No Rock And Roll Fun

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Monkeys droop

Normally, a first-day sale of 60,000 would be brilliant news for a band - but if that is the true figure for Favourite Worst Nightmare, it's about 40,000 down on the first day sale for Whatever It Is That You Say That I Am, That's Not What I Do Be, Aunt Sally.

We're torn between the admiration for managing such a huge Monday turnout, and wondering where 40% of the Arctic Monkeys audience disappeared to.

Let's get Dizzee

It seems that, when he started to be a bit successful, former friends of Dizzee Rascal plotted to kidnap him:

“They were meant to be my friends. But when you start to make a bit of money, people switch on you.

“They get the wrong end of the stick. They think you’re this or that, but really it’s that they miss you.

“And because of the kind of people they are, they don’t deal with it properly. They respond with violence.”

We love the idea that "yeah, they wanted to put a sack over my head, stick me in the boot of a car, drive me to a shed in the middle of Norfolk and leave me chained to a lathe, but it's because they missed me."

The plotters apparently thought that the record company would pay a large sum for the safe return of Rascal. Which seems a little optimistic - his label seemed reluctant to pay for a decent advertising campaign for the records, never mind top kidnap pay outs.

Tomorrow finally comes

We're always fascinated by the anti-social neighbours who choose to play the same song over and over again. For example, what the hell could have driven Francis Cullen of Bolton to play If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating at all, never mind for an unbroken stretch of sixteen hours?

Susan Jacques, who lives next door, said: "He used to start playing it at 11am on a Sunday morning and wouldn't stop until 3am on the Monday. The walls were vibrating and it kept me awake. I had quite liked the song until then."

Perhaps Cullen was attempting to undermine Ronan Keating, then?

Cullen has now been evicted; he's lucky - a less tolerant society would have strict punishment for infliction of Keating.

Of all the times...

Commiserations and sympathy this morning to Keith Richards, whose mother, Doris Richards, has died of cancer.

With Keith's "I snorted my Dad's ashes" "joke" still clanging around the world, there's going to be some awkward moments with the other relatives in coming weeks.

Something interesting happens on The Jo Whiley Show

It's not often you can say that these days, unless you find the by-now-inevitable "unlikely" cover version surprising ("ha! You are an indie rock band and yet you have played a song by a chart pop act. Are my expectations now confounded...") but yesterday, while reading a text from Kent out, Jo slipped and said "East Cunt Cup."

Okay, there should perhaps be an "almost" in the heading on this post.

The Sun, though, thinks a fairly obvious slip of the tongue is a major news story:

Listener Tony Griffiths, 23, from Folkestone, Kent, said: “At first I couldn’t believe my ears.”

There's absolutely no explanation of who Griffiths is, or even any indication of what happened when he did believe his ears - was he then shocked, horrified, amazed, delighted? Or maybe even a little bit turned on ("talk dirty to me Jo, before playing an exclusive first spin of a new Corinne Bailey Rae track")?

We're not even sure what he means by "at first" - as if Jo had embarked on a foul-mouthed rant that went on for several minutes, and it took a while for him to realise she really was doing it. Because otherwise he must mean "at first I couldn't believe my ears and then she put a record on." Which is even more lame.

Novello no va

The annual insult to the memory of Ivor Novello, The Ivors songwriting awards, has announced its shortlist. That the committee have a cloth ear or a desire to flatter has been hinted at in previous years, but with nominations for Madonna's sorry Sorry and Rudebox - yes, Robbie Williams' Rudebox - in international hit of the year surely undermines the very point of the prizes. Why not just have a category called "Best effort by a famous person we'd like to come to the ceremony" and have done with? The whole thing stinks more than a GM-TV phone-in. The only good bits of Rudebox are the twenty-year old samples from Boops, and their appearance in the farrago only cheapens them.

We've never quite understood why a prize is given to the best "contemporary" song - does that mean the other prizes are for the best old-fashioned song? Still, it's the only award which has a decent shortlist - wherever you stand on Winehouse's reading of it, Rehab is a hell of a song and Over and Over probably sounds more like 2006 than anything else on the list. So it'll probably wind up going to Yeah Yeah.

The nominations in full, with the usual link to leap if you'd rather:

BEST SONG MUSICALLY & LYRICALLY

Elusive
Writer: Scott Matthews
Performed By: Scott Matthews
UK Publisher: Universal Music Publishing

Sophia
Writer: Nerina Pallot
Performed By: Nerina Pallot
UK Publisher: Chrysalis Music Ltd

When The Sun Goes Down
Writer: Alex Turner
Performed By: Arctic Monkeys
UK Publisher: EMI Music Publishing

BEST CONTEMPORARY SONG

Over and Over
Writers: Joseph Goddard / Alexis Taylor / Felix Martin
Performed By: Hot Chip
UK Publisher: Warner Chappell Music

Rehab
Writer: Amy Winehouse
Performed By: Amy Winehouse
UK Publisher: EMI Music Publishing

Yeah Yeah
Writers: Nick Bridges / Jon Pearn / Nathan Thomas / Luciana Caporaso / Nick Clow
Performed By: Bodyrox Ft Luciana
UK Publisher: Notting Hill Music / Universal Music Publishing / EMI Music Publishing

BEST ORIGINAL FILM SCORE

Casino Royale
Composer: David Arnold
UK Publisher: Sony/ATV Music Publishing

Ice Age The Meltdown
Composer: John Powell
UK Publisher: EMI Music Publishing

Severance
Composer: Christian Henson
UK Publisher: Air-Edel Associates Ltd

BEST TELEVISION SOUNDTRACK

Broadcast: Hotel Babylon
Composer: John Lunn / Jim Williams
UK Publisher: Bucks Music Group

Broadcast: Shiny Shiny Bright New Hole In My Heart
Composer: Alex Heffes
UK Publisher: EMI Music Publishing

Broadcast: The Virgin Queen
Composer: Martin Phipps
UK Publisher: BDi Music Limited

PRS MOST PERFORMED WORK

I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'
Writers: Sir Elton John / Scott Hoffman / Jason Sellards
Performed By: Scissor Sisters
UK Publisher: HST Management Ltd / Universal Music Publishing / EMI Music Publishing

Put Your Records On
Writers: Corinne Bailey Rae / John Beck / Steve Chrisanthou
Performed By: Corinne Bailey Rae
UK Publisher: Global Talent Publishing / Good Groove Songs

Sorry
Writers: Madonna / Stuart Price
Performed By: Madonna
UK Publisher: Warner Chappell Music

INTERNATIONAL HIT OF THE YEAR

I Don’t Feel Like Dancin'
Writer/s: Sir Elton John / Scott Hoffman / Jason Sellards
Performed By: Scissor Sisters
UK Publisher: HST Management Ltd / Universal Music Publishing / EMI Music Publishing

Rudebox
Writers: Robbie Williams / Danny Spencer / Kelvin Andrews / Sly Dunbar / Robbie Shakespeare / William “Earl” Collins / Bill Laswell / Edmund “Carl Jr” Aiken
Performed By: Robbie Williams
UK Publisher: BMG Music Publishing / Chrysalis Music Ltd / Universal Music Publishing / Warner Chappell Music

Sorry
Writers: Madonna / Stuart Price
Performed By: Madonna
UK Publisher: Warner Chappell Music

Monday, April 23, 2007

Russell Simmons calls for something other than censorship

Nobody would argue there aren't times when hip-hop and R&B (along with every other genre of music) embarrasses itself with some of its lyrics. Russell Simmons has decided enough is enough - but he isn't suggesting censorship as such:

Recommendation to the Recording and Broadcast Industries:
A Statement by Russell Simmons and Dr. Benjamin Chavis on behalf of the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network

April 23, 2007

The theme of the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network (HSAN) is "Taking Back Responsibility." We are consistent in our strong affirmation, defense, and protection of the First Amendment right of free speech and artistic expression. We have recently been involved in a process of dialogue with recording and broadcast industry executives about issues concerning corporate social responsibility.

It is important to re-emphasize that our internal discussions with industry leaders are not about censorship. Our discussions are about the corporate social responsibility of the industry to voluntarily show respect to African Americans and other people of color, African American women and to all women in lyrics and images.

HSAN reaffirms, therefore, that there should not be any government regulation or public policy that should ever violate the First Amendment. With freedom of expression, however, comes responsibility. With that said, HSAN is concerned about the growing public outrage concerning the use of the words "bitch," "ho," and "nigger." We recommend that the recording and broadcast industries voluntarily remove/bleep/delete the misogynistic words "bitch" and "ho" and the racially offensive word "nigger."

Going forward, these three words should be considered with the same objections to obscenity as "extreme curse words." The words "bitch" and "ho" are utterly derogatory and disrespectful of the painful, hurtful, misogyny that, in particular, African American women have experienced in the United States as part of the history of oppression, inequality, and suffering of women. The word "nigger" is a racially derogatory term that disrespects the pain, suffering, history of racial oppression, and multiple forms of racism against African Americans and other people of color.

In addition, we recommend the formation of a music industry Coalition on Broadcast Standards, consisting of leading executives from music, radio and television industries. The Coalition would recommend guidelines for lyrical and visual standards within the industries.

We also recommend that the recording industry establish artist mentoring programs and forums to stimulate effective dialogue between artists, hip-hop fans, industry leaders and others to promote better understanding and positive change. HSAN will help to coordinate these forums.

These issues are complex, but require creative voluntary actions exemplifying good corporate social responsibility.

We'd have thought that if we learned anything at the hands of Tipper Gore, it's that quasi-voluntary codes of conduct, and standards and bleeping doesn't make things better - after all, has a Parental Advisory rating ever made any band think twice about its content?

The way to stop musicians recording songs which treat women like shit and play games with racist epithets isn't to have some sort of pools panel of sobriety rating songs on how they fit a pre-determined grid of what's acceptable; it's more about changing the atmosphere so that acts wouldn't want to release a song which talks about women as "whores" in the first place. Rather than issuing long, rambling calls for something to be done, figures like Simmons should use their influence to suggest that it might be a good idea for rap videos to contain fewer women in their knickers, for example. You need to challenge the mindset that makes the records, not merely put your hands over your ears when they get to the bits you find uncomfortable.

Late night Cocker

Good news for America: Jarvis Cocker is turning up on Letterman this week, on the 27th. As far as we can tell, we're in one of those lulls in the UK between broadcasters excitedly announcing plans to carry Letterman, followed by a period of the show sliding backwards in the schedule before disappearing, so it'll be YouTube or nothing for us.

So, how did the reunion between David and his Dad go, Madonna?

Before Madonna's return to Malawi, Yohane Banda expressed disappointment that he'd not heard from Madonna since she took his son out the country, and suggested he'd take the opportunity of a meeting to give Mrs Richie his contact details.

Madonna has managed to avoid any such unpleasantness as having a phone number crammed into her hand by simply not having the decency to let David see his father.

Yohane is learning to deal with the constant series of disappointments:

Yohane was left disappointed when Madonna's tight schedule didn't allow for him to sit down with David. He says, "I never met him. Plans were there for me to meet David but it never happened.

"I must say my mother was looking forward to meeting David and she was a little sad it was never to happen. But I assured her it will happen one day."

Banda claims the Malawi government's Director Of Child Welfare services, Penston Kilembe, told him, "Meeting me was not on the agenda but (Madonna's) people said if time allowed she would meet me."

Well, you can understand how she might find it tricky to make time in her busy schedule to find a couple of hours to let a father and son spend some time together. It's almost as if she was keen for it not to happen. For some reason.

Where everybody knows you're lame

Pete Wentz has trouble with New York clubs, it seems:

"When I go to New York I always have to pick between crappy clubs and then call the promoter ahead of time and then still get hassled at the door and get stuffed into some cramped stupid VIP section and hear bad techno."

Perhaps the solution would be to not imagine that you're in anyway special, queue up with everyone else and go into the non-VIP section, Pete. And choose clubs where they'll play music you like?

Oh. Or you could open your own bar. He's teamed up with Gym Class Heroes and The Academy Is... to open a nightspot, Angels and Kings. We imagine that there will still be an over-grumpy door staff, a small roped-off VIP segment and godawful music on the PA, but don't imagine the only difference between this hole and other New York holes is that Pete Wentz can get in easily. Oh, no, it's going to be themed:

"We have a couple of Fall Out-based ideas for drinks. There's this song called Where Is Your Boy Tonight, so I was thinking we could have a Where Is Your Beer special night."

Erm... yeah. And you could have Two For One on all Shorts Fast And Loud. And My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Bloody Mary and...

Or, since the legal drinking age in New York is 21, it might be a good idea to not aim your drinks menu at the younger end of the teen market.

When Rollins met Manson

There are few more meetings of minds more finely matched than that of Henry Rollins and Marilyn Manson, respectively the late 1980s and late 1990s mainstream idea of what the counterculture looked like.

The appearance of Manson on The Henry Rollins Show is something of a treat for seasoned Manson watchers, as he touches on the aftermath of Columbine. Or, as Manson puts it:

After surviving Columbine I went over the hill of what you can tolerate because that was the worst.

We thought we'd heard quite a lot of the coverage of what happened in the Colorado high school that day; we hadn't realised that Brian had been there. Because surely he wouldn't use a phrase like "after surviving Columbine" to mean "after twisting in the wind to save my career", as suggesting that he somehow survived a mass murder is a little bit insulting to people like Marjorie Lindholm, who actually did survive the Columbine shootings.

Those of you with long memories will recall that after Columbine, the (admittedly ridiculous) claims that Manson somehow caused the slaughter presented him with a choice: he could either maintain the closest thing he could manage to a dignified silence - after all, his schtick was built around being an edgy suburban nightmare, and in the face of attacks from media looking for someone to blame, wading into the argument would only prolong the agonies. Or, he could wipe off his make-up and admit he was only playing.

Manson remembers the time like this:

Hollywood and people were giving me dirty looks like I did something wrong like, "What the fuck? What are you doing?" I just learned to deal with it. I had to move out of L.A. I moved to Chatsworth. I didn't do any press. I refused to.

Really? You didn't do any press and kept your counsel, did you, Marilyn?

We know Rolling Stone doesn't have quite the kudos it did thirty years ago, but writing a big 'don't blame me' piece hardly constitutes not doing press, even when it's full of protestations about how you're not doing any press.
It's interesting comparing the Rolling Stone piece and the Rollins interview - both show Manson's unquestionable skill at framing arguments and finding the right words (if only he set out to do something more than superserving Shopping Mall goths), both show Manson unable to resist a preen:

I have assumed the role of Antichrist; I am the Nineties voice of individuality [Rolling Stone]

f I got paid for every time someone came up to me in an airport or anywhere saying "I saw you in 'Bowling for Columbine'," the most common thing I get is, "I didn't know you're so intelligent." And I'm like, "I didn't know you're so fucking stupid but I don't know you, you know, so…" It's a backhanded compliment. [Rollins]

Did I mention that people think I'm clever?

Then, Manson reveals he thought he was going to die:

I came back to Denver for the first time since then where I was in Ozzfest at Mile High Stadium. We had hundreds, hundreds of death threats so I'm thinking, if I'm going to die it's going to be today because it's Mile High Stadium, they're not going to be able to stop it if someone wants to shoot so when I went onstage I just had to decide, I can't live without doing what I do so I have to accept the fact I'm going to die for it if its going to be today and…it was a great show. Obviously I didn't die.

We're not entirely sure why, simply because it was Mile High Stadium, it would make it impossible to stop an attempt on his life? Because at that altitude security doesn't work?

Is he really suggesting that someone who seriously believed he was responsible for Columbine, who seriously sent death threats, and who intended to extract a blood revenge would wait for Manson to come to them? "I thought you were going to kill Manson to avenge our son's death" "Yeah, but I've not had a chance - he ain't come nearer than Seattle on tour since..."

Or maybe Manson had in mind someone intent on revenge but who was a really poor traveller?

And is Manson trying to claim that all or most of the death threats came from Denver? Or only the plausible ones?

For a self-proclaimed smart guy, whenever Manson tries to cast himself at the centre of global dramas, he always winds up making himself sound more and more puffed-up. Trying to pretend that his life was at risk when he played an Ozzfest gig in Denver is as implausible as the claims of those who blamed him for the Columbine killings. It's a little sickening, though, to see him still enjoying living off the notoriety years later.

Thrown to the wolves?

After a bit of a falling out with his drummer, Patrick Wolf apparently announced he was quitting playing tours, and then withdrew the statement. However, diligent internet monkeys gathered up what is claimed to have been a posting announcing he was quitting:

"I have made a decision, my final concert will be this november, a retrospective with an orchestra in London. I am not sure wether there will be anymore public communications after that, Infact I am pretty sure there will be none. Of course, this has nothing to do with my drummer.. but a creative clock is ticking and I have many many projects to be creating with my time left on this earth. I hope to share my last shows with you this year."

Well, yes, who has time for touring round the world playing songs when the pipes in the loft still need lagging and there's potatoes to be planted?

The drummer sackage, says Wolf, was inevitable:

"[M]y drummer was causing arguments within my road family, taking sedative drugs before an important show in a city i really love, so much so he could not play the music I wrote, the songs that I have survived on in the last six years... because I had to slap him to see if he was even CONSCIOUS on stage.... the fact that the only thing that got any reaction out his corpse happened to be made of metal.. because all of this.. does this make me seem like I was on cocaine, or on some power trip?

There was no other way to check he was alive beyond hitting him with metal sticks, then? What a loss Wolf is to the medical profession. He doesn't stop to wonder if the reason why the drummer fell asleep while Patrick was in full flow might have something, you know, to do with the show itself, you'll note.

"I was pissed off because this was just one more musician or businessman taking my good nature and generosity for a ride... trust me, that moment onstage was the end of a long line of bad behaviour that it would unfair to go into in public. Yes I was drunk, but It was one oclock in the morning after seven hours of interviews. I had been running on about four hours of sleep a night for about two weeks... such is the joy of promoting a record. Anyway, I was having FUN until that moment. So was the rest of my band until we realised my drummer was taking the piss out of all of us and our hard work. I dont work with liars and I dont work with thieves."

Hang about... it was one in the morning and hardly anyone had been getting any sleep? Under these circumstances, the drummer seems to be no more at fault than poor, mute Katya, whose round-the-clock stitching of uninsured dungarees at Underworld resulted in her silent slide down the metal stairwell and death on the Coronation Street cobbles. Wolf is lucky he didn't have to haul a dead drummer out of the prying eyes of health and safety.

Al Gore ruins Diana's memory

It's tricky getting a memorial for Diana right, isn't it? The funeral was turned into a sideshow for her brother to rattle a few sabres (you'll have noticed him helping William and Harry's souls to sing over the last decade, of course); nobody quite believes she's buried on the island at the heart of the tourist attraction built to remember her; the charity established in her name pissed millions up the wall fighting the manufacturers of unlicensed tat; the song in her honour was just a retread of an old one about Marilyn Monroe; and the less said about the fountain in the park, the better.

Now, the Diana Memorial Concert is phuttering about like a candle in a very strong gale. Playlouder reports that the attraction of Live Earth has made getting people to sign up for the Di do a bit of a struggle. The choice between singing to save some polar bears and penguins, or to memorialise the woman who threw herself downstairs while pregnant to spite her in-laws is turning into a bit of a no-brainer:

According to an 'insider', it's all gone a bit haywire. "There is no doubt the Diana concert needs further big names," it said. "There is very little appeal to young people. With the exception of Elton, the acts aren't nearly as strong as Live Earth. Live Earth knocks it for six with virtually every cutting-edge, big-selling band in the world."

(As Playlouder points out 'cutting-edge' might be pushing it a bit.)

If it helps, Princes, Status Quo are, as yet, uncommitted to either event.

Romance clears way

My Chemical Romance - effectively 2007's answer to Rod, Jane and Freddie - have amicably split up with Mikey Way. All very amicably, of course.

Gerard, his brother and buddy, issued a statement:

Hey Guys,

We like to keep all of you in the loop because although you are fans we see you as our friends...

I'm very proud to announce my brother's recent marriage. Watching him grow up into a man and finding love makes me the happiest brother alive.

In light of this joyous event, the band has decided to give he and his wife a much needed break from the road to start a life and have a proper honeymoon and do all of the things a newlywed couple should do.

I know this is upsetting news, as it is for us, but we will continue to tour with a temporary replacement until he has situated himself in his new life.

We thank all of your for your love and support, and know you are all as happy for him as we are.

See you on the road,

Gerard

It is so amicable, it's hard to believe. Oddly, not so amicable that Mikey gets the opportunity to post a message to the fans - sorry, friends - but maybe he is off doing married things.

It's also so amicable that it's also apparently "upsetting" and a time when the remaining band members need "love and support", as is often the case after a "joyous event", we find.

Sheryl Crow: saving the world, one square at a time

In her latest bid to save the world, Sheryl Crow is asking us to go through life unpleasantly unable to sit down:

In a post on her official website, she urges people to "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required."

Crow doesn't give an example of an occasion where it might be acceptable to use two or three squares - we were afraid there might be examples posted on Flickr to compare and contrast - but we imagine it's a strict 'one square per flush' ratio she has in mind.

We know every little helps, but... there are just some sacrifices which make us wonder if they work. Without wanting to be too gruesome, if you're offsetting the saving on toilet paper by having to pretreat your knickers before washing, who really gains in the long run?

A little bit of Bizzle

Lethal Bizzle is playing what they're calling an intimate show (i.e. it's a small venue - in this case the 100 Club). Pencilled in for June 13th, there's a promise of "special guests", which has led to speculation that Pete Doherty might be lined up to show up late and have a row outside the door with the bouncers.

The Johannson and Mary Chain

Back when I was a kid, the news that the Jesus And Mary Chain were coming to town was a guarantee you were in for trouble - fighting, spitting, inept drumming, that sort of thing. Nowadays, though, it's your pass to a-list cosmetic company spokespersons doing backing vocals.

Scarlett Johannson is signed up to do backing vocals for the band's Coachella warm-up in Pomona, California. It is unknown if her role will include spitting or throwing things.

Living close to The Edge

The Edge has managed to scrape together fifteen million dollars to buy a large chunk of Malibu. Obviously, this won't detract from U2 being Dutch.

Babyshambles: Tickets left at all prices

Of course, there's a while to go yet, but the Mirror is reporting that ticket sales for Babyshambles' arena tour aren't exactly flying out. Of course, when the paper reports "thousands" remain unsold it doesn't actually bother with a figure, and "thousands" could point to something between a few embarrassing gaps in some the venues to a humiliating loss-making experience.

We're going to guess at somewhere in the middle: there just aren't enough people willing to pay so much to see Babyshambles in such circumstances. A bigger tour of the next venue down could probably sell out quite easily, but this smacks of a band booking on the basis of appearances in gossip columns rather than actual records sold.

We must be brave at this difficult time

Naturally, you'll have spent the weekend on tenterhooks waiting news of Peter Andre's health.

His wife, Jordan Katie Price, had to dial 999 after he'd been vomiting and suffering from diarrhoea for a week - presumably the delay was while she was looking up the number. Reports says that Andre was "as weak as a kitten", which is worrying for a man who usually possesses the strength of two kittens.

Andre was rushed to hospital where he was given a drip - apparently relying for his survival on a fluid-filled plastic bag gave him half an insight into how it must feel to be his wife. Doctors think he'll make a full recovery, although there's not much point in them looking for vital signs as they wouldn't have found them before he fell ill.

Gareth Gates is expected to make a statement reminding us that he once had sex with Jordan at some point in the next 24 hours.

Madonna returns to the movies

We thought that - aware her acting was so bad she could drag down any movie - Madonna had pledged to stay clear of any film set. Now, though, not only do we have her Kabbalah-comes-to-Malawi vanity doc to wait for, but there's also talk of her directing a comedy:

An insider said: “Madonna has Guy’s full support. She told him, ‘Anything you can do, I can do better, honey.’”

Well, yes, we're sure you can waste celluloid and stink up a flea pit far more effectively than Guy.

The movie supposedly starts shooting next month - Filth and Wisdom - although it's not listed on IMDB. What does appear, though, is that Madonna is getting a producer credit on next year's National Lampoon's This Is America. So she's steering clear of comedy, then.

Madonna's acting career: a consideration

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Travis set their old stuff free

Normally, the mere mention of the name Travis has us rummaging through our weapons, girding our loins, and preparing to toss the choicest rotten fruits in their general direction. But this time, we're having to applaud them.

They're rummaging in their attic and offering bits and pieces from their unreleased back catalogue for free through MySpace:

“We've released 130 songs in A-sides, B-sides and album tracks since we started out. Now there's finally a place where we can put up four brand new tracks a week that people haven't heard before.

"We've been doing that for 12 weeks and we've still got hundreds of songs to put up. We might have to slow it down a bit, but we can pretty much go on indefinitely!"

Of course, giving away Travis songs that weren't good enough to even pad out the third side of a second CD is a bit like offering the homeless the buns that got a bit sat on and the rolls which are going a little green, but it's still nice to see a major band trying out something a little more inventive online than just signing off on their label's cease-and-desist policy.

You know what they say about women with tiny kidneys...

KT Tunstall has been having some work done - not the Extreme Makeover sort, though. Apparently, she had an undersized kidney and has had work done to rectify that somehow.

When my mum was short of kidneys, she'd usually bulk out the pie with mushrooms, but I'm not sure that would work under these medical conditions.

A bad week for Simon Cowell

As if rolling his eyes during a speech about the slaughtered of Virginia Tech wasn't enough of a sign that Simon Cowell is starting to lose his touch, it now turns out he's been a little less than careful with his home security, as well. He lent builders working on his "pad in London's trendy Holland Park" (i.e. a flat) the keys - and now someone has waltzed in and carted off his belongings. The police spokesperson has been quick to rip Cowell to shreds in public - indeed, so much did they seem to enjoy it, we suspect their mam might have been on the wrong side of Cowell's tongue in an X Factor audition and this was the coldest, most delicious revenge:

"It was an unwise decision to say the least. You wouldn't believe some of the things Mr Cowell had accumulated over the years that the thieves took a fancy to."

Doubtless Louis Walsh was itching for someone to ring him for a quote.

Meeting of minds: Sheryl Crow versus Karl Rove

With global warming being one of the big challenges facing us at the moment, you'd have hoped we'd have sent in our brightest and sharpest to challenge the Petrochemical-based White House.

Instead, we got Sheryl Crow and Laurie David, fresh off their biodiesel bus tour of the US, offering to talk Karl Rove out of screwing the planet:

They unsuccessfully tried to change the thinking of Karl Rove,
President Bush's top adviser, at a correspondents' dinner Saturday night. "I honestly thought that I was going to change his mind, like, right there and then," Laurie David said.

It's not entirely sure why she thought two minutes with that pair would change the deeply entrenched thinking of half a century, but I suppose it was worth a shot. Doubtless if Ed Begley Jr hadn't been too busy organising an Earth Day pinata party and had been on hand to help, that all-important policy change might have been secured.

Glastonbury sells out. All over again.

The slightly lower-profile flogging of returned tickets from the Glastonbury Festival took place earlier today, with something in the region of another 20,000 tickets being passed on to new owners. This is the last sale of stand-alone tickets, although what happens to the tickets that get returned from this sale isn't clear.

Or, indeed, what would happen if your house collapsed into the ocean and your parents stopped you going to the event - if only Glastonbury can sell tickets, what do you do then? Will you get a refund and Glasto swallow a loss?

There are some more tickets on offer: there's the returned coach packages which will go on sale this coming Thursday - apparently these are designed to stop people bringing more cars to the event, although we're not sure what would stop someone buying a coach ticket, discarding the travel portion and turning up in the car.

Other than that, you'll be relying on YeoValley Yoghurts instant win competition, XFM's tickets up for grabs or numerous other "don't call it a sponsorship" tie-ins offering places in the mud. Or start offering yourself up as a flunky to Shirley Bassey.

Bookmarks: Some other things to read on the internet

Arcade Fire invite Paste to tea:

Where there are sidewalks they meet at ugly angles, and factories squat on almost every corner. Its biggest institutions are a peat bog, a large creamery and a beet-sugar refinery. “The studio is amazing for recording in,” Win tells me, “but when you actually want to do anything, being stuck in Farnham can drive a man crazy.”

As he prepares to fight for Marlyebone Hight Street, Dave Rowntree talks to Guardian:

The drummer doesn't want to talk about whether he agrees with Albarn on Iraq because he's standing in a local election. He sounds, for the first time, a bit like a politician. Then he changes his mind. "I want to give you an answer. I'm not a pacifist. I do think some things are worth fighting for."

Rowntree's position on Iraq is equally personal. His girlfriend, Michelle de Vries, is the daughter of Daphne Parish, the nurse who was arrested by Saddam Hussein with the Observer journalist, Farzad Bazoft, on the cusp of the first Gulf war. Bazoft was executed; Parish was freed. "My girlfriend flew round the Middle East and got her mother released. She'd met all the people involved - Saddam and the psychopaths Uday and Qusay [Saddam's sons]. In the war, I was getting a very different view of what was going on in Iraq from a lot of people."

Jack Wilson tells The Stranger about the man who filled his iPod:

And that one lyric, the one about having once roared, keeps coming back to me. It seems to describe him. He was charismatic, entertaining, and charming. He could have been an awesome salesman—the product wouldn't have mattered—and he was great with computers. Did he torture himself with thoughts about what he could have been? Did he long for the years before he had fucked up his life, when he was free and the world was open to him?

Then I realized I was thinking more about Rowan than I was about Rebecca, the woman he'd slain. Listening to his music put me inside Rowan's head; it made me consider things through his eyes. I wanted to throw up.

The New York Post discovers Jarvis Cocker's life in France involves gestures, shouting:

He's lived in the City of Light for four years, but he's not fluent in French, although he says he can make himself understood. His job, songwriting, doesn't really call for being fluent. That's one excuse. His other is that his brain's hard drive is full.

"You can't chose what you want to delete from your brain," he says. "I'm supposed to be a writer. I don't want to lose my English."

Simon Reynolds sets off in the Observer Music Monthly to reclaim Tangerine Dream's place in electropop history:

At its most abstract - solo albums by Klaus Schulze and by Tangerine Dream's leader Edgar Froese - these were clouds of sounds to lose yourself in, a Rorschach mindscreen for projecting fantasies onto. Yet unlike the hipster-credible Krautrock of Can, Faust and Neu!, or more esoteric (ie unsuccessful) Sixties electronic outfits like Silver Apples, the cosmic synth voyagers have never been named by contemporary bands as a cool reference point.

What a pity nobody will ever hear it

Lee Ryan seems to be so desperate to keep some sort of profile since he went to California that he's taken to ringing up the Sunday Mirror's Zoe column to give updates on his new life.

We'd assumed that, like most unskilled immigrants in Los Angeles, he'd be working in cleansing or perhaps harvesting fruit, but apparently he's making some sort of record:

"It's Steve Tyler from Aerosmith meets R&B crooner Michael McDonald - live instruments but no artifical beats."

Zoe reckons this is his second solo album; presumably the first one didn't sound so godawful as he's making number two sound, otherwise he'd never be allowed near a studio again.

Sadly, Ryan was called back to mop up a mess in aisle four before he was able to fill us in on where he stood on the Virginia Tech shootings compared with elephants dying.

Kylie in space. Or maybe time.

According to this morning's News of the World, Kylie Minogue is being lined up for a guest role on the Christmas Doctor Who. The paper has desperately tried to scrape together a pun to mark this, and - not being able to decide which was the least weak out of Kyberwoman and Exterminogue ran with both of them.

Kyberwoman? As in Carry On Up The...?

A "BBC Insider" has offered up a perspective:

"Kylie jumped at the chance to be in the show and is really looking forward to acting again.

"She is flattered to be asked to be in such a classic TV show.

"The Doctor Who team are delighted they've got someone as sexy and high profile as Kylie to ensure they win the annual ratings battle with ITV."

You'd have thought that a BBC Insider would have known that the BBC always wins Christmas because ITV simply aren't bothered about a day which is rubbish for selling advertising on.

Still, top marks for research at the NOTW:

Kylie won't be the first star making a guest appearance on the show.

Really? Goodness, we hadn't noticed that nearly every episode has a high profile guest appearance from someone in it.

Peter Kay, Ardal O'Hanlon, Zoe Wanamaker and Catherine Tate have all turned up with the time lord.

Ardal O'Hanlon? Star? He doesn't even play himself in My Hero anymore.