No Rock And Roll Fun

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Robbie Williams is not working with Guy anymore

Yes, buried deep in Smart's column this morning - which means either he has no faith in his source, or he doesn't know the value of his own stories - is the announcement that the brief reunion of Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers has come to grief. Williams, apparently, is unhappy that Chambers is working with Gary Barlow on ITV's Fame Academy meets Moving Wallpaper dramamentary Britannia High:

“They gave it a go but it didn’t work out – they had both moved on. But while they were working together in LA, Guy was asked to work as part of a team with Gary on a new TV show.

“He never mentioned it to Robbie. Rob heard Gary was in LA working and found out it was with Guy. He wasn’t best pleased when he heard.”

... actually, that sounds more like they split up before Chambers took the ITV shilling, which might explain why the story is buried and doesn't actually justify the "Robbie dumps Guy over Gary" headline.

Regardless of the reason, though, if we were in charge of a multinational company, we'd not be holding our breath to see much more return on this particular investment.

Gordon in the morning: Rehab gives you breasts

We suppose you can hardly blame Gordon Smart for, once again, breaking the promise to leave Amy Winehouse alone to get well as her record company did get her off to the American embassy yesterday. Still, it gives Gordon an excuse to do what he does best - slightly awkward perving:

IT’S chest what we all wanted to see – AMY WINEHOUSE looking almost back to her best.
[...]
The star’s boobs were on full show for her meeting with the Embassy suits . . . well, I suppose it can’t do any harm.

Yes, that'd work. "Sorry, Ms Winehouse, but you've been filmed using crack and have paid a fine to a foreign government for drug... [glances up, that music Carry On films use when Sid James sees Barbara Windsor in a short skirt plays] ... no, Miss... uh... ooh, have indefinite leave to remain..." Because that's what US immigration is like. It's virtually indistinguishable from Carry On Camping.

Closer magazine has got Javine to recreate the famous Richard Herring gig flier in which he's naked, holding his bulge - the same one Demi Moore copied (I'm pretty sure that was the order it happened in) and the same one that everyone who has been pregnant in the last ten years has done. In fact, it's been done so often, Gordon no longer feels the need to pretend that the shoot has anything to do with the miracle of impregnantion:

IT’S good nudes for pop star JAVINE as she poses naked just days before she is due to give birth.

Yes, it's just another naked woman. We hope Gordon is seeing it just another naked woman and not one of those subsection of men imagined in Dworkin's Pornography: Men Possessing Women who get off on naked pictures of women because it represents a woman's body somehow 'colonised' by sperm.

Nah, Gordon just likes the flesh: he's also excited by a photo of Angelina Jolie's naked back, which gets him all flustered, and offering advice to James McAvoy:

If I was James, I would have that picture tattooed on my arm to show everyone I met.

Yes. That's a normal reaction to seeing a picture of a pretty woman.

We're not sure Gordon read his copy here, though - perhaps he was too busy drawing a picture of breasts on his elbow:

HERE’S ANGELINA JOLIE looking ink-redible in her new blockbuster Wanted.

BRAD PITT’s girlfriend is no stranger to the tattoo parlour.

But for her role as aptly named assassin Fox in the action flick, she’s had a few temporary ones added to the centre of her back.

We know what he thinks he's saying, but he has just claimed that some temporary tattoo parlours have opened on Joile's spine, hasn't he? Let's hope they're properly licensed.

Smart does have a good, solid story this morning, which we shall turn to in a moment.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Winehouse: Get well sooner

We're delighted that Universal were keen to ensure that Amy Winehouse is given the time to get better*. It's nice to see a caring attitude from an employer.

* - Although, obviously, not if it would mean missing the appointment for a US Visa. After all, getting over addiction is hardly as important as the Grammys, is it? Being drug free won't help with the first quarter sales figures, will it?

For some, the Zune has changed their lives, they say

We're not entirely sure Microsoft has sold enough Zunes yet to qualify for a class action, but one is being prepared: Joel Geddis claims he got an electic shock from his headphones:

“Since the incident, I’ve suffered blood and fluid leakage from my ear canal, impaired hearing, and incessant ringing and discomfort.”

Geddis says that when he contacted Microsoft, he was told there had been "similar reports" and that the company was investigating. Since then: nothing.

Of course, it's just one person's tale; and it's not as if there aren't tales of iPods zapping listener's heads. Still, Microsoft must be delighted: they've finally got enough customers to have random accidents hit them. It's virtually a market segment all in its own right.

Coffee shops? Whatever next? Selling online

We suspect it's only half ContactMusic's fault that they've managed to turn out such a rotten article about Erykah Badu's new album, as it looks like they've just reworked a press release, but even so, you'd think they'd have at least read what they were publishing:

ERYKAH BADU is to undertake an innovative new marketing strategy for her forthcoming live album...

Really? What could that be, then?

...she is releasing the LP through branches of Starbucks coffee shops.

Oh. That would be innovative in the sense that it's the first time a live album by Erykah Badu has been marketed in this way. Because haven't Starbucks been flogging albums for about ten years?

Blithely, ContactMusic ctrl-vs the whole thing, including the contention that allowing your album to be sold by one of the major high street forces for music retail is a

daring move

.
Yes; for an artist of Badu's stature to be doing this when usually the chain is forced to rely on untested names like Paul McCartney, Joni Mitchell and Alanis Morisette.

Cliff: Elvis, you're fat

Cliff Richard seems to think the stories he's telling about the past - like the review of The Beatles - marks him out to be a man of taste and distinction.

Actually, it just makes him seem more and more of a twit. Like his tale about deciding Elvis was too fat for him when Presley wanted to appear in a photo with his supposed British rival:

"I noticed that when he was making a film he would diet down and regain the animal magnetism. And I wanted a picture of Elvis looking good. So I said no and I waited."

Unfortunately, the offer came in 1976.

So, let's leave aside the question of how astonishingly up yourself you'd have to be to turn down a souvenir snap because you thought the person who'd be appearing with you was a little tubby, and just focus on this: Cliff Richard turned down Elvis Presley. Elvis Presley offered him a photo, and Cliff sniffed. We don't like Elvis much - we certainly think he was over-rated and lacked any semblance of quality control - but if he'd askedus 'do you want a photo, kid?', we'd have been 'hell, yeah'.

Presumably had Jesus offered a picture to Cliff, Richard would have said "ta, but comeback when you're clean shaven, pal."

From Winehouse to the White House

Here's something perhaps a little unexpected: Mark Ronson is donating to the Obama campaign, and doing fundraisers:

“I got to meet Obama at a small fundraiser,” Ronson said. “He is incredibly intelligent and you know that he can talk honestly about who he is. Sometimes I can’t help but feel with Hillary that she tacks which way the wind is blowing.”

As Jeff Jarvis has observed over on BuzzMachine, there's quite a distance between being 'honest about who you are' and 'revealing what you believe in', but The Times chooses to boil down Ronson's support to something a little less noble still:

Acting out of antipathy to President Bush, Ronson will transfer his support to Mrs Clinton if she prevails in the primaries. He said: “As long as we get the Republicans out, I don’t care.”

The suggestion that this 'antipathy to Bush' is surely reducing support for the Democrats into something akin to disrespect - making it sound almost snide to be prepared to throw your weight behind whoever your party chooses to lead it, even if they wouldn't be your first choice.

Yahoo! takeover: agreed, completed

No, not that Yahoo deal; this one is the handing over of their online music store to Real Network & MTV's Rhapsody service.

Yahoo! Music Unlimited customers - of whom there must be, ooh, many - will have their library transfered to the Rhapsody service, and "for a time" pay the same as they're used to. Which is business talk for "will find their prices going up in the midterm."

Meanwhile, Yahoo has swallowed FoxyTunes, the Firefox plug-in business which combines a web-browser remote control for your iTunes with some Last FM-esque sharing-and-community gubbins.

Northerns do it faster

The good people at Uncut have commissioned a spot of research into the musical tastes of the nation, which has produced a diverting - if somewhat dubious - finding that suggests Scottish music fans prefer tracks 110 beats per minute faster than Southern English music fans. As you head north, they claim, the favoured type of music gets faster.

That's another reason for the flopping of Atomic Kitten, then - they should have done something a bit more upbeat. Now it makes sense.

John Lewis, who's done the research, does offer a surprising statistic:

"Half the classical music in the country is sold from two HMV branches in the capital. It's a staggering figure."

We presume he means half of HMV's classical music sales, rather than 50% of all classical music sold in the UK; that really would be an extraordinary claim.

But music slowing down as you head south? Hmm. That sounds even less likely.

[A larger version of the map is available on the BBC News website]

First night: Tom Petty at the Superbowl

Tom Petty was a slightly odd choice for the Superbowl's half-time entertainment - not quite from the top of the tree, where usually such slots are filled from, and probably quirkier than you'd expect the NFL to go for. I mean, you'd have thought Steve Miller or whatever form whoever's still around from The Cars would have been a more obvious choice for a football match which couldn't run to a McCartney.

Still, he doesn't have tits which could have fallen out. Four years on, and they're still haunted by the merest whisper of a nipple. Even the teenage boys who freeze-framed the moment on their parents' TIVOs have got over it, surely?

Tom was at least lucky to be following on from Jordin Sparks' terrible National Anthem at the start of the game. She'd started Houstonesque over-emoting on the second bloody line, a degree of over-early, over-faux-emotional noodling which even a pre-crackpipe Whitney would have thought twice before attmepting; it left her with nowhere to go but to tail off . Viewers were left wondering if they'd got the wrong programme - "did she just mumble something about Canada?"

So, Petty was coming onto a pitch where expectations had been lowered. Carrie Brownstein on NPR thought that Petty's lower profile was suited to the event:

Within this context--a battle between grit and glamor--Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers were the ideal Super Bowl half time performers. There was little that Fox or the producers could do to super size or glamorize the performance. No amount of lights or camera trickery could produce action that wasn't there. Petty is no spectacle. He and his band looked like dads dressed up at their daughter's wedding. Petty played some of his best-known songs, from "American Girl" to "I Won't Back Down". The delivery was staid and earnest, with very little flash.

The Chicagoi Tribune also noted that - a flying V aerial shot apart - there was no spectacle, but also that something else was missing:

Other than a few stray pot-smoking references in some of his biggest songs, Petty has never exactly been a lightning rod for controversy anyway. That meant no chance he'd play "Mary Jane's Last Dance" or "You Don't Know How it Feels" with its "Let's roll another joint" refrain.

"It was strongly hinted" by the NFL not to play those songs, Petty told Rolling Stone recently. "It's a family show."

But is it, really? Wouldn't a 'family' show have got Igglepiggle or Hannah Montana or someone who people under the age of 25 relate to in?

WISN remembers it's a football game, and tries some sport-related metaphor - and then quickly abandons the attempt:

Looking increasingly like the grisly Gregg Allman of the Allman Brothers Band, Petty was the quarterback of the ensemble and directed his boys like the set was a drive down field. Drummer Steve Ferrone kicked off the show by hammering on his snare drum to propel the jangle-pop of "American Girl." Strumming Rickenbacker guitars, Petty and lead guitarist Mike Campbell conjured all the song's Byrds-like charm as the crowd roared like they were seeing the Beatles at Shea Stadium.

Really? Like it was The Beatles at Shea Stadium? Because that's quite a pitch of enthusiasm. One imagines if the Beatles had done four songs at Shea Stadium and then made way for some sports, the audience might have reacted with something other than polite applause.

Ultimately, though, the less-than-memorable half time show lived up to expectations. Ejazz sighs:

So Tom Petty's appearance has been forgotten. Except for the management and concert promoter. Which put tickets on sale in conjunction with his appearance. They call that synergy. People are high-fiving each other on private jets as we speak. But does Tom Petty belong at the Super Bowl? Do you think Tom Petty was a guy who played varsity ball in high school? Did you live through the sixties? People like Petty were outcasts, not BMOCs, never mind athletic heroes.

Petty - who refuses to licence his songs to adverts - wound up at the biggest advert of them all, selling himself for a handful of full auditoriums.

Heavens preserve us

The not-actually-important-parts-of-The-Jam, who've been gigging up and down the country under the name _From The Jam, have decided that the reunion is going so well, except for not having the voice of Weller, that they might as well record some new material:

Foxton says From The Jam plans to start rehearsing song ideas in April, after the group finishes its early-year tour commitments. "There will be new material, (but) it probably won't see the light of day until the end of this year," he says. "We've got a few good ideas kicking around. We'll see what we come up with. We don't want to rush it. There's no pressure from a record label or anybody. It's a great position to be in."

Obviously, the idea is to give people who haven't had a chance to get the gigs to realise that they're still alright, if you can get over the missing Weller to discover through records that, past the initial disappointment, they're alright.

A Weller-free Jam might seem an odd idea, but people buy decaffinated coffee and fat-free guacamole, don't they, and there's technically no bloody point in those products, either.

Anyone who had a chart

As newfolder points out in the comments down there, the brave attempt to kick off Capital of Culture year by seizing the number one slot with, erm, a cover of a Cilla Black song hasn't exactly been a roaring success.

Indeed, Atomic Kitten didn't even manage to make the top 75, wandering in to number 77.

Awkward for the Liverpool Echo, who'd thrown their entire influence behind the single. They bury the news in an article about something else.

The lazy scouse stereotyper would, at this point, expect the organisers to launch into a defensive tirade which blamed everyone but themselves for their problems, before trying to explain how a terrible flop was, in fact, an amazing success. Of course, that would just be lazy stereotyping, wouldn't it?:

[O]rganiser Martin O’Shea said technical problems and the download-only format meant Atomic Kitten’s reworking of Anyone Who Had A Heart failed to chart in the top 40

He said: “We’re very disappointed about the single – the Kittens are gutted.

“But that was down to the decision by EMI not to make the single available to buy in shops.

“Our audience clearly wasn’t able to get hold of the track in the way that was most convenient for them.

“We have been told by record shops across the city that the demand for the single outstripped the number one by two or three times to one."

Aha. If only there was a chart that decided the number one position on the basis of requests to purchase in Merseyside stores, eh?

You've got to love the grumbly "well, it was inconvenient to purchase, so of course it didn't sell" as if there's never a hope of download single being successful, when compared to the ease of heading into town, hunting down a record shop that hasn't been turned into a mobile phone store, discovering whichever corner the singles rack has been shoved, and hoping to find a copy for sale there.

Still, it's a better explanation than the attempt to seize the best-selling slot with a clapped-out warhorse was an act of hubris that was always going to fail, even if it wasn't relying entirely on a customer base who head to the shops to ask whereabouts they buy the download single they've been reading about.

CBS affiliate settles in Rhode Island Fire

The legal ripples from the Great White nightclub fire continue to spread; WPRI-TV and one of their camera team have reportedly reached a settlement with survivors and relatives. The CBS affiliate was being sued over claims their cameraman Brian Butler had blocked escape routes by filming on the night of the fire - a claim they had vigorously denied.

Ironically, Butler was in the club filming a feature on safety in public places when the band's firework display went terribly wrong.

Early reports place the deal at around $30million.

[Part of Rhode Island nightclub fire coverage]

Darkness at 3AM: Worst. Headline. Ever.

Yes, leaping out from the page today is the must-read eyecatcher headline of:

ITV1 show

Ooh! That's toxicity gone gossipy or whatever it's supposed to be.

Yes, they're reduced to reading through the TV Times to choose things they might want to watch:

Guilty Pleasures is a new ITV1 show in which celebs and pop stars get to belt out the cheesy songs they secretly love.

We've expressed reservations before about the whole 'Guilty Pleasures' concept - and the implication that you should be ashamed of what you like - but at least the Radio London concept played some songs you've not heard for a while and got artists you like to do songs they might not normally play.

It's a fragile concept, so how will it transfer to ITV?

We're looking forward to seeing Kelly Osbourne cover Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse Of The Heart. Get the big hair and shoulder pads on, Kel!

We love the idea that Kelly Osbourne is more artistically valid than Bonnie Tyler. It's like trying to improve on a home-cooked meal by shoving it in a microwave single-portion box.

Oddly, having tried to position themselves as different to Gordon, this week the 3AM Girls are trying to write like lads, so we get them pawing over Victoria Beckham's arse:

We swore she didn't have a backside last time we looked but it seems that Posh Spice has now got the best seat in the house.

and then trying to work up some enthusiasm for the Kitten pants shots:

In a weekend of freezing cold weather, there was some hot Frost in London...

Atomic Kittens Jenny, Natasha Hamilton and Liz McClarnon brought heat to a chilly evening as they reformed for one night and sang in their undies at London's G-A-Y club on Saturday.

It's not entirely convincing - it's like when the glossy magazines decided that bisexuality was fashionable and for a couple of months hitherto comfortably straight women on nights out half-heartedly grabbed each other's tits and kissed each other, but only once an evening.

Gordon in the morning: A man of his word - again

Now, what was it Gordon Smart pledged on 6Music last weekend? That Amy Winehouse would "get some space now", wasn't it?

Oddly, this "space" seems to include a snatched shot of her in hospital.

Gordo's justification for running the pictures of Amy doing crack was that she was some sort of role model, and photos of her scoffing drugs would, somehow, stop kids getting hooked. So what's the justification for running photos of a sick woman who wasn't even in a public place, as writer Tom Wells cheerfully admits:

She appeared thin and pale as she struggled to walk between buildings at the Capio Nightingale clinic

Perhaps Gordon and the Sun are trying to stop kids from thinking going to hospital is cool, too?

On that 6Music appearance, Smart condemned the parasites making money out of Amy's problems. Clearly, there aren't that many mirrors in Wapping.

Meanwhile, we know that the words Gordon has hammered together about Atomic Kitten at GAY is merely camouflage to pad out pictures of women in corsets, but even so:

It’s been a while since the girls were last on stage but, as these sexy snaps show, NATASHA HAMILTON, JENNY FROST and LIZ McCLARNON had it all undie control.

... and we know it's all just a set up for the "undie control" gag, but "it's been a while since the girls were last on stage", Gordon? Twelve days, actually.

Gordon claims that Sarah Harding is trying to put together a solo career, but he's hedging his bets, asking his "insider" to say:

“The response hasn’t been quite what she expected. She thought people would jump at the chance to take her on – but it hasn’t quite worked out like that.”

So, it might not work. But then again, says Gordon, it might:

Sarah certainly is a handful and the one I would tip for success. She has the right personality and that all-important sex appeal.

(Unlike, of course, the rest of Girls Aloud who presumably have neither personality or sex appeal, then?)

But Gordon isn't sure. It might not work:

I would imagine a few music bosses could be put off by her late-night antics

Or would it?

but if I was a record boss I’d take the gamble.

So, Gordon, is it going to happen or not?

If Sarah doesn’t have a solo single out in the next 18 months, Ashley Cole is a good bloke.

In the next 18 months? In pop music, that's like predicting "a cure for cancer will be found in the next fifty years" - it's a finger in the air and a guess rather than based on any specific knowledge about what's going to happen.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Individualism

It's always struck me as a bit odd that, in many supposedly tolerant subcultures, the decision to become a parent is often seen as a terrible breach of etiquette - the self-identified punks and goths who chant a "be yourself" mantra, only to recoil when that 'self' includes adding 'reproduction' to the 'sexual', are numerous.

Which makes the Future Generation: The Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends and Others quite a handy corrective. It's a compilation of China Martens' The Future Generation zine, written over sixteen years as she raised her child and attempted to negotiate a world where "most punks weren't parents and most parents weren't punks".

There's more than one way to raise a child; this has to be a better village than the one Hilary had in mind.

Whiz-bang Uppers, Downers, Is screaming

The Norwegian answer to the Brits, the Spelleman awards, for 2007 have just been announced:

KVINNELIG ARTIST
Susanne Sundfør - Susanne Sundfør (Your Favourite Music)

MANNLIG ARTIST
Magnet - The Simple Life (Sony BMG)

POPGRUPPE
Superfamily - Warszawa (Propeller Rec.)

ELEKTRONIKA
Salvatore - Days Of Rage (Racing Junior)

SAMTIDSMUSIKK
Kari Rønnekleiv - Ole-Henrik Moe: Ciaccona/3 Persephone Perceptions (Rune Grammofon)

ROCK
My Midnight Creeps - Histamin (MMC Records)

BLUES
Grande - Uppers, Downers, Screamers & Howlers (Fabuloso Records)

COUNTRY
Hellbillies - Spissrotgang (EMI Music Norway)

METAL
Mayhem - Ordo Ad Chao (Season Of Mist)

HIP-HOP
Madcon - So Dark The Con Of Man (Bonnier Amigo)

FOLKEMUSIKK/GAMMALDANS
Sigrid Moldestad - Taus (Heilo)

DANSEORKESTER
Anne Nørdsti - Livli’ På Låven (Tylden & Co)

JAZZ
Petter Wettre - Fountain Of Youth (Household Records)

KLASSISK MUSIKK
Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra - Prokofiev: Romeo & Juliet (Bis Records AB)

VISER
Henning Kvitnes - Stemmer I Gresset (Bonnier Amigo/Scandicana)

ÅPEN KLASSE
Live Maria Roggen - Circuit Songs (Jazzland)

BARNEPLATE
Rasmus Og Verdens Beste Band - Kyssing E Hæsli… (MBN)

ÅRETS MUSIKKVIDEO
Dimmu Borgir - The Serpentine Offering (Nuclear Blast) Regi: Patrick Ullaeus

ÅRETS NYKOMMER
Tine Thing Helseth - Haydn/Hummel/Albinoni/Neruda (Simax Classics)

ÅRETS HIT
Madcon - “Beggin’” (Bonnier Music)

ÅRETS SPELLEMANN
Hellbillies

HEDERSPRIS
Dum Dum Boys

BRANSJEPRIS
Rolv Løvland

As our Norwegian is a little patchy, we've got the results translated by an online service for us. We're not sure it helps:

FEMALE Circus performer
Susanne SundfÃ¸r Susanne SundfÃ¸r (Your Favourite Music)Â

MALE Circus performer
Magnetic tape In spite of the fact that Common Life (Sony BMG)

POPGRUPPE
Superfamily Warshaw (Propeller Rec.)

Electronics
Salvatore Days Shame Rage (Racing June)Â

SAMTIDSMUSIKK
Caribbean RÃ¸nnekleiv Ole- Execute Moe: Ciaccona/3 Persephone Perceptions ( the runes Gramophone)

ROCK
My Midnight Creeps HistaminÂ (MMC Juxtaposition)

BLUES
Whiz-bang Uppers, Downers, Is screaming & Howlers (Fabuloso Juxtaposition)

COUNTRY
Hellbillies Spissrotgang (EMI Music Norway)

METAL
Mayhem Ordo Ad Chao (Season Shame Shrewd idea)

HIP-HOP
Madcon So Dark In spite of the fact that Con Shame They (Bonnier Amigo)

FOLKEMUSIKK/GAMMALDANS
Sigrid Moldestad Mute (Heilo)

DANSEORKESTER
Annex NÃ¸rdsti Animated’ PÃ¥ LÃ¥ven (Tylden & Co)

JAZZ
Petter Wettre Fountain Shame Youth (Household Juxtaposition)

CLASSIC Music
Mountains Philharmonic Orchestra Prokofiev: Roman & July (Bis Juxtaposition AB)

demonstrate
Her Cheep Figures IN Grass (Bonnier Amigo/Scandicana)

Ã…PEN Bunch
Live Maria Roggen Is not circulating Songs (Jazzland)

Care of young children
Rasmus And World's Best Bandage Kiss VERY MUCH TO THE POINT HÃ¦sliâ€¦ (MBN)

Ã…RETS MUSIKKVIDEO
Dimmu Citizen In spite of the fact that Serpentine Sacrifice (Nuclear Sophisticated) region Cartridge Ullaeus

Ã…RETS Newcomer
Tine The rarity Health Haydn/ Lobster/Albinoni/Neruda (Simax The schoolfellow)

Ã…RETS Does not hit
Madcon “Beggin’” (Bonnier Music)

Ã…RETS SPELLEMANN
Hellbillies

HEDERSPRIS
Crazily Crazily Boys

BRANSJEPRIS
Rolv LÃ¸vland

Congratulations to Crazily Crazily Boys!

[Tip from DJ Martian]

Undead dead support Obama

As the US prepares itself for Super-Duper-Hyper Tuesday - Wolf Blitzer's been down at BestBuy this very afternoon, bulk-buying all the big screen TVs he can fit in the back of his car - more endorsements for Barack Obama, as what remains of the Grateful Dead announce a gig in his honour. There's to be a live stream on iclips; it's promised as a one-off reunion of the band's members.

Which, interestingly, suggests they see keeping Hillary off the ballot as a more significant cause than getting a Democrat into the White House.

Collins, Herring reunited

If you enjoyed Andrew Collins' Sunday programmes on 6Music, you might find yourself sometimes yearning for the stuff he used to do with Richard Herring. You'll doubtless be pleased, then, to discover that the feature has been reborn as a podcast.

Warning: We downloaded it to our iPod and went out for some so-so British Mexican Chain food, only to discover on our return that Lesley Douglas had broken into our house and was trying to replace the programme with fourteen minutes of George Lamb repeatedly bellowing "did you kiss him with tongues? With tongues? WITH TONGUES?" at Cat Power.

There's a whole new music sweeping the nation. It's called Indie

Having it's Emily-from-Big-Brother-8 moment, the Philadelphia Inquierer invites a high school student to explain indie and tell its readers about the hip new bands.

There are many genres of music. You got your folk, rock, rap, pop, jazz, hip hop, the list goes on. But among these is also indie.

So, it's one of many genres. But what does it mean?

Indie is short for independent, meaning that these bands don't produce their music through a major record label. Therefore, these bands are usually very obscure. They usually experiment with different sounds and instruments, giving them music that is both interesting and incomparable.

Usually obscure and "different sounds and instruments" - clearly, the research for this piece didn't take in many of the xerox guitar plods who make up much of the indie cohorts.

Still, anyone who can sneak a positive review of Neutral Milk Hotel into the mainstream press can't be all bad.

I predict... oh, no fly-out or something

Having already campaigned for people to switch their phone chargers off at the wall when not charging phones, the Kaiser Chiefs are now - possibly - going to add a track to a charity album aimed at fighting expansion at Stanstead. Somewhat puckishly, NME.com illustrates the story with a picture of the band clattering off a BA jet.

But aren't the Kaiser Chiefs part of the problem? The band also took part in a promotion for Silverjet when they sent their equipment by jet to the US. Although Silverjet claims to be a carbon neutral airline, because it is all-business class, its flights carry fewer passengers than standard flights and so have a greater per-head impact on climate change - and, indeed, by requiring more planes to carry the same number of passengers could be argued to be part of the increasing pressure on London's existing airports which is leading to the push for extra capacity.

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Now talking to an international audience

The slow attempt to turn round HMV continues, with the International Herald Tribune being invited to look at the new look HMV interactive hub stores.

Yes, they've still only got round to doing the one in Birmingham and the one in London, which at this painfully slow roll-out means they'll just about be ready to sell computer games nationwide as the first download-only megagames hit the market.

Gennaro is on hand to explain the changes to the world audience:

"HMV has been around for nearly 90 years, we have been faced with challenges before and we have always responded to help move things forward," said Gennaro Castaldo, public relations manager at HMV[...]
But even with the new approach, Castaldo said he believed that compact disc sales would continue to prove a commercial success.

"If you're a music fan, you like the idea of owning the physical album - that will never change," he said. "The media likes to build up the expectation that we are on the dawn of a new digital age, but the reality is far from that."

Well, that's true - although it remains to be seen if the consumers being forged for tomorrow will even associate music with the concept of there being a physical product - but, of course, just because you like to own CDs doesn't mean you're going to tramp into town only to discover that HMV don't stock what you wanted anyway. Especially if you're going to have to fight your way through an interactive hub full of children to find the hidden CD racks.

They came from the stars, you can see them

If you find yourself stuck in London this Friday, good news: There's something to do:

NOTTING HILL ARTS CLUB
'DON'T MAKE PLANS FOR SATURDAY'- THIS IS NOT AN EXIT RECORDS SHOWCASE
THEY CAME FROM THE STARS I SAW THEM
MY TOYS LIKE ME
CITY REVERB (LIVE)
HERVE (DJ)
SIMON A. CARR (DJ)
6pm-2am
Free b4 8pm, £6 before 11pm, £8 after

Clinic laugh in the face of the Laughing Gnome

Clinic are, somewhat bravely, inviting requests from fans about what they should play on their forthcoming tour. Look where that got David Bowie, men.

They're also showing their generosity by giving away the new singe, Free Not Free, for Free: The official website has it all.

The best thing Fox News have done for the world

This - due out on February 25th - is the best thing we've heard all week. It's the XX Teens' How To Reduce Your Chances Of Becoming A Terror Victim; the lyric is adapted from advice on the Fox News website:

There was also a live version as part of their session on Thursday's Marc Riley's Brain Surgery on 6Music [programme online until suppertime on the 7th]

Spices: we can't go on, but I can't go on further than you

Judging by today's story in the People, there's now some frantic manouvering behind the scenes at the Spice Girls tour to try and get the position of the 'Spice most fed up with the tour' - clearly, nobody wants to be caught looking like a schmuck who wanted to carry on while everyone else was bailing; for the People, it's Victoria who was so distraught she called David to be by her side during the Canada dates.

Sunday Mirror tries to respark Kylie's old flame

The Sunday Mirror reckons that Kylie and Olivier Martinez are about to reunite. They may or may not be, but it seems the paper is assuming they must be because they met up in Paris - as if former lovers can't remain friends. "They're talking to each other and happy in each other's company" is a difficult concept to fit into the tab's needs for a basic lovers/fighters
dichotomy.

We were amused, though, by the commentary on the photos of the couple which insists they "only have eyes for each other" above a picture which shows them looking in a totally different direction:

Rav Singh rakes over the Coles

Rav Singh turns his attention again to the Cole-Tweedy unnuptials this morning, which gives him a slight problem, what with how last week he was reporting that Cheryl didn't believe a word of the claims. Apart from the vomiting bit.

After a solid week when his "colleagues" in The Sun have pushed more and more stories about the couple, Rav has to make an awkward climbdown:

Last week we told how she vowed to stand by her man despite his drunken night of shame with blonde hairdresser AIMEE WALTON.

Actually, last week you told us how she was squarely blaming the papers for publishing made-up stories and said that she believed Cole that nothing shameful had happened. Although, admittedly, Rav did confusingly also say that Cole was shamed although nothing had happened. But that could have just been because of his erectile problems when he's had a drink.

Rav isn't going to let having been wrong stop him, though, as he's got some big news:

HEARTBROKEN CHERYL COLE is crying on the shoulder of fellow WAG VICTORIA BECKHAM after her marriage crisis.

I can reveal the distraught Girls Aloud star phoned Posh TWICE this week following revelations her footballer hubby ASHLEY was a love rat.

Rav presumably feels more confident about this one, as the Daily Mail 'revealed' the story he's revealing back on Thursday.

But Rav has more insights:

My source went on: "She's hardly eating anything either. She feels so betrayed. She's a broken woman."

Presumably Singh's source for this is, erm, Thursday's Gordon Smart column.

Rav Singh: First with the exclusives from last week's papers.

News of the World mocks Kerry, readers

The News of the World relishes sticking the boot into Katona this morning. Noting that OK! decided to "pass" on paying for one of Katona's kids' christenings, the paper carries a spoof report.

The problem is, why they clearly see it as a joke at the expense of Katona's slide down the social scale, it looks more like Metropolitan sophisticates scoffing at the provincial poor:

Despite the absence of a fat OK! cheque, gorgeous Kerry and her handsome husband Mark Croft handpicked a charming location—the Warrington suburb of Padgate.

It's arguable whether anyone should shed any tears for Katona, who has lived her life in a way that effectively means this is her job; but if I was editing a paper which relied for customers on the sort of people who have their family gatherings in places like the Bayleaf Restaurant, I'd think twice before adopting a condescending tone:

This smart eaterie— possibly more familiar to the cognescenti under its onetime title Smithys bowling club — boasts half an acre of land, complete with upended fridge, oil drums and decorative bin bags.

The Sunday Telegraph might get away with this sort of thing, but for the News of the World, it's basically pissing on your own readers - a readership who are being courted with an expensive magazine relaunch this week. That's gone with Kelly Osbourne as cover girl; if you know your readers will accept the idea that Kelly is "Fabulous", how do you square that with suggesting that a pub in Padgate is somehow one of the lower circle of hell?

Mind you, the paper is also running the Heath Ledger cocaine video on its website, so perhaps it just doesn't care.