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More whee, vicar? The good Reverend Al Green has just announced a UK tour. These are the dates:
Thursday 28th June - London Royal Albert Hall
Friday 29th June - Manchester MEN Arena
Monday 2nd July - Edinburgh Playhouse
Wednesday 4th July - Birmingham NIA Arena
Friday 6th July - London Hammersmith Apollo
Jo O'Meara's steadfast refusal to apologise for her idiocy has won her few friends. Remember, of course, it only looks bad if you edit out all the hours she spent not being a racist bully and left in the times she was.
Even the BNP seemed reluctant to embrace her, suggesting instead that Big Brother contestants should be shot:
It's been confirmed - Sting is really getting back together with his old chums The Police. Their first outing will be to do the opening number at the Grammys next month, and then they'll be fleecing fans on a tour, reports 6Music.
Of course, it's been ages since the Police last played together... a whole four years, when they did some tunes at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Having failed so singularly to get anyone to take up her "Lady Mucca" nickname, Victoria Newton is now trying to introduce the phrase "doing a Craig David" into the language. Apparently it's meant to mean "being nominated for some Brits and not winning any."
Yesterday, she reported that Lily Allen was afraid of doing a Craig David; today, supposedly, Corinne Bailey Rae is worried about the same thing. Although this quote doesn't sound right, or, indeed, make any sense:
Jennifer Lopez is mates with Tom Cruise and that woman, and her Dad is happy writing his cheques to the Scientologists, so it's perhaps unsurprising she doesn't see anything odd with people choosing a well-run business-cum-cult in place of a religion:
The headline, we realise, is a little redundant - anyone who loved music wouldn't inflict the pain onto it in the way Cowell does - but in an interview with US magazine he's more or less admitted he sees it as a commodity rather than an art form:
Taking and publishing pictures of people emerging from drug rehab clinics can get newspapers into trouble, as the Mirror found out when it showed Naomi Campbell emerging from a drug treatment centre - the row over privacy went all the way to the House of Lords, and Piers Morgan's Mirror lost.
This morning, Victoria Newton seems unfazed by this case law as she runs photos of Pete Doherty and Kate Moss leaving "the discreet Capio Nightingale Hospital". Doubtless, Newton is hoping that Moss and Doherty's drug problems are in the public domain and thus they have no right to privacy.
However, even her own story ackonwledges the pair weren't seeking publicity:
So closed has the distance between the Brits and the NME become that last year's NME presenter, Russell Brand, is lined up to present the Brits this year. Many of the nominations, however, don't even have a twelve month period before leaping from the "alternative" to the mainstream. Indeed, because the Brits get their shortlist out first, The Kooks were lauded as best newcomers by the dickie-bow and suit brigade before the tshirt and jeans brigade even started voting.
The NME nominations have now appeared, and even Victoria Newton would be familiar with almost everyone on the lists.
Despite calls from young people in the Staatkundig Gereformeerde Partij, prosecutors aren't going to bring blasphemy charges against Madonna. The SGP wants to see a fundamentalist religious state in the Netherlands - it is so hardcore its website is closed on Sunday - and were upset by the sight of Madonna descending to a stage in Amsterdam strapped to a giant cross. Sure, everyone was upset, but the SGP weren't worried about their eyes, only their mortal souls.
The prosecutor sounded weary as he announced there was no case to answer:
The deal was announced over Christmas, but it's finally been completed: Roadrunner has been sucked into Warner Music Group.
Lyor Cohen trumpeted his delight:
All good things come to an end; some more abruptly than others. Four months after launch, IPC has pulled the plug on NME Ireland. [Link requires free registration]
NME Ireland editor Steve Cummins is less than thrilled:
Slightly more upsetting than the end of Rooster: Pretty Girls Make Graves have announced they're spending Spring putting their affairs in order:
Mark E Smith is apparently going to turn up playing a comic foil to Johnny Vegas - not, we understand, taking the ITV Digital Monkey role in a PG Tips ad, but in a forthcoming episode of I Deal.
Lets hope being himself doesn't put too much of a strain on him - he's going to struggle to remember his motivation, isn't he?
Sometimes, when a band splits, the news hits you with the full force of discovery. Other times, you shrug and express mild surprise they were still going.
Let's not cheapen the moment of Rooster's demise by speculating into which of those categories their shambling from the rock stage falls into.
They've issued a statement:
From tomorrow, Modest Mouse's new album, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, will be up for preorder on iTunes, ready for its release some time in March.
Are we the only people who are lost about the whole "pre-order on iTunes" thing? Surely the advantage of digital music is that it's instanteous; pre-ordering a download seems like ringing ahead to warn McDonalds they might need to get some patties ready. Sure, in this instance you get some free stuff - but most of it is, well, thin fare indeed.
Presumably, with such a long time between completion and delivery, the idea is to get the cash upfront before the thing leaks for free online?
Kiri Te Kanawa has wound up facing legal action after pulling out of a planned series of concerts with John Farnham.
Apparently, TeKanawa had had a series of misgivings about the hoiking together of high culture and its country cousin, pop culture, but finally drew the line when she discovered that people sometimes throw underwear at John Farnham.
(We're not entirely sure we believe the claims that Farnham gets pants tossed in his direction - unless he's taken on a small tour of strip joints and doesn't site his piano that wisely.)
Hard at work in the studio right now: Starsailor, who are pledging they're going to bring back the ballads:
Capital Radio has elected to keep with its dwindling breakfast show host, Johnny Vaughan. Vaughan is excited:
Some good news in what's been rather a gloomy month: BB King has been released from hospital. The 81 year-old had been suffering from flu; he's now said to be back to his old self and planning to pick up his live schedule.
You'll recall that Robbie Williams built a giant football pitch in the back garden of his house in LA. If you build it, he figured, they will come.
But they didn't come. The expected procession of top-flight footballers coming for a kickabout never showed up.
Now, Robbie thinks he's worked out - they're shy, Mary Ellen, they're shy. So he's building an indoor pitch so Beckham, Pele, Ronald Dino, Roy Race and that kid out of Striker can come and play with him, without fear of being spied on by giant helicopters swooping out the sky.
But what about the x-ray robots, Robbie? Maybe David Beckham won't leave Tom Cruise until you can promise protection from x-ray robots.
This morning's Bizarre leads - yes, leads with a clanging condemnation of Britney Spears:
We're sure McDonalds will be chuckling away at one of the media organisations they prop up with their advertising spend suggesting that having a single takeaway is on a par with eating nuclear waste (or those e coli drenched Taco Bells.)
It's up to you if you want to take Keith Allen's daughter at face value, and believe that she really is so afraid she'll leave the Brits empty-handed that she's planning on not turning up, or if you'd rather see this as a bargaining tool as the votes are being cast. Some sort of insider tells the Sun:
Some might suggest that the 1980s weren't David Bowie's greatest period - especially if you throw Absolute Beginners into the pot - but it's worth remembering that when he found his form in the decade, he really found his form. Ashes to Ashes, Blue Jean, China Girl. Yes, even China Girl. Admittedly, he also spent the decade bouncing through pisspoor collaborations - with Queen, with Mick Jagger (for the starving millions) and with Pat Metheney.
This is all to the good, as he's about to release a compilation of his best from 1980 - 1987. The cut off point, you'll note, is just ahead of his Tin Machine era. We're not sure if he'll find space for the dodgy duets.
Some might suggest that the 1980s weren't David Bowie's greatest period - especially if you throw Absolute Beginners into the pot - but it's worth remembering that when he found his form in the decade, he really found his form. Ashes to Ashes, Blue Jean, China Girl. Yes, even China Girl. Admittedly, he also spent the decade bouncing through pisspoor collaborations - with Queen, with Mick Jagger (for the starving millions) and with Pat Metheney.
This is all to the good, as he's about to release a compilation of his best from 1980 - 1987. The cut off point, you'll note, is just ahead of his Tin Machine era. We're not sure if he'll find space for the dodgy duets.
There's nothing wrong with The Good, The Bad and The Queen - after all, we like Blur b-sides as much as the next man - but we doubt that anyone needs an album of their stuff. Even so, this week's album chart, which has seen TGTB&TQ beaten to number one by Travelodge vandals The View, still comes as something of a shock.
The View, of course, are thrilled:
A spot of Loudon Wainwright gathered from around YouTube:
Not John at RockPalast, 1984
Bicentennial
The Morgue
We were a bit disappointed by the paucity of what we found there - nothing from his weekly slot on Jasper Carrot's programme, for example.
We've had a bit of a shift around and are wearing a bright new look - out goes the all-blue theme, in comes something slightly crisper. We think this is the fifth redesign we've done - including the slightly icky brown-and-cream version which didn't last very long. We'd love to hear what you think, especially if there's bits you find that aren't working.
We're not entirely sure there's much mileage in plans to turn Leona Lewis into the New Mariah, but at least by selling their home in the UK and moving to the US, her parents will be able to take advantage of the exchange rate.
As if having Simon Cowell on your back all the time as you tramp around the Boise cabaret circuit wasn't enough, then, Lewis is going to have to cope with her parents "helping". They spent eighty thousand putting her through stage school, so it's not like they're looking for a return or anything:
"Leona is number one and we are a team. We've supported her all her life. We're planning to go out to America to keep an eye on things."
It must be great for them to see Leona living out their dreams... sorry, her dreams, in such a way.
In a way, you could almost be impressed with Jo O'Meara - rather than take Jade Goody's journey of attempted rehabilitation through stunts (trips to India, crying on TV), O'Meara has decided to adopt what my aunts would identify as a "hard-faced madam" approach. Today's Sunday Mirror bellows:
I'm Not Sorry And I'd Do It Again
It takes a special talent to make things worse than they were before, but Jo's going for it. The comment that "Indians are thin because they don't cook their food properly", for example? Jo thinks British Asians should be thanking her for the compliment:
But Jo yesterday refused to take back those words and said: "If anything, I look at that as a compliment. It's nice to be thin. It's what everybody wants to be."
O'Meara still tries to pretend that Goody honking "You're a liar and a fake" over and over for ten minutes while she and Danielle sat there giggling was "an argument" rather than an attack - and, despite having turned to her co-tormenters and saying "That's made me feel better, I must say that's made my day" as Shilpa withdrew, O'Meara claims she was "nervous":
I was aware Jade was being aggressive, but thought I would sit there and hide away. Afterwards when the bickering continued, I did think it had got to stop. I was bullied for years at school over my love of music.
"I had verbal and mental abuse - so I am dead against it. I now think BB created that tension and conflict on purpose to make the show interesting."
Leaving aside for a moment the "duh" of that last sentence, in what way is sitting there laughing your head off while someone is bullied being "dead against it". You might have been bullied at school, Jo - which, yes, is very sad, but was years ago. It doesn't give you a "get out of jail" card when, as an adult, you turn into a bully.
But is Jo racist? She falls back on that old fall back, "I can't be racist because I've got black friends":
Does it mean I hate Bradley from S Club because he's black? Him and me were incredibly close. We were like brother and sister, we still are and I know he will back me up 100 per cent. I was probably closer to him than anyone else in the band.
And, of course, she trots out her "Indian family", too:
"I have been accused of mocking Shilpa's accent, but that's not racist. My cousin married an Indian and I make fun of their kids's voices. Then they make funny Cockney noises back at me. It's just a big game."
Trouble is, Dilip Drayan, her cousin's husband, isn't impressed with Jo, either:
"Jo should never have said that Indians are skinny because they don't cook their food properly. That was a racist comment. It was wrong. She needs to take it back and apologise.
"The way she behaved was disappointing and sadly showed her true colours."
"I'm not going to stick up for Jo. She needs a ticking-off for some of the things she said.
"Jo has been bullied at school. It was so serious she took an overdose of pills and moved to a new school. So she knows what it is like. The situation in the house was bullying and Jo was a part of that. Jo is a vulnerable person. She was being influenced by powerful personalities like Jade Goody. But everyone is responsible for their own actions."
He added: "I'm disappointed in some of her characteristics including how much she was smoking and swearing."
Dilip crystallises the behaviour in a way many commentators have failed to - it's not that Jo, Danielle and Jade were necessarily attacking Shilpa because she was Indian; they were bullying her because they didn't like her, and using her race as a tool.
Back to Jo, though - who is, of course, the victim in all this: She's even complaining that Davina McCall was "harder" on her than Jade. Maybe - although it's hardly like the interview was a Paxmanesque grilling. Indeed, by focusing purely on race and ignoring the bullying altogether, McCall handed O'Meara an opportunity to dance through an "I'm not racist" defence. Jo was allowed to focus on the room for argument (just how racist she is) rather than having to engage with inarguable (that she's a bully who sat by watching her mate attack someone.)
As ever, we bring news of the last seven days on No Rock and Roll Fun.
The ten most read individual stories have been:
1. Jo O'Meara's comeback crumbles as she bullies on CBB
2. Does close textual analysis prove K T Tunstall is gay?
3. Heather Mills nudity continues to drive people to fire up Google
4. McFly should try releasing a book of themselves in their boxers
5. It's not actually Lily Allen naked, you know
6. Fall Out Boy sobs over artistic vision shattered as album leaks online
7. We wish we'd never heard of Heather Mills McCartney naked
8. Brandy "to blame" in crash which killed
9. Jo O'Meara's fans rally round in her hour of need
10. The parody site which hasn't quite got a grip on parody lists "gay bands"
The big musical event of the week was Midem, where at least a few music industry execs started to realise that digital music isn't going away. Meanwhile, Bono cynically offered Tony Blair another photo op; Sham 69 split into two separate bands, while The Jesus and Mary Chain and James settled their differences.
You can read the whole week on one page or
cruise the week before in a single post.
and we gleefully pushed these items in your direction...
Field Music offer sunshine and thought in a single package
The Cooper Temple Clause return, ready for action
... while John Cooper Clarke's 1982 collection gets a second life
Architecture in Helsinki get a bunch of remixers in
Joni Mitchell remastered, repacked, rereleased
The Dickies, of course, truly belong on coloured 7 inch vinyl rather than this best of CD
Bates, Christie: The Go-Between on DVD
