No Rock And Roll Fun

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Norman Cook's skate friends make a movie

The skaters who use the Hove Lagoon park which giving, and then withdrawing, money to and from got Norman Cook all flustered back at the start of summer have decided to reach out to the local community.

By, erm, making a film about themselves and putting it on the internet.

That'll work. If there are elderly people alarmed by the noise and - quite unintentionally unsettling - presence of young people on their doorstep, we're sure they'll Google 'hove lagoon skaters AND video' to reassure themselves, rather than just pulling the sofa in front of the door.

The skaters might find that helping with shopping and gardening might be a bit more effective than vanity videos.

The View's views means no view of Manilow for viewers

Barry Manilow has pulled out of a planned appearance on The View (American television's version of what Loose Women would be like if all the hosts owned their own island) because he didn't want to be interviewed by Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Manilow isn't worried about her credentials as an interviewer - because, of course, softball player turned gameshow-contestant turned presenter is exactly the career path Tom Brokaw took, but more her surprising views.

Hasselbeck believes in the literal, Creationist truth of the Bible, and that God created every single living thing, except for abortionists and liberals. They, apparently escaped from a New York Times editorial. She's one of those conservatives who don't like to admit they're conservative, claiming instead to be "independent" - independently campaigning for George Bush's return to the White House by appearing at the 2004 Republican National Convention. That sort of independence.

Of course, it's a bit wet of Manilow to back out of the interview simply because he doesn't agree with the political views of the interviewer - especially since he's plugging a collection of 70s covers, not campaigning for governor. It's unlikely she's going to say "you say you're going to build a bridge over troubled water, but isn't it your fault that the waters are clogged with the bodies of aborted foetuses?"

Still, Barry insists there's good news:

"It's really too bad, because I've always been a big supporter of the show, but I cannot compromise my beliefs.

"The good news is I will be on a whole slew of other shows promoting the new album, so I hope you can catch me on those."

That is good news. I was afraid this political spat would mean absolutely no chance to see Barry giving us insight into why he feels Close To You is just such a great, great song.

Kershaw: I've lost everything

Andy Kershaw has pleaded guilty to breaching a restraining order and drink-driving; the court has adjourned sentencing until October 19th for reports.

Speaking outside the court, Mr Kershaw said: "I've lost my kids, I've lost the woman I love, I've lost everything. I just want peace and quiet."

Still, it's fair to say that his recent spell in custody has changed Andy - last January, he was calling for You and Yours to be axed, now, though, Gillian Reynolds reports:

Andy Kershaw even telephoned last week to say that listening to You and Yours while recently detained at Her Majesty's pleasure had been a revelation.

Pennie drops

We told you last month, but now it's official: Alex Pennie has quit The Automatic.

The statement says he's off after:

"...left due to finding the last year increasingly unenjoyable and growing apart from the rest of the band."

We all find The Automatic increasingly unenjoyable, Alex, but we don't all give up, do we?

Britney round-up

Britney Spears wanted Kevin Federline dead. Possibly. TMZ is hedging its bets, saying simultaneously that Kevin Federline had no reason to fear for his life, but also that LAPD had investigated "a threat to his life" but closed the case for, oh, lack of evidence, or not really being that bothered, or something along those lines.

Meanwhile, Britney Spears has lost her management company, who decided to not go with a "not touching her with a six foot barge pole" statement and instead made it sound like they were reluctantly walking away:

"It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears.

"We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish Britney the best."

'Current circumstances' meaning 'she's a little bit of a handful', of course.

[Thanks for the Mob-tip to Michael Moran]

Radio One More Time: Simultaneous Broadcasts

Now, with NICAM digital stereo and all that, stereo music coming out the TV is as normal as small worm-like larvae coming out of Scottish taps. But it's not always been like that. In the 1980s, stereo was for radios, and TVs were restricted to a single speaker, usually lop-sided on one edge.

So, what to do when transmitting a musical event? There was always the option of pumping the sound through the one wheezy
speaker, but the BBC came up with a more elegant solution: the simultaneous broadcast. As the name implies, the pictures would be on one of the TV networks, the radio carrying the stereo sound, all indicated by a giant "SB" in a circle in Radio Times listings, with instructions that, for best effect, you should position your hi-fi speakers either side of the television.

Normally, the SB blob would pop up in the BBC2 and Radio 3 listings - proms, opera, that sort of thing. But sometimes, Radio One would get to join in. Whistle Test and Radio One In Concert would come together for Sight And Sound In Concert specials, and we suspect it was this experience which led to the same combination being called up for what, surely, is the high-water mark for the SB: Live Aid. So simultaneous was the experience, so cross-media was the event fertilized, that the news summary during the afternoon was done by Newsbeat's Frank Partridge rather than someone from the television news squad. It also explains why there was the slightly clunky "Live Aid... From London... around the world" jingle, which was way too wordy for television, but attempted to deliver the same message to radio listeners as TV's glitzy silver world map.

Radio One also hosted the audio leg of the longest-running SB, when Top of the Pops turned up on the radio at the same time as on the television. It's likely the association would have been longer still, but it couldn't happen until Radio One had a proper FM network, and only lasted until BBC One was broadcasting nationwide in stereo. We're still not sure agreeing to take the audio feed was the best idea that Radio One ever had, but we'll charitably assume they thought all their natural constituency would have been watching the Pops anyway, so saw this as a graceful concession.

[Part of Radio One More Time]

Kasisers try to shore up Idaho

The somewhat reckless dismissal of America as "no big deal" by Ricky Wilson when the Kaiser Chiefs pulled their US tour has led to some worries backstage. Now, though, a "spokesperson" has "clarified" what Wilson meant:

"What he meant was that we care about all our fans in every part of the world the same.

"We go to the US for the fans - not the money or because we love long-haul. But sometimes you have to let people down."

Ah, yes - "no big deal" in the "we care about you" sense of the phrase. Thanks for clearing that one up.

Even the subs don't read Bizarre

Poor Victoria Newton - she had a big lovely scoop, revealing yet another "one-off" Sex Pistols reunion comeback at the Brixton Academy.

Unfortunately...

Dave Grohl loses some perspective

The attack on Courtney Love is understandable, but Dave Grohl's atack on Paris Hilton is something else. Now, we think Hilton is an over-funded waste of space as much as anyone, but:

“Paris is fucking lame.”

“She’s more offensive to me than anything.

“She’s a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her.”

More offensive than anything? Than poverty, or inequality, or racism? And "slut"? A little overstated, surely, Mr Grohl?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Who said there'd be no celebrity Big Brother this year?

According to "friends" filtered through "tabloid reports" and then inspected by the NME, there are plans for Pete Doherty and Shane McGowan to, erm, become flatmates running a North London pub together.

We say "plans", although we suspect this might simply be an idea floated for a new sitcom on ITV.

[Thanks to James McCabe for the tip]

Westlife seek a little Xtra help

James P alerts us to the surprising news of Westlife's new album, and the way they seem desperate to build their release schedule around the X Factor:

Westlife want to showcase their new album on a TV programme scheduled just before X Factor to help boost record sales.

The 'Flying Without Wings' boyband reportedly believe that by previewing new tracks around the popular ITV reality show they will be helped in achieving a hit with new single 'Home'.

A source told The Sun: "It will be a Saturday night type of show so it’d be great to run it before the semi-final or final of X Factor as the ratings have been so good."

Isn't it a bit rich for a supposedly successful band to be seeking a leg-up from the unknowns? Surely the last thing Cowell wants is for his shaky new act to be sharing the limelight with Walsh's creaky old barbershop outfit? Or was pushing Westlife part of the deal cut when Walsh agreed to take the faux-fall?

Brown calls for Asbos on Bono and Bob

It's nice in these disconnected times to hear young people taking an interest in politics, so we note with some joy Ian Brown's thoughts on international development:

"I get angry about how African kids have to live. I thought the G8 Summit at Gleneagles in 2005 was a real missed opportunity,”

“I applaud how Brown and Blair tried to put it at the top of the agenda. I didn't like the way Bono and Geldof hijacked the G8 Summit demo with their pop concert. The only result was Pink Floyd sold a few more million albums.”

“People have to realise you don't help African children singing along to 60-year-old men playing their tunes from 40 years ago. It was like 1750 all over again: we are the great white do-gooders.

“If there is another G8 meeting then there should be a court order banning Pink Floyd or Geldof or Bono from leaving their houses until it's over."

It's only take a year and a half for him to work up the response, but better late than never, eh?

Flogging sales off a dead woman

We're sure that The Climb really did write a song about Lana Clarkson with the best of intentions, and not to try and get a bit of cheap publicity. We do wonder, though, if ContactMusic thought through the likely implications of publishing Climb singer Andrea Barber's long mediation on the guilt or otherwise of Phil Spector at a time when the case is still being considered by a jury.

Alex James: The Boris Johnson of bass

While Dave Rowntree is off trying to interest Labour constituency parties in giving him a go on their hustings, Alex James has just signed a deal to become an associate editor at The Spectator.

Yes, The Spectator.

The Spectator's editor, Matthew d'Ancona, hired James in part because of his autobiography, which he said was "outstandingly good".

"What is really exciting about him is that he's someone who in his life has covered the waterfront - the metropolitan and rural life. There's something hugely appealing for the magazine in someone who was a denizen of Soho who is now having cups of tea in the country," Mr d'Ancona said.

We love the idea that, as far as The Spectator is concerned living in a nice house in London and living in a nice house in the country is "covering the waterfront". Oh, the sides of life he's seen.

Grohl makes enigmatic Courtney-centred remarks

Oh, good lord, Dave Grohl, if you want to have a public go at Courtney, have a go at her, don't be wrapping it up in coy subjunctive hints and winks:

"I've seen people lose it all to drugs and heartbreak and death. It's happened more than once in my life, but the one that's most noted is Kurt."

"There are a lot of people that I've been angry with in my life, but the one that's most noted is Courtney. So it's pretty obvious to me that those correlations are gonna pop up every now and again."

Do you think Courtney would mimsy around like that? No, she'd come right out with it and start to rip you to shreds, albeit poorly typed and on MySpace, but she'd do it directly nevertheless.

The Middle East can now sleep safely

We wonder, what on earth would Madonna and Guy Ritchie have to say to Shimon Peres about peace in the Middle East? And, as the three of them stand together, Guy's shaky hand clasped on Peres' shoulder, whose endorsement will prove to be the most damaging to whom?

Madonna is currently in Israel attempting to give some credibility to the her cult, which attempts to combine Jewish mysticism with overpriced water and the collection of direct debits.

Virgin for sale?

Following on from the collapse of MVC, MusicZone, Fopp and Tower and the struggling of HMV as it tries to adjust to being a juice bar rather than a record shop, the Telegraph is reporting Richard Branson is thinking of offloading the UK Virgin Megastore chain.

Apparently, the chain's management are hoping to organise a buyout of the "roughly breaking even" chain. Presumably you can enjoy the downward spiral more if you've paid for your ticket.

Radio One More Time: Christmas Lunch at Grey Gables

Every year, the nation's families gather and try to pretend they like each other for long enough to enjoy a Christmas Lunch together. So, too, did the Radio One djs, forced to get together to pre-record a show full of bonhomie and good humour to be played out on the big day. We're not entirely sure this idea had ever been fully thought through - no Dad was ever going to let his kids have the bloody tranny on during Christmas dinner, so the only people who would ever listen to the show would have been the ones who had elected to avoid turkey, rows and the Queen, or else who had no-one with whom to celebrate. It's unlikely either would have actively requested the chance to hear Mike Read and Steve Wright going through a grim parody of the self-same event they were excluded from.

And, for all the professionally-faked enthusiasm as Annie Nightingale unwrapped a "gift" from Ready, the truth about this event - that it wasn't a jolly get-together for friends, but a works Christmas do on a three-line whip - always came through. So it's little surprise that one year, in a fit of crossover madness, Radio One bosses decided to hold the let's-pretend party in a fictional locale.

Grey Gables. Yes, that Grey Gables. The one in Ambridge. The plot of the Archers buckled in order to explain why the entire on-air staff of Radio One was driving two hundred miles on Christmas Day - hinging, apparently, on the hitherto unmentioned fact that Robert Snell had been at school with John Peel. This seemed slightly unlikely - a social climber like Linda would surely have been keen to drop that gem into conversation at any opportunity - but did earn Peel an appearance or two in Archers scenes. Trouble was, he turned out to be rubbish at doing his own voice, and sounded more like they'd got someone from WeekEnding to do his bits.

Regardless, it was to Grey Gables that the DJs went, with the usual Christmas festivities being punctuated by cameos from Archers characters. We've no idea what the crossover audience between daytime Radio One and Radio Four would have been at this point, but the crashing of an event at the hotel by Eddie Grundy would surely only make sense if you knew who Eddie was, and, for most of the listeners, we're assuming that they wouldn't have. They might as well have decided to hold the party in historical Nazareth, and peppered the show with cameos from Biblical patriarchs for all the sense it made.

And Gary Davies never even tried it on with Susan Tucker.

[Part of Radio One More Time]

Kanye: C-Vit worried by undue prominence

We're increasingly fond of Estelle, who has tricked Kanye West into promoting a child's drink on his new album:

"He asked me what drink in the UK is hot, and I said Ribena, so he's put it down in his rhyme!

"I'm gonna send him a bottle when the album gets released."

To be fair, hot Ribena used to be the treat we'd have on winter mornings when we were very, very small. We were decades ahead of the loop, we were.

Isn't Lily Allen so down to earth?

She's just an ordinary girl, just like you and me. Why, we've all had our credit cards rejected, haven't we?

Maybe not in Chanel, mind:

“It should have been a classy moment, me walking into Chanel — but in typical Lily Allen style, I managed to make a pig’s ear out of it.

“My credit card was rejected, and then when I tried to call the bank the battery on my phone ran out.

“I was so mortified that I left the shop and returned the next day with a cheque.”

And, let's face it, we've all had designers refuse to loan us expensive clothes for television appearances:

“I’ve been banned from some fashion places because I’m so crap with things.

“CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN won’t lend me clothes because my dog chewed the shoes he lent me.

“And I got mud on a JULIEN MACDONALD dress so he wasn’t very happy with me either!”

Yes, she's just an everyday girl, with her twenty thousand pound clothes she hasn't even paid for.

Actually, maybe that's why she had problems with her card in Chanel - perhaps she didn't realise you were meant to pay for things.

Apparently, they scare easily in LA

The Hotel Chateau Marmont, currently modishly popular amongst those who don't have proper jobs, has banned Britney Spears after she "scared" other guests.

How?

Britney stunn[ed] fellow diners in the posh hotel restaurant by smearing a plate of top-notch food over her FACE.

Interesting, perhaps. Irritating, maybe. But scary?

A source said: “The diners were disgusted. You wouldn’t expect that from a teenager in a fast-food joint.

“Royalty have dined in this restaurant. Her behaviour was totally unacceptable.

How dare you besmirch a restaurant where non-specific royalty have once eaten, young lady?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Gallows and a cracked head

Ow, ow, ow: Gallows' gig in Stoke last night ended in blood, mother, blood when Frank Carter cracked his head open. He'd been mucking about with a fan who'd run on stage when the sort of dire warning your Mum used to shout came true. The band limped on while Carter went to hospital, but eventually the gig was abandoned.

Carter - after a spot of vinegar and brown paper - is expected to recover for the rest of the tour.

Britney Spears: Rallying time

Britney Spears, you might have spotted, is in a bit of trouble. Lucvkily, people are rallying round. Joey Fantone, for one:

He says, "It looked like she was really lost. A lot of people really want her to seek help. There's something not right there, something needs to obviously be done before anything tragic happens.

"She's a great girl. I've known her for many years."

Er... thanks for your insight, Joey.

50 Cent has also weighed in - presumably hoping he'll distract attention from his hostage-to-fortune promise to retire. Noticing that his nemesis Kanye West said that MTV shouldn't have pushed Brit into opening the show, Cent, naturally just adopts the opposite stance:

Kanye expressed that he felt that Britney shouldn't be actually opening the show - almost like he forgot that Britney Spears sold 50 million records. She did.

"He is not thinking about her full body of work. She deserved to headline the show better than anybody else that was on it - even in the state that she is in."

Because, of course, selling fifty million records means going on national TV with serious mental health problems can't possibly hurt you.

Cox makes another baby

Another spell of maternity leave is on the cards for Sara Cox, who is telling anybody and everybody that she's "incredibly blessed" to be pregnant again.

We're sure there's no noise in the background of a jostling for position for the weekend lunchtime show. None at all.

Jamelia's troubles

Why is Jamelia sharing with the Sunday People the news that she might be getting back together with that fading football bloke? It couldn't be a bid to try and boost interest in next week's 'best-of' album, could it?

Radio One More Time: The pseudonyms

If, as we saw yesterday, Radio One's listings played host to a surprising number of unexpected names, the airwaves also played host to a depressing number of fake and adopted personas. It seems that nobody can work on a radio programme without being given a matey name.

Comedy Dave on Chris Moyles' show is but the latest in a very, very long line of producers, researchers and sidekicks who've travelled under false documents - either to disguise their real names, or to create a hilarious comedy character. The Steve Wright show buckled under the weight of them: Sid The Manager; Jervaise the hairdresser (complete with 'hilarious' homophobic overtones); Mr. Angry From Purley. Even Marc Riley spent his entire time at the station under the "Boy Lard" banner - although, oddly, Mark Radcliffe dropped the "Scrawn" nickname when the pair moved over from Radio 5. Gary Davies found space every day for Willie On The Plonker - two knob gags for the price of one - and Kevin Greening's travel was handled by Major Holdups. Jimmy Savile's Record Club owed the debt of organisation to Dignified Don, while Tony Blackburn's Junior Choice carried a credit for Uncle Ted.

And, one Christmas, Mike Smith got through the thankless task of presenting breakfast with the assistance of a Christmas Fairy. The fairy bore a surprising vocal resemblance to Sarah Greene.

[Part of Radio One More Time]

Amy: Not so great when you're straight

Amy Winehouse hasn't, apparently, got the idea of rehab, telling Zoe Griffin:

"I didn't enjoy rehab. I don't want to go back."

We'd have thought that the idea of rehab was that it wasn't, you know, as enjoyable as filling your face with drugcakes and out-of-control juice. If it was, you might not have sung a song about not wanting to go to rehab, Amy.

Winehouse maintains that she doesn't need rehab, anyway:

I missed my friends and my mum and dad. They are the ones that are there for me. I have been doing better now and that's because of my friends."

So, asks Zoe, are you on the wagon now?

When I asked her about drugs, she said shyly: "I'm drinking tonight, I'm enjoying myself. It is my birthday. But drugs is private. Let's just say, I feel better than I felt ever before."

Zoe also pointed out that Amy appeared to have some sort of problem:

I saw her going back and forth to the toilet a lot.

And spotted some enabling activity:

Amy only wanted to be with Blake, who made sure she always had a glass in her hand.

So, does Ms Griffin build to a conclusion on this?

Not quite:

She added: "Blake is the best husband in the world. He organised this party. It's the best present in the world." Personally, I prefer diamonds.

Leaving aside the "and who cares what you prefer" question, scoring an invite to the Winehouse party and ending on a lame note like that suggests something of a lack of nerve.

Miss Miffed's Madonna musings

We're not sure if the News of the World's Miss Miffed column is really an attempt to out-parody Private Eye's Glenda Slagg, but judging by the Madonna entry it could well be:

Bruise that girl...

SO Madonna’s had a face lift? Fair play to her I say.

She’s nearly fifty-years-old and manages to bend her body into shapes few 18-year-olds could manage.

She’s super fit, super healthy and if she needs a little boost to retain her superstar looks, in areas that yoga can’t help, then why the hell not?

Let me know what you reckon...

I reckon you're typing with your eyes closed and are just throwing out half-arsed posts in a desperate attempt to get some, any, reaction. And Miss Miffed? How long did you take coming up with that "online persona?"

Katona discovers misery is taxable

We know that Kerry Katona has, thus far, managed to take the lemons life throws at her and sell "My lemon hell" stories to OK, but we're not sure there's such a market for "My Unpaid Tax Torment".

The News of the World reckons that Kerry owes three quarters of a million in unpaid taxes. Rav Singh and Lewis Panther are in control of the story:

The fallen former Atomic Kitten has been ordered by the Inland Revenue to pay at least £200,000 immediately or face BANKRUPTCY proceedings in court, the News of the World can reveal.

God, things must be really bad for Kerry if she's facing demands for cash from a defunct government department. Still, the Inland Revenue only disappeared two and a half years ago, you can't expect them to be bang up to date, can you?