No Rock And Roll Fun

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Ferry: I'm not a fascist, I'm an art historian

Bryan Ferry has attempted to apologise for his admiration of the Nazis, stating that he was only enjoying the uniforms and filmmaking:

In a statement released on his behalf, Ferry said he was "deeply upset" by the publicity surrounding the interview.

"I apologise unreservedly for any offence caused by my comments on Nazi iconography, which were solely made from an art history perspective," he said.

"I, like every right-minded individual, find the Nazi regime, and all it stood for, evil and abhorrent."

The trouble with praising a regime which murdered millions of people for the quality of their propaganda is that you can't separate the propaganda from the "regime and all it stood for" - it's like saying "well, obviously I don't like the idea of the gulags but you've got to admire the brickwork." The propaganda was so central to Nazi regime that you simply can't look at it and say "he way that the Nazis staged themselves and presented themselves, my Lord!... Just fantastic - really beautiful" any more than you can see a soldier shoot a child in front of its parents and applaud the marksmanship.

What's odd is how Ferry's abhorrence at the Nazis only surfaces a month later, after the story has been picked up in the country where he has the lucrative modeling contract to protect, and not while he was talking about the Nazis in the first place.

Of course, maybe he did stress that he was only taking a cool, detached art historian's view of the apparatus used by mass murderers in their campaign of terror at the time, and that never made it into the version of the comments which followed him back across the Channel. But even so: how can anyone take a detached view of that?

Monday, April 16, 2007

George Michael: Beyond a joke

We've mentioned George Michael's ill-judged stunt of wheeling John Lennon's piano round places of historical misery.

What we hadn't realised at the time was that he's even going to turn Auschwitz into a backdrop for a photo opportunity.

Doesn't he have any friends who could have a quiet word?

Marilyn Manson: I was too immature for Dita

Most of the world has decided that the end of the Marilyn Manson-Dita Von Teese marriage was down to Dita suddenly looking at her husband squeezing himself into PVC before heading off to freak out the straights (or have a chat with his accountant) and saw him as we do.

That's not what Brian thinks, though. He tells Le Parisien newspaper:

"Our relationship ended at Halloween," he tells the paper. "I was completely destroyed psychologically. I'd rented a house and begun working on this disc, which sort of tells everything that happened to me during the past year."

"I was married to someone who wanted me to change," Manson says. "Become more adult, more responsible. I began not to like myself, not like what I do. I lost my identity. Everything began collapsing around me. The record allowed me to put an end to that. Dita left at Christmas while I was recording."

Manson, of course, is an adult; he might wear a clown-like version of Hot Topic wear to earn a living, but he's not a little teenager, much as he'd like to pretend he is.

In fact, now he's dating a teenager, he has actually managed to give his character a genuinely creepy aspect:

"I've found my double, my twin, with my new girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood.

"She's l9 and certainly that's very young but that's not a problem for me. She likes the same things as me. She understands I like to get up when night falls and go to sleep at dawn."

Good lord, he really does sound like a sad old drone propping up a golf club bar. You half expect him to blurt that "a man is only as old as the woman he feels."

Josh Homme doesn't much like Sharon Osbourne

Ozzfest wouldn't be Ozzfest without a disgruntled rock god falling out with Sharon Osbourne, and to mark the 2007 free version of the festival, Josh Homme is doing the falling:

"I won't be playing Ozzfest again - they treat the bands like shit.

"This year you get to play for free under the guise of, 'We're doing it for the fans!' But it's really for the people who fan Sharon and Ozzy with palm fronds at their house."

That's totally unfair. They've not just got one house, have they?

Sharon, of course, has responded with a dignified silence. Oh, alright, she hasn't:

"I hope he gets syphilis and dies. I hope his dick fuckin' falls off so his mother can eat it."

We can't imagine how ITV haven't brought her back for cosy teatime chat.

Venuewatch: No more Tonic

While the whole world apparently gathered to mourn CBGBs, the closure of New York's Tonic to make way for some much-needed luxury condos got a little less press attention, but a bit more cop action. Rebecca Moore and Marc Ribot failed to leave according to the landlord's timetable, so it was time for some heavy-handed legal intervention, as Moore told Time Out New York:

Just updating this story that Marc and I were indeed arrested that day, in our attempt to keep the music playing at Tonic, the performance space this music community had raised over $100,000 dollars in funds to try to keep open and attempt to keep the rent paid. Nothing can pay these insane rents in NYC, no art or community can survive under these circumstances. Brooklyn and Queens are not exempt and falling prey to the same circumstances. It is not a coincidence that the Blue Building Luxury Condo building is now finished, people are moving in to their million dollar residents there, and Tonic has had to shut down. I submitted myself to arrest for this reason, and hope word spreads and others are moved to stand up against real estate being the sole determining factor of what culture and art and music and people get to stay in NYC.

Something to listen to: Father and daughter

On Friday, Loudon Wainwright dropped by Danny Baker's Radio London show [real media; link expires Friday lunchtime; Loudon from an hour in]. He did two songs while he was there, Gray in LA and a snatch of Sixty.

Danny didn't use the opening gambit he'd promised during the trails the day before - "So... Loudon, got any kids?" - but, talking of whom, Martha Wainwright was on this morning's Today [real media; permanent link]. She spoke a little about her family, but they didn't illustrate it with Bloodymotherfuckingarsehole. Not at that time in the morning, anyway.

Travis turn out for radio fundraiser

KCRW's annual fundraising gig pulled a number of surprises on Saturday - not least Travis popping up to do a few songs and, even more unexpectedly, Lily Allen completing a US date. She told the audience that this was her last American gig, so I expect we'll see her back at Heathrow in a couple of days telling us how she can do without US success cause the streets are more street down Carnaby Street.

+/- adds to money/reduces reputation

Chris Deane, who you and your family will know as drummer with +/-, has got himself a whole new gig. In a whole new world. Drumming for Kelly Clarkson.

In a world where the bottom benchmark is set by the Robert Smith/Ashlee Simpson pairing, this isn't the worst decison we can think of.

Deaner is going to carry on with +/- duties in between sitting on a small stall, determining the rhythm while watching Kelly Clarkson from behind.

Timberlake denies sending secret messages

Justin Timberlake's mysterious honking to "stop drinking, you know who you are, I'm speaking to you" at the Brit awards wasn't directed at Britney Spears.

Indeed, Timberlake doesn't seem to know what he was talking about:

"Oh my god, I don't even know anything about this. Honestly I am so far removed from that situation. A coded message to Britney?"

Oddly, he couldn't say what he meant. We're just a little surprised that he hasn't tried to claim responsibility for a 25% sales rise in non-alcoholic lagers, though.

We don't believe this one

The Sun's report on Victoria Beckham being lined up for Dancing With The Stars is so stinking of fish, even the paper's sister website Sky Showbiz is holding its nose as it repeats the story:

A source told The Sun: "We are halfway through the series and it has been massive. A lot is down to Heather.

"We really want Victoria. She's not very popular right now, like Heather wasn't. That's why she'd be perfect.

"Also, she might get pals like Tom Cruise and Jennifer Lopez to watch her."

In an eight paragraph story, Sky Showbiz mentions that it's only saying what the Sun said three times - it might as well have included an animated gif of Jimmy Hill rubbing his chin and going "RECK-onnnn".

Leaving aside why they'd be casting for dancers to join half-way through, and the pain of the phrase 'she's not very popular right now, like Heather wasn't', and wonder about someone working in TV in America suggesting that Victoria Beckham is "unpopular" (on the scale of the hated Heather Mills or not) rather than "nothing."

Still - Tom Cruise and J-Lo in the audience. That's less Dancing With The Stars than Staring Up Desperately Believing That Some Sort Of Uber-god Is Coming From The Stars.

Universal sends tracks out, naked, into the world

Universal has launched a typically nervous attempt at selling tracks without any DRM, putting a few classical titles up for retailers to offer in the DRM-free format of their own choice. Presumably they think that people who enjoy opera would never steal music as they're inherently honest - look at that nice Conrad Black, for example.

Meanwhile, Amazon have rejigged their plans to flog MP3s - last year's plans to sell its own music player were junked after Microsoft suddenly hung PlaysForSure out to dry as it rushed to launch the Zune. There's meant to be a launch of a new service next month, but it looks as if arguments over Amazon's push for a lower wholesale price and reluctance on the part of Sony-BMG and Warners to get involved could still significantly cut the number of tracks on offer.

America breaks Allen?

Keith Allen's daughter seems to be cooling on the idea of taming America, despite her stylist-heavy performance on Good Morning America.

NME.com is reporting that a slew of planned US dates have fallen off that famous MySpace site as the owners of First Place in Minneapolis are already refunding ticket holders and after the Klaxons stepped in for her in New York last week.

YouTube don't appear to have Allen on Today, but Google Video does. Being, of course, a totally different thing entirely.

Crawl up to the Winehouse

Oh. Do people really think that Amy Winehouse is a fitting headliner for this year's Camden Crawl? We know that the event has being doing a Glastonbury more and more, but topping it off with the BHS Bassey seems a bit of a step too far - fitting in with the image she's trying to sell rather than fitting in with the general ethos of the event.

Still, Ash are also headlining, so it's not all bad news. Amy will only turn up for the 19th (mysterious cancellations permitting), as will Ash. So you've got to choose.

Bravery in action

Fresh from New York, and plugging their second album (is it really only the second?), The Bravery are coming in July:

Liverpool, Academy 2 – July 10
Newcastle, Academy 2 – 11
Leeds, Cockpit – 12
Sheffield, Leadmill – 14
Nottingham, Rescue Rooms – 15
Birmingham, Academy 2 – 16
London, Electric Ballroom – 17
Stoke, Sugarmill – 20
Bristol, Thekla – 23
Portsmouth, Wedgewood Rooms – 24
Brighton, Concorde 2 - 25

Emerging from the Bush

Let's try and pretend that what's interesting about Gavin Rossdale is his helmsmanship of Bush and not who he happens to be married to, and at least do the man the politeness of showing an interest in his forthcoming solo record, shall we:

“I am about to go in and record my first solo record. I am working with producer Bob Rock. We have a great band to do the record and we start next week.

“We’ll do half the record in LA and the other half in Hawaii, where Rock lives on the north shore. So as you can imagine, I’m pretty excited about that.”

And we're sure the record will be brilliant as he must be full of ideas for it. After all, it's not like he used many up making the same Bush record over and over again, is it?

Jill Speedway swallows bile

Jill Jackson, who was the singer with Speedway until they fell into a million little pieces, has been guzzling snake bile to help her throat:

I've had a cough and sore throat and I was told to drink some snake bile to help me with it.

"The bile is meant to help your throat and I drink it before every gig. You could say it is my new rock charm."

Lets hope she knows what she's doing - as with any self-medication, it's not as simple as taking two aspirin and having a lie-down:

It's time of the year for snake feast but the [Hong Kong] Consumer Council cautions that taking raw snake bile can lead toserious diseases.

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine classics, snake meat can drive out "wind", facilitate circulation and alleviate muscle problems; whereas snake bile can clear "heat", eliminate phlegm and tranquilize the mind.

Though snake products may have some benefits for health, consumers are reminded of the risk they bear when eating raw snake products and in particular raw snake bile.

Snake biliary bladder can be purchased from snake shops. After a snake is slaugthered, the whole bladder is removed instantly and stored in wine.

Many people believe that this could sterilize the bladder. But the alcohol content of such wine is usually 30 to50% which is less than the best concentration for disinfection (70%). Further as the biliary bladder sold is intact, the alcohol cannot kill the germs inside.

There have been reports of people taking raw snake bile with serious consequences:

* In 1995, a person in Zhejiang, China, who took snake bile regularly for years fell ill and was found to be infected with a kind of snake parasite.

* In September this year, three Taiwaneses who took snake bile for a week, were found to contract acute hepatitis.

Snake meat and snake bile are used also to make medicinal wine. Excessive consumption of snake and snake bile wines can damage health. People with heart or liver diseases, pregnant women and young children should avoid consuming them.

Perhaps you should stick to the Strepsils, Jill.

Bedroom secrets of Matt Willis

For a moment, the 3AM Girls nearly got a story spot on:

PITY TV presenter Emma Griffiths who's all set to marry Matt Willis.

Well, yes, we do.

But hang on, there's more. They go and spoil it with suggesting that rather than just feeling sorry for what she's going to do, it's just a specific problem:

The otherwise lovable King of the Jungle has dared to reveal: "My sheets are disgusting and my girlfriend is always complaining about them. They're covered in everything - you name it."

Covered in everything? You want us to name it? Creme Brulee, cottage cheese, Andrew Lloyd Webber's drool, Castrol GTX, the blood of innocent virgins slaughtered by Vlad The Impaler, seven types of sperm, hairs from the back of each of McFly, the word 'help me' scrawled in magic marker, grass seed, a piece of sticky-backed plastic with a repetitive, 70s-influenced design, rhino shit, bin juice...

Corporate promotion never sleeps

How fortunate that - despite being so tired she can't be expected to play for people who've bought their tickets, Lady Sovereign was able to drag herself up to Leeds to play for an event sponsored by T-Mobile.

Noel Gallagher realises there are people worse than him

Oh, what larks. Noel Gallagher's planning to spend his 40th birthday party throwing a "tyrants and despots" party. What a chuckle - never mind that Stalin was responsible for the deaths of millions, eh; let's put on a comedy moustache and all have a laugh, eh? Ooh, I wonder who'll go as Hitler, eh? Will Liam and Andy Bell be arguing over who gets the Pol Pot costume? "I want to have more blood on my hands than you."

Of course, there's the added danger that if there's crowds of people in Nazi uniforms marching up the street, he's going to find Bryan Ferry in the garden, applauding.

Meanwhile, Noel's been talking about his famous invite to have champers with Tony Blair:

“I defy anybody to have an official fucking letter drop through the letterbox, while you’re dressed as an Afghan clown, at five in the morning, off your head on acid from going, ‘It’s from the fucking Prime Minister. He’s inviting us to his house for a drink’. ”

That's not even a full thought, is it... "I defy you to..." and what? What, Noel, what are you trying to say? You only went to Downing Street because you're a drug-addled clown? Really? Clown... stalin...what?

Madobono

There's every chance there's no close personal friend and the quote was cooked up while two of The Sun's journalists were waiting for their cup-a-soup to dissolve. But, according to a "family friend" of Madonna, she wants to be thought of as a Mrs. Bono:

She has poured her heart and soul into this movie and believes it will have the same effect on the world as the Live Aid concerts.

“Madonna wants to dedicate the rest of her life to helping children.

“She desperately wants to become the female Bono and be taken as seriously as him. Her days of being the Material Girl are gone.”

That this quote carries the byline of "VIRGINIA WHEELER in Malawi" makes it look even more suspect - this would be a close friend who Wheeler happened to bump into in Africa, was it?

And while we're not fond of Bono, at least he has the honesty to admit that much of his fundraising work is done in the context of being a businessman, not using it to try and foist some cult onto a desperate people.

If Madonna is "dedicating the rest of her life" to helping children, then what's all the work being done on prepping a hip-hop album for?

And does she really believe that a self-serving film showing her hugging African babies is going to "have the same effect on the world as the Live Aid concerts"?

God complex, eh? Congratulations, Madonna. You really are the female Bono.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Ferry drifts further rightwards

This is a tricky one for Marks & Spencer - the company has a long tradition of supporting Israel, something which has brought it into conflict with pro-Palestinian groups in the UK. Now, it turns out, one of the faces of its current advertising campaign is just as enthusiastic in his admiration for the Third Reich:

"My God, the Nazis knew how to put themselves in the limelight and present themselves," he said. "Leni Riefenstahl's movies and Albert Speer's buildings and the mass parades and the flags - just amazing. Really beautiful."

Ferry's management is desperately trying to limit the damage:

"To take offence here is to confuse the aesthetic with the ideological," Steven Howard said. "To suggest that a certain appreciation of art and architecture that happens to be associated with the Nazi regime means condoning the actions of that regime is illogical."

This might - just about - wash if Ferry had only co-opted Riefenstahl and Speer; but when Bryan starts to get all misty eyed about the "parades and flags" the "I was only admiring the paintings, guv" defence just crumbles.

The propaganda machine - the marches, the flags, the films - were all part of how the Nazis governed, and Bryan is intelligent enough to know that you can't really separate the Nuremburg Rallies from Kristalnacht.

You could, perhaps, imagine someone reviewing Mein Kampf on the quality of prose alone - but it would be a profoundly dishonest review that could elevate Adolf's way with the bon mot above the content.

We expect an official example of how Bryan isn't a right wing sympathiser to be winging its way to the press before the week is out.

Beckhams rage at faux-Beckhams

We're not entirely sure how Sky One had managed to make a documentary "fooling" people in LA with Beckham lookalikes - does anyone in America now what the real things look like well enough for it take lookalikes to fool them?

The Beckhams are annoyed, too:

Their manager Simon Fuller says the documentary, which follows ringers Andy Harmer and Camilla Shadbolt as they trick shop staff into giving them free gifts and con a garage owner into letting them test drive a Lamborghini, could be detrimental to the Beckham brand.

Because it portrays them as gormless freeloaders? Or because it might be confusing if people think there's four of them?

Britney sets out to prove 'sarcasm lowest form of wit'; succeeds

Britney Spears has emerged from a sushi restaurant to issue a proclamation that suggests she might have had a drop or two of sake:

"It was so right and like my management totally knew what they were doing when they sent me to rehab. So right you know?.

"I just want to say that I'm just really, really shocked at like how nice our world is because it is just so nice.

"Like, oh my god. Like the other day like I was sitting there and I saw all these magazines and they said I was pregnant and like it's so true.

"Like, America, believe everything you read because like you're smart and I'm stupid."

At first, we thought she was being sarcastic and deliberately saying things that weren't true for comic effect. But then we saw the last five words, and thought "getting married in Vegas, getting it annulled, marrying Kevin Federline, getting divorced from Kevin Federline, the hair business..." - maybe she's not joking at all.

How does he wind down after a show, though?

We imagine that Chris Martin will be expecting a 25% upturn in sales sometime soon, as isn't that what happens when you get an endorsement from Mr. Showbiz himself, Justin Timberlake?

He plays the band's song CLOCKS and also does mild exercise before every gig.

He says, "It turned into a superstition because, after I heard that song, I felt like it would be a good show."

We're not surprised it's only mild exercise - you're hardly going to be energised that much by Coldplay, are you?

This one's for Linda

We'd always thought that Paul McCartney had named Flaming Pie in honour of Linda - as in "Her brand of veggie food would have had a lot more respect were it not for that Flaming Pie which got into the shops full of meat revealing that the range was made as a way of ensuring that the meat pie production line was more efficient by not having as much downtime". But maybe not.

Instead, the next McCartney album is going to be called Memory Almost Full.

Which, you know, is obviously an anagram of For My Soulmate LLM.

It's also an anagram of "a fuller slot, Mommy" and "farm yells loot, Mum", which we're sure Linda would have wanted.

David's dad: I've heard nothing

As Madonna flies to Malawi to expressly not spirit away another child, David Banda's dad says he's excited to hear that he might get a chance to see his son. Especially since he's not heard a word from the Ciccone Organisation since she took his kid off last year:

"Officially I have not heard anything. There has been no communication whatsoever but I have heard the rumours and I get the feeling that she might be coming.

"I am excited. I hope that there will be an opportunity for me to see my son."

Although Mr Banda insisted he had 'no regrets' about agreeing to the adoption, he expressed disappointment that Madonna had not kept in touch, saying he would ask for her address and phone number so that he could contact her.

He said: "I understand that she is a busy person but if there is an opportunity, I would appreciate it if she could tell me how my son is doing, which has not been the case so far."

You know what, Yohane? You might think of reversing the charges if she does give you a phone number.

Meanwhile, Madonna's insistence that there was nothing at all murky about her getting such a swift adoption despite it apparently having no similarity to normal procedures or legal obligations has taken another knock.

As if the sponsorship of an adoption official to study in the UK wasn't undue influence enough, it now turns out that there was a financial link between the Kabbalah charity fronted by Madonna and the orphanage which offered David to her:

Despite protestations that Madonna had not given funds to the orphanage, it has emerged that her charity Raising Malawi financed a refurbishment.

A source at the home, which looks after 420 children, said: "Staff salaries have gone up, everything has been repainted, there are new clothes for the orphans, new beds and mattresses, and they've started work on new, bigger dormitories. I suppose you'd call it a reward for helping with the adoption."

The home has also started running courses provided by Spirituality for Kids, a group linked to the Kabbalah religion practised by Madonna.

Oh, good. How great it must be to hear that the answer to your problems is overpriced red string and an eight quid bottle of water.

Liz McClarnon takes to the turrets

This is Clyne Castle, the new home of Liz McClarnon out of Atomic Kitten. It's quite a story, isn't it? Former Atomic Kitten and... whatever it is she's done since person buys a castle.

Except, of course, she's only got a tiny bit of it. Oh, and it's more recently been a halls of residence. So, really, the story is 'Former pop star moves in to student digs'.

So... she's acting thin?

We've read this item in Zoe's Sunday Mirror 'gossip' column, and still can't quite work it out:

THE reason Courtney Love has shed pounds has been revealed. Her demanding lead role in a West End play that will transfer to Broadway. means she has to break down on stage about the end of an affair. Hence the need to get in physical and mental shape...

[Punctuation Zoe's own]

So, the only reason Courtney has had her surprisingly swift weight loss - nothing strange about that, oh no - was because she's going to be in a play? But you only have to be thin to be in a play on Broadway? Eh?

So, Girls Aloud haven't split... yet

Now the News of the World has finally updated its website (why is their online offering so poor? It's not even Web 1.0; it's more like ARPANET+), the Girls Aloud split story is a little more puzzling: it's a detailed rundown on what the girls will do when they split. This summer, apparently:

An insider said the girls, who have a Greatest Hits tour coming up in May and June, will go their separate ways in September after a series of summer festival appearances.

"Like the Spice Girls, they won't announce they've split, just that they have ‘taken a break'."

...which sounds like a pre-emptive attempt to explain away why they don't split if they're still going next year to us.

So, what can we expect next, then?

Sarah Harding, 25, wants to break into acting—and dreams of becoming a Bond girl.

Sarah said: "Acting is an avenue I want to explore. I'd love to be in a Bond film."

It's perhaps unsurprising that the NOTW assumes this means she wants to appear in a bikini, get shagged by Geordie off Our Friends In The North, and then have herself killed by an evil henchman - but could she not mean she'd quite like a crack at M or Q? Or perhaps Oddjob. She'd make a smashing Oddjob.

Irish babe Nadine Coyle, 21, wants to act too. She hopes to move to Los Angeles and appear on the small screen — and be near boyfriend Jesse Metcalfe, the Desperate Housewives hunk.

The small screen? She wants to to work on mobile-only projects? We're sure Nadine will be a wonderful success. We'll keep scanning the extras in the background of How I Met Your Mother to see if she fulfills her potential.

Kimberley Walsh, 25, and Nicola Roberts, 21, both plan to become high-flying businesswomen.

How does one do that? Do you put it at the top of your business plan?

"I intend to run a business of some sort and become a high-flying businesswoman."

It's a little bit like stage two... stage three: profit, isn't it?

Cheryl Cole, 23, will stay in the music business, aiming for solo success.

We notice the paper has carefully worded this to suggest it ain't gonna happen.

Nadine should have tried for the solo career; Cheryl could have had a crack at a presenting career (two years on ITV2; half a decade on Sky Sports; then a gentle decline into Gems TV2 and a weekend breakfast show on BBC Radio Wiltshire)... the others? Well, Marks and Spencers seem to need a lot of people for their ads these days. And there's always George at Asda.