Out of the Shadows

Yes, The Spice Girls.
Yes, yes, The Verve.

But now comes the biggest reunion of the lot so far:

Cliff Richard and the Shadows.

Slash: It doesn't come out

Slash is one of those people who are putting their foot down and refusing to pay any heed to the smoking ban.

He'll cough up and keep coughing:

I'll probably just take my chances, pay the £50 and smoke to my heart's content. I can't imagine being up there and playing for ninety minutes and not having a fag."

To be fair, he's had a fag in his gob for so long, he's probably worn a groove in the corner of his mouth and leaving it unplugged could lead to unpleasant drooling.

Mr Pharmacist quits

Bad news if you were planning to go see Ted Leo and The Pharmacists - Leo has had a "family health emergency" and returned to the US. All remaining UK dates have been canceled. Sorry.

Nick blocks sex pix

Nick Lachey, who was in 98 Degrees and since then... well, hasn't been, is apparently rushing to keep pictures of him and his current, uh, person he appears in gossip columns with, Vanessa Minnillo out of the gossip magazines.

Pictures of them having sex in a hot-tub. Pictures, which, they say are a terrible invasion of their privacy:

Hollywood attorney Marty Singer has sent a letter to the weekly mags, warning them that should they publish the steamy pics, they'll face one mother of a lawsuit. Don't mess with Marty!

Singer told TMZ the photographer was "outrageous and malicious," adding, "The photos that were taken of our clients by a Mexican photographer violated Mexican law and were a clear invasion of privacy, and we have threatened to take legal action against third parties who publish the photos."

Wow. That really convinces us that somehow Nick Lachey and Vanesso Minipolo somehow managed to find a hot-tub in which they were simultaneously able to be photographed and feel private enough to shag with the terrible consequences that pictures are being hawked around the weekly magazines, and not some lame-ass publicity stunt to try and make people interested in Nick Lachey and Voom Issinoho.

Fergie: Your name here

There's a thin line between promoting a product and selling your soul, and where it lies depends a lot on who you are and what you're promoting.

But taking cash to write a song praising a product - not as an advertising jingle, but to sit in your repertoire? That's not even a grey area, it makes you no better than Fay Weldon.

Step forward Fergie, who is now pocketing cash and singing praises of Candies, a US clothing chain. But obviously, if you're willing to replace your creative process with your pocket book and contract negotiations, it might just as well be AT&T, or McDonalds, or Swift Boat Veterans for Justice:

Last week Fergie was on tour, but her advisers said such product placement was the future. “With record sales in decline, you must find novel ways to make money out of the music. The trick is to make the brand part of the song so that it slips down easily rather than chokes the fan,” said an executive at Interscope, Fergie’s record company in Los Angeles.

“Candie’s will reach teens, but it has no say over exactly what Fergie will sing, or when. Fans might think she is just singing about candy. But it’s got to work in the song. Fergie does not sing jingles.”

The implication that a jingle is less honest than this just won't wash - at least when Justin Timberlake goes "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, I'm loving it", the deal is explicit and clear.

It's interesting that Fergie's people are clearly embarrassed by the deal, with their "some people might not even realise it's an advert" bluster. But if that was the case, what exactly are the clothes shop paying for?

[UPDATE: 12-07-07: Fergie says she's going to take legal action against The Sunday Times over the original story]

Maida decision: Vale to close

The BBC are closing the Maida Vale studios, where most of the Peel Sessions and countless other performances have been recorded over the years, because it'll raise tonnes of cash if they sell its prime location to developers ("because it's not suitable for the "21st-century digital age".")

Oddly, they did manage to record the Arcade Fire there in sound and vision last week without too much difficulty. Perhaps that was in analogue.

Kenny G, the chocolate bar, and the bloody gash

Back when Glen Hoddle was dropping Paul Gascoigne from the England team, he popped some Kenny G onto the stereo, in the hope that G's relaxed eunuch-jazz stylings would calm things down.

Who knew, though, that there was something darker beating at the heart of Kenny G? He's picking up the medical bills after a girl was hospitalised by a Power Bar thrown from his house. It's believed it wasn't Kenny himself who tossed the chocolate into a child's head.

Prised from the Master's dead hands

Who, you may have been wondering, was the owner of the over-made-up lady hand which collected the Master's ring from the smouldering funeral pyre? Could there be plans for an ungodly resurrection that involves the wearing of a ring?

In other news, Geri Halliwell has given the other Spice Girls rings as a "thank you for forgiving her." Apparently all the girls were delighted, except for Victoria who complained that hers was a little warm and slightly sooty.

"And I said 'what, be a mother and do a job? How would you even do that?'"

We'd thought that Doctor Who was all made up, but apparently someone had noticed there was a Paradox engine working that allowed women to be both mothers and have a life beyond the nappy mangle. Still, to judge by Liberty X that engine has been taken out of engine and feminism reversed some forty years:

Liberty X star Kelli Young has revealed that the group decided to split because the girls wanted to settle down.

The singer explained that Michelle Heaton is hoping to have children in the near future with boyfriend Andy Scott-Lee, while Jessica Taylor is also planning to start a family with England cricketer Kevin Pietersen.

"Michelle and Andy are wanting to have kids and Jessica is also at the point where she wants children," Young told the Daily Star Sunday. "I'd expect both girls to be pregnant very, very soon."

Kelli, meanwhile, will be having to get herself a small part-time job as a governess or housekeeper until she can have babies, too.

Trust me, I'm a guitarist

Thanks to MC Glammer for bringing this to our attention: Bono "knew" Blair was going to be great leader because he played guitar:

"They're often very clever (guitar players), very studious - they spend hours in the bedroom practicing - you know, swottish."

Frantic teenager masturbators also spend hours in their bedrooms, putting in the hours, but I'm not entirely sure I like the idea of a Prime Minister whose red box has got a gunked-up copy of the Damart catalogue hidden at the bottom.

And while it's true that you have to concentrate very hard to be able to play the guitar well, there's little evidence that Blair was anything more than a strum-and-run guy; and isn't every hour spent learning the twiddly bits from I Am The Walrus an hour less spent finding out about the world? After all, Noel Gallagher is a pretty good guitarist, but his lyrics suggest a man whose interests are strongly limited.

But Bono is about to get more facile yet:

"What I admire the most about Tony Blair is that despite all accusations of a slick PR machine, spin doctoring and the like, he has almost all of the time exposed himself to bad press and outcry for doing the things he believed in."

You'll notice that Bono only implies we all hallucinated Alistair Campbell, and the rest of the "slick PR machine", but let's let that one by. The broader question is since when did Blair expose himself to bad press for doing "things he believed in"?

If we recall correctly, at the start of the Iraq War - the source of most of Blair's negative coverage - the bulk of the media stood foursquare behind him. Indeed, the image of a Tony so relaxed at pressing on with conviction in the face of criticism is a little at odds with his reaction when someone suggested that the public may have been lied to in a bid to persuade us into war - a dead scientist, a fix of an inquiry, the sacking of the Director General of the BBC: thank god he was so relaxed in the face of criticism. Just imagine what he'd have done if he hadn't been convinced of his rightness.

The suggestion that Blair spent ten years "almost all of the time" pressing ahead with conviction in the face of negative comment is even more facile than Bono's 'guitarists make the best PMs' bumper-sticker claims.

Universal threaten Apple

There's only one really successful online music store. There's one music player which dominates the marketplace, and that's tied to that online music store. The operators of that store don't sell the songs as their main business - they're about selling the players anyway, and are secure in the knowledge that the players they sell mostly get filled from other sources.

So, in what way does Universal think that threatening to pull its music off iTunes is threatening Apple? Wouldn't it simply undermine one of the RIAA's attacks on privacy if they had to say "you can download, mostly, tracks legally and simply, except for artists on the Universal imprints"?

Suddenly, there's a context to those whispers about current Universal artist Jay-Z being groomed to run a label out of Apple.

Way off marriage?

According to an interview carried in the Norwegian press [In Norwegian], Gerard Way has called off his engagement.

We think that's what it says, anyway.

Don't call me a madam - J Lo

Much as the Conservatives desperately tried to persuade people not to call them Tories, a name they felt linked them to swivel-eyed mine-closing coldhearts, we suspect that while Jennifer Lopez migh ask to not be called J-Lo any more, she'll find it difficult to shake off:

“That’s all gone with the ridiculous stories about me throwing tantrums and insisting on Egyptian sheets. That’s all firmly in my past.”

We think this means she's happy she's finally got the "egyptian sheet" message through without having to throw tantrums every time she turns up at a hotel.

Of course, turning up and demanding that people call you by a certain name, to avoid accusations of being a controlling, self-obsessed, shallow diva might, just, be a little self-defeating.

It's what she would have wanted

Of course, Victoria Newton was at the Difest, hanging out with Puff Diddy:

P DIDDY says Harry parties harder than him in tribute to princes and their mother

Ah, and what mother could want a better tribute to the way she raised her sons than to have one publicly applauded for, erm, being good at drinking too much.

And just think: if Earl Spencer hadn't taken care to ensure that those boys spirits could sing, Harry might never have become the George Best of the royals.

Newton seems to be a little obsessed with Diddy:

P Diddy caught the tone just right in his performance.

He dedicated I’ll Be Missing You — a song he wrote for a friend who died — to Diana.

He paid tribute to her “grace, beauty and compassion” and praised her for being a “wonderful mother”.

The princes were visibly moved.

Earlier he said: “She’s in a better place now, and she brought the sun out today.”

He caught the right tone by suggesting that a young woman had turned into a supernatural force controlling the weather (in which case, half of Sheffield would like a word, Di) and by dedicating a song to her about a bloke murdered in a pointless gang feud. Thank god he wasn't all mawkish and inappropriate.

An uneven thing: The Diana concert

There were two signs that, for all the claims it was a 'prefect tribute', that the Diana concert fell short of capturing the imagination.

The first was that it was so short of top-grade talent Elton had to be dragged in to open and close it; the second was that the anchoring was done by Jamie Theakston and Claudia Winkelman. Clearly, the BBC felt that shunting an entire day of programming off BBC1 was its duty done, but it sent neither Huw Edwards, so it was an event of national significance, nor Jonathan Ross, so it wasn't a major entertainment event, either. They did have Fearne Cotton deployed to stand backstage going "wow... fantastic", like Cassie from Skins; but Cotton, for reasons we still don't understand, seems to be on every live TV event telling us how "amazing" everything is - she did the final of Make Me A Supermodel, so her presence hardly confers gravitas.

We're only human, so couldn't stand the whole thing, just dipping in across the day. With each peek, there was something totally different from what was going on before - some Classic FM style opera-light; Tom Jones beating up the Arctic Monkeys; Donny Osmond, Jason Donovan and that Lee bloke from Any Dream Will Do having a Hartnell-Troughton-Pertwee momen; Rod Stewart - who we missed, but did see Fearne attesting to to how "fantastic" he was. It's not an unprecedented mix - it's reminiscent of Radio 2's Sunday playlist from about a decade ago - but nobody was expected to sit through that lot from start to finish. And even they get Jonathan Ross to do presenting duties.

The end fell astonishingly flat - the delightful piano-playing princes came on and demonstrated all the ease and comfort when talking to the masses shown by their father (you'd better get used to this, William - you're going to be doing the State Opening of Parliament in a few years) did some mumbling and then, instead of a big finish, there was, erm, some cine film of Diana doing handstands as a child. "This is how she would want to be remembered" - flashing her knickers for the camera, apparently. I know the idea was to make us think of what a terrible waste such a photogenic and energetic life was snuffed out in such a terrible way, but I'm afraid the effect was more "private swimming pools and high-quality cine cameras in the 1960s - didn't exactly have a hard life, did she?" It was noticeable that people were filing out of Wembley before the end.

They didn't even give her brother a chance to do a reprise of his funeral rabble-rousing; instead, he was tucked away, far from the microphones. It was a miracle they didn't have him sitting in a cage of visual metaphor. He didn't look like he enjoyed it, either.

Branson to try to regain Virginship?

There's a curious story in the The Observer today which suggests that Richard Branson and Charles Allen - the man who did so much to make ITV what it is today - could be linking up to launch a bid to regain control of Virgin Radio.

Just what the station needs - more management shuffling. With, doubtless, another new set of plans, formats and shake-ups. What could possibly go wrong?

Amazon leaves us in no doubt...

... who really wrote Nick Kent's stuff for him.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

Dave Haslam shows the LA Times around Manchester:

Because of its head start in the Industrial Revolution, its access to Lancashire farmland and its train lines and canals to Liverpool's port, Manchester long ago became an indie city.

"Within the first decades of the nineteenth century," Haslam writes, "the city's merchants had worldwide contacts, with no dependency on the largesse of London. They had created their own wealth, become economically self-sufficient....

"In the era of rock & roll this would be just as crucial as in the days of cotton and coal."

The closure of Fopp sees Scottish musicians delivering eulogies in The Sunday Herald:

"It was great for vinyl," said Aidan Moffat, formerly of Arab Strap. "I remember I bought the first Belle And Sebastian album in there before I'd even moved to Glasgow.

"If I was bored during the day I'd have a wander in. And every time I would come out £30 poorer."

Famous for no-nonsense rounded prices, Fopp was "a bit of an anomaly", according to Moffat. "They started out as this indie shop where you could get bargains, but as they expanded they became something else, because they had to compete with the HMVs of this world.

"I think there's still a place for wee independent record shops, but in the end, that wasn't what Fopp was."

The Future Of Music shares Gerd Leonhard’s Open Letter to the Independent Music Industry:

Today, we have the paradox situation that any startup that wants to use music will not even try to go legal right from the beginning, since there is no reasonable way of doing so. Look at the biggest exits in this turf, during the past 2 years: myspace, youtube, last.fm – either they did not bother with proper music licenses, or it was unclear if and where and when they would even need one. Non-compliance succeeded and was handsomely rewarded.

The music industry must admit that it has failed to act. Their leaders’ clueless-ness, incomprehension and general lack of willingness to embrace true change allowed the paying for music to become voluntary. Congrats.

Don Tapscott points at the year 2006: the losers built digital music stores, and the winners built vibrant communities based on music. The losers built walled gardens while the winners built public squares. The losers were busy guarding their intellectual property while the winners were busy getting everyone’s attention. Warner Music Group’s stock nose-dived from $30 to $14 in less than one year; Google rose from $323 to $526, Apple went from $50 to $127.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

Dave Haslam shows the LA Times around Manchester:

Because of its head start in the Industrial Revolution, its access to Lancashire farmland and its train lines and canals to Liverpool's port, Manchester long ago became an indie city.

"Within the first decades of the nineteenth century," Haslam writes, "the city's merchants had worldwide contacts, with no dependency on the largesse of London. They had created their own wealth, become economically self-sufficient....

"In the era of rock & roll this would be just as crucial as in the days of cotton and coal."

The closure of Fopp sees Scottish musicians delivering eulogies in The Sunday Herald:

"It was great for vinyl," said Aidan Moffat, formerly of Arab Strap. "I remember I bought the first Belle And Sebastian album in there before I'd even moved to Glasgow.

"If I was bored during the day I'd have a wander in. And every time I would come out £30 poorer."

Famous for no-nonsense rounded prices, Fopp was "a bit of an anomaly", according to Moffat. "They started out as this indie shop where you could get bargains, but as they expanded they became something else, because they had to compete with the HMVs of this world.

"I think there's still a place for wee independent record shops, but in the end, that wasn't what Fopp was."

The Future Of Music shares Gerd Leonhard’s Open Letter to the Independent Music Industry:

Today, we have the paradox situation that any startup that wants to use music will not even try to go legal right from the beginning, since there is no reasonable way of doing so. Look at the biggest exits in this turf, during the past 2 years: myspace, youtube, last.fm – either they did not bother with proper music licenses, or it was unclear if and where and when they would even need one. Non-compliance succeeded and was handsomely rewarded.

The music industry must admit that it has failed to act. Their leaders’ clueless-ness, incomprehension and general lack of willingness to embrace true change allowed the paying for music to become voluntary. Congrats.

Don Tapscott points at the year 2006: the losers built digital music stores, and the winners built vibrant communities based on music. The losers built walled gardens while the winners built public squares. The losers were busy guarding their intellectual property while the winners were busy getting everyone’s attention. Warner Music Group’s stock nose-dived from $30 to $14 in less than one year; Google rose from $323 to $526, Apple went from $50 to $127.

Boo Radleys Weekend: It's Lulu

In at, erm, 25 with a bullet, it's Boos and It's Lulu:



Full weekend listing

Retailers locked out of the Prince love-in

Somewhat hilariously, the uppity foot-stamping of the music retailers over the giveaway of the Prince album in the Mail On Sunday has ended up shooting them in the very foot they were stamping. Sony BMG have "exempted" retailers from having to worry about the album altogether. In other words, the retailers' threats about blacklisting the album from their stores is a bluff that has been called.

Someone in need of a better hobby

Devon Townsend has pleaded guilty to charges relating to her stalking of Chester Bennington. Apparently, Townsend had access to US government computers and used that to monitor Bennington's movements. (Physical, rather than bowel, we think, although who knows what information the White House is gathering these days?)

Townsend claims:

"On at least one occasion, knowing that Chester Bennington was in Arizona, I travelled to Arizona solely for the purpose of trying to see him. While I was there, I monitored Chester Bennington's voicemails as a means of trying to locate where he might be eating dinner or lunch."

Townsend also used privileged information in order to threaten Bennington's wife Talinda.

Leaving aside the question of why on earth anyone would put effort into stalking Bennington, there's the wider question of what this shows about the state of US government information security. There's a massive slate of warnings on the website of Townsend's employers, Sandia National Labs, making all kinds of deathly threats about what would happen if anyone misuses their IT systems. That appears to be as much as they bother about in the way of security, though, if quite marginal employees can use their kit to gain access to ways into people's voicemail. You might wonder what a branch of the Department of Energy would need with access to such information. You might wonder what anyone needs with that level of access, and, if it is required, why more care isn't taken with it.

Good news for Gareth Gates and HMV

After some tough times for them both, Gareth Gates and HMV will be delighted to hear that someone was seen in HMV buying a copy of Gareth's single.

That it was Gareth Gates might take the shine off it a little; it's unknown if Gennaro Castaldo was behind him in the queue with a basket.

Too much of something is hard enough

Can it be true that The Spice Girls are, when off-stage, fighting amongst themselves like angry hornets in a honey storm?

The Sunday People has drawn up a powerpoint presentation of what they claim is the backstage upsetments:

GINGER Spice Geri is fuming that she will earn LESS than the others from the deal - because she quit three years before the band's eventual split in 2001.

SHE and Posh have had huge 'artistic differences' about the Spice Girls' style.

MEL C has also rowed with the others - insisting reforming would be bad for her health.

THE girls travelled to the O2 Dome in Greenwich, South East London, for their press conference in FIVE separate cars in a bid to stop tensions spilling over.

We love the idea that they can't even share a cab to the tour announcement for fear that they might break-up again before they'd even formally reformed.

And what on earth could the "artistic differences" between Posh and Ginger have been about? Who gets to wear the most push-uppy of the push-up bras?

The one piece of soothing balm about this ill-advised comeback is, however bad the coming months are for us, it'll be nothing compared to the suffering of the women backstage.

Zoe knows all

Sunday Mirror Showbusiness expert Zoe is fretting about Mike Skinner:

Skinner's second album A Grand Don't Come For Free was about how he liked taking a punt. Now he's into poker, says ex-bandmate Leo "The Lion" Iheanacho.

A Grand Don'tCome For Free was "about how he liked taking a punt", was it? Admittedly, there was a track on it that was about gambling, but we could have sworn it was about a bloke who'd lost a thousand quid down the back of his television. But then we've not been to one of these supercasinos; perhaps that's what goes on in them.

Pete the cheat?

The Sunday Mirror claims that Pete has been less-than-faithful to Kate Moss:

A club-goer said: "When he first arrived Pete was showing off, standing on his chair and dancing like a loon.

"Then he wandered about and ended up talking to this girl in a revealing tight white dress.

"She was wearing a choker around her neck and was very well groomed. She had the same pointy features of Kate Moss and well-defined cheek bones. You couldn't help but see a similarity. Although this girl was a lot more tanned.

"They went up on the street for a while then came back inside, where they had an intense chat for ages. There was lots of flirting and laughing.

"Then we saw four of them get into a cab and head off."

Hmm. Damning stuff.

On the other hand, there's a massive flaw in the story:

Pete fell for giggly Lindy at Crystal nightclub late on Thursday just hours before appearing in a guest spot on BBC1's Jonathan Ross Show.

Really?

Odd that, seeing as Friday Night With Jonathan Ross is, erm, taped on Thursday evenings.

Rav Singh: showbusiness journo or spokesperson?

Is it us, or is this item from Rav's showbiz column in today's News of the World so slight as to suggest there must be some other reason that a gossip-journalist's impetus for its inclusion:

WATCH out for new club Studio 4 in Covent Garden, London. The venue was once home to the legendary Browns Nightclub.

The opening is in a few weeks...watch this space.

We've got a fridge we need to sell... do you reckon we could get Rav to include an advert for that in next week's paper?

This should interest the Daily Express

In a bid to try and explain what the hell he's doing on the bill for the Diana gig, P Diddy explains that he can understand the loss of Diana:

"I can relate because of Biggie. I'm gonna feel real good remembering him and Di."

What? Is he suggesting that the Duke of Edinburgh killed Biggie too?

Still, it's not totally insane to compare the deaths of the two - both inspired mawkishly unlistenable tribute singles.

Boo Radleys Weekend: Snub end

Continuing our weekend Boofest, here's Happens To Us All from the much-missed Snub TV:



Full weekend listing

This week just gone

Seven days on No Rock and Roll Fun:

The ten most popular stories this last week have been:
1. Lily Allen with - briefly - no clothes on
2. Britney Spears, naked and crouching - in statue form
3. R Kelly - the underage sex video goes to court
4. Beth Ditto naked if she NMEs
5. Glastonbury. Last weekend, you know.
6. Mr Amy Winehouse and his various doings
7. The turbulent life of Heather Mills
8. RIP Tony Thompson
9. McFly get naked at GAY
10. A nearly naked Mariah Carey on the streets of London

Also this week: Cologne Cathedral turned away Marilyn Manson; Fopp collapsed and closed their stores while other record shops declared war on Prince and HMV announced a slump in profits (but a rise in sales); the Daily Mirror over apologised to Bryan Ferry and The Spice Girls and The Verve announced their comebacks. God help us all.

You can read the whole week on one page or
skim the previous week in one post

Five years ago:
Marilyn Manson was hospitalised after "going too far into the creation process"; record labels tried swamping file-sharing networks with false tracks - that'll show 'em; the Liverpool Lomax embarked on its Napoleon years by opening a branch in Stoke; Channel 5 transmitted its last Pepsi Chart show and promised the replacement, Pop, would be changing the face of Pop TV, Stuart Cable was given a chat show, and MTV dance offered Pong to keep viewers during the adverts, while even Chris Tarrant could see focus groups were killing radio; Adam Ant made one of his court appearances and, with their trademark wit and sophistication, the Gallagher said Brian Molko looked like a cunt.

This week's marketplace stuff:


World Music Awards winner K'naan, troops from New York to Glastonbury via Djibouti


Luckily, Editors have a new album to promote making their Glastonbury trip worthwhile


If you don't like this Ryan Adams album, there will probably be another along in a minute or two


Wonderfully, Amazon suggest that Siobahn Donaghy's Ghosts would be a good partner to Mutya's album, missing the point somewhat


He'll release Glass Spider on DVD, and yet he's ashamed of Laughing Gnome


Volume two of this season will take you up to Mavis Riley meets the League of Gentlemen on the South Bank


Somewhat surprisingly, Peter Cook and Arthur Lowe made this politics-as-PR satire in 2006, according to Amazon