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It's either wishful thinking or desperation which has led to the announcement of a 2012 gig by Pete Doherty vanity horse Babyshambles without, erm, Pete Doherty. It's like the James Last Orchestra booking dates while James Last is unavailable.
It's Charlie Browns in Luton on February 3rd. Presumably they hope Luton won't notice.
From all the excitement, you might imagine that One Direction are actually going to play what Gordon charmingly calls "an Old Folk's home". Except they've just vaguely said that it might be nice to do.
It hasn't stopped Gordon firing up the MS Paint, though:
ONE Direction will have to lay on some louder speakers for a future gig.I'm surprised Gordon didn't find a photo of an elderly man sitting looking all confused and lost. Here's one he could have:
[...]
The only thing he'll have to watch out for are flying mints.
Liam Gallagher announced plans to make a life-changing album. Presumably it'll have sharp edges and take your eye out. More risky are the Insane Clown Posse, apparently - the FBI have upgraded their fans to terrorists. Even more shocking: Debbie Harry turned into a cake-eating cake and ate herself.
Bryan May offered sanctuary to an abused hedgehog. Maybe he could help Glenn Danzig, who is a big baby when he has a cold. Mind you, it turns out we've got a lot better at spotting sick rock stars.
After a long time representing the interests of record labels, and presenting them as the interests of "music", Feargal Sharkey moved on from UK Music.
Why shouldn't Johnny Marr flog Smiths tracks to John Lewis if he wants to, eh? It's not like The Smiths were meant to mean anything.
EMI was finally offloaded to an unsuspecting rube.
Returning: The Family, as fDeluxe. Reunited: Vince Clarke & Martin Gore. Closing: The Masque. On hiatus: Sonic Youth. On again: S Club 7
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
It's hard to recall that just three months ago, the world sat watching, holding its breath as the question of if Kele was or wasn't in Bloc Party was resolved. I can't recall what the outcome was, either.
The death of Steve Jobs gave Bono another chance to talk about himself. Fashion Week gave a platform to Kanye West to express himself. CBS gave Fred Durst a sitcom. Fox News gave Maroon 5 a war.
Jon Bon Jovi opened a brilliant-sounding cafe that is trying to see everyone gets fed for what they can afford.
Matt Cardle knows that 9/11 was an inside job. German prosecutors decided that Pete Doherty couldn't be held responsible for his own actions. The Kaiser Chiefs worried that their style of band was under threat.
Janice Long got mugged for her Echo & The Bunnymen backstage pass while Simon Cowell mugged a charity for its name.
The Michael Jackson tribute gig wound up a disappointing mix of underachievement and broken promises, like Jackson's career. But at least, unlike, Bring Me The Horizon, the audience didn't chase people off the stage.
Morrissey remembered he was suing the NME and UB40 ran out of money.
Hey: who knew that DRM didn't work. You didn't need MC Hammer's search engine to tell you that.
Splitting: Westlife. Reuniting: Magnapop's original line-up and Mazzy Star. Also The Stone Roses, which Gordon Smart seemed convinced was down to him.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
A Christmas Eve fire in a Bradford furniture shop has caused serious problems for New Model Army: their studio was right above and... well, it didn't come out of it well:
People have been rallying round, and Justin Sullivan sounds optimistic, although not unaware of the size of the task of rebuilding:
We have really been amazed by the response and the generosity of the offers of assistance we have received. Of course we are all upset about what has happened especially the loss of irreplaceable musical instruments and three or four months of recording work but we are insured and hope that at least our financial losses will be covered. In the end though, nobody was hurt and what was lost is just material. The band is about People and Spirit and without doubt this has never been stronger. There may perhaps be a bit of a delay in our activities but otherwise everything will continue as before.
Apparently, the copyright industry hate it when you call the shrinking of public domain recordings 'the Cliff Richard Law'. So let's not keep calling it the Cliff Richard Law, okay?
Despite Smiley Culture having been killed by the police, and the IPCC saying the operation wasn't "satisfactory", they shrugged and said there's no need to investigate further. Kelis told an angry anecdote about racism in London which suddenly turned into racism somewhere else entirely.
They really don't want you to call it the Cliff Richard Law, as it gives the correct impression it mainly benefits a few, already-rich artists. Try to not get used to calling it the Cliff Richard Law.
Afraid that people might otherwise miss it, Lady GaGa drew attention to it being the 10th anniversary of September 11th 2001. For those of us still struggling, Leona Lewis was on hand to explain the London riots. Oddly, UKIP used Chumbawamba to get their nasty, Little Englander polices across.
Just because it's only well-placed, rich artists like Cliff Richard who will see any significant cash from the Cliff Richard Law, let's not use that name, okay?
My Chemical Romance kicked out their drummer after some funny business. Billie Joe Armstrong was kicked off a plane because people could see his pants. And then Southwest kicked Uh-Huh Her off a plane for kissing.
The idea that just because fabulously wealthy artists like Cliff Richard greedily grabbed a few more years of earning extra pennies doesn't mean the Cliff Richard Law should be known, forever, as the Cliff Richard Law.
Fans of Pearl Jam are doing Eddie Vedder's takedowns for him. Coldplay don't care about being relevant, luckily. That's real, but not as real as Pixie Lott.
The Cliff Richard Law has very little to do with Cliff Richard, besides delivering him extra money to tart up his luxurious homes for the next time politicians swing by, making it absurd to call the Cliff Richard Law by that name.
Guy Hands announced his intention to throw bad money after good by trying to win EMI back. Universal label offices were alleged to be part of a drug-dealing network, which at least is a business plan.
You know what would be unfair? Just because a man who rubs shoulders with senior politicians finds himself getting his wish for an extension of copyright in sound recordings doesn't mean we should name the resulting law after him. Calling it a Cliff Richard Law or something like that. That would be unfair.
Alan McGee announced that he doesn't really like music. But he doesn't hate music as much as Madonna hates hydrangeas. What if someone won a charity date with you and didn't turn up? It happened to Elton John.
Oddly, though, the people who insist on us not calling it the Cliff Richard Law seldom introduce anyone standing to gain as much as, say, Cliff Richard does from the law that doesn't bear his name.
Splitting: REM and Danananananananananananananaykroyd.
Just to reiterate, then: that's the Cliff Richard Law we won't be calling the Cliff Richard Law. To make that clear.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
With Boris Johnson off having a jolly time in the rockies, nobody was looking after London and the populace turned to rioting. Noel Gallagher, inevitably, had something to say as his brother's trouser shop was robbed. More seriously, large swathes of indie records were destroyed as criminals used the riots as cover for a raid on Sony's distribution centre. Not everyone was supportive about the attempts to help out stricken labels, though. Thank God, though, that Joe McElderry was safe.
For some reason, the National Trust released a punk album. Predictably, John Lydon had a moan. Equally unhappy were the small shops who helped the young Jay-Z as he signed an exclusive deal with Best Buy.
Pukkelpop was called off after high winds and collapsing stages caused deaths shortly after a similar thing happened in the US.
The NME saw circulation fall below 30,000 and Rolling Stone's influence was questioned.
After a prank DCMA claim, for a brief spell all Justin Bieber videos vanished from YouTube. Equally refreshingly, we might be grudgingly allowed to rip our own CDs and write parodies. Perhaps that's why Jay-Z and Kanye redoubled anti-piracy measures for their CD. EMI awkwardly lost a key copyright case that weakened their hands negotiating with cloud services.
Given what a great job he did at EMI, where better for Charles Allen to go next than the Labour Party? Also doing well under difficult circumstances, the organisers of the Michael Jackson memorial realised that inviting someone who called him a paedo might not be the best idea.
Brian Harvey is fighting the power. Or the power companies, at least. Okay, he's not paid his electricity bill. Talking of struggling with money, the Mathew Street Festival tried tip boxes.
The Kings of Leon tried to get footage of Caleb's meltdown vanished from the web. Somebody rushed the stage to try and stop Avril Lavigne while eggs were tossed at Beyonce.
Linda Perry diagnosed the problem with pop. It's Katy Perry, apparently. Gary Numan suggested it was an obsession with the past and then fled the UK.
Splitting: Alexisonfire nad Those Dancing Days. Parting: N-Dubz and DefJam. Reforming: The Libertines.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
Let us first take a moment to thank the higher powers for saving Will I Am from a tiny grease fire.
You remember when Sting and Trudi were found to have unfairly got rid of a staff member for having become pregnant? They remember, and still fume at having been bested by a little person. Roger Daltrey, former American Express pitchman, had some things to say about immigration. And Morrissey decided that the mass murder in Norway was no worse than farming.
Trent Reznor warned people off the Pretty Hate Machine re-release while Celine Dion had a site showing ridiculous pictures of her closed down. Closing themselves down, The Kings Of Leon had a live 'mare.
Sony admitted that the Minidisc Walkman was never going to take off. As it tossed out CD racks, HMV insisted it was committed to music. Borders was sold on to the knacker's yard.
Dan Wootton found himself out of work as the News Of The World closed but thought we'd miss him; Paul Gambaccini, for one, was pleased the paper had gone. Its place was taken by We Love Pop magazine. Over at Radio One, Andy Parfitt stood down.
Splitting: Rilo Kiley and The Von Bondies. Returning: Dexys.
For one week, at least, the NME got it right.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
Amy Winehouse played Belgrade; it ended badly. And after Gordon Smart in The Sun had promised us it was all under control.
In a strange and still unexplained episode, someone who clearly knew a lot suggested that Ronan Parke's "journey" on Britain's Got Talent might have started earlier than we had been made to believe; Cowell deployed lawyers and cops and eventually the story was denied in the way it started, with an anonymous post to justpasteit.
In other Cowell-related dark-doings, the Kaiser Chiefs claimed they'd been threatened when they tried to pull out of a Girls Aloud special. And we never really got to the truth of what happened when one of the Wanted and Alastair Campbell clashed.
Lady GaGa admitted the dollar pricing for her album was probably a fair price. Kasabian tried to blame the universe for their new songs.
Do you have a dream? Dave Davis is offering to interpret it for you.
Disappointingly, Joan Jett tried to close down a cancer benefit while Sony muttered it might be difficult to release footage to Conrad Murray's defence team.
Uncut announced plans to target U2's Glastonbury performance but security didn't want to see any conscience on display at Worthy Farm. Also at Glastonbury, David Cameron's constituency chair died in a chemical toilet and Zane Lowe upset people by saying he didn't watch Beyonce.
Who's the world's worst terrorist? Obama, according to Lupe Fiasco. Pink asked the paparazzi to leave her kid alone; the Mail reported the story, left out the request and crammed in long-lens pictures of the baby. And Paul Dacre seriously wonders why people call him an anus-head.
Kerrang celebrated thirty years of being thirteen years old as figures for NME TV showed it was lucky to pull 4,000 viewers. At least NME still exists, though, but whatever happened to Peaches Geldof's magazine?. At long last, Rupert Murdoch finally got someone to take MySpace off his hands.
The BPI decided it should be responsible for the morals of the internet.
It's hard to believe that back in June, the world was only just being introduced to Wonderland, Louis Walsh's new girlband. Back then, nobody had heard of them and now... well, now it's December. Mind you, we did enjoy Walsh telling Boyzone to split up.
New format alert: The location-aware album.
May is Eurovision month.
1Xtra got jumpy about the use of Palastine in a live mix. It took Tegan And Sara to point out that Tyler The Creator is actually a tiresome jock. Not that they got thanked for it. Bob Dylan insisted that preapproval and censorship are different things. MTV pulled anti-abortion ads and hoped nobody would notice they'd been running them a year before.
After the killing of Osama Bin Laden, the world's first thought was: What does Nelly Furtado make of all this? Apart from those who looked instead to Mel B for leadership. When caught behaving like an asshat on radio, Morrissey blamed Poly Styrene's death for his behaviour.
Pete Doherty went back inside. Courtney Love revealed what happened when she quit drugs. John Elway got cross with punks using his name.
Warners found a rich Russian oligarich to bail them out. EMI decided to look after its own digital royalties, presumably having done such a good job with everything else. Nokia shut Ovi.
A special party was thrown to celebrate Dave Gahan not over-celebrating anymore. At a different party, Beyonce tried to insist on no photos, only to realise she couldn't move in her dress and had to be carried away while photographers booed. Paul McCartney insisted the Stones were jealous that the Beatles had uniforms. And Ringo finally said sorry to Liverpool for laughing at it.
Lee Ryan revealed he'd like to work in porn' luckily, pornographers will always have jobs for people with buckets to do the clean-up afterwards. Still, even that would be more dignified than Lady GaGa turning up to flog songs in Farmville.
Going quiet: N-Dubz.Still back: Aqua.
Good festive news: the government is proposing a ban on made-up credit card processing fees. Companies like Ticketmaster will still be able to charge credit card fees, but not the silly, made-up mark-ups they currently do.
Bad festive news: this won't stop Ticketmaster making up other fees, and slapping arbitrary sums onto those.
In effect, then: from the end of 2012, you'll be ripped off on a different line of your gig ticket bill.
Liam Gallagher's ambition for Beady Eye was to be bigger than The Beatles. Let's start with being as big as Ringo's All Star Band, shall we? The manager of hitherto largely unknown band One Soul Thrust got himself into a downloading tizzy. At least the empty battle between Kings Of Leon and Glee came to an end.
Less than a year after slagging off American Idol, Roger Daltrey turned up begging for a slot. Yet to arrive in cinemas is the promised Jagger and Bowie comedy buddy movie, and banned from the listings were Holy Fuck.
Lady GaGa attempted to bully photographers, shut down Weird Al and tossed around 'retarded' as an insult.
The people who run the Grammys suddenly noticed that their ceremony drags on a bit. NME suddenly realised its Joss Stone and Muse Olympic anthem story was bollocks. Will I Am suddenly noticed My Humps was a terrible, terrible song.
Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist was forced to make a grovelling apology to Talking Heads, but Congress got treated to a White Stripes video to help them understand the banking crisis.
MySpace went up for sale and the Metro worried the cuts to free Spotify would create bad pirates. Google tried to play nicely with the majors, but even Google do not have unending patience. New Zealand used the death and destruction of the Christchurch Earthquake to, erm, tighten up copyright law.
Did George Osborne's budget save HMV? Not so much. But Adele's massive sales might help.
Splitting: The Music and You, Me And Everyone We Know. Returning: Danny Baker.
An academic tried to answer the question does teen music make you more depressed?
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
In his latest attempt to make people look/raise some coins, John Lydon insisted he wasn't ever a punk. Another cackling from a faded icon, as Pete Doherty got involved in a burglary. Duff McKagen insisted that it doesn't count if you're only gay while on tour.
Coke's use of music as a way into the mouths of young people was set out quite clearly. To sell some fizzy pop, Maroon 5 handed control of their production process to 'fans' or anyone on the internet who happened by. Meanwhile, Avril Lavigne decided her life experience would be enough to make an album out of. Cliff Richard? He went soul.
Chris Brown didn't take being asked about his violent outburst well, and had a violent outburst about it.
Spotify took an initially relaxed approach to offering Skrewdriver songs but quietly dropped them later. Potential rival service QTrax finally launched, to little interest.
Heavy-handed policing at a Death From Above gig turned a crush into a riot. In other odd crime news, a lobbyist from the RIAA finds themselves hearing copyright cases as a judge.
Realising the way the wind was blowing, Nelly Furtado "remembered" the money she took from Gaddafi and gave it to charity, just four years after the gig. Bob Dylan in China let the authorities see his setlist. Over in Malawi, Madonna's charity was in turmoil.
HMV warned their last profits warning might have been a little over-optimistic as Jon Bon Jovi railed against Steve Jobs. Microsoft admitted nobody was ever going to buy a Zune.
Retiring: Phil Collins and Alan Lewis. Revived: 120 Minutes. Splitting: The Bluetones.
Francis Rossi put his finger on it. Everyone's rubbish these days.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
After Justin Bieber claimed that abortion was "killing a baby" and that if you've been raped "everything happens for a reason", Rolling Stone tried to help dig him out his hole. In other words that might come back to haunt him, Bieber insisted he'd never have sex without love.
Worrying signs that Lady GaGa has started to believe her own press, while Jon Spencer Blues Explosion became the unlikely highlight of the Superbowl and Wyclef Jean was being hailed hero of the Arab Spring.
It can't be proved that the theft of South African cables was designed to try and scupper a U2 gig, but I know what I believe. One Direction did at least make it to the stage in Oxford, but only played four songs. The U2 gig did go ahead, and Bono managed to offend swathes of people with his support for Shoot The Boer.
Great news for Michael Jackson: the whole dying thing sorted out his debt problems.
Radio 1 decided that Jo Whiley had done enough, as she moved to 2 and Radcliffe and Maconie headed off to 6Music. James Corden hosted the Brits, the NME awards were doled out to much the same people. And after Arcade Fire did well at the Grammys, outraged people who hadn't heard of them decided there must have been a mistake.
As NME posted sales down over 16% on a year it started to add made-up stuff to people's quotes. Music Week made some big changes to avoid going the way of the industry they write about as Citigroup took EMI off TerraFirma.
Last FM introduced a fee for mobile while Murdoch, along with his other problems, was losing millions on MySpace every month. Also having digital problems was Jeremy Hunt, saddled with an unworkable DEA. Sony muttered that it might take its music off iTunes, at some point in the future, and you just see if they don't.
Returning: Beavis And Butthead. Reunited: The Primitives. Retiring: The White Stripes.
Oh, come on: Who really would believe Beyonce would headline Glastonbury? Oh.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
Monday's MediaGuardian had a nice interview with Nick Gatfield, Dexy's saxophonist turned chief executive of Sony Music UK. He talked a good talk about the music being important, comparing his position now with his previous experience at EMI during the Guy Hands years:
"Your 'product' is human beings who have opinions," Gatfield says, leaning forward on the sofa in his spacious corner office at the west London HQ of Sony UK, the company which appointed him chief executive in July. He gives an example. "I remember someone at Terra Firma asking why the [release date for the] Gorillaz album had slipped. I said 'well, you know, Damon [Albarn]'s not ready,' and he said 'But it's on the release schedule'". The art of managing talent, Gatfield says, is to "reduce that slippage" as far as possible, but it's impossible to treat artists as commodities and reduce the art of making music to a box-ticking exercise. "Terra Firma didn't like the dark arts of A&R," he says. "A lot of it is done by gut instinct."So, then, his label is one where A&R and chasing guts is at the heart of things, right?
What proportion of sales are generated by [X Factor] talent? "I don't know the figure off the top of my head," Gatfield says, "and I don't really want to share it with you."It could be that Gatfield is genuine in his desire to bring forward proper new talent, and will use a warchest built on the backs of the Cardles and Little Mixes to fund that. But his reluctance to be honest about how far the company relies on what s showing the frst signs of beng a delcining franchise doesn't really inspire confidence.
It's getting close to the end of the year, and so - in what has become an annual event, like renewing car insurance or forgetting to send your aunt a birthday card - No Rock embarks on a twelve-day review of the last year:
One of the Cheeky Girls claimed she wasn't shoplifting, she was researching. Of course. As Ireland gave Jedward the call-up for Eurovision, it wasn't a good month for welcome-outstaying Cowell-created sibling novelty duos. The UK floated Blue as Eurovision entrants, so it wasn't a good month for anglophone competitors, either.
The PRS decided the hardest working man in showbusiness was Peter Andre, although it might have just seemed that from the constant churning of ITV2 trailers. When Michael Buble said he didn't think was sexy, though, it was easier to agree with.
The BNP attempted to turn Billy Bragg's neighbours against him and just made themselves wind up looking like stupid, ignorant idiots. Actually, they started out looking like that, come to think of it. Having said that, compared to Ted Nugent, they look fairly balanced.
After hanging in the balance for years, the intervention of Tory minister Grant Shapps was enough to condemn Ringo's childhood home. Shapps, naturally, was trying to save it and bungled. Down in Oxford, Courtney Love was being adopted by the Tories. Unlikely for David Byrne to receive similar toff-love, after he explained patiently to Michael Gove just how rotten Gove's policies are.
As HMV crumbled, Gennaro Castaldo did a quick find-and-replace on his 'don't panic' press release to send a local message to everyone. Still, HMV is finding it hard in the digital age, where they have to contend with cunning ruses like Britney Spears' special treat for fans: if you 'like' her on Facebook, she'll, erm, sell you a record. Mind you, it's not all cashpiles and IPOs online, as MySpace was looking for a buyer; Nokia's much ballyhooed ComesWithMusic went without fanfare.
Capital Radio abandoned most of its local radio brands, announcing it was attacking Radio 1 as a national pop station, except for the bits it doesn't cover. Radio 1 itself was being accused of being too black while in Canada, Dire Straits' Money For Nothing was banned for the use of the f-word. No, the other f-word.
A Backstreet Boys cruise ended badly as AJ McClean over-relaxed and caused a mutiny. Larry Mullen lost a libel case.
Guy Hands vowed to fight to keep hold of EMI even as painfully contrived mechanisms were being floated for a takeover.
Sting let us in on some of the bedroom secrets of his life with Trude. Chris Martin revealed Coldplay hadn't made a masterpiece. We'd noticed, Chris.
Reassuringly, Kings Of Leon were able to confirm their row with Glee was because they were up-themselves rather than down on gays. Luckily, they didn't have to call their mum in, as James Blunt did, getting his ma to stick up for him over claims that he was posh. Then his dad did, too.
Split: Slow Down Tallahassee. Reunited: Death From Above 1979 and House Of Pain. Axed: The Electric Proms.
2011 Month-by-month
Part of We Need To Talk About '11
He was the first president of the Czech republic. But what really marked out Vaclav Havel, who has died at the age of 75, was his passion for the Velvet Underground:
These are the most-read stories across December so far:
1. HMV pre-emptively announce X Factor winner
2. R Kelly sex video to be shown to jurors
3. Tesco celebrate Christmas with cheap, lazy faggots
4. Showbiz Zoe goes to Romford
5. McFly strip off
6. Tatu wonder why people think they're gay
7. Coldplay pay women to take their shirts off
8. AC/DC iTunes hold out
9. Kylie's pants expand
10. Masque in Liverpool closes
These were the interesting releases:
Charlotte Gainsbourg - Stage Whisper
Download Time Of The Assassins
The Music - The Last Dance Live
Download The Last Dance
X - The Unheard Music
Little Mix, who apparently won The X Factor last week, and Marcus Collins, who didn't, have been sent a warning letter from Joe McElderry:
"You'll find it isn't really about coming first or second. I don't believe, Marcus, that you will have more creative control than Little Mix because you came second," he wrote. "It's up to you all to take it to the next level. There's no rule book for popstars. Everyone does it differently. X Factor is an amazing platform.All good advice. Slightly weakened by it having been scribbled between shifts on the back of a McDonalds tray liner.
"You are in control of your own destiny. I know people think Simon Cowell is in control, and yes, sometimes you have to follow what the record company says, but Simon likes people who can stand up to him, who say: 'I don't want to do this', or, 'I like that song'."
On Cowell, McElderry continued: "He's a very busy man and spends a lot of time in America, so most of the time we'd chat on the phone, but now and again I'd go into the office and he'd be there and we'd chat about songs. I'd say: 'I'm not keen on this one and I really like that'.
"He'd say: 'Can you try this?' It's about building a working relationship, not who controls who."
In a piece that suggests HMV is following a dreadful year with a miserable Christmas comes speculation that Universal might try to make it all better for the nearly-defunct record shop:
Other industry sources speculated that Universal may intervene with a rescue offer for the business. Such a white knight deal would see HMV reunited with its former sister company EMI, the recorded music arm of which Universal agreed to acquire last month. HMV was spun out of EMI in 1998.Universal are, apparently, currently keeping HMV afloat with generous credit terms, so it's not impossible.
The idea that there's an algorithm which can predict if a record will be a chart hit often pops up; there's a new one being reported on by BBC News:
University of Bristol scientists claim to have developed software that can spot whether a song has hit potential.Really? Given that most singles released in the last half century vanish without trace, I'd be a bit surprised if the University Of Bristol has managed to number-crunch them all, and without the ones which sounded like hits which never took off, you'd have to question that 60% accuracy figure.
The program looks at 23 separate characteristics including loudness, danceability and harmonic simplicity.
Trained using hit songs from the Top 40 over the last 50 years, the software can predict chart positions with about 60% accuracy, the scientists say.
What regularly tripped up the equation were the unexpected hits that became popular for reasons that often had nothing to do with their musical qualities, he said.Not being able to take account of marketing when determining likely chart outcomes is akin to predicting the outcome of a horse race without counting the legs of the horses.
In 2010, Surfin' Bird by The Trashmen reached number three in the UK charts, thanks to a web campaign persuading people to buy it to prevent X Factor winner Matt Cardle being the Christmas number one.
In a similar way, said Dr De Bie, the equation could not determine to what extent marketing determined whether a song was a hit.
Apparently a young man went to a couple of Christmas parties this week. Gordon feels this is news.
Here's something a bit worrying: a large corporation which appears to have a deal with Google to have any video it doesn't like taken off YouTube:
Your letter could be read to suggest that UMG's rights to use the YouTube "Content Management System" with respect to certain user-posted videos are limited to instances in which UMG asserts a claim that a user-posted video contains material that infringes a UMG copyright. As you know, UMG's rights in this regard are not limited to copyright infringement, as set forth more completely in the March 31, 2009 Video License Agreement for UGC Video Service Providers, including without limitation Paragraphs 1(b) and 1(g) thereof.Presumably, the idea was that Universal's deal with Google to allow music to which they owned the copyright to appear on YouTube had a clause that could be used to squish edge cases. Maybe Google rationalised it: they'll have to lose the odd parody, despite parody being a protected use in the US, but it's a deal worth doing to get access to the Universal catalogue.
Aceh police are currently having a crackdown on punks. How bad is it?
Listen to Gustav Leo, police spokesperson, explaining how they're just helping:
Mr Leo stressed that no-one had been charged with any crime, and there were no plans to do so.So, happily admitting they've broken no law, and will not be given a trial, the police are carting off punks for enforced behavioural change.
They have now been taken to a remedial school in the Seulawah Hills, about 60km (37 miles) away from the provincial capital Banda Aceh.
"They will undergo a re-education so their morals will match those of other Acehnese people," says Mr Leo.[...]
"We didn't arrest them, they haven't committed any criminal offence," he says.
"They are Aceh's own children - we are doing this for their own good. Their future could be at risk. We are re-educating them so they don't shame their parents."
Having a bunch of tits in a Coldplay video is more-or-less impossible to avoid, as Coldplay will be in it.
Having actual breasts though? That sounds a bit desperate. But if the idea was to make Gordon tumescent, job done:
COLDPLAY will have seen more boobs than Hugh Hefner by the end of this week.So far, so tiresomely sexist. Is there any way that multimillionaires paying a few quid to women to get their tits out could be made an even bigger cringe?
The band came up with a winning idea for the video for their next single, Charlie Brown — a warehouse party featuring a load of topless girls.
Management placed an advert offering to pay extras £100 for the job — with an extra 100 quid for any girls willing to whip their shirts off and jiggle about.
A further £100 was also laid on the table for anyone up for getting sprayed. Although it didn't specify what with.
The advert also asked for an army of "edgy Hoxtonian types aged from 18 to 35".Edgy Hoxtonian types. Yes, that would do it.
I'm doubly sad to hear of the death of Billie Jo Spears.
It's sad news in its own right, of course, but also there's a personal note of sadness. My Mum didn't show much interest in popular music when I was a kid - she'd tap along to a James Last album, and would always have Radio 2 on, but there wasn't very much of the excited connection with music that I was starting to feel back then.
Billie Jo Spears was one of the exceptions to this, though: I think it's the only time she ever expressly requested a record for Christmas.
Like many people, it was this song which sparked my Mum's admiration for Spears:
And the album? She played it a couple of times, but didn't think that most of the album tracks were up to the standard of the single. A sentiment which I would grow used to feeling myself over the ensuing years.
Billie Jo Spears died on Wednesday, in Silsbee, Texas. She was 73.
As we reach the time of year when every publication pads out space with best-of lists, Tom Ewing is on hand to help if you're vexed by your favourite record not being in every list, at number one, forever:
Stage Three: Bargaining. As your anger cools, you realise that the only reason the writers could have made this mistake is ignorance. Perhaps if you use their comments box to list your own Top 50 of the year they will see sense. Yes! That must be it. Go on! Do it! Cut and paste any relevant stretches of their list to save time.
Back in 2007, you'll recall that amid much hoopla, Madonna signed a ten year deal with LiveNation for everything:
The 10-year deal encompasses all of Madonna's future music and music-related businesses, including the exploitation of the Madonna brand, new studio albums, touring, merchandising, fan clubs/Web sites, DVDs, music-related television and film projects and associated sponsorship agreements. This model will address all of Madonna's music ventures as a total entity for the first time in her career.Surprising, then, that she's just signed a three album deal with Universal.
"The real story here is while everyone's talking 360 [degree deals], we were quietly building the services to do it right," Rapino says. "We have spent a considerable amount of resources building this Artist Nation division first and then going after artists second. Madonna would not have done a 360 deal with us just because of our touring capability. We had to prove to her and others that we have been working on and built a very good execution capacity at Artist Nation."
I'm sure it's just a coincidence, and given the rising tensions between "News" International and the Guardian Media Group the long-lens pap snap of a Guardian columnist on Gordon's pages this morning isn't some sort of attempt at revenge.
I'm sure Gordon thinks he's just invading the privacy of Konnie Huq, and the fact that Charlie Brooker is also violated at the same time is just - what would the phrase be? - collateral asshattery.
