legal team it warned Mr Cregan that he was causing confusion in the minds of the public that the business "is associated with or connected with that of our client".

The warning added: "The continued presence in the market of your business operating under the name HVM has caused and will continue to cause substantial damage to our client's reputation and goodwill."

You know what else harms goodwill towards HMV? HMV behaving like asshats. In fact, that probably does far more damage to any feelings of goodwill towards HMV, given that they've come across as humourless and bullying on a national level.

Rather than get into a legal battle, Cregan has simply turned the sign upside down and rebranded as WAH.

Funnily enough, an identical thing happened to a woman who took over a defunct Woolworths.

Gordon in the morning: Premier league

There's something quite sweet about the news that Justin Timberlake booked his team into a Premier Inn after the Wireless Festival.

It might have been less sweet a gesture if you were on a budget, and going to the Wireless Festival, and discovered the cheap hotel rooms had been taken by someone who presumably could afford to stay elsewhere.

To be fair, though, all the cash he's dumped into MySpace, maybe Premier is all Justin can run to these days.

Thom knocks off Spotify

Thom Yorke has pulled his music from Spotify.

Relax, it's only the solo stuff and Atoms For Peace at the moment.

Why has Thom done this?

Yorke pitched in to the debate. "Make no mistake, new artists you discover on Spotify will not get paid. Meanwhile shareholders will shortly be rolling in it. Simples," he tweeted, and added as a riposte to critics that the suggestion his move was pointless missed its purpose: "'Your small meaningless rebellion is only hurting your fans ... a drop in the bucket really.' No, we're standing up for our fellow musicians."

This set-up - musicians working hard for peanuts while shareholders cream off the cash - is a totally unheard-of situation in modern music, sweeping away, as it does, the previous arrangement whereby the major labels were run as charities and bold, experimental music cascaded onto the shelves of HMV. Back in the past, the labels looked after musicians and made sure that any singer or drummer able to afford to hire a good lawyer five years in could renegotiate the initial deal in which they'd signed away everything for something close to nothing and make enough to eat at least twice a week.

It's true that you won't make much from a handful of listens on Spotify. But is there a better way for new music to be discovered?

Nigel Godrich, Yorke's producer, has an idea:

"Streaming suits [back] catalogue. But [it] cannot work as a way of supporting new artists' work. Spotify and the like either have to address that fact and change the model for new releases or else all new music producers should be bold and vote with their feet. [Streaming services] have no power without new music."

Really? This is such a schoolboy error that I can barely even look at it without feeling awful for Godrich.

He's suggesting that this is a thought process that would happen:
- I fancy listening to music. Shall I go to the service that has all the music I've enjoyed all my life, or shall I go and listen to that service that has no songs I've ever heard before?

Some people will do the latter; but they're probably the people who would be off looking for new music everywhere anyway.

What Godrich is suggesting is akin to, say, HMV only stocking records that are year old, and another shop stocking new music only.

But even the most aloof of indie stores knew they had to have some Rolling Stones or Bob Marley in the racks, if only to tempt people over the doorstep in order to ram Chvrches into their hands.

There have been numerous attempts to build new music sites on the internet - many were just as cynically motivated by 'cheap' non-major music as Spotify are motivated by paying light royalties. I think it's fair to say that none have had any real breakthrough.

Yorke is right, up to a point - you won't get rich off Spotify. You might, if you're lucky, add a few pennies to your income.

And an artist like Yorke can afford to turn his back on Spotify without disappearing.

But if you're starting out, I'd think long and hard before getting off the high street.

Gordon in the morning: Money for nothing

You remember how on Friday Gordon Smart was telling us how bloody loaded Little Mix are?

This morning, a piece by Will Payne on Bizarre tells us that actually they barely earned anything. Especially when compared with... oh, let's not spoil the surprise:

X FACTOR bad boy Frankie Cocozza made more than £120,000 last year.

The tearaway thought he had blown the chance of a lifetime when he was booted off the 2011 series in week six after boasting about taking cocaine.

But he has gone on to make more money than any other contestant from that year, including that year’s winners Little Mix. The four girls made £116,223 each in the same period.

So Gordon's impressed noises on Friday about how it was paying off for the girls, working so hard have now been drowned out by the revelation that Cocozza is pocketing more cash... doing what, exactly?

Most of the cash came from his stint on Celebrity Big Brother — worth £30,000 — plus magazine deals and club appearances worth up to £4,000 a night.

Frankie Cocozza is, it turns out, a one-man Only Way Is Essex. He's the artisan option for reality TV.

This week just gone

This week, I spent an incredible amount of time with The Face's best recordings of 1983.

What were the most popular?

1. Tina Turner - Let's Stay Together (really?)
2. Malcolm McLaren - Duck For The Oyster (oh, for the love of...)
3. Tom Waits - Gin-soaked Boy
4. Shannon - Let The Music Play
5. M-Tume -Juicy Fruit
6. Animal Nightlife - Native Boy
7. Malcolm McLaren - Soweto
8. Nile Rodgers - The Land Of The Good Groove
9. 23Skiddo - Coup
10. Grandmaster Melle Mel

If Tom Waits is sat at home going "third most popular - not too shabby", the average dwell time on that page is fourteen seconds. Fourteen.

There was a flurry of releases:


Darren Hayman & the Short Parliament - Bugbears

Download Bugbears



Julia Fordham - Under The Rainbow

Download Under The Rainbow



Over You - Throwing Up

Download Throwing Up



Emily Barker - Dear River

Download Dear River



Maps - Vicissitude

Download Vicissitude



Bastille - Pompeii

Download Pompeii



New Order - Live at Bestival

Download Live At Bestival

The Manics against the fascists

It doesn't seem to be any heightened sense of irony, and just plain-old ignorance, that led to the English Defence League using the Manics' If You Tolerate This, Then Your Children Will Be Next to promote one of their hatey-hate rumble marches.

Someone clearly didn't get as far as the "then I can shoot fascists" line when they came up with idea.

the NME claims at first that the Manics are taking "legal action" as a result, although further down the article the "legal action" starts to sound a bit watery:

A spokesperson for the Manics told NME that the band were "horrified" that their track was being used in the promo and that the label requested the video was taken down immediately.

Which is action, but hardly the full force of the law.

Terrible marketing stunt turned into terrible marketing press release

There was a thing earlier in the week about how Durex were supposedly marketing Daft Punk themed Get Lucky condoms.

It turns out they're not, but like a drunk man hopefully filling his pockets from the Johnny machine in the bogs, Durex are hoping they can capitalise on a promise. Can you spot the moment when their email to MTV News turns from factual correction into jolly-marketing message?

We are aware of reports that Durex has launched Daft Punk branded condoms following their hit single 'Get Lucky,' " he said. "There is no Durex promotion or partnership with Daft Punk in the U.S. or any other markets and Durex is not posting free packs to the world's top DJs as suggested. However, we do hope that by using Durex condoms, music-lovers will continue to make sweet music together and have great sex!"

They might have just got away with it if they'd stopped after "make sweet music together", but you can just picture the room when that statement was hammered together...

- Do you think people will understand what we mean by 'make sweet music'?
- Yeah, Dave, I think they will
- Are you sure? It might be a bit subtle.
- It's not subtle, Dave. It'll be fine
- But what if people don't know what condoms are for?
- Look, Dave, you might have spent the first six weeks on this account thinking we were selling tiny sandwich bags, but most people will get it
- I think we really need to make it clear we want people to have sex with our condoms on
- Dave...
- No, seriously. We don't want to get sued if people take it literally, and put our condoms on their flutes and whistles and the lubricant destroys their instruments. Let's just add 'by doing sex into the condoms peniswise' to make it clear
- Dave, this is like the time you wanted us to rebrand as Durex Penis Covers. It's not necessary
- I'm not going to sign this off until you amend it
- Okay, Dave...

Bookmarks: Rap

Excellent work by Businessweek, which has produced a graph comapring rap star's claims about their wealth with how much they actually have:

Nicki Minaj
"I'm in Saint Tropez on a big boat, go my way to make a billi like a big goat"
Song: Up In Flames, 2013
2012 earnings: $15.5 million

Embed and breakfast man: Placebo

Let's come back up to date. Here's the new Placebo single.



I think the kindest thing to say is that at least Brian's rhyming dictionary is up-to-date, isn't it?

Face '83: Grandmaster Melle Mel

This is the spiritual heir to Gudbuy T'Jane - a song which had a 180 degree turn done from its original direction. To be honest, a song about cocaine being a good thing would have been a tricky sell, even in 1983, so probably a wise move to make it an anti-drug anthem. Or, perhaps, a suggestion that if you're going to get involved with drugs, carrying kilos of the stuff in order to avoid jail.



Let's give the point to The Face, to make the final scores:

Recordings that have stood the test of time and thus vindicated The Face's ability to spot a good thing:
25
Recordings which history has undermined and should at least cause The Face to blush:
20

That's not a bad strike rate for the Face, really. In 1983, at least, they knew what they were doing.

Up to a point.

This concludes The Face's best recordings of 1983. Thank you for watching.

Face '83: The Gap Band

GAP was an acronym. Who knew, eh? They were originally the Greenwood, Archer & Pine Street Band, which is a horrible, horrible name for a group. Seriously.

This is pretty good, and went on to be sampled and sampled and sampled again:

It's been so sampled it's almost a storecupboard staple more than a record.

And it somehow survived Andy Cole's cover version.

Yes, footballer Andy Cole.

Do you want to see what he did?

Back in 2008 there was a campaign to try and get the song into the charts, which Cole was not entirely thrilled about:

"I was a great deal younger when I made Outstanding and I can categorically say it will represent my one and only attempt to make an impression in the world of music," Cole told the Nottingham Evening Post.

But can we hold a later cover version against The Gap Band?

Not really.

The Face 24; history 20.

[Part of The Face's best recordings of 1983]