Bedroom secrets of Matt Willis

For a moment, the 3AM Girls nearly got a story spot on:

PITY TV presenter Emma Griffiths who's all set to marry Matt Willis.

Well, yes, we do.

But hang on, there's more. They go and spoil it with suggesting that rather than just feeling sorry for what she's going to do, it's just a specific problem:

The otherwise lovable King of the Jungle has dared to reveal: "My sheets are disgusting and my girlfriend is always complaining about them. They're covered in everything - you name it."

Covered in everything? You want us to name it? Creme Brulee, cottage cheese, Andrew Lloyd Webber's drool, Castrol GTX, the blood of innocent virgins slaughtered by Vlad The Impaler, seven types of sperm, hairs from the back of each of McFly, the word 'help me' scrawled in magic marker, grass seed, a piece of sticky-backed plastic with a repetitive, 70s-influenced design, rhino shit, bin juice...

Corporate promotion never sleeps

How fortunate that - despite being so tired she can't be expected to play for people who've bought their tickets, Lady Sovereign was able to drag herself up to Leeds to play for an event sponsored by T-Mobile.

Noel Gallagher realises there are people worse than him

Oh, what larks. Noel Gallagher's planning to spend his 40th birthday party throwing a "tyrants and despots" party. What a chuckle - never mind that Stalin was responsible for the deaths of millions, eh; let's put on a comedy moustache and all have a laugh, eh? Ooh, I wonder who'll go as Hitler, eh? Will Liam and Andy Bell be arguing over who gets the Pol Pot costume? "I want to have more blood on my hands than you."

Of course, there's the added danger that if there's crowds of people in Nazi uniforms marching up the street, he's going to find Bryan Ferry in the garden, applauding.

Meanwhile, Noel's been talking about his famous invite to have champers with Tony Blair:

“I defy anybody to have an official fucking letter drop through the letterbox, while you’re dressed as an Afghan clown, at five in the morning, off your head on acid from going, ‘It’s from the fucking Prime Minister. He’s inviting us to his house for a drink’. ”

That's not even a full thought, is it... "I defy you to..." and what? What, Noel, what are you trying to say? You only went to Downing Street because you're a drug-addled clown? Really? Clown... stalin...what?

Madobono

There's every chance there's no close personal friend and the quote was cooked up while two of The Sun's journalists were waiting for their cup-a-soup to dissolve. But, according to a "family friend" of Madonna, she wants to be thought of as a Mrs. Bono:

She has poured her heart and soul into this movie and believes it will have the same effect on the world as the Live Aid concerts.

“Madonna wants to dedicate the rest of her life to helping children.

“She desperately wants to become the female Bono and be taken as seriously as him. Her days of being the Material Girl are gone.”

That this quote carries the byline of "VIRGINIA WHEELER in Malawi" makes it look even more suspect - this would be a close friend who Wheeler happened to bump into in Africa, was it?

And while we're not fond of Bono, at least he has the honesty to admit that much of his fundraising work is done in the context of being a businessman, not using it to try and foist some cult onto a desperate people.

If Madonna is "dedicating the rest of her life" to helping children, then what's all the work being done on prepping a hip-hop album for?

And does she really believe that a self-serving film showing her hugging African babies is going to "have the same effect on the world as the Live Aid concerts"?

God complex, eh? Congratulations, Madonna. You really are the female Bono.

Ferry drifts further rightwards

This is a tricky one for Marks & Spencer - the company has a long tradition of supporting Israel, something which has brought it into conflict with pro-Palestinian groups in the UK. Now, it turns out, one of the faces of its current advertising campaign is just as enthusiastic in his admiration for the Third Reich:

"My God, the Nazis knew how to put themselves in the limelight and present themselves," he said. "Leni Riefenstahl's movies and Albert Speer's buildings and the mass parades and the flags - just amazing. Really beautiful."

Ferry's management is desperately trying to limit the damage:

"To take offence here is to confuse the aesthetic with the ideological," Steven Howard said. "To suggest that a certain appreciation of art and architecture that happens to be associated with the Nazi regime means condoning the actions of that regime is illogical."

This might - just about - wash if Ferry had only co-opted Riefenstahl and Speer; but when Bryan starts to get all misty eyed about the "parades and flags" the "I was only admiring the paintings, guv" defence just crumbles.

The propaganda machine - the marches, the flags, the films - were all part of how the Nazis governed, and Bryan is intelligent enough to know that you can't really separate the Nuremburg Rallies from Kristalnacht.

You could, perhaps, imagine someone reviewing Mein Kampf on the quality of prose alone - but it would be a profoundly dishonest review that could elevate Adolf's way with the bon mot above the content.

We expect an official example of how Bryan isn't a right wing sympathiser to be winging its way to the press before the week is out.

Beckhams rage at faux-Beckhams

We're not entirely sure how Sky One had managed to make a documentary "fooling" people in LA with Beckham lookalikes - does anyone in America now what the real things look like well enough for it take lookalikes to fool them?

The Beckhams are annoyed, too:

Their manager Simon Fuller says the documentary, which follows ringers Andy Harmer and Camilla Shadbolt as they trick shop staff into giving them free gifts and con a garage owner into letting them test drive a Lamborghini, could be detrimental to the Beckham brand.

Because it portrays them as gormless freeloaders? Or because it might be confusing if people think there's four of them?

Britney sets out to prove 'sarcasm lowest form of wit'; succeeds

Britney Spears has emerged from a sushi restaurant to issue a proclamation that suggests she might have had a drop or two of sake:

"It was so right and like my management totally knew what they were doing when they sent me to rehab. So right you know?.

"I just want to say that I'm just really, really shocked at like how nice our world is because it is just so nice.

"Like, oh my god. Like the other day like I was sitting there and I saw all these magazines and they said I was pregnant and like it's so true.

"Like, America, believe everything you read because like you're smart and I'm stupid."

At first, we thought she was being sarcastic and deliberately saying things that weren't true for comic effect. But then we saw the last five words, and thought "getting married in Vegas, getting it annulled, marrying Kevin Federline, getting divorced from Kevin Federline, the hair business..." - maybe she's not joking at all.

How does he wind down after a show, though?

We imagine that Chris Martin will be expecting a 25% upturn in sales sometime soon, as isn't that what happens when you get an endorsement from Mr. Showbiz himself, Justin Timberlake?

He plays the band's song CLOCKS and also does mild exercise before every gig.

He says, "It turned into a superstition because, after I heard that song, I felt like it would be a good show."

We're not surprised it's only mild exercise - you're hardly going to be energised that much by Coldplay, are you?

This one's for Linda

We'd always thought that Paul McCartney had named Flaming Pie in honour of Linda - as in "Her brand of veggie food would have had a lot more respect were it not for that Flaming Pie which got into the shops full of meat revealing that the range was made as a way of ensuring that the meat pie production line was more efficient by not having as much downtime". But maybe not.

Instead, the next McCartney album is going to be called Memory Almost Full.

Which, you know, is obviously an anagram of For My Soulmate LLM.

It's also an anagram of "a fuller slot, Mommy" and "farm yells loot, Mum", which we're sure Linda would have wanted.

David's dad: I've heard nothing

As Madonna flies to Malawi to expressly not spirit away another child, David Banda's dad says he's excited to hear that he might get a chance to see his son. Especially since he's not heard a word from the Ciccone Organisation since she took his kid off last year:

"Officially I have not heard anything. There has been no communication whatsoever but I have heard the rumours and I get the feeling that she might be coming.

"I am excited. I hope that there will be an opportunity for me to see my son."

Although Mr Banda insisted he had 'no regrets' about agreeing to the adoption, he expressed disappointment that Madonna had not kept in touch, saying he would ask for her address and phone number so that he could contact her.

He said: "I understand that she is a busy person but if there is an opportunity, I would appreciate it if she could tell me how my son is doing, which has not been the case so far."

You know what, Yohane? You might think of reversing the charges if she does give you a phone number.

Meanwhile, Madonna's insistence that there was nothing at all murky about her getting such a swift adoption despite it apparently having no similarity to normal procedures or legal obligations has taken another knock.

As if the sponsorship of an adoption official to study in the UK wasn't undue influence enough, it now turns out that there was a financial link between the Kabbalah charity fronted by Madonna and the orphanage which offered David to her:

Despite protestations that Madonna had not given funds to the orphanage, it has emerged that her charity Raising Malawi financed a refurbishment.

A source at the home, which looks after 420 children, said: "Staff salaries have gone up, everything has been repainted, there are new clothes for the orphans, new beds and mattresses, and they've started work on new, bigger dormitories. I suppose you'd call it a reward for helping with the adoption."

The home has also started running courses provided by Spirituality for Kids, a group linked to the Kabbalah religion practised by Madonna.

Oh, good. How great it must be to hear that the answer to your problems is overpriced red string and an eight quid bottle of water.

Liz McClarnon takes to the turrets

This is Clyne Castle, the new home of Liz McClarnon out of Atomic Kitten. It's quite a story, isn't it? Former Atomic Kitten and... whatever it is she's done since person buys a castle.

Except, of course, she's only got a tiny bit of it. Oh, and it's more recently been a halls of residence. So, really, the story is 'Former pop star moves in to student digs'.

So... she's acting thin?

We've read this item in Zoe's Sunday Mirror 'gossip' column, and still can't quite work it out:

THE reason Courtney Love has shed pounds has been revealed. Her demanding lead role in a West End play that will transfer to Broadway. means she has to break down on stage about the end of an affair. Hence the need to get in physical and mental shape...

[Punctuation Zoe's own]

So, the only reason Courtney has had her surprisingly swift weight loss - nothing strange about that, oh no - was because she's going to be in a play? But you only have to be thin to be in a play on Broadway? Eh?

So, Girls Aloud haven't split... yet

Now the News of the World has finally updated its website (why is their online offering so poor? It's not even Web 1.0; it's more like ARPANET+), the Girls Aloud split story is a little more puzzling: it's a detailed rundown on what the girls will do when they split. This summer, apparently:

An insider said the girls, who have a Greatest Hits tour coming up in May and June, will go their separate ways in September after a series of summer festival appearances.

"Like the Spice Girls, they won't announce they've split, just that they have ‘taken a break'."

...which sounds like a pre-emptive attempt to explain away why they don't split if they're still going next year to us.

So, what can we expect next, then?

Sarah Harding, 25, wants to break into acting—and dreams of becoming a Bond girl.

Sarah said: "Acting is an avenue I want to explore. I'd love to be in a Bond film."

It's perhaps unsurprising that the NOTW assumes this means she wants to appear in a bikini, get shagged by Geordie off Our Friends In The North, and then have herself killed by an evil henchman - but could she not mean she'd quite like a crack at M or Q? Or perhaps Oddjob. She'd make a smashing Oddjob.

Irish babe Nadine Coyle, 21, wants to act too. She hopes to move to Los Angeles and appear on the small screen — and be near boyfriend Jesse Metcalfe, the Desperate Housewives hunk.

The small screen? She wants to to work on mobile-only projects? We're sure Nadine will be a wonderful success. We'll keep scanning the extras in the background of How I Met Your Mother to see if she fulfills her potential.

Kimberley Walsh, 25, and Nicola Roberts, 21, both plan to become high-flying businesswomen.

How does one do that? Do you put it at the top of your business plan?

"I intend to run a business of some sort and become a high-flying businesswoman."

It's a little bit like stage two... stage three: profit, isn't it?

Cheryl Cole, 23, will stay in the music business, aiming for solo success.

We notice the paper has carefully worded this to suggest it ain't gonna happen.

Nadine should have tried for the solo career; Cheryl could have had a crack at a presenting career (two years on ITV2; half a decade on Sky Sports; then a gentle decline into Gems TV2 and a weekend breakfast show on BBC Radio Wiltshire)... the others? Well, Marks and Spencers seem to need a lot of people for their ads these days. And there's always George at Asda.

This week just gone

Seven days on No Rock and Roll Fun.

The ten most-read stories were:
1. Heather Mills McCartney nude pictures from the past return to haunt her
2. R Kelly sex video to get watched in court
3. McFly take their trousers off
4. Over-detailed commenters consider KT Tunstall's sexuality
5. Lily Allen changes on trains
6. Sarah Harding nearly naked = good; Angelica Bell nearly naked - bad
7. Carlos Anaia quits Warners; sticks in registration letter
8. Kerry Katona hasn't made a sex tape; the Iceland ads are bad enough
9. Lily Allen has hissy fit at LDN is A Victim
10. Fall Out Boy sells out

You can read the whole week on one page,
or skim the previous week in one post.

Also this week: Girls Aloud split, says the NOTW; Noel Gallagher's own website called him a liar; Lady Sovereign must be very tired indeed; Live Earth offered champagnes and trinkets to the very rich; a brief period ofDRM free downloads from Warners came to an embarrassing end and Geri Halliwell started writing for kids. Because it's easy, right?

Five Years Ago, Liverpool's two music cultures of dance and rock came together with disastrous results as the declining Cream and Lomax merged their venues; the BPI tried to stop midweek chart listings leaking - that worked, then; NME turned fifty years old with a slightly underwhelming redesign and a Gallagher/Lennon cover; the first rumblings of the format for the Popstars series which would give us Girls Aloud were heard (we didn't like the sound of it) and world music sales fell for the first time since the introduction of the CD.

This was what we suggested burning through the kids' inheritance on:



Although comparisons stink, it's a lot harder to believe There's A Riot Goin' On is 40 years old than it is to believe Sgt Peppers is. Sly & Kin get a sumptuous re-release


New listeners start here: Riot lovingly covered in the 33 1/3 series


The Smog clears, but can Bill Callahan clear his head?


Rick Rubin watch out: CocoRosie's third album hits the streets


You take the Kilburn & The High Roads... possibly the only pub rock album you'll ever need collates Brinsley Schwarz, Dr Feelgood, Chas & Dave...


Great though Johnny Cash was, do we really need another tribute album of cover versions? Floffgirl and Couchdrivers attempt to rise to the challenge


Good lord, the Ping Pong Bitches are still going


Oddly, the publisher of Nick Kent's collected music journalism isn't promoting it with a sheet of stickers


Ronnie Corbett's book on the Two Ronnies is listed at £20, but it's gotta come down, down, down...

Girls Aloud split - possibly

Tomorrow's News of the World is reporting that Girls Aloud have split up (on page 11, apparently) - the NOTW hasn't updated its website yet, and the printed editions haven't yet rumbled out to the edges of the Home Counties, so we know no more than that; we don't even know if the paper's report is suggesting an immediate end, or merely a slow winding down as they all chase semi-obscurity in the long run.

Jamie T chases his own tale

Jamie T can play the bass guitar. But he chooses not to on stage. Which is simple enough, but manages to get him caught in some sort of knots:

"I could if I practised, but I like running around and strumming. The bass is meant to stand still. Plus I don't like the idea of looking like Sting. That's uncool.

[Sting's solo material] makes me wanna be sick, but hey he's good, he's good..."

Perhaps Jamie T enjoys being sick?

J-Lo and her "rightness" wrongness

Jennifer Lopez's appearance on American Idol may have proven rumours she's signed up for Scientology, the religion-a-like scam invented for a bet.

During her interviews to push the show, she slipped the word "rightness" into the conversation:

When asked about her comments on the judges' critiques of the contestants, Lopez said that in contrast to the harsh statements of Simon Cowell, she believed that "concentrating on the rightness brings more rightness."

"Rightness" is the sort of phrase that L Ron Hubbard used to use all the time. Oddly, the Metro thinks this is a quip of some sort. Yeah, that's so amusing.

Reviews round-up: Kaiser Chiefs take New York

They didn't do too much damage getting there, anyway. They had their equipment flown in by SilverJet, who at least make an attempt to be a carbon neutral airline.

They didn't make too much of a footprint in the city, either. The New York Times review wasn't entirely buzzing:

By contrast, Kaiser Chiefs just bounced along, by turns charming, glib and dully competent. In “Everything Is Average Nowadays,” Mr. Wilson plopped down on the lip of the stage just as he sang, “Everyone is sitting on the fence.” Through small gestures like this, he hopes to lure some more Americans off it.

The NME was a little more enthusiastic:

'Ruby', 'I Predict A Riot' and 'Everyday I Love You Less And Less' garnered an ecstatic response from the audience, as did several tracks from their recently released album, sang word-for-word by the 3,000 strong crowd.

Mind you, the NME is promoting the Kaisers' US tour.
The New York Post was taken with the band's energy, but found Ricky a bit too demanding:

He shouted "We are Kaiser Chiefs!" with Achtung-baby glee and Fatherland vehemence (even though the group is a Brit band from Leeds). "You must know the words to this one by now: Sing!"

Jeez, the boss is on your tail all day, door thugs swipe your gum as if it were Bazooka bin Laden, and a vocalist in a band - whose very name evokes iron fist authority - demands you sing.

Wilson finally got choir cooperation with the sold-out house on the song "Born To Be a Dancer," when the tune flipped from words to the barked and grunted "Oi, Oi, Oi's" of the chorus.

While it wasn't really singing, it was close. Still, Wilson should know, singing along at a concert is like kissing - when you have to ask, it doesn't count.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat was part of the singing back crowd, and she suggests it does count, actually:

It's amazing that when everyone was singing and shouting, when Ricky told us to get louder, we did. Even when he asked five times. You wouldn't think we'd have any voice left or be able to get any louder, but somehow the volume kept rising. When the people in front of you are that enthusiastic, you can't help but give it that extra push. I don't think a band can give the audience as much as the Kaiser Chiefs do without getting some of that energy back, so when they tell us to shout, we do!

Pitchfork supplies some gorgeous concert photography and observese the crowd:

Indeed, according to Pitchfork photographer Kathryn Yu, that mob was comprised primarily of girls, several of whom were zealously waving the red-and-white flag of England.

Keith Allen's daughter: it's all her

Lily Allen, of course, is very keen to make it clear that her look is how she looks:

Patrick: How would you describe your personal fashion style?

Lily: MY style.

Except, it turns out, when she's appearing on network US TV:

LILY ALLEN called in an army of stylists to glam up for top American telly show Today as she continues her assault on the US.

Interesting that she finds breaking the US so boring, but is happy to mould herself for the marketing opportunities.

Touting at an end - official. It says here.

This morning's Sun has an amazing, historical declaration. Touting is over:

OUR campaign to stop ticket touts ripping off music fans has been an amazing success.

Astonishing. Has touting been outlawed? Have the touts given back their tickets?

Erm, not quite:

We offered our readers the chance to hit back at the heartless spivs by signing our petition to ban all touting.

Already 9,127 Scottish Sun readers have backed our call for a new law.

So, then, an "amazing success" is getting a few thousand people to sign an online petition. We're not quite sure what, on this calibration, actual legislation would count as - something akin to second contact. (It's also roughly 3% of the newspaper's circulation, or about 0.1% of the Online Sun's monthly audience, which makes it look a little less resounding.)

Still, that fairly small petition must be having an effect:

The demand even sparked a debate in the House of Commons, led by the Glasgow MP John Robertson.

Yes. Although, while the issue was raised in the Commons on the 27th March, Robertson had first raised it on the floor earlier in the month - before the Sun had started its petition, and in the debate, he never mentioned the newspaper at all:

It is a privilege to speak under your chairmanship for the first time, Mr. Conway. I am grateful for the opportunity to speak about ticket touting, which each and every one of us has no doubt experienced at least once in our lifetimes.

I have been approached by a variety of radio stations and TV programmes, which have asked me exactly what the Government policy on ticket touting is, because they have been unable to find out. The fact is that there is no Government policy on ticket touting; if there is, the Government have done a great job of keeping it secret—it must be one of the few things not to have leaked out of the Government lately.

What's really interesting, though, is that while Robertson spent some time talking about touts, he then singled out a different organsiation for criticism:

Probably more sinister is Ticketmaster, a primary market that has recently introduced a ticket bidding option on its site. As an example, the lowest original price on Ticketmaster for Genesis tickets was £55. Why, then, is it allowing bidding on the option part of its website to begin at £80, climbing to £440 for a front row, centre stage ticket? I have not yet received any requests for meetings with Ticketmaster, but I would be interested to know why it believes that to be a fair system of accessing concert tickets.

So, the debate in the Commons actually singled out Ticketmaster as being "more sinister" than people flogging tickets through eBay, and yet, oddly, the Sun fails to mention that.

Ticketmaster is owned by Barry Diller's USA Interactive. A bloke selling tickets out his bedroom on eBay isn't.

Madonna isn't, of course, adopting again

Even while Madonna (or rather, her spokesperson) is denying she's planning to swoop for a second malawian child, the grandmother of her first target is saying she was told that was then plan all along:

Athnette Mwale, 58, said charity workers told her and son Yohane — David’s biological father — that Madonna “would return for another child very soon”.

She said: “I have prayed to God that my boy will have a sister to play with from his own country. When the adoption people came to speak to Yohane about David they said Madonna would give him the best life in the world. And they promised that she would find him a sister, another orphan from Malawi.”

David's dad, Yohane, chipped in that he was hoping for a visit from his son:

Yohane, 31, speaking from Lipungo, a village of 30 mud huts, said: “I have never met Madonna but would love to see my son again. I hope she comes to visit.”

Which is interesting - not only because it sounds like he's not really being kept in touch with his child, but the words "I have never met Madonna."

Because Madonna told Oprah Winfrey she had met him:

Now, according to the press, David's father is saying he did not fully understand what he was doing when he agreed to let Madonna adopt his son.

"I do not believe that is true. I sat in that room, I looked into that man's eyes," Madonna says."

Perhaps Madonna wields so much influence over Malawian officials they fetched his eyes without bringing the man. Because we can't imagine how she could have looked into the eyes of a man who says he's never met her.

Mark Ronson quashes "slightly interesting" rumours

Mark Ronson has flatly denied that there's anything interesting about his childhood, or indeed, about him at all:

"I've read stuff about me that makes me nauseous. I don't even like me. For one it's been said my dad was a real estate tycoon - he managed bands.

Then I've heard that I used to hang out with Paul and Linda MCCartney as a kid. That's so not true."

No, he really is ordinary.

Rush guitarist not forced

Back on New Year's Eve 2003, Rush guitarist Alex Lifeson and his son were involved in a "skirmish" at a Florida hotel. Since then, they've been trying to claim compo from police, claiming the taser and nose-breaking used to "subdue" them was out of proportion. US District Judge Paul A Magnuson has rejected the claims, stating the police took actions which"were objectively reasonable" and probably no more than you'd expect to be used on Boston's drummer, or Chicago's bassist, for example.

Lifeson has been given leave to appeal and drag things on even longer - something which he'd be familair with, playing for Rush.

Blunt let off driving over man's foot

James Blunt will face no further action after driving over a photographer's foot in his SUV outside a pre-Oscar party earlier this year.

Apparently, when he heard the guy wailing in pain he didn't realise what it was, as it sounded exactly like the playbacks he's used to in the studio. [This joke is a tribute to Christmas Crackers.]

She wasn't lovin' it

Macy Gray didn't want to work with Justin Timberlake, it turns out:

"Will [I Am] and I were doing my album, then he got really, really busy with the Black Eyed Peas touring," she explained. "Then he got really in demand as a producer and had a lot of opportunities he didn't want to turn down. So I was kind of forced to work with other people because he was so busy.

"That is how I ended up going to the studio with Justin; it wasn't in the original plan but it worked out great."

So, then, Timberlake was a plan B, and Will I Am's faith in Gray was so high that as soon as someone called offering three weeks as pigman up Home Farm (or something) he was off. But it "all worked out great" - so great Gray already sounds like someone distancing themselves from the finished product.

RIAA targets students again

Seemingly unhampered by the embarrassments heaped upon its litigation campaign elsewhere, the RIAA has sent 400 letters to students (or the "soft underbelly of legal targets", as lawyers call them) at 21 universities in the US. More than in sorrow, of course, than anger (and more in the attempt to make some ready cash real easy than in sorrow):

"Without question, this new enforcement initiative has invigorated a meaningful conversation on college campuses about music theft, its consequences and the numerous ways to enjoy legal music," said Steven Marks, executive vp and general counsel for the RIAA. "The question we ask of students is this: With high-quality legal music options available for free or deeply discounted, why take the twin risks of exposing your computer to viruses or spyware by downloading from an illegal site or exposing yourself to a costly lawsuit?"

I dunno... perhaps the students have also downloaded a free virus checker and spyware cleaner as well? Or maybe avoiding official RIAA member products which have a habit of breaking computers and installing malware on machines - I mean, why take that risk?

We would love to be flies on the way for those invogourated meaningful conversations about the numerous ways to enjoy legal music taking place on campuses all across America - they sound fascinating and not, in any way, the sort of chatter that only takes place in the minds of the RIAA lawyers. ("I'll bet there's someone in Michigan right now downloading a thirty-second sample of a track which he can play three times before it ceases to play any more..."

What is puzzling, though, is that the RIAA are keen for kids to discover music options "for free" - wasn't the origin of the litigation campaign a fear that if people download music for free, they'll cease to associate music with having any sort of value in the future?

Ju pops pops' pops

Julian Lennon - the son of the more famous father - has Cash In The Atticed a slice of his rights to John's music. Primary Wave has bought the "significant" chunk of the songwriting royalties.

Primary are thrilled:

"We are thrilled to be partnering with Julian Lennon and to own a piece of music history," Primary Wave's chief executive Larry Mestel said.

Julian, on the other hand, thinks its appropriate:

Julian Lennon said: "I felt it was the appropriate time to take on a partner for both my interest in my father's legendary music and for my future music endeavours."

Aha! And here we get to the heart of the deal - Julian has bundled his less-than-glittering catalogue with his Daddy's somewhat more lucrative work. Cynics have suggested that Julian has been trading off his father's fame for years - now he's merely formalised the deal.

No 'really'? No, really?

Century Radio has just embarked on a major new advertising push, marking out its territory as the home of classic pop "you just have to sing along with."

It's a pity, erm, they didn't check the words of the songs before getting the posters printed up... nowhere in the Spice Girls' Wannabe does anyone say "I wanna... I wanna... zig-a-zig-ah". It's "I really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah."

He's not a solo artist, he's a very naughty boy

Further to Noel Gallagher telling the NME he might do a solo record at some point in the future, a hugely tetchy official Oasis website has denied the story. Or, rather, they've denied a totally different story:

Oasisinet wants to qualify a few stories running across various music and entertainment websites over the past few days that have been a little wide of the mark. Noel Gallagher is not preparing to launch into a solo career nor will he be playing at Glastonbury this June, as have been strongly suggested in some circles. He is an avid fan of the festival and will no doubt be on site checking out a few of his favourite bands again this year. Noel, along with Gem, have had a great time performing their semi acoustic shows recently and will continue to do so when it feels like a good idea, however Glastonbury is not on the agenda.

For any information with regards to future releases and performances it is best to first check at oasisinet for confirmation. As is usually the case, if its not confirmed on here then its likely the stories are simply wishful thinking or conjecture.

The summer of 2007 is set to be a relatively quiet time for Oasis with the band members writing and demoing new songs.

We're not sure what software is running the Oasis site, but we're impressed that the website itself has started issued denials of verbatim quotes given by the closest thing Oasis has to a mastermind.

The NME quote does have Noel say he is preparing for a solo record - "could work on my record... it's coming" - which means, in effect, Oasisnet has just called Noel Gallagher a liar.

Ozzy records a dry record

Ozzy Osbourne is quite proud that he's managed to record a record sober for the very first time. It's not clear if he was sober when he made those I Can't Believe It's Not Butter adverts with Jon Culshaw, but if he was, it doesn't bode well for what the album will be like.