Gordon in the morning: A sudden moment of clarity

Bad news for the cleaners at Wapping; it sounds like there might be a lot of eye-scales to clear up around Gordon's desk this morning:

Allen is just a Lil bit predictable

LILY Allen flouts ban on smoking, boasts about getting drunk & swears like trooper at T In Park

To be fair to Lily, though, there isn't any real indication why the latest swearing and drinking and smoking is "predictable" and dull, rather than getting Gordon to stand on his hindlegs applauding this behaviour. Isn't this sort of thing usually given the pubescent "caner of the year" award?

Elsewhere, the not-actually-surprising news that Duncan James from Blue likes boys as well as girls seems to surprise Gordon:

FANS were reeling yesterday after pop heart-throb DUNCAN JAMES admitted: "I'm bisexual."

Actually, that is surprising - Blue still have fans?

Why, though, does Gordon insist that your sexuality is something you "admit", like a murder or illegal phone-tapping? Perhaps James could have come out earlier if the tabloids didn't treat love like it was seedy.

Guy Hands wants half a billion write-off

Ominous noises from EMI, with Guy Hands scrabbling to keep the company afloat. He's put in three hundred million of his own money, but wants Citibank to write off half a billion of company debt.

Citibank, you'll recall, is in trouble of its own, having had to be bailed out by the US taxpayer for $300 billion. So, effectively, Guy Hands wants the US taxpayer to fund Terra Firma's disastrous stewardship of EMI.

Does this mean that Hands believes in taxpayers sharing the burden when times are tough? Not quite - sure, he'd like some tax dollars to keep his company afloat. But when the hat was passed around UK taxpayers to keep the state going, Hands took a different approach, pissing off the live as a tax exile in Guernsey when the 50p top tax rate came in.

Despite, erm, apparently being so rich he can afford to throw another £300million in to the black hole of EMI. God forbid any of that cash should find its way into the NHS or schools.

T In The Park: TV On The Radio on the slide?

After Pete Doherty played the King Tuts tent at T in the Park, on came TV on the Radio. About half the audience made their excuses and left, which I think tells us something a bit grim about festival audiences.

T in the Park: Blur might not turn up

NME is reporting that Blur might not turn up for their T in The Park headline slot tonight:

Festival chief Geoff Ellis made the announcement on the Main Stage at the Scottish festival this afternoon. He explained that guitarist Graham Coxon was in hospital and that the situation was being monitored.

They've rejigged the line-up a little; Snow Patrol will go on an hour later than planned in the hope that Graham Coxon will be back in time for a slightly later start.

Otherwise: can you imagine hoping for a Blur set, and having to make do with Snow Patrol instead?

Blackberry tries to taste a bit more like Apple

Presumably, the Telegraph views the announcement that Blackberry have done a deal to allow its users to download music directly to their tiny handsets as "news" because it's taken so long.

Blackberrys - which are like smaller versions of the Amstrad em@iler - are popular with salespeople who mainly use them to wave around on newly-landed airplanes to demonstrate how important it is for them to be in touch with their head office. Research In Motion are hoping that this music business will attract a different sort of customer.

AEG miss the point a little while LaToya cries moider

The city of LA has suggested that AEG might like to pay some of the costs associated with the Michael Jackson farewell promotional event.

AEG aren't rushing forward to help:

But AEG president Tim Leiweke said that AEG did pay for the memorial itself.

Leiweke seems to have been breathing too deeply from the fumes of Jackson overstatement, as he seems to feel that putting on an event is, somehow, an act of public generosity in its own right. In summary, AEG's position seems to be 'why should we pay for the crowd control? We already paid out to bring the crowds there in the first place'.

Meanwhile, LaToya Jacksons talks to the News Of The World (or possibly has a private conversation which the News Of The World paid money to get transcribed):

I will nail Michael Jackson's killers

Blimey. That's got to be up there with the death penalty as a cruel and unusual punishment, hasn't it?

Oh. As in "capture". I see.

Yes, "killers" - for LaToya believes that someone went out their way to kill Jackson. Presumably someone who couldn't wait another ten minutes or so for natural causes to do the work.

Jackson says she knows who did it - and yet, surprisingly, doesn't seem quick to share that vital piece of information:

"Michael WAS murdered," declared La Toya, 53. "And we don't think just one person was involved. Rather, it was a conspiracy of people. I feel it was all about money. Michael was worth well over a billion in music publishing assets and somebody killed him for that. He was worth more dead than alive."

Yes. Somebody - or bodies - who couldn't wait to get their hand on all that lovely, lovely debt that outweighed the value of his assets.

The Hooded Claw, speaking to the Sunday Mirror on condition of anonymity, explained that there wasn't a criminal mastermind alive who wouldn't kill to seize control of a complex of networks of companies that owned rights that had been used as collateral against unsustainable debts. "I mean, who wouldn't, right? And personally, I'd have made sure I killed him right before he did all those gigs to clear large chunks of the debt, rather than wait a few months, see the debt mountain reduced, and kill him when it would seem even more plausible that he just conked out from a year's worth of efforts in Greenwich."

Still, LaToya knows the names of people who were happy enough to conduct what would have been one of the most high-profile murders in history, despite the financial trail making them obvious suspects. And yet, rather than name them, she's just let them know she knows who they are, but isn't going to tell people yet. Has LaToya ever seen an episode of Columbo? Does she not realise that that sort of behaviour usually gets you wrapped in a carpet and dumped over the side of a boat bobbing about on Lake Michigan?

But to be fair, Columbo is a made-up story about murders. Which is totally different from this one. Because it doesn't have Peter Falk in it.

O'Neal festival stopped after stabbing

I'm not a crowd control expert, but is cancelling an entire festival because of one incident really the best move to make?

A teenager got stabbed in the leg at the Southwark Park Festival, and - rather like a grumpy primary school teacher - it's been decided that that one piece of trouble is going to spoil it for everyone, and the whole thing has been pulled. Alexander O'Neal and all.

It was police advice which led to the early closure. It sounds rather like the Metropolitan Police panicked somewhat. Perhaps it's a pity they didn't advise the G20 to call it a day once there was the first sign of trouble.

Teenage Fanclub weekend: ATP

From earlier in the year, this is Teenage Fanclub doing Don't Look Back at the behest of The Breeders, at All Tomorrow's Parties:



[Part of Teenage Fanclub weekend]

This week just gone

The most-read stories in 2009 - thus far - have been:

1. Review: Lady GaGa at Glastonbury
2. Video: Neil Young at Glastonbury
3. Liveblog: Eurovision
4. NME awards shortlist
5. RIP: Kelly Groucutt
6. George Sampson wrecks the remains of his career
7. Review: Bruce Springsteen at Glastonbury
8. Downloadable: Glasvegas
9. Michael Jackson: Sunday papers scrabble for pieces
10. Liveblog: Morrissey on The One Show

The last time we did this, this was what we were about to suggest investigating:


Lets Wrestle - In The Court Of The Wrestling Lets


download Let's Wrestle



Nanci Griffith - The Loving Kind


download The Loving Kind



La Roux - La Roux


download La Roux



Wilco - Wilco


download Wilco



The Low Anthem - Oh My God, Charlie Darwin


download Oh My God, Charlie Darwin



Nouvelle Vague - 3



Robin Guthrie - Angle Falls


download Angel Royale

Teenage Fanclub weekend: Reading 1991

One of the joys of YouTube is the transfer of old VHS tapes to digital, bringing with it crystal clear clarity of how ropey the original recording was. This, squirreled away in the analogue past, is a three chunk piece of TFC's 1991 Reading set, starting with the mighty God Knows It's True, then The Concept (again) and Satan:



[Part of Teenage Fanclub weekend]

Teenage Fanclub weekend: What You Do To Me

More from the Fanclub - this is 1981's What You Do To Me:

Teenage Fanclub-What You Do To Me (1991)
by yrascals

[Part of the Teenage Fanclub weekend]

Gordon in the morning: Cheque-mate

It's one of those mornings when Gordon has a good story. Faced with the potential loss of thousands of pounds in refunds from the bollocksed-up Heaton Park gig, Oasis have a plan:

Now Oasis are issuing refunds on cheques signed by LIAM and NOEL GALLAGHER and bearing a “Bank of Burnage” stamp, after the Manchester area where the brothers grew up.

This is reminiscent of that urban myth about the company which took payments for dildos, and instead of sending the product, sent out cheques for marked "Dildo refund". The hope being that people would be too ashamed to pay such a cheque into their banks.

I'm not saying that an Oasis gig is like a dildo, of course. A dildo can bring great pleasure, for a start, and can offer a number of surprising experiences.

The only problem with the plan, though, is that clearly Noel and Liam haven't actually signed 20,000 cheques. So they're hoping that people cheeky enough to demand a refund are going to want to keep a facsimile signature forever.

Alison Mosshart nudie jeans and diesel jacket up for grabs

Sure, they're blood-soaked. But I'm pretty certain it's fake blood. And they have been worn by Alison Mosshart. VenusZine are giving away her outfit from the Dead Weather's Treat Me Like Your Mother video to one lucky winner.

They've so far only released a trailer - a trailer for the video, but at least it's enough for us to have a go at working out if we could fit into her jeans:

Why we love Cornershop

Cornershop turn up in The Guardian Guide today and pretty much manage to wrap up everything we say in No Rock and everything we say on our Twitterstream in about three-quarters of a paragraph:

Cornershop remain a profoundly British creation, still infused by British politics, the serenely sardonic Tjinder regarding David Cameron today as "a tosser". The Labour party fares even worse. "It's full of bastards, [David] Milliband is an idiot and Andy Burnham [health secretary] is a dick; he spoke at Digital Britain and knew nothing about it and to have Feargal Sharkey [also at Digital Britain, the former Undertones yodeller now being chief executive of UK Music] representing the government's view on how music should be, is ridiculous."

Tjinder is surprisingly, though thoughtfully, generous to Gordon Brown:

"I think Gordon Brown is a great man," he declares. "I think he handled the financial thing very well. He is an awkward chap. I'm an awkward chap. And if I had one eye I'd be a damn sight more awkward. But to come across as that strong after all that shit has hit you, I think we've got steel in that man. But I'd vote for the Greens, if only they had more presence than window stickers about recycled tea bags."

Embed and breakfast man: Teenage Fanclub

It's possible to spend too much time with your head in your hands at the thought of late-period Creation Records, dominated by the supermarket white bread of Oasis. It's worth remembering, though, that the label also found space for a lot of artisan loaves in its oven. Not least with the lifelines thrown to The Boo Radleys and Teenage Fanclub, which extended the lives of interesting bands and gave them the space to create some interesting, memorable stuff.

Kurt Cobain once called them the best band in the world - and although, to be fair, that was a plaudit he handed out the way Jim Jones distributed poisoned squash, he was usually quite wise in where he bestowed it.

This weekend, let's pay tribute to the Fanclub. Still a going concern after two decades, there's to be a new album this year.

First up, this is The Concept. A concept single, from the non-concept album Bandwagonesque:



A Teenage Fanclub education
Teenage Fanclub play the Sundae On The Common in Clapham on the 25th July.
Official site
Teenage Fanclub on MySpace
Teenage Fanclub on LastFM
Teenage Fanclub on Spotify
Teenage Fanclub on Wikipedia

Buy Teenage Fanclub
Songs From Northern Britain | Download Songs From Northern Britain
Bandwagonesque | Download Bandwagonesque
Thirteen | Download Thirteen

More videos across the weekend
What You Do To Me
Live: Reading 1991
Don't Look Back live at All Tomorrow's Parties

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet - Michael Jackson

Every Day Is Like Wednesday considers the theological implications of the editorial cartoons on the death of Michael Jackson:

When we go to heaven, will we look like we did at the point we died, or will we look like we did at an earlier point in our life?

Charles Moore is the last person in the world still banging on about Jonathan Ross

For some reason, Charles Moore has decided that he doesn't need a TV licence because Jonathan Ross is still on the BBC.

If this really just sounds like a petty man too tight to pay a few quid for his television licence, desperately trying to find some sort of justification for his meanness, Moore is quick to defend himself:

I am not seeking to profit from my refusal, so I have today sent a cheque for £142.50 (the current rate) to Help the Aged. I have chosen this charity because part of Jonathan Ross’s offence was his insult to the old.

Hmm. Without wanting to defend Ross and Brand, has it really occurred to Moore what would happen to the Aged, with or without his money, should the BBC be destroyed by petty actions like his? There aren't many broadcasters who carry programming aimed at older viewers; there's no other broadcaster who would create a season like Grey Expectations; take the time to make programmes that address getting older. If we destroy the BBC, when broadcasters are busily chasing the younger, more affluent audiences, what will the lonely, the old and the housebound watch and listen to, Moore?

Jonathan Ross did some stupid things - for which he has apologised, and for which a lot of people have lost their jobs. Is that really worth destroying one of the nation's cultural institutions over?

I note that Moore doesn't say he intends to stop watching BBC News, or reading the website, or checking travel information on the local radio network while he is withholding his cash. In which case: is it morally OK for all of us to steal copies of the Daily Telegraph until Moore apologises for confusing an error of judgement with a moral vacuum?

Paul Oakenfold: Unstoppable PR

A press release slips into the inbox:

Paul Oakenfold Beats Michael Jackson to the #1 Spot on itunes This Week.

Bloody hell - that's quite good. I mean, Oakenfold at number one iTunes at all is amazing, never mind beating Jackson to it.

That's pretty impressive. I mean, it's almost unbelievable.

Amazingly enough, pre-digital sales of the album beat the late and legendary Michael Jackson to the #1 spot on iTunes’ dance chart.

Oh. That would be slightly different, then, wouldn't it?

Darkness at 3AM: We answer their question

The 3AM Girls are even more puzzled than usual:

Why is it when we return from holiday, we emerge lobster red, dishevelled and two stone heavier? When Posh and Becks land, they look stylish, immaculate, tanned, honed and healthy?

Erm... because they fly first class and you don't?

Gordon in the morning: Gordo and GaGa

The faint suspicion that Lady GaGa has already run out of shtick is, bravely, ignored by Gordon Smart as he runs an interview which, shall we say, doesn't really surprise very much:

She said: “I’m inspired by the moonlight, sex, slasher films and pornography.”

Yes. We know.

She's going to work with Kanye West soon, and while her outfits might be "outrageous" (or supposed to be thought such), her showbiz gush is as conventional as a Powerpoint sales presentation:

She added: “I truthfully adore Kanye. I always poke fun at him and joke around. We have a lovely creative relationship. He’s so sweet. I can’t say enough good things. He’s undeniably brilliant.”

Rapidly, clearly, nowhere near as interesting as we hoped she might be.

Indie distro closes: Lumberjack-axed

Lumberjack Mordam Music Group, a large US indie distributor, is closing its doors and, by the sound of things, isn't going to be able to pay all it owes to the labels:

I want to give everyone an idea of where things stand with LMMG as of now and where things will be in the future. At this point LMMG will not be able to continue to provide distribution services for labels. We had hopes for the last several months that we'd be able to find a way to move forward but the triple hits of an expensive merger, a dying business and a bad economy have made it impossible. We are hoping to be able to get some money to labels, but I'm not sure how much or when as we have to try and collect money from customers. If you have not yet moved your distribution to another company, please make arrangements to do so as soon as possible.

Hmm. "An expensive merger" is hardly the sort of thing that accidentally happens to you, though, is it?

Nancy Pelsosi finds nice way to tell House to not be so bloody stupid

The desperate attempts by US politicians to seem young and hip by beating their breasts in grief at the death of a bloke who was at his peak a quarter of a century ago have stalled.

Nancy Pelosi has told the house it's probably not a good idea to have a resolution on How Brilliant Michael Jackson was:

"A resolution, I think, would open up to contrary views to — that are not necessary at this time to be expressed in association with a resolution whose purpose is quite different," Pelosi said at a Capitol Hill news conference where she discussed various legislative matters.

Blimey, Pelosi must have really hated Captain Eo. She could also have used the argument that there are better things for US lawmakers to be doing now than burning through cash and time doing a showboating equivalent of writing "I heart MJ" on the nation's pencil cases.

Mariah Carey explains why she was a bit ropey

Mariah Carey has felt the need to apologise for her performance at the Michael Jackson On Ice Memorial Show:

"Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me," writes Carey. "I could barely keep myself from crying. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me."

Well, that's Tuesday explained. Has she been crying solidly for the two decades prior to that?

It's not Hole, says Erlandson

Melissa Auf Der Maur is on the new Hole record, and she says it's not a Hole record.

Now, Eric Erlandson says it isn't a Hole record, either. Not just because he isn't on it, but he's got paperwork which proves it can't be:

"We have a contract," Erlandson said in an interview with Spin. "She signed a contract with me when we decided to break up the band, which was like 2002 or something, so I really don't have comment on it except that I know my part in that band. The way I look at it, there is no Hole without me. To put it blunt. Just on a business level."

It's possible that Courtney doesn't remember that contract. Or she found it, and decided Ryan Adams had forged her signature on it. Or, perhaps, she figures that it's a contract which nobody would ever waste their time trying to enforce on the grounds of what restitution would you seek? For Love to have to go and alter the name of the band on everybody's iTunes?

GaGa explains her mask. It wasn't a mask.

Sure, it looked like a knock-off gimp mask, but it wasn't:

"It's not just a mask, it's a contemporary art piece," Gaga told reporters in Malta, adding that it was made by a designer friend of hers.

Perhaps. A gimp contemporary art piece.

Downloadable: MSTRKRFT

Hmm. Amongst RCRD LBL's delights today, is a free MSTRKRFT download. Before you rush to click, it does include the words "featuring John Legend" in the credits.

Which might put you off. If not, it's a Wolfgang Gartner remix of Heartbreaker.

Metalobit: Midnight

John Patrick McDonald Jr, lead singer with Crimson Glory, has died.

Crimson Glory had originally traded under the name Beowulf, forming in Florida in 1982. Their debut album - also called Crimson Glory - saw the light in 1986, although it didn't find a wider audience until it was rereleased as part of the band's deal with Roadrunner Records.

Leaning towards the Kiss-ier side of metal, Crimson Glory wore masks in order to make themselves instantly distinguishable from each other - a move that a few indie bands might want to consider, when you think about it. Midnight, alone, had a mask which left his mouth uncovered. So that people could actually hear him sing.

The band moved to Atlantic at the end of the 1980s. Between the recording of their first record for Atlantic, Strange And Beautiful, and the tour to support it, Midnight quit.

After a long period away from music, Midnight returned with a solo career and - briefly - was reunited with the still-churning Crimson Glory. That rapprochment didn't last long, and "difficulties" led to him leaving the band for a second time.

Midnight released three solo albums. He died yesterday, apparently from liver and kidney failure.

People of LA less than thrilled at paying for Jackson DVD shoot

I'm sure that when the Jackson memorial winds up on sell-through DVD, it'll be through "public demand" and not, in any way, part of a long-term plan on anyone's part to turn a profit from the event.

Meanwhile, the people of Los Angeles are starting to ask why their cash-strapped city underwrote a large chunk of the costs of staging the event:

“I admit I shed a tear with Mariah, Queen and Paris,” said Jody Greenblatt, a pharmaceutical executive who lives in Los Angeles. “But I cry more at the thought of teachers’ pink slips, forced furloughed days, unemployment rates sky high and a state bankrupt.”

And it's not just voters:

On Tuesday, the city attorney, Carmen Trutanich, took the highly unusual step of appearing during the public comment period of a City Council hearing to announce that his office was investigating how Los Angeles taxpayers came to foot a bill for police protection and other city functions at the service, at a time when the city and state are running out of money.

To make matters worse, it turns out the money that was spent wasn't actually used all that wisely:

On Wednesday, the city controller, Wendy Greuel, sent a stern letter to the Los Angeles emergency management department demanding to know why it had spent $48,826 on sandwiches from a deli 80 miles from Los Angeles to feed police officers. (Sandwiches from Subway would have cost $17,491.25, she pointed out.)

I know "busing-in officers" isn't unheard of; but busing-in sandwiches?

Gordon in the morning: Women have nipples

There's no danger that this morning's Bizarre stories have been achieved through illegal phone tapping. Indeed, there's precious little sign of any sort of intelligence at work.

Look! You can make out the shape of Britney Spears' nipple under a shirt

Look! You can kind of see the side of Emma Watson's breast

Look! Lady GaGa has her photo taken in an "outrageous" outfit.

The big story this morning is, erm, that Sarah Harding went on holiday and had fun.

Perhaps Rebekah Wade was busily escorting everyone into the Panic Room and the pages had to write themselves today?

France tries three strikes again

Having been told that, actually, throwing people off the internet on the say-so of a bunch of record company executives isn't the way democracies should be treating its public, the Sarkozy government is trying again with a modified version:

Defended before the Senate by Justice Minister Michele Alliot-Marie, the new bill shifts the final decision on cutting off web users from the state agency to the courts.

On the third strike, the agency would report offenders to a judge, who would hand down either an Internet ban, a fine of up to 300,000 euros (415,000 dollars) or a two-year jail sentence, under a fast-track ruling system.

I'm not entirely clear how passing the plug-pulling from a state agency acting at the behest of EMI and friends, to the courts is going to make a difference to the fundamental problem that its unconstitutional to remove people's ability to communicate; perhaps we'll find out if the law ever gets used in anger.