Living like royalties

SoundExchange are the group, who, in their role as collectors of webcast royalties, have pressed for the ridiculously higher rates which are currently threatening to kick American radio off the net. But they're only doing it because they've got musicians interests at heart, right?

Maybe not: Apparently, only sixty cents out of every dollar they raise has made it to artists; the rest is being held "in reserve for artists and sound recording copyright owners (SRCOs) that have not been identified or located."

So, with all this cash sloshing about in the bank, that's earning interest for the artists, right?

Erm, not according to the organisation's most recent annual report[pdf]:

The administrative expenses of SoundExchange are paid first with interest income earned and then through an administrative charge applied to royalties available for distribution in the form of an Administrative Rate. SoundExchange expresses its Administrative Rate as a fraction, the numerator of which is the Total Annual Expenses less Annual Interest Earned on Investments and the denominator of which is Total Annual Royalties Received. If SoundExchange’s Administrative Rate is less than 20%, SoundExchange shall pay the difference between its Administrative Rate and 20% to repay the principal and interest outstanding on the Promissory Note entered into with the Recording Industry Association of America, Inc. (“RIAA”) for the repayment of costs incurred in the initial arbitrations to establish rates and terms for preexisting subscription services and eligible nonsubscription transmission services. For the period April through December 2004, SoundExchange repaid $575,097 in principal and interest to the RIAA.
SoundExchange’s Administrative Rate for the period April 1 through December 31, 2004 was fifteen percent (15%).

Hmm... so more money languishing around in SoundExchange's bank accounts is good news for the RIAA. Whoever would have thought?

Parker bowls Stefani over

Sarah Jessica Parker, off that programme a few years back, has tried to promote her new horse couture - sorry, haute couture, I don't know why Sarah Jessica Parker always makes us think of horses - by complaining about how much you have to pony up for Gwen Stefani's clothing range:

[T]he actress calls Stefani's designs "much more avant-garde" than her own, adding, "I don't want to do that for women, because that's not their lives." She also doesn't approve of the high cost of L.A.M.B. fashions. She says of her Bitten items, "You're going to be able to buy $200 worth of clothes, leave that store with six bags and be able to pay your utilities and take your kids some place special for their birthday."

Or, of course, you could go to a shop that hasn't employed someone to slap their fadingly-famous name on the label, buy $100 worth of clothes, leave the store with one bag being used for all the clothes, pay your utilities, eat well for a month and still take the kids to the zoo. And not look like you're a half-wit who needs to be told by the woman out of Kate-And-Allie-With-Dildos what to wear.

Brit comeback u-turns into go-away

The half-secret Britney comeback gigs are half-secret no longer. And, indeed, not gigs anymore, either. Britney's pulled them. Still, at least nobody knew about it. Or half-didn't-know.

Remember Darfur; forget Lennon

You could be forgiven for not having noticed yesterday's day of action to show solidarity with the people of Darfur - presumably bands were too busy arguing about how many solar-paneled toilets they get at Live Earth to do anything about it. So credit to Green Day, who have recorded a special track for Darfur victims. It's a cover of Working Class Hero, which wouldn't have been our choice, but it should raise a load of cash when it goes up on iTunes tomorrow.

Save Darfur petition
Oxfam's Darfur appeal page

Courtney to sell pieces of Kurt

Not literally pieces of Kurt, although her everything-must-go sale of Kurt's belongings probably would have bits if they'd not been cleaned up properly. Courtney's motivation isn't to make as much cash as she possibly can, though. Oh, no:

"My daughter doesn't need to inherit a giant bag full of flannel shirts. A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to Teen Spirit — that's what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just sell. Everyone's been positive and behind me on it. We'll make a lot of money and give a bunch of it to charity."

The "give a bunch of it to charity" sounds, ever so slightly, like an afterthought. Still, nice of Courtney to decide what Frances might want to keep of the father she barely knew.

Extremists Christians try to cut 50 Cent down from the cross

With so much misery, poverty and suffering in the world, you'd have thought that Christians would pretty much have their hands full. Not so, apparently, as The Resistance have elected to spend their days trying to get 50 Cent to stop wearing his big diamond cross. Mark Dice, leader of the self-styled Resistance, explains:

"50 Cent is no Christian, and if you listen to his lyrics it becomes clear that he is more of a Satanist than anything.

“He is defaming the cross and committing blasphemy by wearing it while he raps about killing people for no reason because he’s a big bad ‘gangster.’ I think a large diamond studded platinum satanic pentagram would be a little more fitting for him."

Then, of course, the Back In Control Center could run a campaign condemning him for wearing Satanic symbols.

This is all a little bit silly - all crucifixes may be crosses, but not all crosses are crucifixes, and to suggest that a slightly camp piece of jewellery is blasmphemous is more than a little absurd. Since when did any special-interest group hold domain over an entire geometric shape?

They didn't have MySpace back when they ruled the earth

Streaming now, over on TheirMySpace: that new Dinosaur Jr album in full.

Krief after grief

At the start of the month, Patrick Krief of the Dears and other projects had USD18,000 worth of kit pinched from his rehearsal rooms.

As we end April, though, a happy ending: family and friends have rallied round and bought him a new Fender Stratocaster and some money over for pedals and whatnot. Krief reveals it wasn't totally without strings:

"With extreme intensity he [Dears singer Murray Lightburn] exclaims 'Don't thank me, don't do anything, take this fucking check, and get insurance tomorrow or I'll fucking rob you!'"

Of course, if Krief does get insurance tomorrow, then Lightburn could rob him and they'd both have... no, no. There's been enough crime.

Crimea giver

They're trying to suggest it's the dawn of a whole new model for the music industry, and so it may prove, but for now, Crimea's plan to give away its next album for free sounds slightly less than dawn of a new era and more of a stunt.

The idea is to reach "as many people as possible", says drummer Owen Hopkin, with those people, once enslaved, forming a hardcore of gig-going, t-shirt-buying, somehow-persuading-businesses-to-licence-music-ing fans:

"We want to harness the power of the internet. If it's on there for free we'll reach more people than the orthodox route of selling the record."

Well, perhaps. Although it doesn't automatically follow - after all, there are hundreds and hundreds of servers full of free music which remains untouched.

What's different with Crimea, though, is they have made the Top 40 under their own steam (or rather, that of Warners). The new approach is a novel way to try and get round having been dropped; its success will depend to a large extent on how much money the band is hoping to make with its music. But before anyone has downloaded a single free track, they've managed to generate a shedload of free publicity.

Beatles plan a new single

Yes, two of them are dead and one of them is Ringo Starr, but the rest of the Beatles is apparently putting together some Frankenstein-style "new Beatles single". Jeff Lynne is going to produce it:

"Paul said that he felt he had one great song left in him. He's always been the most uncannily intuitive person and it looks like that song has finally arrived."

Apparently, it's going to be based on bits of Now and Then, which John Lennon had scribbled down somewhere. Now and Then - do you understand the poignancy?

It's lucky the pisspoor Free As A Bird and Real Love have already, respectively, ploughed up the band's legacy and reduced any sense of expectations beyond the point of 'fearing it'll be bad', so it's not going to be quite the crushing disappointment it could have been.

Charlotte Church takes it in the rear

Although the level of damage a Mini Cooper could do to a Mercedes rear-ending it is debatable, what with Charlotte Church being pregnant and all the small car bump she was involved in at the weekend must have been a worry.

A witness stated the bloody obvious:

"Gavin [Henson] looked like he was really concerned about Charlotte."

Or possibly the Mercedes' rear bumper.

"The only gay male belly dancer in the world"

They're describing it as "a festival with knobs and knockers on", which is more than just an attempt to make the announcement of - yes - yet another festival seem interesting. This is, as far as we can tell ("as far as we can be bothered to check") the first queer-festival. Although, obviously, there are lots of other gay festivals of various types, this one is a music festival in a field type festival, and gay as you please.

And when better than the ten anniversary of Ellen DeGeneres coming out to announce it?

This is the line up (leap over if you don't want to scroll)

CLUBS

Horse Meat Disco

Trailer Trash

Bootylicious

Crash London

Club Motherf*cker



DJs

Mark Moore

Tom Stephan

Guy Williams

Readers Wives

James Hillard

Jim Stanton

Severino

Filthy Luka

Nikki Lucas

Jeffrey Hinton

Mikki Most

Hannah Holland

Jonty Skruff

Jerry Bouthier

Ian Robinson

DJ Rokk

Per QX

Tallulah

Daughters of the Kaos

Jon Sizzle



CABARET

Drag king supreme Murray Hill

The fabulous Jonny Woo

Horse Meat Disco Voguers Ball

Speed Dating

Tranny Lapdancing*

The Lip Sinkers

Jonn Woo presents Gay Bingo

Paloma Faith

Alice Russell

Snakeboy, the world’s only gay male belly dancer!



LIVE STAGE

Robert Owens live band

2020 Soundsystem

Pop Levi

Crazy P

Dragonette

Loose Cannons

Black Ghosts

Talc

DMX Krew

Spektrum

No Bra

Joakim

The Soho Dolls

The Open Mouths

Anat-Ben David

Bishi

Dani Siciliano

The whole thing is aiming to be a bit more gorgeous than your average festival, with proper nice food and delicious camping. And if there's mud - as mud there must always be - we're sure it'll be scented, or at least reviving. It's going to cost £98, although that comes down to thirty if you're prepared to kip in a Dormobile or something, and it's going to take place an hour and a half's drive from central London (which in our experience would place it somewhere just outside central London.) More details and stuff on the internet.

Lonegan estate faces the Cumberland pension gap

Obviously, it would be a cold-hearted man who wasn't sympathetic to the plight of Sharon Donegan, whose annual income will start to diminish as her husband's recordings slip out of copyright into the public domain. But it's no reason to start changing the law:

Lonnie Donegan died in 2002, aged 71, while preparing for a concert. Sharon, his widow, said: “His recordings of Rock Island Line and Cumberland Gap are effectively worthless once the copyright term ends. It’s not even as though they made us rich. People say I must be a millionaire but, no, the royalties were just enough to get by.” She said that her husband’s performance royalties amounted to £30,000 to £40,000 a year.

The loss of that income will be a terrible thing, but it also illustrates the weakness of the argument for extending the copyright term in recorded music.

Firstly, the royalties aren't going to stop completely - Cumberland Gap, recorded in 1957, comes out of copyright this year; but Donegan recorded his work over a period of years and so the royalties will dwindle rather than end completely. Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour, for example, will still be earning money up until 2010; World Cup Willie until 2016.

Secondly, and more importantly: other people who had been earning thirty-odd thousand pounds a year might into their seventies might have thought it prudent to invest some of it in a pension scheme or similar. Bricklayers and shop workers and wheelwrights and miners and office workers all have to invest some of their income to ensure they can survive through retirement - and they only get paid for their work at the time they do it, they don't receive payment every year for walls laid or shelves stacked or wheels wrought or coal dug or reports stapled back in the 1950s. And it's not as if the fifty-year copyright term is a sudden innovation, is it?

Third: the songs don't become "worthless" - indeed, the songs suddenly become much more valuable as artists are able to take back recordings long since lost to record company copyrights. There's nothing to stop the Donegan estate releasing official versions of the songs themselves, keeping the portions usually swallowed up by the labels.

The lobbyists have produced a CD which is somehow supposed to make MPs change their minds, although it's got Jamie Cullum and Atomic Kitten on it, which is more likely to generate an all-out band on recorded music instead.

Inslee and Manzullo to the rescue?

The gloomy choice for internet radio broadcasters in the US - pay ridiculous sums of money or be closed down - might be lifted if a new law introduced into congress by Democrat Jay Inslee and Republican Don Manzullo is passed.

Acting in response to the insane amount the Copyright Royalty Board wants to levy against online broadcasters, the bill would see web radio put on a footing equal to other forms of radio, with a choice between paying thirty three cents per listener hour or 7.5 per cent of revenues.

Of course, if this doesn't work then a large number of broadcasters will either close, or else move offshore, therbey depriving the US record companies of any income from them at all. This is a sensible, fair proposal, so we expect the RIAA to fight it tooth and nail.

Where in the world are the 3AM Girls

We're sure cash-strapped Trinity Mirror will be delighted that they've flown the 3AM girls out to Coachella, meaning that this morning's column is full of reports filed with the exciting byline:

"3AM at the COACHELLA music festival, California"

Amongst the stories being filed from sunny California are:

Natasha Bedingfield plays GAY in London
Madonna goes to Claridges, in London, with a rubbish new haircut
Matt Lucas goes to a restaurant in London
and
The Arctic Monkeys album goes to number one. In the UK.

Money well spent hauling them halfway across the world, then.

Keep it all inside

Mick Jagger has scrapped plans to write his autobiography, because it'd be boring:

"I was sitting around with someone talking endlessly about the past, living in it. And I found it rather dull."

Clearly, he hasn't read Beckham or Halliwell's efforts, and it clearly unaware that these days, once you've chosen the title and the cover photo, no effort is required to make the thing actually readable.

Boy George tied up in knots

More misery for Boy George this morning, with a "male escort" claiming that George chained him to the wall and whipped him with sex toys.

Auden Carlsen tells The Sun that he agreed to go to George's flat after being contacted through Gaydar - but he insists that he only went, at midnight, to "pose for photos" and not "as an escort". As if "as an escort" wasn't already a euphemism - as in "I'm not behaving like an escort on a first date."

Carlsen's testimony is a little florid:

“It’s ironic that his biggest hit was Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? — because I’m sure he did want to hurt me.

“I was convinced I was going to die.”

So, you're convinced you have just escaped being murdered and yet you're making little puns up for the paper about it?

Carlsen said: “George said he was popping out for milk at 5am. I heard him come back and I walked into his bedroom wearing just my white underpants and a T-shirt. I was jumped on by George and another man.

“George handcuffed me to a hook by the bed as they held me down.”

He said George got rid of the blond man then produced a box of whips and sex toys — telling him: “Now you’ll get what you deserve.”

Apparently, Carlsen only survived this death-by-dildo by "pulling a hook from the wall" and running to a nearby newsagent to raise the alarm.

The Sun reports that George "was taken to a police station" - curiously, no suggestion he was arrested and, even more curiously, no quote from a police spokesperson to stack up the story.

Run For Cover - Sugababe attacks

Amelle Berrabah has been arrested, after a scrapping incident in a nightclub. The Sun reports that Amelle attacked a girl at the, um, glittering Bra Med in Guildford, requiring bouncers to pull her off - and restarted the attack on the same girl outside, in front of the police.

The paper runs an extensive quote from the alleged victim - who is apparently "too scared" to give her name or press charges, which seems a little extreme:

“She just went mad and attacked me. I was thrown into a friend and we both hit the ground.

“Amelle started kicking me but ended up hitting my friend in the head as well. It was terrifying. The blows just rained down and she wouldn’t stop."

In our experience, pub fights (especially in places like Bar Med) seldom begin because the attacker "just goes mad", but since there's nothing in the report from Berrabah, we've not really got any indication of the cause of the fight. So it's someone famous attacks a person we don't even know we've not heard of, allegedly, over what, we don't know. Great reporting from The Sun, then.

Paolo ponders plonk

Paolo Nutini - ironically for someone who may or may not have been drunk on stage the other night - is reported to be considering opening his own vineyard. It's not like he's trying to cut the overheads of performing or anything.

Together at last (sort of): Noel Gallagher and James Blunt

Of course it's all in the name of charidee - The Prince's Trust, Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy and the Teenage Cancer Trust, to be precise - and it's not just Noel and James involved. In fact, you could probably complete the list with just those two names, like with Google Sets. Yes, Razorlight, Weller, McCartney, Rod Stewart... they're all going to come up with a design to be painted on a large guitar shape. A proper artist is going to do the actually painting, which means there's going to be the ridiculous charade of Gerald Scarfe being told what to paint by Paul Weller - why not get Scarfe to force Weller to write a song to his dictate?

The guitars will be displayed, and somehow money raised for the charities. An auction, possibly, or they'll collect the hot pennies thrown at a thirty-foot monstrosity dreamed up by James Blunt, or something.

Something to listen to: Feist

The excellent Feist fansite All Things Feist has captured and batched into mp3s a concert broadcast by Austria's FM4 earlier this month.

Bested in American Idol; still in with a shout on The Contender

Jessica Sierra, who could have won American Idol, but lost in the final, has been arrested on assault charges. Police say she hit someone on the head with a "deadly weapon" - a heavy glass; she's also been charged with possessing cocaine. There's another charge, of "introducing contraband into a correctional facility", which seems to be that she's been charged not just with having cocaine when the police searched her, but also with having cocaine when the police searched her.

Cocker prepares to Meltdown

Jarvis Cocker has let slip some of the bands who'll be lugging equipment down to the South Bank to play his Meltdown Festival: Jesus and Mary Chain, Motorhead, Iggy and The Stooges and the 13th Floor Elevators. It's an impressive line-up, and one which simply couldn't have happened... well, as recently as about 1982.

Motorhead are, apparently, there to repay a historical debt:

At the moment I'm interested in quite loud things. Meltdown starts off with Motorhead, something people probably wouldn't associate with me. The first concert I ever played with Pulp was in Rotherham in July 1980. We didn't have many songs of our own so we covered a Motorhead cover version of a Motown song called 'Leaving Here'."

We'd like to see Motorhead repay the debt by covering a Pulp song, but... we won't hold our breath.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemon dressing for Nigel Slater

Jim McCabe emails with news of Paul McCartney (and Stella and Mary's) visit to Nigel Slater's house making Linda McCartney recipes. He asks:

Am I being unduly cynical in seeing this fawning piece as the latest PR salvo ahead of the divorce case?

Cynical? Probably not - and, I suspect, there's something of a piece with McCartney's not-very-hidden messages about Linda in the new album. It's not only as if Paul is attmepting to appeal to us to take his side and forgive him the Heather adventure - it's like he's appealing to Linda, as well.

How long to Sugababes v4.0?

The rocky existence of the Sugababes is something of a wonder - you get the sense of a band never far from total implosion, which has somehow kept itself aloft by ruthless pruning and transplanting.

It might be not be long until the next transplant is due, by the looks of things, as Keisha and Amelle aren't getting on. It says so in the Sunday People, relishing Keisha's non-appearance at Amelle's birthday party:

HEIDI RANGE, 23, was at London's Silver nightclub but a source revealed: "It was a very pointed thing for Keisha to do and shows the widening gap between her and the other two girls.

"They come together in the recording studio when they need to work but they are not really friends outside of that.

"Keisha is very career driven because she was the founding member but the other girls see her as too bossy at times."

On the other hand, you don't have to hang out with the people you work with all the time, do you?

Kerry Katona discover that's how mum is shopping at Waitrose

Surely, although the People says Kerry Katona is "ashamed" that her mum has been caught claiming benefits while failing to declare the earnings she made selling stories to the papers, there must be part of her that's having the last laugh. After all, Susan Katona had made the cash telling the papers that Kerry was a lousy drug addict and a worse mother. But then Kerry has to have forgiven her, because that makes her revenge so much sweeter now the boot is on the other foot. Especially as Mummy blames the new Mr. Kerry, Mark thingymajiggy, for bubbling her to the social:

"In spite of everything she has done to me, I get no pleasure from the mess my mother has got herself into.

"She has made a lot of money by saying nasty things about me to newspapers.

"And although I can never forgive the pain she has caused me, she's still my mum. For her to blame Mark is nothing more than I would expect.

"The fact is an awful lot of people are aware of all the money I have given her as well as the money she has made from the media at my expense.

"People know what money I have given her."

I'm not sure, but I think Kerry may have given her Mum a few bob over the years, too.

What a charming little family they are. You can see why Iceland is so keen to keep Kerry on its books, can't you?

Abs and sulky

More from Zoe. Last week, she broke exclusive news on Lee Ryan's unwanted comeback. This week, as if she's become the go-to-girl for washed up boyband pecs symbols, she brings news of Abs from 5ive. He's making a solo album; apparently Mutya has got involved in, too. Zoe thinks this a marriage made in the very heaven:

ABS Breen was always the edgy one in the boyband 5ive and Mutya Buena tried to liven up the Sugababes when she was in the girlband.

Well, yes, Abs may well have had more edge than the rest of 5ive, but that's like choosing the most menacing out of the cast of Dad's Army. And who knew that Mutya's permanent anti-cyclone crossing the Atlantic wasn't merely a decade-long sulk, but was her way of attempting to pep up the Sugababes. Fancy that, eh?

Peaches Geldof: The DLT of our times

The Sunday Mirror's Zoe gossip column has a surprising puff for Peaches Geldof's dj career today:

SOME people may slag off Peaches Geldof's DJ-ing, but the feisty teen is having the last laugh.

Love her or hate her, she is raking it in with constant bookings.

After her A-Levels in three weeks, she'll tour the festivals and play in local Camden boozers like The Hawley Arms.

You might be wondering exactly where the news hook is for this. Truth is, there isn't one, but the point of the article suddenly becomes clearer:

When she DJ'd at my party with her best mate Fifi Brown, calling themselves The Trash Pussies, they played a top set of rock classics.

We're sure the Sunday Mirror hasn't sunk to the level yet where it'd insult its few remaining readers by allowing running adverts in lieu of payment for private parties, would it?

Zoe then makes a startling prediction:

Very soon she'll be more famous than her dad, Sir Bob.

Whatever you might feel about Bob, he has organised one of the biggest entertainment events seen in the Western world, and kick-started an enormous charity effort. It's going to take an awful lot of dj sets in grotty upstairs rooms in Camden pubs before Peaches will challenge that.

Soggy sex with Amy Winehouse

You should always approach "my nights with..." stories in tabloids with extreme caution, so we're assuming very little in the Amy Winehouse kiss and tell in today's News of the World is based in fact, or not at least expanded about sixteen times to fit the needs of a journalist holding a chequebook:

WILDCAT Amy Winehouse went so beserk during sex she almost DROWNED her ex-lover as she romped screaming on top of him in a bath.

Beserk, romping bathroom sex, eh?

The beehived beauty shoved astonished 21-year-old Alex Claire's head under the bubbles while she bounced towards bliss surrounded by flickering candles on the night they met.

There is another possibility, that maybe she was trying to drown him. Alex remembers in almost near-perfect journalese:

"She had a very striking face with big brown eyes that suck you in. I was gazing at it when suddenly she pushed me down," said Alex, spilling the truth about their torrid year-long affair.

"I was under for several seconds. I couldn't breathe and started freaking out. Then she pulled my head up. I was gasping for breath but Amy carried on as if it was perfectly normal behaviour. I thought, ‘Wow, you've got balls'."

The discovery of balls didn't seem to faze Alex, who took this surprising and hitherto undocumented Crying Game moment on the chin (don't conjure up the mental image) and went on to do it "all over her place" three times. Which suggests Winehouse has a somewhat small flat.
Claire has the look of a Mickey Pearce who's been left sitting in a newsagent's window until all the colour has drained from his face. He goes on to detail bondage, ice and public sex which seems a lot less sexy when you're telling a newspaper about it rather than actually doing it.

This week just gone

Seven days worth of No Rock and Roll Fun.

Ten most-read stories this week:
1. Amy Winehouse is possibly engaged
2. Heather Mills McCartney pornography photos retunr to haunt her
3. R Kelly's sex video heading for open court
4. McFly wave their cocks in gay men's faces
5. KT Tunstall: gay or straight? Or bi? Or pansexual?
6. Eddie Van Halen comes out of rehab
7. Lily Allen changes on trains
8. Girls Aloud aren't anorexic, says label
9. Kerry Katona denies appearing in a sex tape
10. Mouse On Mars & Mark E Smith's Von Sudenfed project surfaces on You Tube

Also this week: After sacking his drummer on-stage, Patrick Wolf announced he was retiring from live performance ... then tried to explain it was all a terrible mistake; Madonna managed to avoid reuniting David with his father on her PR trip to Malawi, but at least managed to avoid kidnapping any other children; Bryan Adams' romantic interlude with Diana has ruled him out of the memorial gig; Paolo Nutini's management suggested that he always sounds as if he's drunk; The Cooper Temple Clause and Popworld hit the end of the road, while Coachella and the Jesus and Mary Chain returned.

Read the whole week on one page,
or skim the week before in a single post.

Five years ago we were on honeymoon, so there weren't any posts at all.

We tried to flog you these things, with the promise that they'd certainly make you seem sexier:


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Bad news for Bryan Ferry: 1940s anti-Fascist anthems - including Leadbelly's Mr Hitler


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