HOW MUSIC WORKS: Atomic Kitten have managed to claw together just 200k each after five years of hits and flogging clothes in BhS. Which is, of course, a bit harsh but it's not like they actually wrote their own stuff which everyone knows is where the money is. And, to be fair, it's more than they'd have got if they'd been doing something a bit more suited to their talents - not many Tescos deli staff have got a nest egg of a couple of thousand to fall back on.

OF COURSE, WE'RE PLAYING THEIR GAME: To promote the new Pink single (God Is A DJ, of course, which we think is pretty rubbish when we know our girl can do so much better), they've created a game where you have to move Pink round a dancefloor - you see how it carries the idea through? Clever, eh? - only it's not as much fun as the Belle & Sebby game from earlier in the week. And neither of them are snood.

DON'T INK IT IN YET: Jack White seems pretty certain the White Stripes will be playing Reading/Leeds this year. That might depend on if he's doing hard time or not, surely?

Meanwhile, Jack and Meg are going to be sharing screen space with Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, GZA and RZA, Cate Blanchett and Steven Wright in jim Jarmusch's forthcoming multiple sketch movie Coffee and Cigarettes. Jack and Meg talk about life and science over a cup of coffee, apparently.

THEY MUST BE GETTING USED TO IT, SURELY?: Are Michael Jackson's family really so outraged by the Vanity Fair article? Can they really work themselves into a funk everytime something appears which suggests Mickey isn't like other boys? They must spend their entire life frothing at the mouth.

UNIVERSAL MUSIC GROUP ACCUSED OF DECEIT: Yeah, we know that record labels get called a lot, for a lot of things, but this time Def Jam is being sued in New York for fixing the album charts. According to her case, sales exexcutive Theressa Rossi was forced to front a promotion company, Giaco Entertainment, designed to inflate Def Jam's sale figures by perusading merchants to repeatedly scan cds barcodes in front of the Nielsen sale counter machines. Giaco offered bribes in the form of free CDs, it's alleged, and backed up the sweeteners with warnings of delayed shipments for shops which refused to play ball. The president of Giaco Entertainment, Joe Giaco has been named as defendant alongside Universal, Def Jam and Def Jam execs Kevin Liles and Mignon Espy.

YES IS ALSO A NAME OF A CHOCOLATE CAKE BAR SOLD ON THE CONTINENT BY NESTLE: Ade is back in touch with some Yes math:

Incidentally, I did some quick calculations and realised that this is the FIFTH time Wakeman has joined Yes. He's even beating out Jon Anderson and Steve Howe (three apiece). Is this a record for a "member" of a band, and will it go on for as long as one of their's? (obProgJoke, boom boom!)

PLAIN DEALING?: The Cleveland Plain Dealer manages to make it sound like Starsailor worked with Spector after Lana Clarkson was shot at his house, rather than before. Dealing, maybe, but no that plain, surely?

COME AGAIN?: During the hoo-hah over the last couple of days, the Rajar figures more or less slipped by unspotted, beyond the Radio One figures. But a closer inspection suggests their ability to measure digital radio listening must be open to severe question - Smash Hits Radio is supposed to have lost 600,000, or nearly two-thirds of its audience; The Hits is meant to have mislaid about a quarter, while Q has doubled. Of course, it's possible, but what it seems to show is that for the smaller audiences, spread out across the UK, for the digital stations the traditional Rajar methodology just isn't working.

YES, AGAIN: Ade from Big Bubbles somehow managed to sneak an email into our mailbox of MyDoom virus and holiday advertisements:

Reunion? What reunion?? The same line-up toured last year (including a show at the Liverpool Pops). Yes don't reunite as such, they just keep trying various configurations on for commercial size ("Let's try a young, hip guy like Billy Sherwood...how are the sales? Still in decline? Right, dump the kid and hire an orchestra! Any joy? No...OK, bring Wakeman back...and spread a rumour that we're going to get Trevor Horn back to do a rap remix of 'Owner of a Lonely Heart'..."). The question is, can this line-up stay together for (even/more than) one new album?

As for 35 years of guitar solos: if you add the keyboard and bass solos, they must have played over a hundred years of music in 35 years. Which is actually what listening to their albums sounds like.

But I shouldn't laugh. I've got my ticket already.

HOW NEWS IS BROKEN:
November 2003 - Rolling Stone publishes a list of 500 Best All Time Albums
30th january 2004 - Ananova breathlessly reveal Rolling Stone has produced a list of 500 Best Albums

'ACTUALLY, I'M DELIGHTED: J-Lo's people are now denying either that she's borken hearted, or that she told Star she was, or something. It's not quite clear what they're denying, like it wasn't entirely clear what Lord Thingy was saying the BBC were apologising for yesterday. We're confused and may have to go and lie down for a bit.

STEADY, KELLY - THIS MIGHT BE ANOTHER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IN THE MAKING: To the surprise of absolutely nobody who saw it, Sharon Osbourne's dreadful yammer show has been axed. For contractual reasons, the whole debacle will limp on until the summer, when American TV will close the door on her unique mix of autoegomasturbation, sickly children and gentle reminders that she was in some way connected with a family one of whose members once had some purpose. Apparently, Sharon's been trying to get out of the contract since she realised what an awful wreck of a disaster movie it was ("since Ozzy's accident provided her with a face-saving excuse").

DJOBIT: Philadelphia DJ Ed Sciaky, acclaimed with helping break Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel and others early on in their careers, has died in New York. He was 55.

ROS AND ROLL: The mists surrounding Sigur Ros' new album are clearing; the band swapping to EMI for their European label and the likely release date now receeding off into the post-Christmas schedule of "sometime in 2005." But we're sure it'll be worth waiting for.

I AM TRYING TO RATE YOUR PAST: Wilco, preparing to bring forth their follow-up to Yankee Delta Juliet Bravo, have managed to shed another member.